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Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 9:03:28 AM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know if the subject heading really gets at my concern...but whatever. :)

I have no experience with bondage, but the domme i'm working with has indicated we'll start playing with that, which i'm looking forward to. She's mentioned a couple of times that being bound while being flogged/whatever will give me the freedom to struggle--i can thrash all i want, and don't have to hold myself in place.

i'm just not sure how this will work for me, b/c i feel like if i was in enough pain/emotional turmoil that i would actually want/need to thrash around or try to get away, i would be also ready to use a safe word.

Is this just my inexperience talking? Is my "safe word" thresh hold too low??  How has bondage worked for others in this way?
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 9:05:53 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Is my "safe word" thresh hold too low??


Not if you feel you need to have it.  Heck, you may not use it.  Everyone has different reactions to sensations.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 9:09:10 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		In my experience, when you are subjected to a flogging, you are going to thrash.  You wil probably do so on your first strike, even if it isnt painful enough to use your safe word quite yet. Unless you have an incredibly high tolerance for pain, and a very low automatic response, you will be moving.
You havent tried this yet, though, so you couldnt have known that. Its a reaction, and it is a very difficult one to overcome on your own. It will be a more enjoyable experience when you can concentrate on the interaction and not on trying not to move.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 9:21:15 AM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		My first flogging was, admittedly light, though it didn't really feel *light* to me at  the time--did no more than reddened my back, which faded after 20-30 mins, I think....I was holding onto a bar above my head, and instructed not to let go.  She used several different floggers, varying from light and stingy to quite heavy, though I'm certain she didnt' really lay into me with them (though I've got to say, with some of those heavier ones, it sure FELT like she did!) I remember flinching a bit, squirming some, but at no time did I feel like I was going to disobey and let go of the bar...I can't imagine that being cuffed to the bar could really make a difference???

Sorry, I think I might have rambled a bit...it just seems like the same amt of pain that would have caused me to let go of the bar would also cause me to safe word--to me, trying to get away is like trying to end the scene, and I know how to do that, even though I haven't yet needed to do so....so...maybe just my inexperience talking here?

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 10:57:49 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say try it before working yourself up about it too much.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 11:05:30 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		There are so many ways to answer this. Some people like being bound when flogged or whipped. It enhances the experience for them mentally because they like the idea of being helpless or the compulsion of having to accept it because they are bound. It also allows you to  not think about holding on to something  or hold ing the position, and that way you may be able to abandon yourself to the sensation more easily and float into subspace. It allows you to move into and away from the flogger or whip. (Oh yes, you will begin to want to move yourself or parts of yourself into it!)

Same goes for the other side. Some Dominants like to see the person they are whipping or flogging bound. Or it holds them in place better so they can aim and adjust their blows more accurately. On the otherhand, some like to add the additional discipline of having the sub or bottom hold that position without any aid. Just like some like quiet subjects some like loud subjects.

I remember once having both at the same time. My wrists were fastened into leather cuffs hanging from the ceiling, but before she began, Mistress told me to open my mouth and placed a raw egg inside. If I thrashed or flinched or screamed too much, the egg would break. So I had the "support" of the cuffs supporting my arms and body, but the discipline of having to control my physical reactions to the floggers and whips. She was amazed that I got through the whole thing with the egg intact!

Remember too that (except for a cane) the initial shock and  pain of a blow rapidly fades so that, although you might think that a blow which caused you to let go would also elicit your safeword, usually it won't. 

So, yeah, this is somewhat a matter of your inexperience. You will soon learn what it is that you like best. Not that you'll always or even ever get the choice!

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 11:14:51 AM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		The best you can do is bring this consern to the Mistress... Sometimes our minds blow things out of proporttion and she may halp put prospective on it.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 11:37:48 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Being unbound means I have to have an amount of my mind focussing on keeping in position or maintaining it. I CAN move away, drop to the floor, run away.....even if I don't, I can. Staying there means ME staying there.

Being bound means that I have no choice but to stay put. I can yelp, cry, wriggle, struggle.......I can't drop to the floor, I can't move away or run away and it's a different mindset.

One is me staying there for *whatever* reason that I do..........and the other is me having no control over whether I stay there or not.

Also.....being bound removes any vestige of *pride* I might have gleaned from staying put.

agirl



(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 2:57:34 PM   
viperess


Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings,

For me the main difference between being bound and not being bound is that when unbound part of my mine has to concentrate on not moving away or turning around (ouch), but when bound it is not something i have to split my mind with. Instead i can sink more into subspace and enjoy.

viperess slave of CTDOM4sub

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 3:18:59 PM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks so much for your replies! Pretty much everything y'all said made good sense....

I do love the idea of feeling vulnerable, and helpless, and it makes sense that being bound would enhance that....

I hadn't considered the fact that the pain from a blow fades quickly enough that I might let go of the bar, bit still mght not safe word--thanks for pointing that out!

I'll be meeting with her again on Wed, and she's indicated we'll definitely be trying some light bondage, so I'll mention my thoughts to her as well, to see what she thinks...

Probably also cause of my inexperience, I was overthinking a bit, so thanks on that point too!

(in reply to viperess)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 5:15:11 PM   
silentcogitation


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		I do have to agree that when i am bound i am more able to just let go and feel the full emotional response to what is being done to my body. If i am not bound i will be spending too much thought on not naturally reacting and hurting someone in the process.

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/11/2007 6:58:05 PM   
StacyCat


Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I really dislike being bound when I am being beat, flogged, or had canes used on me.  Being tied down while being hit triggers a very bad space in my head, whereas knowing that I can stop the scene by moving helps me get into a better space.  Then again, I have Tops that I can reach around and take impliments from their hands while we play :-)  (They just pick up something else, but its a different dynamic).

(in reply to silentcogitation)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/12/2007 1:07:21 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needdiscipline23
I remember flinching a bit, squirming some, but at no time did I feel like I was going to disobey and let go of the bar...I can't imagine that being cuffed to the bar could really make a difference???

Sorry, I think I might have rambled a bit...it just seems like the same amt of pain that would have caused me to let go of the bar would also cause me to safe word--to me, trying to get away is like trying to end the scene, and I know how to do that, even though I haven't yet needed to do so....so...maybe just my inexperience talking here?



First of all, take a deep breathe, you'll be fine. Being bound can be really nice because it makes you feel secure, you're not going anywhere. Just because you flinch away from the flogger doesn't mean you're trying to end a scene or even trying to escape, it's just your reaction to the stimulation. Being bound to something instead of being expected to stay still by yourself really does only make the scene easier for you and allows you to relax more because you don't have to think about where your body is in space. You can be confident that you are where you dominant wants you to be (physically) and concentrate on being where you should mentally. Let us all know how the experienced turns out.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/12/2007 1:57:24 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needdiscipline23


I have no experience with bondage, but the domme i'm working with has indicated we'll start playing with that, which i'm looking forward to. She's mentioned a couple of times that being bound while being flogged/whatever will give me the freedom to struggle--i can thrash all i want, and don't have to hold myself in place.

Is this just my inexperience talking? Is my "safe word" thresh hold too low??  How has bondage worked for others in this way?



My first dom believed if he made it as far as being my dom there would be a certain amount of respect, etc between us.  If he had told me to stay in place I would have stayed in place or felt myself a failure.
He needed no bonds.  There will come a time when you are playing and your dominant will say don't squirm and you won't.  At least you will try your absolute best not to.  It happens...some things you just cannot control.  Mind over matter though and you can become pretty good about it.
So, she is giving you permission to squirm, don't worry about it.  Stop thinking and just have fun.
I really doubt it has anything to do with your safe word, unless of course she has told you it does.
Ask her...the only way to find out.  It is much better than speculating.

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/12/2007 5:58:51 PM   
feralcat


Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		Are both bondage AND flogging new for you? Perhaps trying one or the other first and then adding to the experience...feeling the cuffs,rope etc...testing them...using sensations,etc might get you used to the feeling of bondage.Then add things.
I do a lot of sensation play,sensory dep  and whatnot."Layering" new on top of a familiar feeling adds another  dimension without causing too much anxiety.Bondage might make you feel "safer" if it feels familiar.

Relax,you never know if you enjoy something if you don't test the waters!

good luck!

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/12/2007 8:31:18 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Personally I dislike mental bondage, I have to focus not on the feelings but on not moving. With rope I can relax into it and not worry. If something makes me twitch and wiggle I just do it without thinking about it. Plus there's no chance that I'll move at the wrong time because I couldn't hold still and get hit someplace I shouldn't have been.

(in reply to feralcat)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/12/2007 8:40:25 PM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		More great responses! Thanks you guys!

i'm really not too freaked--actually really looking forward to the experience....been flogged once, and was wearing cuffs (to get used to the feeling) but they weren't attached to anything.

what confused me was the whole "free to struggle" idea---i felt like i struggled as much as i wanted....but you know, as i think about it...i do remember needing to adjust my grip on the bar sometimes (when we were done, my hands were kinda sore, as it turned out i'd had a death grip on the thing without realizing it) and every time being kinda worried that she was going to think i was letting go (i kinda thought i'd be a brat, but it turns out i'm very much NOT wanting to annoy someone dominating me!:) 

so i can see how being bound would let me not worry about that....i hadn't realized that trying to stay in position was a struggle, but i guess as i think more about it, i can see how it would be nice not to have to think about it, and just relax a bit more in the experience!

and i'll definitely talk to the top about it before we get start! but i'm very glad to have heard others' experiences with bondage as well!

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/12/2007 8:52:30 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I like using restraints during painplay.  I believe in most cases my partners have enjoyed it as well.  It helps to create a mood that they are not necessarily 'participating'.  Freedom through false coercion, and all.  (Shorthand for what I really mean.)

There was an occasion of the opposite, however.  Without getting into the reason for the punishment, this was truly harsh punishment that was called for, and it did involve a 'beating'.  In this particular case, I did not utilize any restraints at all.  The 'subject' was only aware of the beating, and the reason for the punishment.  These two things were all she could comprehend.  Not once did it ever occur to her that she was never secured, never told explicitly to hold still, and that if she had wanted to she could have walked away.  There was only her headspace telling her that she had to, needed to, take it.  And she did.

It was only afterward that I explained what I had done, and the choices she did not know she had.  The 'meaning' behind my actions and inactions left a deep impression on her.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to needdiscipline23)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/14/2007 1:12:08 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Foir me i find bondage very erotic.  Master can alway do whatever he want to mybody woithout me stopping him, after all it belongs to him.  But is just ver hot to me to be bound and knowing i CAN'T stop him. He can do anything and everything he wants and way he ties i cannot even squirm.  it is a lot of fun.

Matt's littleone


(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: Mentally Bound vs. Physically - 2/14/2007 6:22:28 PM   
needdiscipline23


Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline 		Update--
Well...I just got back an hour ago, and since you all gave me such great answers, I figured I owed it to you to update you! :)

Let's see...my domme put on these "fist gloves" I think she called them--leather sort of pockets for your hand--your fingers aren't separate, they're all in there together--and they clasp around your wrist and are locked, so you can't undo the buckle.  The gloves were then attached to a bar above my head (same one I held onto the first time)...then leather cuffs with padding in them were put on my ankles and attached to a spreader bar.  And I was blindfolded....

At first I was a little overwhelmed--fortunately she went slow, and gave me a minute to adjust, before she began...

It was thoroughly enjoyable!! I had voiced my concerns/confusion before hand to her, and she definitely gave me a taste of situations in which I wouldn't necessarily safe word, but would want to wiggle around/try to get away (um, yeah, at one point she tickled me a little, and being bound was....disturbing!)--it was an amazing feeling to want to get away, and physically not be able to.

During the flogging, I also found that I was "freed" a bit...the flogging was essentially nothing new, except that it was harder than before, and she played a little with the fact that I was blindfolded, like by stopping, not making any noise, and just letting me wait and not know what was going on.  The flogging was more painful, and it was kinda nice to be bound because I felt like I could kinda jerk away without ending the scene.

I did get a little dizzy at one point, and as soon as I mentioned it she stopped and held onto me, and started to undo my hands and take them down, but I asked her not to, reassured her I was fine (I think I was just either not breathing or hyperventilating a little during some of the harder flogging), and she went on a little more, asking a couple time if I was still dizzy (which I wasn't).

So, yeah---bondage=good! 

It definitely enhances my feeling of vulnerability!

(in reply to littleone35)
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