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ShiftedJewel -> How to keep a healthy level of insanity (3/8/2005 12:26:39 PM)
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1. At lunchtime sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a blow dryer at passing cars. (see if they slow down)
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “in”.
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to expresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, put “for sexual favors”. (I particularly like this one)
7. Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy”.
8. Don’t use any punctuation marks..or caps for that matter.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically when they answer.
11. Specify that your drive through order is TO GO.
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting all around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends that you won’t be attending their party because you’re not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name “rock hard”.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream I won, I won, 3rd time this week.
18. When leaving the zoo, start running through the parking lot yelling, “run for your lives, they’re loose, they’re loose.”
19. Tell your children over dinner, “due to the economy, we’re going to have to let one of you go”.
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