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RE: ettiquette... - 2/10/2007 6:20:24 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

This "no touching" thing keeps coming up. Do you really observe such a rule in any social situation, whether or not kinky?

I observe this rule in just about all social situations; I do not make attempts to touch others beyond a simple handshake. I personally do not like to be touched unless some level of trust has been established with another person. If I am touched without warning or from someone who has not earned that intimacy I will become very uncomfortable and even more guarded in my interactions.

Part of the reason is that I was raised in a non-affectionate environment and from being sexually assaulted as a young teen. This is something that my Lord thinks limits me and he wants me to overcome the negative response, so I make the effort to be more open to receiving casual touching from those he considers friends or those I am interested in building a friendship with.

For many people casual touching, hugs, kisses on the cheek, arm around the sholder, etc. generates positive feelings. For me, it hits an emotional trigger that generates fear and an automatic response to protect myself and withdraw. If I am in a good frame of mind, then I can control the reaction. If I am not.... then the walls go up and I withdraw from just about everyone.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to Noah)

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/10/2007 6:26:57 PM

Archer

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: valeca

I find that's a pretty good assessment of things, Archer. It raises a question for me.

What is the social order of one introducing themself? Does one become the Senior or the junior if one initiates the introduction?

Self introductions are kinda shakey as to social order, introducing yourself to someone would be something that isn't covered in the old Emily Post but I think the newer versions cover it some. If I recall correctly, they should be acceptable between folks of a similar standing. outside of your "strata" (in this case the D/s orientation isn't what you are looking at but rather time in the community) they would not generally change your standing at all.

In past times it would be considered better form to make arrangements for someone to introduce you to folks, often times this was the hosts duty. If I had invited you in then I would be responsible for introducing you around. Now the groups being what they are self introductions seem to be much more common. WHen you introduce yourself though you end up generally figuring out what each person's standing is.

Hi I'm Archer
Hi I'm John
So I have seen you around a couple times but we've never been introduced
Bla bla bla social niceties, etc.
When you end the conversation generally you'll have an idea of where each of you stand based on history, connections, seniority in the community and in the lifestyle overall.

(in reply to valeca)

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Post #: 42

RE: ettiquette... - 2/10/2007 6:35:09 PM

valeca

Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
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Thank you very much, Archer. I appreciate you taking the time to answer my question in detail.

It's definitely something I will be keeping in mind (and actively observing) at the next social function I attend, be it BDSM realted or otherwise.

Again, thanks!

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~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

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Post #: 43