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Training Period - 2/8/2007 7:08:59 AM

steviemichael

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/6/2007
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I notice in many forums within the subject of BDSM that submissives undergo a training period i have a twofold question is the training on all forms of BDSM and the second question what just happends when the training as ended?

[Mod Note: ALL CAPS subject fixed]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 2/8/2007 7:13:37 AM >

_____________________________

switch/submissive male walking in the path of and learning of my true desires and enjoying what i am discovering

Post #: 1

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 7:18:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Training for me as a slave and as a dom never ends. It's like an athlete- they don't stop training just because they win the Olympics.

For me, actually, training in the bdsm stuff is the fun and easy quick part of things. You can train someone to be a decent flogger in an hour. The long term hard stuff is the mental/emotional response stuff, the changing how a person thinks and processes, how a person reacts to stress in life and how a person approaches obstacles- THAT is what I put most of my energy into training.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 2

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 7:23:42 AM

vield

Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Just like all BD/SM connections, one needs to understand what one is seeking and what one's limits are. One needs to negotiate these things clearly with potential partners BEFORE any play begins. One needs to understand the needs, desires goals and limits of all potential partners and to negotiate what all parties dom, sub or switch consent to.
One should also feel confident that you and all of the potential partners will honestly negotiate and will respect everyone's limits, safety and consensuality.
What the scenes or acts or skills people decide are OK to experience and learn can vary widely from person to person. There are hundreds of possible things.
What acts take place after or at the conclusion of a training session similarly can be extremely variable from person to person.
Someone may tell you an act they require a trainee to learn, and may tell you actions they wish to enjoy with that person, but this is only specific to the person talking to you. For someone else that same act or action may violate their personal limits and may be something not allowed.

[Mod Note: ALL CAPS subject fixed]

< Message edited by ModeratorEleven -- 2/8/2007 7:25:08 AM >

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 3

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 7:41:54 AM

SCDommie

Posts: 176
Joined: 1/24/2007
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There is no real time period set for training. Technically, sub/slaves are always in training at their Master/Mistress' direction.
After you complete your training period, your Master/Mistress, may move you into a Collar of Submission which is the next step. Then there is the final permanet or formal collar which is like a marriage for the couple.
Training collar, collar of submission, and Formal Collar. I am sure others will call it different things, and that is ok.

SCD

(in reply to vield)

Post #: 4

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 7:42:49 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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There is no such thing as formal or proper training. It is like LA said that training on many levels never ends and it is about what the dominant in your life wants or if a dominant how they want to go along in their own journey.

If you are submissive you choose your path as well. Are you wanting to experience all things that might encompass this life and therefore are looking for casual encounters to be exposed to most things or are you looking and needing just to find the one to concentrate all your energy on.

There is no guide book, instruction manual, official apprenticeship programs, years doing rule, only this way or that way type things in this life. Anyone telling you differently is just telling you their own preference or personal belief. Keep an open mind and heart and trust your instincts and never ever rush into things or acts.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to vield)

Post #: 5

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 8:04:20 AM

GirlWithInk

Posts: 22
Joined: 10/12/2006
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There are several types of training periods that I've seen mentioned. The first is with the three-collar system - first, a training collar, followed by a submission collar, and finally a third or formal collar. The training period there is the 'getting to know you' time, the span where the sub and the dom are still feeling each other out. There's committment, but nothing too serious; think of it like dating. Submission collar would be engagement, and formal collar would be marriage. ^.^

The next is the training period where a slave who had been with one owner for quite some time for whatever reason is now with a new owner - there are little details to be learned, habits to break or make, much like getting something custom-fitted. It takes time, and focuses on the slave's behavior and set rituals more than anything else.

Then there's the training that any sub goes through with a domme, the constant, growing, changing, learning, wonderful experience that IS D/s. This 'training' never really ends, as in a healthy BDSM relationship both parties should always strive to be learning more about their partner, their desires, their needs, their reactions.

I'm sure that there is a Gorean training period, where the girls are taught how to properly kneel in nadu, how to serve wine, and so forth... I expect such a period is short, rather brutal, and likely to leave bruises. ^.^

Beyond that? What happens when the training has ended? Well, that depends on what kind of training it was, and would take up a lot more space to post about.

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 6

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 9:33:33 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: steviemichael

I notice in many forums within the subject of BDSM that submissives undergo a training period i have a twofold question is the training on all forms of BDSM and the second question what just happends when the training as ended?

[Mod Note: ALL CAPS subject fixed]

This is for me and my household alone.

Training is a formal period where I and the other person get to experience several important aspects of SM, bondage, and the idea of what I expect from a slave. Most people I train simply want a safe person to get experience with but I only take people who seem very serious and seem to be a possible match for my household.

It provides both of us a safe and structured way to get to know each other and see if a Ds relationship with each other is truly desired. It just not just playing, it does not involve sex, but it very focused on service and self-growth. No one leaves training without learning more about him/herself, limits, desires, and the role BDSM should play in the individual's life.

It lasts a minimum of 14 structured sessions over a minimum of 14 weeks. If things seem to go well, training can be lengthened to allow more time to mull over the exact way we want to structure a future relationship (this is what Fox and I did in the 8 months he trained before we signed a slave-owner contract).

No promise of anything after training but there is an evaluation time where we decide what to do next. Most people part ways with me as a Ds partner but remain my friend or we transition to them learning about the top role of things.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 7

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 9:40:28 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I suppose he will forever be "training" me. I prefer "teaching" and use that in the real world, but for the sake of this site, he will be training me in my submission to him as long as I am his submissive.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 8

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 10:40:58 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

We didn't do a trial period, a consideration period or any of that. We talked a lot, played some, talked a lot more. He collared me. Training in the sense of what he wanted my responses to be, what I had to learn about his habits came after he collared me. But he wouldn't have gone through this much trouble if he wasn't sure he wanted me to stay.

Now, long after the early training is over we just enjoy each other. And we still talk extensively, that's the important thing.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 10:42:58 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
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For me, there are three levels of training. When a slave and I agree to be together there is a short period of a month or so where we see if we are compatible.

If so, I do what I call a "binding". It's less than a collering, but still makes her my slave. Usually I place on her an anklet or wristlet that cannot be removed to signify this.

This period can last a variable amount of time, but ususally is not short. Basically I won't give a collar to my slave until I believe she has earned it. That is, she has learned to obey my rules; adopted the lifestyle I want of her, to the point that she has become the slave I want her to be. Only then I will give her a formal collar.

But as LA said, the hard stuff, mental and emotional training basically never stops. (For both Master and slave, I might add).

Your first question is somewhat ambiguous. I'm not sure what "training in all the forms of BDSM" means. If I think I get your query, the answer is maybe, but not necessarily. Each Master has their own do's and don't's that make up their philosophy of what is appropriate to teach their slave.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 10

RE: Training Period - 2/8/2007 1:27:35 PM

sexyone4you

Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
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The saying, "You learn something new everyday" applies in the vanilla world & in BDSM too. Long after you kneel correctly and learn the other things your Dom wants you to know, you will still be learning about yourself & your submission, and your Dom will be doing the same thing.

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 11

RE: Training Period - 2/10/2007 3:00:02 PM

newsub27

Posts: 18
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline

I lived most of my life in a normal "vanilla" lifestyle. Got married, had a child, was the person everyone wanted me to be, but always knew I was missing out on something. Was at a point in my life where my marriage was ending when I met someone who I became good friends with. We work together (he as my boss) and spend many hours in the same space. I was so suprised when our banter at work turned somewhat sexual and then one day I jokingly said "yes, Master" to something he said, must admit I was being somewhat sarcastic.........wow did that change things! From that point on our relationship grew very quickly, he began training me using small tactics that excited me. Not allowing me to cross my legs but to keep them open, all of this without the others realizing what was going on. My Master has finally made me his but I still worry about how much I have to learn. I have never searched into this lifestyle, in fact I have avoided it as much as possible in the past.....after all I am a strong independant woman, right? Now that has all changed and I worry about letting go of myself, but more than anything I want to please my Master. Is there anything I can do during my training in order to let him know I am truely his.........how can I make him see that even though I fight this part of me at times, that I still want his pleasure first and formost?

(in reply to sexyone4you)

Post #: 12

RE: Training Period - 2/10/2007 3:30:03 PM

LadyIce

Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

I agree that for many there is no such thing as a training period. It is a continuous process. I do believe that
expectations should be given and considered in advance. The Dominant needs to make the expectations up front
and in the beginning, as well as stating limits in the beginning. The rest usually will come as the relationship develops.

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 13

RE: Training Period - 2/10/2007 3:38:50 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: steviemichael

I notice in many forums within the subject of BDSM that submissives undergo a training period i have a twofold question is the training on all forms of BDSM and the second question what just happends when the training as ended?

[Mod Note: ALL CAPS subject fixed]

I believe that training is an ongoing thing. After all, it is learning and in my world, learning never stops. Even when I teach a seminar, I learn something. Someone noted that there are no instruction manuals...that is not entirely true. There have been quite a few books recommended on this site before that cover D/s and BDSM and some of the joys and pitfalls of training. As a matter of fact, I bet if we were to ask nicely...LA? Got any threads on books concerning D/s and BDSM?

Of course, there is also the personal training that goes along with being with the one you ARE with. Training to please them, learning their ins and outs, etc., etc. just as they learn about you.

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 14

RE: Training Period - 2/10/2007 4:29:36 PM

LTRsubNW

Posts: 1604
Joined: 5/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: steviemichael

I notice in many forums within the subject of BDSM that submissives undergo a training period i have a twofold question is the training on all forms of BDSM and the second question what just happends when the training as ended?

[Mod Note: ALL CAPS subject fixed]

I'm thinking a question which has some relation to syntax and further, a question that follows with some level of logic...would be useful in this discussion.

_____________________________

Small deeds will always mean more than large intentions.

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 15

RE: Training Period - 2/10/2007 5:03:37 PM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

Training is an on going process, hopefully. Informal training happens all the time here at home.

There is formal training and places to go to get formal training.

I believe strongly in preparing, learning and becoming trained in all kind of services and skills. When I decided to pursue the submissive lifestyle and relationship I did several things to prepare. One was preparing my belongings to be able to relocate easily. Second was to change careers to one that fit better with being in the kind of relationship I desired. And third was to seek out training.

The first training I sought out was some general lifestyle training. I went to a couple in VA ( I was then in NC). Training was for three long weekends during a summer. We talked and talked and talked about all aspects of the lifestyle. He had me learn by working side by side with His slavegirl. We did some BDSM so I could learn what it was, the safety and where my interests and pain limits were.

Then next summer I wanted more, deeper training as a slave relationship. I found a Master who does training and we set up a training agreement for 9 weeks. I went to DC for 9 weeks of slave training. It covered service on three levels, Life, House and Personal. I worked on skills that a slave could use in a relationship and worked on developing the mindset and understanding of what is commonly required of a slave.
* please note that training was not about how to fold His laundry and such, each Master will teach that to their own liking. *
This was more about learning general things. Most of the stuff is things we do one-way or another anyways, but the focus here was doing it in a slave relationship. It was more intelligential and relationship based, training was more dialectic then BDSM oriented.

I spent the next two years enjoying groups, friends and learning everything I could. And my training consisted of learning more service skills. Boot blacking, party service, tea service, dinners, chauffeuring, cooking, massages, things like that. There are a lot of vanilla places to go and learn many service skills.

After I was collared, my Master wanted me to work on a certain skill and quality He felt I could improve on. Having knowledge and respect for one the of the Leather Community leaders here in DC, He sent me to a 4 day Formal slave training at Master Taino ’s Training Academy. It was wonderful, mostly intellectual and discussion with some skills. I was not there for the skill part, however, most of the girls were newer then I was, and they loved learning the formal leather dinner service.

So there IS formal training in place for slave to work on both skills, and learn more intellectually about themselves and the life. Most of the formal training places and people are with the larger cities and associated with the larger clubs and groups.

Use word of mouth, get recommendations, and research them before jumping in to any formal training.

(in reply to LTRsubNW)

Post #: 16

RE: Training Period - 2/10/2007 5:12:54 PM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

I was aware that 'formal' training was available, from reputable houses, and somthing i enquired into in my search. It fed nicely into my what was then complete fantasy world of what being a submissive was like.
Having now gained my own experience, i in hindsight, can see, that formalised training for me, would not of progressed my submission to my current partner one jot.
It would of been a valuable tool in teaching me things that im not into though perhaps. My own needs would of been learnt about for instance. That perhaps would of assisted in the negotiation part of my current relationship.

Training to be His submissive, is an ongoing process. Him training to be my Dominant runs parallel to that however. None of us came to this relationship knowing OUR dynamic. This is the training part. So it should go on ad infinitum.

therefor, if the training were to be finished? That would imply that you both had learned all that you could from each other. This would result in deluded bliss, or boredom i guess.

little1

(in reply to goodpet)

Post #: 17

RE: Training Period - 2/10/2007 5:27:43 PM

elderrook

Posts: 93
Joined: 11/29/2006
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The original poster had a very good question (or questions). I've been wondering about the timeframe as well. I've come to assume that there is no formal timeframe. It only seems to make sense that each situation would be very different, regardless of what sort of plan is used for training. Does the Master use a certain type of structuring to guide the slave? Is the slave a fast learner? Is the Master educated in what he or she wants and expects of the slave?

I also wonder what a Master does if they have a slave that simply cannot or will not learn. Sooner or later, the Master would have to make a decision. Is the slave worth more effort, or should you cut him/her loose? I'm very new to being a slave, and I worry that I may not be able to learn all the many things I'll need to know to fill my new role.

With luck, these things will continue to come as naturally as everything else has between us. Time will tell.

(in reply to steviemichael)

Post #: 18

RE: Training Period - 2/10/2007 6:12:32 PM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: elderrook
...
I'm very new to being a slave, and I worry that I may not be able to learn all the many things I'll need to know to fill my new role.

With luck, these things will continue to come as naturally as everything else has between us. Time will tell.

There is no cut and dry list of everything you need to know become a slave.

The attitude the most important aspect of the relationship. You want to learn, you want to please Him and are willing to keep learning and trying. who can ask for more then that?

The skills come with time.. physical skills can be learn from trial and error, reading, asking, going to classes, all kind of places and just working with your Master in learning what He likes and how He likes it done. Some skills and be learned in the vanilla world, cooking classes, wines, house decorating ( how do you decorate around a floor drill press in the living room?).

"slave skills" can come from watching others, talking to others, discussing it with your Master, doing what He wants in those area.

There is no one size fit all for training.

(in reply to elderrook)

Post #: 19

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