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Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 12:28:14 PM   
shay


Posts: 63
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		So much emphasis is placed on if a person is a submissive, slave, bottom, masochist. The same is true if they are a dominant, top, Master/Mistress. And somewhere along the line switches came into being.

I have attemped each one of these. I have owned and been owned. NOTHING has fit. I have come to believe I am simply a twisted kinky soul. And thats fine, I identify with that.

HOWEVER:

When one is looking for a partner, and they truly don't FIT into any particular label, what should they do? Do they not belong in the BDSM lifestyle at all because they dont fit a niche? No matter how much they love all the different aspects?

Should labels really be that important when it comes to the heart of a person? When it comes to loving a way of life so much?

Do you take pride in calling yourself a slave or a Master? Does having a label really make a difference?

just wondering~
Shay
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 12:37:25 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shay
When one is looking for a partner, and they truly don't FIT into any particular label, what should they do? Do they not belong in the BDSM lifestyle at all because they dont fit a niche? No matter how much they love all the different aspects?

Treat people labels like food labels. You can get an idea of what the food is, what it can be used for and a ballpark idea of what to do with it. Beyond that, it's pretty useless. You have to use it, see how it mixes with different things and get a much deeper taste to really understand the food itself.
quote:


Should labels really be that important when it comes to the heart of a person? When it comes to loving a way of life so much?

Nope, but they can be useful and help people sort things out. Some people wear collars to clubs just so they won't get hit on. Some people dislike wearing collars because people automatically shove them into the "sub" or "unavailable" category. It can be quite frustrating to be shoved into a stereotypical category based on a label or symbol.
But, they can be useful nonetheless.

quote:


Do you take pride in calling yourself a slave or a Master? Does having a label really make a difference?

I take pride in being who I am and use labels as a way to express myself. Having the label itself isn't what makes the difference.

Now, take a physical collar away from most subs and they will have insecurity issues, but that's more an issue of symbology rather than labeling.

(in reply to shay)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 12:54:51 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I like lables in a lot of ways. For me, it's a way of affirming your identity. To be willing to embrace a lable is to be proud and accepting that you -are- that thing. I choose to lable myself in many ways because it took me a long time ot accept those bits of me and claiming the lable makes it real.

That said, I've given up labels in a bdsm context. The terms are too charged. I've settled with "I belong to my parnter" which pretty much sums it up and convers all the bits that are important to us.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 12:55:05 PM   
MistressFire70


Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		For me, since I'm a scientist, I like to label and categorize things. As someone who is slightly OCD, I like having a place for everything and everything fitting into it's surroundings. But, this is just me.

Labels create a convenience for communication purposes. We could, if we wanted to, create an entire lexicon of names for us. If you don't like labels, no big deal.

Fire


_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to shay)
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RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 1:25:26 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Greetings shay...

If you do a search on the word 'labels' in the forums... You will have a very long read!

To Angel, I dislike labels...I believe they are restrictive (yes,yes... everyones heard that from Angel before....lol)... but they are indeed a help right at the start of any exploration. I am 'labelled' a submissive. It's easier for people to associate with. But in essence , I am just myself. And that is the very best thing anyone can be.

True to Oneself.

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to shay)
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RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 3:31:07 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Access denied. Not allowed to have personal information to throw in my face at a later time.

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 3/15/2005 9:45:25 PM >

(in reply to MistressFire70)
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RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 3:38:45 PM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

For me, since I'm a scientist, I like to label and categorize things. As someone who is slightly OCD, I like having a place for everything and everything fitting into it's surroundings. But, this is just me.

Labels create a convenience for communication purposes. We could, if we wanted to, create an entire lexicon of names for us. If you don't like labels, no big deal.

Fire



i am the same way.



Nods, uh huh and Me too! I don't like stereotyping but I do like labels, so much so that I like a lot of them and some might even contradict each other!! I like to have labels but I don't take them that seriously!!

Kinky, Loving yet Evil and Cruel, energized yet sometimes lazy, outgoing yet reclusive, masochist bottom only to myself, wicked Party Girl, Flamboyant High Femme, Shoe-Loving, Dominant "Extreme Yet Realistic" Sadist

Some friends I've known have played with labels much and I thought it fun....

Picky Switch
Switch Mistress
slavette switch
Mistress Bottom

anyway, we had a hoot coming up with some goodies one day!


Umm, you could be a "Twisted Switch"!

Good post and thought-provoking comments!!




_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 3:55:28 PM   
littlebuttercup


Posts: 36
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		hmmm, i've had trouble labelling myself in the past when i tried to define my sexuality. when i was in love with a woman i labelled myself Lesbian. when i was with men i was bi. then i got into thinking about gender identification and realized that sometimes i feel like a man and not a woman, so it made things complicated and i finally settled on "Queer". it defines the many parts of my sexuality without actuallly defining them at all.

from a BDSM standpoint i right now identify as "daughter". but with a different partner i would probably identify differently, as a submissive or possibly a slave. since the label i have been given directly relates to my current relationship. then there is this young man i am friends with and i have some very maternal feelings for him.....hmmm, maybe i'll settle on "Kinky Queer" as my label. :D

_____________________________

sticking feathers in your butt does not make you a chicken.

(in reply to shay)
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RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 4:22:47 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		I can see the difficulty of finding a suitable partner if you aren't able to properly communicate who you are and what you're seeking. In my mind, that's the only time labels have any meaningful purpose. My girl are somewhere beyond dominant/submissive and somewhere short of master/slave and owner/property doesn't quite taste right. does it inhibit our relationship? Not at all. Does it sometimes interfere with our abiity to describe precisely how our dynamic is structured? Not really but it does require more dialogue. Anyone who is likely to be a compatible match ought to be willing to invest the time it takes to get an accurate idea of who you are anyway, right?
Timothy

(in reply to shay)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 5:20:22 PM   
ScooterTrash


Posts: 1407
Joined: 1/24/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		I don't know that the label is as important as the "who" behind the label. Perhaps, and since I know you I can say this, your label mechanism is not static, it changes. I think that you are adaptable and can change to fit the situation you are in at the time. Is that a falacy..I think not, I think it is somewhat of an asset. But I do agree that there is entirely too much attention on labels and too little on each individuals personality. Learn the "who" not the sign on them.

_____________________________

Formal symbolic representation of qualitative entities is doomed to its rightful place of minor significance in a world where flowers and beautiful women abound.
-Albert Einstein

(in reply to shay)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Labeling a Life - 3/8/2005 7:10:02 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		In general I dislike labels because they are often used as stereotypes and stereotypes are restrictive. In My 30s I started to learn who the I was behind the labels and was shocked at how many I was wearing. A lot of them related to My various roles in life such as mother/daughter/sister. Others were included in My self definition as intovert, shy, passive. None of them described who I was but every time I stepped outside the limits of the label people were shocked. Over time I stopped self identifying using labels....now I am Me.

However, when I started identifying as a Dominant and a Domina I experienced a feeling of freedom. Perhaps I had just found the labels that fit or perhaps I had just found where I belonged in this world. I am not sure. All I am sure about is that, once I accepted those two labels, I stopped trying to stifle those characteristics within Me. But I am also the one who defined what those two words mean to Me. And I am aware that what I refer to as Myself being Dominant may not be what anyone else defines it as. People looking at Me are welcome to define Me any way they please. It no longer changes who I am and no longer affects how I view Myself.

I hear what you are saying about
quote:

When one is looking for a partner, and they truly don't FIT into any particular label, what should they do? Do they not belong in the BDSM lifestyle at all because they dont fit a niche? No matter how much they love all the different aspects?

Should labels really be that important when it comes to the heart of a person? When it comes to loving a way of life so much?


I adore most of the different aspects of BDSM and would be hard pressed to state if I am D/s or S/M or what. I have found an alternate way of living that satisfies My soul and My needs but most of the time I still feel like I am out-of-step or outside. When I am searching for a submissive I want to see into his heart and I look for signs that he embraces and loves the way of life I am living. Those are much more important then the label he or she uses to identify themselves as.

Anyhow I suspect I am rambling here
Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to shay)
Profile   Post #: 11
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