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Long Distance Domination? - 3/8/2005 11:32:59 PM   
Thortok2000


Posts: 19
Joined: 3/8/2005
Status: offline 		Suppose your slave was someone online you've never met. Here's a few questions:

A) How do you keep her interested in being your slave? How do you keep her loyal when people in real life might tempt her?

B) What are some things you could do with her? How can you challenge her and train her into being a better slave?

C) How much control over her life should you aim for? Clothing choices, free time choices, financial choices? Would you force her to pay for you to visit her in real life? (As in, if she consents to the visit, she's the one that pays for it...not forcing the visit on her if she doesn't consent, just forcing her to pay for it.)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 4:21:23 AM   
Harrison


Posts: 17
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A) How do you keep her interested in being your slave? How do you keep her loyal when people in real life might tempt her?

B) What are some things you could do with her? How can you challenge her and train her into being a better slave?

C) How much control over her life should you aim for? Clothing choices, free time choices, financial choices? Would you force her to pay for you to visit her in real life? (As in, if she consents to the visit, she's the one that pays for it...not forcing the visit on her if she doesn't consent, just forcing her to pay for it.)



A. Not easy. Her loyality is her choice, not your decision. You can't push the issue without being there.


B She is the one who is really in charge of her training. If she does it, its because she wants to. Without your physical presence, she has little to fear your punishment for disobeying. You can challenge her by requiring she read appropriate materials, then quiz her online, but other than that, it's hard to challenge without being there.

C Again, force, force, force. You really can't force her. Choose her clothes? She can tell you anything, but without you there to see, how do you know she is obeying you?

For me, LD domination is close to impossible. LD mentoring works....but, LD domination didn't.

sorry to be the bearer of not good news.

Good Luck

Harrison

(in reply to Thortok2000)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 7:04:46 AM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		A) Bring her to you. If you have no intention of bringing her to you I hope to hell people in real life are tempting her, otherwise she's just marking time.

B) Bring her to you. You're just fooling yourself if you think you're going to train her in any meaningful way over a compter screen or telephone. You're just engaging in interactive fantasy.

C) Lots, once you bring her to you . If you have no intention of doing so, or if she has no intention of coming, don't kid yourself into thinking that she's under your discipline and control from afar. Having those kinds of relations with a woman is tough enough in person. It's damn neigh impossible by remote control especially if she's never actually met you and/or doesn't see you regularly. You're engaging in some mutual titilation. Either accept that, or insist on getting something more out of life. Oh, and I really wouldn't expect that anyone here is going to tell you that making her pay the freight to come see you is the "domly" thing to do. That's just logistics, and isn't really here or there. If you can't or won't pay for her to come, maybe she can or will, who knows, but it isn't really any measure of your dominance, or her submission.

Hope this helps.



_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to Thortok2000)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 8:58:45 AM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline
quote:


A) How do you keep her interested in being your slave? How do you keep her loyal when people in real life might tempt her?


You can not "keep" someone interested or loyal. If you worried about someone "tempting" her then the two of you have bigger trust issues than can be addressed in a message board. Trying to “make” yourself seem more interesting may work in the short term – in the long term it is doomed to fail – you are who you are, nothing more, nothing less.

quote:


B) What are some things you could do with her? How can you challenge her and train her into being a better slave?


Now if one of you plans on moving to the other in the not too distant future then there are several things that MIGHT be useful until that occurs (Remember YMMV):

1. Use a webcam on both sides on a regular basis - this allows you to see each other - and allows you to inspect her clothing, her surroundings, etc.

2. Lots of time on the phone. If this is long distance you should consider switching phone plans or buying cell phones with "family" plans so that you can talk as often as possible without incurring phone bills which will bankrupt the two of you.

quote:


C) How much control over her life should you aim for? Clothing choices, free time choices, financial choices? Would you force her to pay for you to visit her in real life? (As in, if she consents to the visit, she's the one that pays for it...not forcing the visit on her if she doesn't consent, just forcing her to pay for it.)


As others have stated - you really don't have control - you are in one place, she is in another and outside of your influence. The phrase "Trust but verify" comes to mind. You can give her instructions - but you have no real way of verifying that those instructions have been carried out.

Your not serious? Force her to pay for you to visit her? Give me a break. If you can’t afford the travel then why are you involved in a long distance relationship? You DID think about these things before you became involved with someone who wasn’t local – didn’t you? I assume that you have a job, and have control of your OWN finances, and can pay for such a trip yourself - otherwise how do you expect to control her life when yours isn't in control?

Now, that being said, if it is a first visit, it is not inappropriate to suggest a "sharing" of expenses depending on the financial situation of both parties. This way both parties have a financial investment - this serves an explicit purpose - if either of you is just engaging in mental masturbation your not likely to be willing to fork over the cash for half the expenses.

I would suggest you arrange for a first meeting in the next few weeks. Some place public, some place safe for both of you. If you’re some distance from each other, and money is an issue, then consider taking a bus - fares are cheap. But be aware that at some point, in the not too distant future, the two of you will need to decide how to permanently resolve the distance issue. Otherwise, as others have stated, you’re both just marking time.

Peace and Light
Terry
AKA ShadowHwk





(in reply to Thortok2000)
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RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 9:13:55 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Suppose your slave was someone online you've never met.


It is not possible to have a slave you've never met.

The longest distance possible for a long distance relationship with a slave is the length of your single tail.

(in reply to Thortok2000)
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RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 11:03:32 AM   
FragileRose


Posts: 58
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I know it really doesn't make sense to have a long distance relatiionship. Sometimes it can be satisfying or meet the needs of both people. I am modeling my comments based on how my own Master has treated me.

1) You cannot keep anyone interested in being your slave. You both have to want the friendship/relationship. She will be loyal because she wants to be loyal. My own Master humbly declares his understanding that I have normal needs and will understand if/when I strike out for another. In the meantime, he asks that I tell him about my romantic life - and wants control over it. It is really ridiculous to cede such control for most people, but in some cases it makes sense. For me, it makes me feel good that he wants to know, that he wants to be involved. I view it as part of his obligation to care for my well being. It also makes me think twice about getting involved with someone. I try looking at them from his perspective - are they safe, responsible, and will they cherish his Pet. Each and every step along the way, it is my choice.

2) Your slave will have to educate herself through reading and involvement in social/educational groups. She also should want to please you...so she should be imaginative and think of things that will drive you wild. I send my Master exciting emails that explain how I would please him if he were with me. She is just as obliged to keep you interested as you are to keep her challenged. Some of the Websites have great lists of things that you can ask a Slave to do even if you are not around. My own Master had me make up some chains to wear around my waist and through my crotch that stay locked with little metal locks. I enjoyed it, but the chains started to chafe. He didn't insist that I stay in discomfort, but he does love to hear about my wearing them out in public under my clothing. It is empowering to think that another Man might reach for me and find cold metal instead of soft flesh. It is exciting for me to think about his being empowered.

3) If you are a romantic Master and you care for this Pet, you will want to give her some gifts. Perhaps lingerie, toys, books to help her grow. And, I agree with what others have said, there is no force involved here. This is a love relationship, remember? Your goal is to engender her tenderness towards you and bring out her most erotic side, not discourage her by placing barriers in her way.

(in reply to Thortok2000)
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RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 11:48:11 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
It is not possible to have a slave you've never met.

I would agree with this.
quote:


The longest distance possible for a long distance relationship with a slave is the length of your single tail.

I would disagree with this. My first owner lived in NC while I was in college in MD. We would see eachother about once a month, except for 7 months when I was living in Ireland. I don't think I was less his slave during the times we were apart.

As well, the first 6 months of my relationship with the present Owner, he lived in MD while I lived in NJ and we saw eachother about once a month or so. Now, we live fairly close to eachother and see eachother a few times a month, but he lives with his primary and goes away a few times a month on business.

I don't think that negates or lowers the quality of his ownership over me.

Long distance is difficult, and to some extent it becomes each person having their own relationship with their own ideas, but it certainly is possible to own a slave and not be within whipping distance.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 12:09:11 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Why aren't you looking for someone closer to home? I realize you're new, but online isn't the best place to seek this type of thing. Gather up the courage and go to the Greenville munch. http://www.sc-lock.com/ Why bother wasting your energy on someone who is probably just typing words on the other end of the line?

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Thortok2000)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 12:30:48 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Suppose your slave was someone online you've never met. Here's a few questions:


To comment on your questions:
You must do what is in your best interest, but I too believe as others have pointed out that you cannot be a slave without giving ALL of you, meaning: mind, body and soul. I didn't fully understand this until I was willing to give these things....You and your "submissive" would be missing out on the dynamics of a beautiful complete bond.

As a side note would like to say...."Howdy Neighbor"....I live in South Carolina as well...actually on the SC/NC border.....As Beach Mystress pointed out, I understand Lock is a great group in your area ...Also... a little farther south is [email protected] (Columbia area) and a little more north is Capex (Charlotte area)... All of these people are great and can help you on your path as well.

Wishing you success on what you seek.
Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

_____________________________

Definitely A Journey!

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 12:33:03 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

quote:


The longest distance possible for a long distance relationship with a slave is the length of your single tail.

I would disagree with this.


Emerald,
Okay, how about twice the distance of a single tail? I don't disagree with your position but I wrote this comment and my other regarding neck wear prior to my morning coffee fix, and "evil Merc" wakes up long before the "kind - gentle Master Merc". I maintain that a long distance M/s relationship is difficult but not impossible.

Let's agree that the slave's orbit around the owner must be like that of a comet. It's elliptical, but every so often it should come close enough to be within the length of a single tail to be of any meaning at all.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 8:20:15 PM   
FragileRose


Posts: 58
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Let's agree that the slave's orbit around the owner must be like that of a comet. It's elliptical, but every so often it should come close enough to be within the length of a single tail to be of any meaning at all.


Lovely statement. Definitely a powerful image.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 9:15:23 PM   
Overlord218


Posts: 53
Joined: 1/26/2005
Status: offline 		As is the general theme of responses here, it's difficult, but not impossible. Over the years, I've had quite a few LDRs, and both parties have gone away happy. Actually, a sub I've known/owned for over 6 years now is coming to visit me in Australia... from Ireland.

A point to bear in mind though, Internet LDRs are like dog years. i.e 1 month of realtime = 1 year of Virtual time. And by virtue of that, the relationships tend to be extremely intense.

As already mentioned, webcams and digital cameras are standard equipment, and be prepared for a mega phone bill.

_____________________________

Overlord 218

A little pain is good for the soul. Ask any masochist.

(in reply to FragileRose)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/9/2005 9:44:39 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		The following threads might help you:

to all with an online submissive

serving online

online relationships

can one truly submit online

online D/s



_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to Thortok2000)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/10/2005 11:09:15 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Lovely statement. Definitely a powerful image.


Rose,

Thank you for the positive feedback.

(in reply to FragileRose)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/10/2005 11:19:27 AM   
ruffnecksbabygir


Posts: 412
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The longest distance possible for a long distance relationship with a slave is the length of your single tail.



i like that!!

_____________________________

~hugs~
Babygirl

:Disclaimer: The above is only this slave's opinion:

"And Those Who Danced Were Thought To Be Quite Insane By Those Who Could Not Hear The Music" -- Angela Monet

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/10/2005 5:43:29 PM   
Histeacup


Posts: 13
Joined: 12/7/2004
Status: offline 		I love what mercnbeth wrote, I could not agree more. Long distant slave relationships are a pathetic joke...Mark

(in reply to ruffnecksbabygir)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/11/2005 7:49:15 AM   
MidnightWriter


Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thortok2000

Suppose your slave was someone online you've never met. Here's a few questions:

Disclaimer - this isn't my kink, I don't believe I'd ever find myself in such a position. I may have a few ideas, but I've no experience in this.

quote:

A) How do you keep her interested in being your slave? How do you keep her loyal when people in real life might tempt her?

Pretty much the same way you'd do that in a F2F relationship: give them something that they can't get elsewhere, something that they really want.

quote:

B) What are some things you could do with her? How can you challenge her and train her into being a better slave?

While training via text isn't my thing, it can be done. The easiest would be to direct them to this online how-to, that book. Much more work, but probably more satisfying, would be to write the tutorial yourself. Alternately, acquaint yourself with the training and educational resources in their locale, and direct them - take this class, that seminar.

quote:

C) How much control over her life should you aim for? Clothing choices, free time choices, financial choices? Would you force her to pay for you to visit her in real life? (As in, if she consents to the visit, she's the one that pays for it...not forcing the visit on her if she doesn't consent, just forcing her to pay for it.)

That would depend entirely upon the mutual desires - this isn't a "one size fits all" situation, it's a "cut to fit" thing. Just as in F2F, you'll need to find someone whose desires fairly closely match your own, and negotiate all of this. For myself, the question of "who pays" is dependant on "who can best afford it", as is the question of "who travels".

=-=-=-=-

I would like to point out to my fellow forumites that the OP didn't ask for judgement on LDRs - they asked for guidance in how to make it work. It's not my kink, either - nor would I consider someone a "slave" if I didn't have total control of their lives. However, I don't own the word "slave", and if someone else wants to use it as I'd use "submissive", it steals no meat from my plate.

If the OP can find someone who also desires this style of d/s, and they can make it satisfactory to them, then the world is a happier place, and helping them with suggestions and ideas is a Good Thing. Sneering at their desires adds nothing of value, and gives those who would sneer at all of us the moral high ground in doing so.

We can all find others who would sneer at what we do, at the shape of our relationships. So, we come here to discuss them - among those who understand what we want and accept that our kinky, twisted, disgusting desires are really okay, after all. This is an important thing to many - devaluing that to sneer at those who don't do things as you do makes us all a tad poorer.

Please stop, if for no other reason, as a favor to me. Please?

_____________________________

Power corrupts. Absolute power ... is really pretty nifty.

TIES - pansexual BDSM social group in MN, USA - http://www.ties-bdsm.org

(in reply to Thortok2000)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 3/11/2005 8:58:22 AM   
MasterEbonyDlite


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline




I agree with Harrison on this issue as I recently experienced this myself with a wannabe slave who wanted me to pay for her to come be with me. Long distance domination simply doesn't work and and dom or master is much better off seeking a sub or slave in their own neck of the woods.

(in reply to Harrison)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Long Distance Domination? - 1/10/2007 10:58:44 AM   
subsidize


Posts: 85
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline 		have you ever been to a play party or any real event...i mean something besides your xbox...

(in reply to MidnightWriter)
Profile   Post #: 19
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