RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (Full Version)

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rosanegra -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 7:35:11 AM)

'Nillas climb mountains to have sex? Well I suppose there have been some who might have but... I am saying that kinky sex is more dangerous than the vanilla kind. There are lots of precautions that can be taken, but I think you just wanted to argue something I said.

I didn't say nothing was more dangerous than kink.



bludemonn -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 7:37:39 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

LadyEllen this one is for you: Chemistry
 
INVISIBLE REALITY
Think about it. The normal, straight, vanilla couple goes about their day-to-day, routinely sticking to their...routine, and most often without an extraordinary word or thought. In a M/s relationship, isn't there always a feeling of more. Don't we have almost what one might call a lascivious and viscereal feeling between us and isn't that created by what we could call...our invisible reality ? Our invisible reality is that constant chemistry between us, just in being together, something that we have created and what forms the very basis for our command, control and obediance in addition to our ongoing sex and kink pleasures. We are both traveling on that never ending safari of the subconcious, both living in anticipation and surprise. Our invisible reality...now that's chemistry, right ?


I think you will also find that there is no such thing as a normal Vanilla couple, all of us have desires but some don't like to flaunt it 24/7 thats all....

However! If you activate the reArm procedure and transduce the incoming variable raw energy and pass it through the flux capacitor you can treble your output! ORRSUM!  



bludemonn -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 7:39:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rosanegra

'Nillas climb mountains to have sex? Well I suppose there have been some who might have but... I am saying that kinky sex is more dangerous than the vanilla kind. There are lots of precautions that can be taken, but I think you just wanted to argue something I said.

I didn't say nothing was more dangerous than kink.



But wouldn't you say sex in general is kinky?..... ok with the lights ON. 



thetammyjo -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 7:42:07 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bludemonn

And what idiot came up with Vanilla? It smacks of 'them and us' really dosen't it! What if I want to be a bloody strawberry instead?


I don't know who came up with it but think about it this way.

When polls and surveys are done on ice cream, the number flavor is always vanilla. Vanilla is the basis of many ice cream treats -- you add things to the vanilla to get these treats, other flavors, candies, fruit, cream, nuts, etc.

I see the concept of vanilla as representing what the majority of society just does and the basis for what I do. I mean, even with my slave we are having a human relationship that we have added things to generally by talking and finding common ground and interests then agreeing to work on maintaining that dynamic. Vanilla is the basic human relationship -- everything else is additional.

I think people are living more than a vanilla life whether they are conscious of it or not. I think most people add some sprinkles or some cream or some fruit every now and then.

For me, this "basis human relationship" would be two or more people attempting to co-exist in some fashion. Generally I think most people think of it as sexual meaning it's just bodies (not toys or tools) without any agreed upon or ouvert power/authority dynamics. Personally I think most of these have power and authority dynamic which are either followed from example and not thought about OR which are a source of competition or conflict between people.

I actually don't have very many vanilla relationships in my life because I will push for the discussion and agreement about the dynamic and what the expectations are. I might be in the "top" role, the "bottom" role or in a partnership but I want these things clear so we can focus on the goals.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 7:42:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: rosanegra
'Nillas climb mountains to have sex? Well I suppose there have been some who might have but... I am saying that kinky sex is more dangerous than the vanilla kind. There are lots of precautions that can be taken, but I think you just wanted to argue something I said.

I didn't say nothing was more dangerous than kink.

Sex is sex- what makes sex "kinky?"  Biting?  Hair pulling?  Spanking?  Attitude? 

I'm not convinced that "kinky sex" is more risky than "vanilla sex" nor that what we do in "kinky sex" is much different than what a heck of a lot of vanillas do.

Not to mention, plenty of Ms couples have "vanilla sex."

And no, I don't just argue for argument's sake. 



bludemonn -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 7:55:03 AM)

Thanks Tammy that makes alot of sense but what i feel is sad is that people are separating themselves again i.e. you lot are Vanillas and we are kinky, i understand people who live the lifestyle but don't you think it causes a distinction between groups and thus promotes discrimination? OR do you feel that separation helps to verify 'friendly forces'? I have spoken to alot of people who would be considered Vanilla and ALL have kinks when you delve into there desires.  



Iskander -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 8:05:42 AM)

Interesting post I stumble into after a long absence...
(Hey guys it's that pain in your frontal lobes again)

No... all chemestry needs energy in, to get energy out..
I learnt this the hard way over the last weekish..
Even ricecrackers taste better with a little spice.. Doesn't matter if it's a good flogging or tandem skydiving... An undercurrent.. (invisible reality.. pah... only invisible reality is the air we breathe) An undercurrent...  the boots gypsylee is putting on right now, which tells me to stop wanking ans start interacting...
yes... interaction is the key, vanilla, ricecracker or Sm..
who cares as long as you have fun...
yeah..

Isk...
(catch ya soon again...




bludemonn -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 8:07:30 AM)

So you recommend chilli on my willy?



CrazyC -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 8:53:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers

 Don't we have almost what one might call a lascivious and viscereal feeling between us and isn't that created by what we could call...our invisible reality ? Our invisible reality is that constant chemistry between us, just in being together, something that we have created and what forms the very basis for our command, control and obediance in addition to our ongoing sex and kink pleasures. We are both traveling on that never ending safari of the subconcious, both living in anticipation and surprise. Our invisible reality...now that's chemistry, right ?


Why would one want to live in an invisible reality? Aren't you over dramatising something that is just plain chemistry between two people? Chemistry then is just that chemistry. The exchange of energy can happen in any type of relationship, be it long term or temporary.

side note.... I am finding it funny that i am saying this since i don't know how many times LA has called me on my dramatising. Hmmm....maybe i am learning.

<edited because my fingers aren't functioning this early in the morning>



juliaoceania -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 8:54:28 AM)

My best friend is a submissive like me, and we used to talk about how high intensity power exchange relationships really can be. They can seem all consuming at first... but you know that guy with the wax wings that flew too close to the sun? The higher the intensity, the more danger that one will crash and burn, or just burn out. She and I have discussed this concept because she was explaining to me how people she had met in the lifestyle did not often have long term relationships of any significant length, so we mused among ourselves why this would be.

I think that people still have to pay the mortgage, the credit cards, unmentionables need feeding, even when we are kinky and into power exchange. I think that vanillas I have known that had strong commitment to each other are always thinking about the other, that is why they are still happily together, they do not take each other for granted.



Celeste43 -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 9:02:41 AM)

Aha, I see the problem here. You are basing this on your own experiences and are missing one important fact. You aren't vanilla, you need a power inequal relationship not a power equal one. Therefore a vanilla relationship which is power equal will not satisfy you. No matter how many other areas you may have been compatible with, you were not getting your power inequality needs met in an equal power relationship. As a result, of course such a relationship would leave you unable to make a strong connection.

However, consider the converse. A power equal person who winds up in a relationship with someone apparently very compatible except this someone wants an unequal relationship. Either they are forced to make more decisions than they want or they feel trapped because any decision they do make descends into argument. As a result, despite the other compatibilities they cannot form a strong connection.

Apples and oranges, bluntly. Any vanilla relationship you had was unfulfilling to you because it was vanilla. To a vanilla, a D/s relationship would be unfulfilling because it wasn't vanilla. You aren't vanilla so you can't have any experience of a truly fulfilling vanilla relationship. But putting down everyone who isn't M/s? Rude at the least.



mbes -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 10:23:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrRodgers
To merely mention what I have seen myself in far too many vanilla relationships over the years...it is ALL vanilla...and very routine but not here or why are we here ? This lifestyle isn't better or certainly much more extreme and far less routine than vanilla ?

Didn't want to use the word dynamic here ? Rather, I thought I'd try to illusttrate this as a feeling between two or more people in a 24/7 M/s relationship.


If it is something you "feel" and is "invisible", why are you surprised that you don't SEE it in other types of relationships?



adaddysgirl -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/7/2007 10:57:48 AM)

Iskander????   [sm=wave.gif]
 
DG



touchthesky -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/10/2007 6:45:31 PM)

one of the things i love about BDSM is the intense focus of the sex n play... that u dont always find in vanilla. I think most of us are more sexually preoccupied than your average bear. But to just try to lump all non BDSM relationships into vanilla and try to generalize will always be faulty



puella -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/10/2007 7:08:50 PM)

I wonder what that constant need to feel as if we are more than another 'group'  is about.....?



touchthesky -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/10/2007 7:26:08 PM)

oh i think its human to think ur thing is special, isn't it?



DarkDreams123 -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/13/2007 11:40:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

Aha, I see the problem here. You are basing this on your own experiences and are missing one important fact. You aren't vanilla, you need a power inequal relationship not a power equal one. Therefore a vanilla relationship which is power equal will not satisfy you. No matter how many other areas you may have been compatible with, you were not getting your power inequality needs met in an equal power relationship. As a result, of course such a relationship would leave you unable to make a strong connection.

However, consider the converse. A power equal person who winds up in a relationship with someone apparently very compatible except this someone wants an unequal relationship. Either they are forced to make more decisions than they want or they feel trapped because any decision they do make descends into argument. As a result, despite the other compatibilities they cannot form a strong connection.

Apples and oranges, bluntly. Any vanilla relationship you had was unfulfilling to you because it was vanilla. To a vanilla, a D/s relationship would be unfulfilling because it wasn't vanilla. You aren't vanilla so you can't have any experience of a truly fulfilling vanilla relationship. But putting down everyone who isn't M/s? Rude at the least.


Hi Celeste,

I like the way you put this. I think this is an important insight into "what makes us tick."

It is difficult to step outside your own experience and take a look at someone else's situation without being prejudice.

Difficult indeed.

-Dark Dreams



OedipusRexIt -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/13/2007 11:47:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

i don't think the chemistry between kinky people is any more or less special or real than the chemistry between non-kinky people. :)

that said, there are certain aspects of kink relationships that lend themselves to more involved trust and communication, but even so, that doesn't guarantee that kink relationships have better trust and communication than vanilla relationships.



I can only speak from personal experience,  which leads me to disagree. 

Having had what I consider top quality in both areas, the good kink connections are infinitely deeper.  It requires no explanation, it's a Truth.

or I wouldn't be here.



DarkDreams123 -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/13/2007 11:50:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

I wonder what that constant need to feel as if we are more than another 'group'  is about.....?


Hi Puella,

I think this "disease" affects almost all of us at one time or other.

Think about when you were a young child. I remember getting in to an argument with my next-door-neighbor and friend about who's dad could beat the other's up!?

Think of when you were in school. Your school was better than the rest. Your school had the best sports teams, best musical groups, etc.

What do new parents do? They look at their baby and think it is the smartest child ever born. We do the same thing with our pets.

I'll bet that if we were to take a survey and ask people to rate their own intelligence, far more than half would rate themselves above average.

Can any of us truely escape from this?

-Dark Dreams



hereyesruponyou -> RE: Will this do ? Chemistry (2/14/2007 9:15:48 AM)

I've had the chemistry you talk about in a vanilla relationship with my first husband. I agree it was undefinable. I think there were visible signs, but there was more of an invisible peace of fitting together perfectly, as well as the ability to laugh together in a way no one else understood, and being able to be turned on with a look or a thought. This lasted 13 years and only got stronger. Unfortunately he passed away much to early for it to be fair.
 
Since then i have tried vanilla and bdsm relationships from dating to another marriage (mistake), and discovered that there are different types of chemistry in all relationships that work. It's easier for me to find "sexual" chemistry or "friend/trust" chemistry with someone than to find both.
 
IMHO if you have found something incredible in the chemistry you have with someone in this realm then you have that "extra special something" everyone craves. congrats and enjoy



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