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Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 2:49:04 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		I tried a search, but couldn't come up with anything... so here goes.
 
I like the aspect (and prospects)  of physical forms of bondage, and have experienced it in a pleasant introductory way, so to speak. By that I mean that there were "escape" routes open to me so that if something happened I could extricate myself relatively quickly. It was fine, but not nearly enough. I would like to experience it where there is no such option. However, I have what I think is a bit of an irrational fear; not so much of being taken advantage of in a non-consensual way, but of something bad happening to my Dom, at a time when tensions are running high for both parties.
 
I have visions of sudden cardiac arrest, heart attack, aneurysm (and it doesn't matter what age he is - they all apply!).... and being found three days later when the police finally break down the door and discover me naked and bound, thirsty, hungry and soiled with a decomposing body nearby...... Even worse would be watching it happen to him, and not being able to do anything to help - call 911, give CPR or something.
 
Anyone else had these issues and found a way to deal with them? Thanks much.




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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 2:51:15 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Lock yourself in a cage- put the key in a block of ice.  You will have to wait for the ice to melt before getting out.

It's not at all an irrational fear, it's a very real possibility.  We mostly gamble on these things that something like that is LIKELY not to happen.

I'd suggest you research people who do self- bondage.  They come up with tons of creative ways to keep themselves captured and released!

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 3:18:01 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		When I first started being bound I too had fears of having no control for all kinds of reasons, and neurotic fears.
I had a rule where the first few times you tied me up tight it had to happen here in the Crucible (my public dungeon I go to) period end of story.
Not only was it a fear of them moving beyond consent, or them falling ill and incapacitated, but also if they were all talk and had not really spent the time to train, I could get in trouble by their ignorance of safe bondage techniques as well.
Once I got over my irrational fears, learned to revel in the no control factor full bondage affords me.
That's my hottest hot button of all time actually.
Once I knew my partner was skilled I was not too worried about him falling ill suddenly I was too busy being caught up in the energy between us to worry.

What I did have in place would not have protected me if I was bound and he passed out or something with my last Sir.
I think he may have intentionally gave me more range of motion and slack in the ropes at home for these very reasons though.
What he had was an out point in his rope or a loose hand vs tied tight at home.
He always told me when he tied me at home there was a weak spot in the ropes left in I could find if I worked at looking for it.
I think based on the ways I was tied in my only relationship I had bondage in I could have gotten out by sheer determination, struggle and will power of anything that was done when we were alone.
We definitely did way more deeply restrained play when we were at public clubs or  in the company of others than he did at home.


I think over all you just have to trust your Master and fate.
If all you do is worry over a slim possibility think of how much heat and joy you keep yourself from participating in.
Feel your Master's restraint, feel the hug of the ropes, let go of fears of losing control and do exact thing instead.
Just find the center of your focus on your Master and fly free in bondage and trust.
You'll have much better odds of having an awesome exchange than having anything bad happen to him if you can just let it go.
suzanne




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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 3:32:08 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten
Anyone else had these issues and found a way to deal with them? Thanks much.


Probably the best way to deal with it is just to try it.  I suspect that you'll be surprised by how quickly you relax into it.

Have fun! 

MaryT

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 4:39:41 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		If this is the sort of fear that would linger in your mind and detract from the experience, you could consider keeping something within reach so you could cut yourself out if your worst fears came true.

On a similar note, years ago a friend of mine got arrested at a peace demonstration, and he had nail clippers in his hand as the cops slapped flex tie handcuffs on him and everyone else. By the time they all got to the police station he and the others had clipped the cuffs off and having a good laugh.

So having an escape plan like that (scissors, etc) could be an idea to put your mind at ease so you can relax and have fun.


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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 4:42:58 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Anyone else had these issues and found a way to deal with them?


Yes i do.  My first dom had a heart condition so we always made sure i could escape on my own.  I have the same fears with Hubby because of his age so we also make sure i can escape.  I understand your desires but i think safety comes first.

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 4:51:15 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		Fast reply: Thanks for the input - some valuable points learned. I know its probably one of those things like "well if I drive my car on the highway there's a chance that somethings going to come flying off a semi through my windshield and its going to be game over" - no control over that either, so let it go! I suppose you just have to find some way to shelve the fear... I sure as heck wouldn't want to deprive myself of that experience because of the slim chance that something *might* happen.
 
Maybe the limited bondage is the way to go. At least leave some kind of way out, a way to get a hand free (although not too easily).


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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 5:11:20 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten


I have visions of sudden cardiac arrest, heart attack, aneurysm (and it doesn't matter what age he is - they all apply!).... and being found three days later when the police finally break down the door and discover me naked and bound, thirsty, hungry and soiled with a decomposing body nearby...... Even worse would be watching it happen to him, and not being able to do anything to help - call 911, give CPR or something. 
 



You should read "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/9/2007 5:36:14 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline 		The thing for me about being tightly bound the first time was that I had no control of anything - nothing that the Dom threw at me, nothing that nature might have thrown, nothing that circumstance could have tossed at me.  The result of being that powerless was that all fear melted away, and it was great!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/10/2007 2:18:34 PM   
Tslaveboy


Posts: 211
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		I used to do that myself. I always wanted quick releases nearby when I was in bondage. But when I was with a group of dommes that I trusted and had developed a relationship with I finally agreed to bondage with no escape. At times they would ask me to try and escape and many times I would be able to. But eventually they figured out how to prevent any form of escape and then I found the bondage even more exciting.

I think the key is trust and developing a good relationship with long-term dommes.

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/10/2007 3:44:01 PM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		The fear is not irrational, more bizarre things have happened. A lot can be based on you and your partner though. Although anyone can have a sudden life threatening event, some people are much more prone to these things than others. How healthy are the two of you? How in shape? If the chances of anything happening seem slim, you are probably overdoing your fear factor.

Since being really bound, with no way to escape is the lifeblood for a great many subs, I'd hate to see you miss the experience because of an issue like this. One suggestion. If you feel it would put your mind at ease, tell a (very) good friend where you are and what you will be doing. If they don't hear from you within a set time limit, they are to call the police and have them break the door down. It may be embrarassing, but it could save your life and possibly your partners.

Most of us weigh the risks, and if they seem remote, we just go for it. But if you really want the experience and also want the reassurance, having another person as your safety is the only way I can think of to have both.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/10/2007 4:43:35 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

But when I was with a group of dommes that I trusted and had developed a relationship with I finally agreed to bondage with no escape


I think it's different when there is more than one other person present or nearby.  Anyone can go into sudden cardiac arrest and i would hate to be bound and not be able to help if that happened.

Maybe the OP should try it with 2 others present so there is always someone who can help.

< Message edited by proudsub -- 2/10/2007 4:45:03 PM >

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proudsub

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/10/2007 5:18:09 PM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		i understand your fear... i do not see it as an irrational fear at all.   it has been the one fear play that my Lord has done to me that he was able to get a real and deep fear response from me.  

He had me bound, saran wrapped and blindfolded on  suspension pole....  busy flogging me and then nothing... everything suddenly stopped.... i had not heard the door open... after a few minutes, i called out.... asking and pleading for an answer....  after another couple of minutes i  managed to pull down the blindfold..... And when i saw him just sitting there watching me with a smile on his face.... i lost it.... uncontrollable crying ... incoherent babbling and very bad shakes..... i could not stand when He got me off the pole.

it was a very terrifying and eye opening experience.  I do not enjoy fear play and it is something that is very hard to do with me. For me it was a play scene, but it did open my eye and His to the possibility of it happening. My Lord rarely does bondage that i do not have some ability to get out of in time.  The times that it has been done there has always been someone else that was around to step in if something happened.

Knight's alandra
 

< Message edited by alandraofMists -- 2/10/2007 6:19:57 PM >

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/10/2007 6:09:27 PM   
ThinkingKitten


Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline 		Alandra: I think I would be a little (lot) freaked out by that too. What I find even more interesting is not knowing how I would react once I found out it had been a deliberate ploy... would I be a basket case, or thrilled, or utterly infuriated?

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/10/2007 10:23:12 PM   
alandraofMists


Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline 		There was discussion afterward... with the main point my Lord made is that He would not do a play like dealing with the fear of something happening to Him again. This is His way of letting me feel safe in my ability to make decisions to safe guard his property.

Without His assurance that He would not do that type of play *something happening to Him i am meaning.... not fear play* i would not know how to respond if it happened again.  i would not know if i should be afraid that something had happened or not.  And if I made the wrong decision and caused more damage to him in… it would destroy me.

Knight’s alandra


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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/11/2007 7:23:28 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Lock yourself in a cage- put the key in a block of ice.  You will have to wait for the ice to melt before getting out.

It's not at all an irrational fear, it's a very real possibility.  We mostly gamble on these things that something like that is LIKELY not to happen.

I'd suggest you research people who do self- bondage.  They come up with tons of creative ways to keep themselves captured and released!

But life is a gamble, isn't it? We takes risks just by being alive. It is much more likely that one would die in a car  crash then during an act of bondage. Calculate the risks, act accordingly

I am fearful of many things, some of which I have overcome, one of which was bondage. You have to decide if you want to overcome it, and if you do, just do it.

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/11/2007 9:26:57 AM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree that the fear doesn't seem entirely irrational (has anyone here read "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King??? The stuff of sub's nightmares there!)--and that being said, I think what makes sense is to find out the best way to deal with potentially dangerous possibilities.

I like the suggestions above, about researching ways to be bound securely, yet still be able to escape, at least after a period of time...in fact, that key in an icecube seems like it would work well...as long as the cube was somewhere you could reach it....

I wonder if another alternative would be having something like a safe call--if you're going to be doing the kind of bondage where you truly wouldn't be able to get out for days if something happened to your top (i use that term as inclusive of whoever ties you up) then maybe let friend who's also involved in the lifestyle know when, and ask them to give you a call at an appropriate time...if no one answers....they bring scissors....and/or a camera??

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RE: Bondage and irrational fears - 2/11/2007 10:37:30 AM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needdiscipline23

I have to agree that the fear doesn't seem entirely irrational (has anyone here read "Gerald's Game" by Stephen King??? The stuff of sub's nightmares there!)--


Since it's the second mention, I wanted to point out that Gerald's Game is a fictional story, not a good indicator as to what is or is not a rational fear. 

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