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Stepping stone - 2/9/2007 7:55:04 PM   
andreaC


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline 		I was wondering if other subs ever felt like they were a stepping stone for other sub friends?  If so, how did you deal with it?  I know ppl come and go.....

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andreaC - owned by Master Carrera2
Complete and extremely happy :)
Jeg elsker deg Herre
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RE: Stepping stone - 2/9/2007 8:01:51 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You mean people using you to get to others?

Sure.  Sometimes I was fully aware of it on all sides, sometimes not.  I've also used connections with some people to get to others (huge crush on Boymeat, but way too shy to directly proclaim it, so I got a friend to give him a nudge).

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/9/2007 8:06:01 PM   
andreaC


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline 		no i dont mean others to use me to get to someone.  i guess i am my pre-menopause mood tonight.  For example, some ppl will have friends for a long time.....not me and i know its unhealthy to not socialize..........i hope i make sense *blushes*

_____________________________

andreaC - owned by Master Carrera2
Complete and extremely happy :)
Jeg elsker deg Herre

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/10/2007 4:23:39 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		You mention that it is unhealthy to not socialise.  This depends on if you do not have any social interactions at all or if your activities ebb and flow based upon everything else that happens in life such as work, health, mood, energy etc.

I am still not quite sure of what you are asking in your OP.  Do you mean that you do not keep friends for very long?

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/10/2007 5:08:40 AM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		i'm confused...  Ok i know that is easy to do, no comments from the peanut gallery..

please help me by restating what you are asking..

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/10/2007 6:12:57 AM   
andreaC


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline 		ok, sorry for confusing ppl ..........i guess i worded my question wrong.  What i want to know is how to deal with the fact that alot of time when i meet a sub friend.....as soon that she or he meets a Dom, i get put in the closet.  Dont get me wrong, i am happy for them.  I know for myself, i would never put friends in a closet. 

As for socializing, i dont go out much besides work and school....... I sincerely hope i make more sense........again sorry for the poor choice of words.

_____________________________

andreaC - owned by Master Carrera2
Complete and extremely happy :)
Jeg elsker deg Herre

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/10/2007 10:11:15 AM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		This life is just that life.  These sort of situations happen in vanilla life and in this life.
I would also be careful about the people that are your friends.

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/10/2007 11:00:31 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andreaC

ok, sorry for confusing ppl ..........i guess i worded my question wrong.  What i want to know is how to deal with the fact that alot of time when i meet a sub friend.....as soon that she or he meets a Dom, i get put in the closet.  Dont get me wrong, i am happy for them.  I know for myself, i would never put friends in a closet. 

As for socializing, i dont go out much besides work and school....... I sincerely hope i make more sense........again sorry for the poor choice of words.


Aw, andrea.. that's how people get when they go into a new relationship. It's normal and not a reflection on you at all. You know how it is.. you only have eyes for the 'new' one, all else falls by the wayside, the lust, the passion, the freshness all take over and, yeah, sometimes your friends are left a bit in the dust of your eagerness to delve headlong into the new adventure of a new intimate relationship. Same exact thing happens in the 'nilla world. Once the shiny's wear off, though, your friends are invited back into your world, so be patient, don't put too much pressure on any 'new' friendships you might make, don't feel bad if those fall by the wayside. I can count on one hand the number of friends that I've had of long lasting duration (20 years+) but every single one of those is closer to me than my own sister.. but I have to admit, that when I first got involved with Himself, he was so huge in my world that everyone else (friends and family) got blocked from my vision for a period of time. It just takes a while sometimes to reconnect, but if the love of your friends is there and their love for you is there, they'll return/invite you back in  .. just give the new lovers some time to bask in their newyness and it'll be all good.:) If you're not invited to return to their circle, don't sweat that either.. you were touched by them, and then they moved on. Such is life and you don't always get to keep the people in your circle that you desire to.. but the ones who 'need' to stay in your circle will always come back to you and you'll be able to count on them. Hang in there.

Celeste

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Stepping stone - 2/10/2007 12:09:23 PM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		There are two answers to this.

First, people frequently ignore their friends and family when in new relationships, and when around friends and family, they spend lots of time talking about their new love. Poly people like to call this NRE, "New Relationship Energy." Poly people probably address this more because it's generally a greater problem when you're ignoring your spouse to hang out with your new girlfriend than when you're ignoring your mom or good friend to hang out with your new girlfriend, but monogamous people encounter this, too. I've ignored people, and I've been the ignored buddy. It's a little sad, but it's so common that getting broken up about it every time it happens is really impractical. As ignored buddy, you can remedy this somewhat by being more aggressive about spending time with your friend. Sometimes the newly-paired-up friend just forgets about other people--if you push a little harder about making time to have lunch together, your friend just may remember that he or she does like spending time with you. A note on that: if you do set up time to spend together, please don't complain a lot about not spending time together previously. You might say, "This has been nice--we should get together more frequently," but a plaintive monologue about being ignored is not likely to induce your friend to spend more time with you.

Second, yes, people do play matchmaker for their friends in kinky circles, just as in other ones. It can be fun to facilitate pairings, and I've always been well-disposed toward people who introduced me to good playmates, but if you don't like it, don't do it. Generally, if you're not good at setting people up, you don't get asked to do so, so this seems less worrisome.

Monica

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/10/2007 5:01:10 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andreaC

What i want to know is how to deal with the fact that alot of time when i meet a sub friend.....as soon that she or he meets a Dom, i get put in the closet.  Dont get me wrong, i am happy for them.  I know for myself, i would never put friends in a closet. 



Not everyone does that.  I look at my friends as my family.  Always been closer to them than my family anyway.
They are going to be the ones who will see you through the good and the bad.  Considering how many out there allow their families to know they are in the lifestyle....friends are a much better bet at helping you through life.
It is wrong to shut out your family....so why? 
Lust can be a powerful emotion.  Though we need to take control of our emotions as well.

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/10/2007 6:29:07 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andreaC

I was wondering if other subs ever felt like they were a stepping stone for other sub friends?  If so, how did you deal with it?  I know ppl come and go.....


andrea...what do you mean by a stepping stone for other subs?????
i wont assume what you mean
 
 me

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With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

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RE: Stepping stone - 2/11/2007 5:28:25 AM   
andreaC


Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

quote:

ORIGINAL: andreaC

I was wondering if other subs ever felt like they were a stepping stone for other sub friends?  If so, how did you deal with it?  I know ppl come and go.....


andrea...what do you mean by a stepping stone for other subs?????
i wont assume what you mean
 
 me


I have explained in another answer, my choice of words was rather confusing.......but i do understand better by what others have said on here :) thanks and to emphasize a point, i am always happy when one of my friend finds a g/f, b/f or Domme/Dom.......dont get me wrong on this.

have a nice day A/all and thank Y/you :)

_____________________________

andreaC - owned by Master Carrera2
Complete and extremely happy :)
Jeg elsker deg Herre

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 12
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