RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art?

RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? (Full Version)

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Wildnfreehrt2004 -> RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? (2/11/2007 10:36:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl Whatever happened to getting to know someone that you are romantically interested in? Surely I'm not the only person who remembers this phenomenon: Boy Meets Girl, Boy and Girl get to know each other, Boy and Girl become friends, Boy and Girl develop romantic interest in each other, Boy and Girl began dating, Boy and Girl become physically intimate, etc. Is it to much to ask for this kind of thing if you're a submissive? My profile clearlys states that I am looking for a relationship to grow slowly. So why is it that when I am contacted , the first thing a propective dominant wants to know is details of my sexual/Lifestyle preferences? Am I being unreasonable to consider it rude to ask a stranger the details of their sex life? I am looking for a dominant to be my best friend and Life partner. I feel that if he is looking for the same thing, he will make some effort to get to know me as a human being and befriend me before asking me the details of my Lifestyle preferences. I get offended when strangers start asking me what my hard limits are, what sex acts I enjoy, etc. I feel those conversations should wait until I have gotten to know a person a little better. Furthermore, when a dominant begans asking those things right off the bat, I get the impression he is only looking for a sex partner and not something serious. If a man contacts me off this site, he shouldn't have to ask any BDSM oriented questions right off the bat. My profile addresses the basics of whether or not I'm poly, what I'm looking for, how long I've been in the Lifestyle, if I'm willing to relocate, etc. Why not make an attempt to find out about ME before asking about my submissive tendencies? No man is going to dominate me until he's earned my friendship...that comes from getting to know each other and spending time with each other. Instead of asking me what my kinks are, why not ask me about my family, my pets, my career, my religious beliefs, my political leanings etc? In other words, take an interest in me as a human being. You wouldn't introduce yourself to someone at the grocery store and say "Hi I'm bob, how are you? Do you like pony play?" Yet men consider it appropriate to introduce themselves in such a way online. Whatever happened to common manners? Does being in the lifestyle exempt you from that? I just don't consider it appropriate to ask highly personal questions of someone I just met. Am I crazy for wanting a relationship to develop traditionally? I prefer to get to know someone online, proceed to phone conversations, meet for a short date to see if there's any chemistry, and if things go well from there, go on a few more dates before proceeding to anything intimate or relating to BDSM. I don't trust just anyone...I need to get to know the person before I'm even going to consider them as someone I want to dominate me. Does no one else feel this way anymore? I'm starting to think I'm the only one. end of rant Almost word for word, I've had the same rant - you aren't the only one. I conduct myself online the same as I do face to face. If the first few requests are for a photo, lifestyle interests or bdsm checklist, I don't respond - they aren't going to "get" me anyway. It's a useful filter of sorts- but don't worry, there is someone that wants to know you. Wildy We teach the world by example how to treat us.

TrueCalling -> RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? (2/11/2007 10:54:28 AM)
Getting to know someone as a person first is important to me. To others, it is not. While there are people who cant see past the BDSM/kink, and look for those who share the same interests...i would not ever literally place my life in the hands of someone i had nothing further in common with. Then again, i don't look for 'play' or 'play partners' In what i call a traditional M/s commitment, Master and slave are together, live-in..and there has to be more. Many times i will ask a person what they feel is the one thing about themselves that they would want someone to know...something NOT pertaining to D/s~BDSM. What a way to catch people off guard! Regards, colleen

TxBlkMistress -> RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? (2/11/2007 11:27:02 AM)
I know what you mean....I am looking for the same kind of relationship you are looking for. But I get the same thing from slave/subs....I could be a mass murderer for all they know or care as long as they get what they think they want....lol I try to be patient and coach them on the dangers of offering yourself on the first email, and not bringing up bdsm until you know the person a little better. I've tried to have a basic/light bdsm conversation. I told them I would do this the first night, so they can get it out of their system, and then the next night I expect to talk about us as "people", but these usually want more and more and always want scenaros, which is where I draw the line. I even give them the horror story about an ex that ended up in the emergency room, because he didn't bother to know the woman...to no avail...once they see I won't feed their fantasy..their gone...and I'm glad. More than likely, these people weren't going to even meet you let alone anything else. Like some of the others have posted, I have learned to expect nothing..not here, and not in the "real" world either, there are just as many jerk out there....just keep going, keep busy, and when and if it happens it happens....I no longer look or expect to find "my prince".

TxBlkMistress -> RE: Getting to know each other: A lost art? (2/11/2007 11:32:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl That's pretty much what I've been doing....I say something along the lines of "I'm not really comfortable discussing that subject matter with you yet" and then proceed to ask him a question about his vanilla interests. 9 times out of 10, they end the conversation, usually without even saying "goodbye" or "I'm not interested". exactly what I run into...it's a silver lining for me...saves me time on yet another loser....these guys would've done the same thing within a week any way.

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