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Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 5:58:05 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		If you take my inheritance, expect a fight. WARNING.  Dont.

-Roger 

/ should a fire the warning shot?

any ideas? comments?  what has your experience been? help
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 6:07:29 AM   
KenDckey


Posts: 4121
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		In my family it is considered almost sacreligious (sp) to fight over things.

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 6:16:36 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		A will would take care of any (or most) fighting problems.  And going against a will is like going against a person's dying wish, just my opinion.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to KenDckey)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 6:18:42 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		If my father felt the need to leave all of his things to my one sister, I know for a fact that my other two sisters and I wouldn't even give it a second thought.  She doesn't live as comfortably as we do.  We are all extremely close and we all make sure that she is taken care.  It's what family does for each other.  My family is a constant in my life.  I would never fight over something as trivial as money with them.   

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 6:22:43 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Aileen that is exactly how I feel.  And I told my parents as much.  My parents have done a lot for me and my ums since I've been a single parent.  I do not expect an even division of their property at the time of their death (I have one sibling, he has no ums).  I am more concerned with having things to give my ums than I am in anything I may receive.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 6:44:41 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		We'll i've two sets of parents and i know for the most part how everything is going to be split.  i honestly dont see any problems with it.  i'll make out like a bandit when my parents die.  Course i'm more worried about them dying.   i would be so pissed off if my father keeled over.  I keep telling him, if he doesnt SLOW down, he's going to keel over.  I mean really he's like 58 years old and he works between 12 and 18 hours a day.  Wtf is that?  Atleast with the job he's working now he's not flying to a different country 3- 5 times a week.  Talk about stress.  Gah - he told me when he retires he wants to go to med school.  Wtf is that?  i swear, if he keels over.... i am going to really kick his ass.  He needs to retire now, kick back and enjoy life.  God damnit

Screw the inheritance - my parents better not be keeling over any time soon. 


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 7:01:24 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting & timely question. My parents refuse to make any sort of pre arrangements for their deaths because 'it doesn't matter, we are dead'.
I have NO idea who the executor is...worrisome.
Family rumor is that the eldest sister gets everything. It sounds so shallow, but since I can't work my inheritance is my future.
I sure don't want my father to die, ever lol. Ever ever. But when my parents do die I will be set for life...depending on my sister.
Mini-rant
I WISH MY FREAKIN PARENTS WOULD SET IT UP PROPERLY DANG IT. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FIRM OF ATTYS AT THEIR BECK & CALL.
done. ty. sorry. sore subject. When big money is involved people can become pretty vicious.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dear Siblings, Inheritance - 2/9/2007 7:05:13 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		My stance on inheritance? You can't fight me for it - take it!

I didn't earn or deserve anything as a relative. I'm responsible for my own station in life. I want the company of my family, the good, the bad and the mundane. Spend your money as you live. Take a reverse mortgage to live well. Budget so the last penny is spent on the celebration of life's passing. When death comes, send me the pictures sell or keep the silver frames.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 7:06:27 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KenDckey

In my family it is considered almost sacreligious (sp) to fight over things.


For God's sake man! You are dressed like a knight!   You mean you're one of those "fake" knights.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protectme from your followers.

(in reply to KenDckey)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dear Siblings, Inheritance - 2/9/2007 7:14:50 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

My stance on inheritance? You can't fight me for it - take it!

I didn't earn or deserve anything as a relative. I'm responsible for my own station in life. I want the company of my family, the good, the bad and the mundane. Spend your money as you live. Take a reverse mortgage to live well. Budget so the last penny is spent on the celebration of life's passing. When death comes, send me the pictures sell or keep the silver frames.


I completely echo this sentiment.  When my ex husband's mother died, she had no arrangements made and all hell broke loose.  The siblings fought so much just to get decisions made, that it took over 10 years and several lawyers to wrap up, and then nobody talked to each other in the end.  Husband's sister died a few months ago and what did all that fighting matter, anyway? 

Now that my Dad died a few months ago, I have been helping my mother out with her money, as she had no idea how much she had or where it was, or even how to pay her bills.  One of my sisters is already making rumblings that I am only doing this to get to her money.  Give me a break!  I told my mom if she wrote me entirely out of her will, I would still be right there by her side - why?  Because she is my mother ,and she is my Dad's wife, and I promised him I would help her get on her feet.  I do it because I love my parents. Period.

I have encoruaged her to start spending.  She has a surplus and should not be living frugally.  When talking to her financial planner, he was wanting me to invest the inheritance portion, tying it up for when we can have it.  Color me foolish, but I would rather she enjoy those funds now.  This is her money, not mine.  Should there be funds left over when she is gone, well that's a gift, not a right.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 7:17:22 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Real estate gets sold, assets divided evenly. As far as items go, that's what an appraiser is for. My brother wanted his wife to get my mother's best earrings, he took them and got less money as a result. My brother took the good furniture, my sister and I split the good rugs.

Extended family, we asked various aunts or cousins if they wanted a piece. My aunt was very careful and asked me if I wanted the ring with garnets as that's my birthstone. Personally I still think it's the ugliest piece I ever saw, so she had it with my thanks. Great aunt requested the blue earrings, forget now the stones, she got them.

Of course it could have been worse. An old friend used to tell the story of disposing of his father's home after the man died in his 90's. Every drawer in the house had post it notes such as; package of new socks give them to cousin Joe to keep his feet warm. Even the pantry had notes of who to give what food to because it was their favorite. He said he was afraid to open cabinets after a while because it was so weird.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 7:22:05 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Interesting & timely question. My parents refuse to make any sort of pre arrangements for their deaths because 'it doesn't matter, we are dead'.
I have NO idea who the executor is...worrisome.
Family rumor is that the eldest sister gets everything. It sounds so shallow, but since I can't work my inheritance is my future.
I sure don't want my father to die, ever lol. Ever ever. But when my parents do die I will be set for life...depending on my sister.
Mini-rant
I WISH MY FREAKIN PARENTS WOULD SET IT UP PROPERLY DANG IT. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FIRM OF ATTYS AT THEIR BECK & CALL.
done. ty. sorry. sore subject. When big money is involved people can become pretty vicious.


I have a friend whose parents did set things up but they allowed the children and others to believe they didn't care what happened after they died.  We don't know the exact reason they did this, I assume it was to keep the kids from kissing ass before D-day.  If as you say, "you will be set for life" and they have that much to give, they have probably made some arrangements they just aren't sharing them with those who would benefit from it.  Call it a mind fuck if that helps.

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dear Siblings, Inheritance - 2/9/2007 7:34:56 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		When my mother passed, she had several life insurance policies.  She had 3 living children but only 2 of us were the beneficiaries.  Only because my younger brother was going to be the sole beneficiary of my fathers estate.  My younger sister and I sat down and talked about it.  We both decided that our brother was our mother's child too and deserved to benefit from the life insurance that she left so after it was all said and done, we cut him an equal third of the money.  He was able to move out of the horrendous apartment he was living in with his 3 children and his wife and put a GOOD down payment on a house for them.  We could have been selfish and not cut him in.  He would have never known in that he lives in a different state and wouldn't have seen the improvements in our lifestyles. 

When my father passed, as far as I know, he died destitute.  If my brother received anything, I don't know about it.  If someone wants something so bad that they feel they need to cheat you out of it, let them have it.  You are better off knowing that you don't have a blight on your soul for having fought your family for some tangible things that in the long run are not worth the oxygen you spent talking about it

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 8:21:05 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Interesting & timely question. My parents refuse to make any sort of pre arrangements for their deaths because 'it doesn't matter, we are dead'.
I have NO idea who the executor is...worrisome.
Family rumor is that the eldest sister gets everything. It sounds so shallow, but since I can't work my inheritance is my future.
I sure don't want my father to die, ever lol. Ever ever. But when my parents do die I will be set for life...depending on my sister.
Mini-rant
I WISH MY FREAKIN PARENTS WOULD SET IT UP PROPERLY DANG IT. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FIRM OF ATTYS AT THEIR BECK & CALL.
done. ty. sorry. sore subject. When big money is involved people can become pretty vicious.



I actually won a grave plot in a contest- when I one- I asked if my mother could have a free plot as well. They said sure. So we have grave plots here in PA. There is space for the whole family in a very nice cemetary.  Mom wants to be buried NEAR my late dad, with a peach tomb stone. The rules are family colors MUST match- dads stone is blue. Also- the vacant plots near dad are now filled.

Frankly- my only rule was that she did not give away her house in PA, that it was to be sold at market rate. She got market rate.  I am "letting" her move to Chicago- because who am I, to stand in the way of her dreams?  I WONT. She is only 65- let her have a life. 

She planed on placing her condo she purchases out there into a trust- to be divided 4 ways to us kids when she passes.  Nursing homes can eat up everything. One must dispose of assets 3 years ahead of time - if not- the govt will place a lien on the property- to recover the cost of nursing home care.   This happened to a daughter/mother in Chicago. The daughter was able to live there- but she could not sell the place per the lien.


BTW- mom get DISINHERITED the minute she leaves PA from her parents.  My grandfather set it up this way. Mom is expected to take care of gram- whos dementia/alzheimers is getting worse. She does TONS fo gram. Her 2 bros does very little. One criticisers her- almost like a punching bag.   No way- will an old timer like gram- place her assets in trust- do a reverse mortage etc.

We are talking a huge home that is paid for, and a nice bank account. [split 3 ways-]

Uncle John can suck my blank for harrasssing my mom!  He also tells her- "none of your kids better be involved in blah blah blah"  In other words- Ill call the police on any litttle thing.

With dementia- at teh moment grams faculties are real- but an hour later- her story changes- she has called the police so many times over trivial matters- they flat out told her to stop calling!   [chrome stolen off her car, a woman has key to her house, cars drive buy and signal, neighbors talk about her having gentlemen callers, [me!!!-they know im her grandson!],]

My grandfather and I had a disagreement- as he abhored my choice to be gay. He did not speak to me for 9 years. I was not to be in his house. However- he came to grips with my life- he would say "what does Roger think", he and I were on the same page per family matters- and he knew it- he respected me for it.  His wish- clearly was/is that I remain a paternal influence on family issues. God rest his soul.  He never obstructed me from communicating with my gram. Shortly before he passed- he AND I were both at the family reunion.  I was a gentlemen and did not push the issue. [I suspect he was molested as a child-]



(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 10:39:05 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BBBTBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

Interesting & timely question. My parents refuse to make any sort of pre arrangements for their deaths because 'it doesn't matter, we are dead'.
I have NO idea who the executor is...worrisome.
Family rumor is that the eldest sister gets everything. It sounds so shallow, but since I can't work my inheritance is my future.
I sure don't want my father to die, ever lol. Ever ever. But when my parents do die I will be set for life...depending on my sister.
Mini-rant
I WISH MY FREAKIN PARENTS WOULD SET IT UP PROPERLY DANG IT. THEY HAVE A WHOLE FIRM OF ATTYS AT THEIR BECK & CALL.
done. ty. sorry. sore subject. When big money is involved people can become pretty vicious.


I have a friend whose parents did set things up but they allowed the children and others to believe they didn't care what happened after they died.  We don't know the exact reason they did this, I assume it was to keep the kids from kissing ass before D-day.  If as you say, "you will be set for life" and they have that much to give, they have probably made some arrangements they just aren't sharing them with those who would benefit from it.  Call it a mind fuck if that helps.


I didn't see the forest for the trees there, I'm willing to be that you are right. Mental games are a big part of our family dynamic. (All us sisters have been promised the same items by our mother lol).
ownedgirlie commented that all hell broke loose & that is always in the back of my mind, especially if the game thought is wrong. I will find out, when I find out. I wish it weren't going to happen but they're nearing 80 and unfortunately it is time to start thinking of it all. My parents joke about dying & leaving it for us to sort out. Ugh I can't ever think of it as a joke.

I wonder if the varying answers here have anything to do with a posters age?

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 12:23:38 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		My sister is an attorney and the Executor of my dad's estate (and there is something to be said for what he is supposedly leaving to his daughters, so it's not a small consideration. Not huge, but not small, either). She can be kind of mercenary, and I am hoping when the time comes, she will be fair-minded.

Her husband is an attorney too - so I consider myself already "beat" when it comes to ever fighting the both of them. I wouldn't be up to it - I think I'd just walk away - and let her conscience take a beating over it, if things ever got "messy". But, we are relatively close, so I doubt it will come to that. Time will tell, I guess.

My dad is sort of giving his money away while he is still alive, actually - so I have no idea how much of it would be left when he dies. Plus, his side of the family tends to live to be about 100 years old, so I could be in my late 70's by the time he dies. But I don't want him to die - I love my real-life Daddy so much - and will miss him terribly when he is gone.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/9/2007 12:27:19 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dear Siblings, INHERITAnCE - 2/9/2007 12:28:23 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Weirdly I just spoke to one of my sisters on the phone lol. I brought up the worry that I have over this and she laughed. Her exact words were 'Well you should know by now Jennifer that they dont give a shit'.
Any of you with UM's out there.. please dont do this lol. Its stressful to the point Ive dropped all the ' marks. Oh dear.
Her next comment was that of course she would pay for the funeral since I cannot work. Erm that sorta feels like she has already decided eh.
Tick.
Tock.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 17
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