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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 4:35:38 PM   
Squeakers


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Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline 		     June very sound advice.   

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 4:48:49 PM   
hot1


Posts: 455
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From: Ontario Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncognito

Safe calls aren't stupid or a waste of time (they *do* make it easier to find the body, I'm sure) but I think some people think they're fail-safes. In reality they're anything but. They aren't going to protect you from people who are intent on harming you in any way. Having said that, one of the best (and worst) scenes I ever had was with someone I barely knew and didn't have a safe call for. That's part of what mad it so damn hot. To each their own. 


I preach this MsIncognito....safecalls are not fail safe....best case is something happens and you get out safe...but need a place to go....hence you have a safe call to make.  You have someone that will be there for you and help get you home. 

Safecalls need to be people in the town that you are in...not halfway across the country.

I am big on safecalls and am setting up a national safecall site with lists of people that have volunteer to be safe calls......but this is by no means saying you will always be safe.

beth

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 5:24:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I was raised to let someone know when you'd be going out, a likely time to expect you back, and a general idea of where you would go and how to contact you.  If the time and place changes, you give a call and let them know.

That's nothing to do with Ds, it's just common courtesy in my family.

Safecalls however I find fairly pointless and only a good way to let people know where to start looking for your body.  Look at the OP's case- exactly how did having a safe call help anyone?  I thought supposedly when the safecall person did not receive "all clear" signs that they were to call the police, report the issue and have them take over?  Exactly what in this situation was supposed to help this chick on her first meeting other than annoying a friend?


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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 5:24:46 PM   
topcat


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From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

The couple was moving from Vegas and she was moving from Houston.  all moving to Pennsylvania.   The very first time they ever met eachother in real life was in Tulsa, Oklahoma. 


How could they make a safe-call- weren't they mute?
 
Oh- nevermind- wrong thread...

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 5:28:20 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
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Status: offline 		I havent laughed that hard in a while.........Lorenzo, you always got a way to glue it together, now------- some of you folks wanna pay attention to this guy--- not at all out of hand......................


LOLOLOLOLOLOL,
You go Top Cat


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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 5:43:45 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Maybe I'm the only one who sees it this way, but safecalls are not the issue here.  It is really about the understanding of two people.  If this were an actual safecall setup, as LA said, the police should have been informed, or at least a more serious attempt made to get her out of there (call the hotel or so)

First off, we only know that when she got called back, it got ugly.  At what point?  Who started the name calling?  We have no idea. 

Second, we don't know how long after the fact this is, and what happened in the meantime.  Maybe the OP really is a controlling bitch, expecting "safe calls" three times a day for months on end.  Who knows?

At any rate, I think safe calls are good when carefully planned, but the worst possible protection in a case like this.

Yours,


benji

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 5:55:01 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		A "safe call" that's the signal I give my friends to indicate the coast is clear and they should come in and get them some....Right?

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 5:56:07 PM   
ownedgirlie


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quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

quote:

They are most important to some, and not to others.  Did you just call once and leave the message?  Did you call incessantly, perhaps interrupting something she was engaged in at the time?  How long did you wait before beginning to call her?  Did she specifically ask for a safe call, or did you take it upon yourself to instruct her to call you?


She was the one that said she would call me as soon as she got there.  I waited an hour and a half before I started calling, and even then only called 3 times before I left her that message.  The thing about calling incessantly...again I was taught that before you engaged in anything you needed to let somebody know you were safe.


Thank you for your reply to this.  Please understand I was asking simply to get a bigger picture.

I would have been concerned too.  A pity such concern is not appreciated.    When I was to first meet my Master I had a couple of friends who asked if I would call them, since they would worry otherwise.  The calls were mostly for their peace of mind, and I was grateful to be so cared about.

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 6:23:07 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I had two safecalls when I met people. One to my mother believe it or not, she thinks this is the best idea meeting people from over the internet. One is my best friend that lives in another state, who is lifestyle savvy. My dates ended with nothing but a casual hug until I met my Daddy. I not only called them both with a lot of his car info, driver;s license and registration before we made it an even longer date, but my friend from out of state called me every half hour to check in, until about the third phone call when I told her I would be calling her back.. our code for "things not just fine, but GREAT". I really appreciated her commitment to helping me stay safe.

Your friend should appreciate you, and since she doesn't, well you need to make new friends who will.

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 6:47:14 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I agree with those that have expressed that this isn't really about safe calls.  This is about basic courtesy.

Safe calls are important to some, not to others.

This was a case of the friend in question not following through with the basic courtesy of contacting the OP as agreed, then being defensive about it.  The friend was in the wrong here, she said she'd call and she didn't.  Nothing to do with a BDSM situation... she could've been making a road trip for work or any situation where one could end up dead, lost or injured.  As my mother liked to use the cliche, she could've had an accident on the road and been "dead in a ditch somewhere".

She said she'd check in, she didn't, she didn't like being called on it.  It was inconsiderate of her and put you (OP) through unnecessary worry, you weren't in the wrong to expect her to call and say she arrived and met safely.

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 11:33:46 PM   
CandleInTheWind


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		Honesty to me  a safe call is a way of pointing the finger at someone if the other person gets hurt in someway...
also when i do the safecalling...I inssit on knowing the persons name, the location...and i insist on being with in a 5 minute drive ...
and well my thing is if someone expectes me to be their safe call...Im there for a reason  not just to be able to say  yeah  she went out with someone....that doent mean anything to me.....

I once had a friend ask me to be her safe call...
she was about a 40 minute drive a away  
she gave me NO information about the guy
she changed the location of the date 2times
and she failed to call me when she said she would...

so what are the odds i will ever do that again???

NEVER

red

< Message edited by CandleInTheWind -- 2/11/2007 11:42:20 PM >

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RE: safe calls? - 2/12/2007 12:52:38 AM   
MomentsofHistory


Posts: 64
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline 		Praise to any friend sho carries through their responsibilities of committing to being on the other end of a safe call!

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: safe calls? - 2/12/2007 1:11:31 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I've never safe called anyone, although I will call my home and talk to my sis if a meeting is to go beyond one hour.
I don't advise against it, but feel that if your judgement and instinct are pretty good, you may find safe calls do nothing to add or take away from your safety.   M

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: safe calls? - 2/12/2007 1:52:14 AM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		just as other's have replied .... this wasn't really an adequate safe call. But I'd say, given what you've explained... she was definitely rude and unappreciative.

But on the other hand... how well and how long have you known her? If things were going awry maybe they took her phone and forced her to call you back and act bitchy and push you away so you wouldn't interfere.... Unlike some suggest... I think if she was your friend and you felt like this was out of character, that is a red flag that something is wrong.

Its for this reason that in a safe call you have to think of safety, rather than just reassuring someone who worries and make concrete plans.

In my dealings with meeting new slaves I've collected important information about them, their full name, address, phone number and license plate number (when applicable). I give this info to my safe call person. This isn't just so the police can- as everyone says- "look for my body" but also potentially to catch anyone who might have harmed me or track anyone who is currently harming me. There is almost always a trail.

I also have code words and phrases (that are easy to work into a brief conversation) if things are [A] dangerous and the police need called ASAP [B] going bad, but can't talk about it and am safe, or [C] good and am safe. I have prearranged times and conditions if I don't make call #1- which is I got there safely... call #2- if the person seems on the up and up and then I usually say, can you call me back in a while, and if I don't call or answer after call 2 or send ANY text message or don't say phrase [C] its a sign to call the police immediately and tell them the circumstances. I'd rather be interrupted by the police contacting this person or me, than be in trouble and need help that isn't coming.

For me safe calls are extremely important. NOT because I don't trust the person, OR because I have a "bad feeling"... (I'd never visit someone I had a bad feeling about) but because, being a victim of crimes in the past I know that a preditory person's #1 job is to NOT MAKE RED FLAGS POP UP!

My personal opinion is that its a BAD idea to meet up with someone in a relocation setting before meeting them on a casual basis. I could go on and on for the reasons behind this.

In general along with safe calls, I meet in a public place, or invite them to my home and have my slave (or a friend) present for some or all of the first visit.

I believe that while not everyone uses or needs safe calls or safety precautions, this is simply because they are lucky. Not because employing these methods are useless. I'm glad I've been lucky enough not to be a victim, but I also feel more secure with the person knowing I have plans if I ever am.

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RE: safe calls? - 2/12/2007 9:36:19 AM   
stateira


Posts: 48
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

But on the other hand... how well and how long have you known her?


Two years

quote:

 If things were going awry maybe they took her phone and forced her to call you back and act bitchy and push you away so you wouldn't interfere


that wouldn't surprise me any about them.  The thing is, she had never met these people, but I had met the Dom.  Not only had I met him, I lived with him.  He and i were together for around 6 months.  I kept asking her why she thought she could automatically trust these people when she had never met them?  Obviously I didn't trust them, otherwise I would still be with the Dom.  Another thing that bothered me about the whole situation was that she didn't even know the name of the hotel they were staying at until she got to Tulsa.  The responses saying that a safe call wouldn't have worked are probably correct considering we were in two different states.  However, I would rather have her call somebody 10 hours away than nobody at all.  All I really wanted in this case was to know that she was okay.  If she was not okay the police could have found her...I knew the name the room was under and the room number, just not the hotel name.

quote:

My personal opinion is that its a BAD idea to meet up with someone in a relocation setting before meeting them on a casual basis. I could go on and on for the reasons behind this.
In general along with safe calls, I meet in a public place, or invite them to my home and have my slave (or a friend) present for some or all of the first visit.

 
This is how I was always taught as well.  I broke this rule once.  I won't go into details but it was one of the most devastating experiences of my life.  She knew this as well and that this was a reason I was concerned.

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RE: safe calls? - 2/12/2007 7:10:53 PM   
JasonF


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

I've never used a safe call.  Honestly, if someone gives me the slightest vibe that I MIGHT need a safe call, then I won't meet them.  Every person you meet could potentially harm you.  The guy standing beside you in the grocery store line could pull a gun out and shoot you in the face.  You could be pull into a dark alley and nasty things could be done to you.  What I mean is safe calls are not quite as useful as everyone else makes them out to be, but I do think they are a good idea. I don't think that people who choose to not use safecalls and still excercise good judgment and listen to their intuition are insane. ps-sounds like she wasn't that great of a friend to begin with.


I had a safe call the first time we went out.

You really should be more prudent, baby. Lucky for you I'm all nice and harmless. Muahahaha!


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: safe calls? - 2/12/2007 8:01:36 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I personally feel safe calls are a waste....and if someone told me they needed to make a "safe call" I would probably wait till after they finished before I started dismembering them.  If someone is out here and is really planning grave bodily harm....You better rely on your "spidey senses" cause there aint no safe call around that's going to save your hide. 

I live in Chicago...People "hook-up" all of the time...at bars,parties .etc....They rely on the ability to assess a situation and then whether to proceed or not....No one is making "safe calls."   But if you want to rely on safe calls...and feel better doing so...Here is a little link that should you feel better.  it is taken from the "looking for a friend" thread....All of your  "safe calls"  license plates...phone numbers and phone conversations probably wouldn't save you from this guy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Edward_Robinson_%28serial_killer%29

Just use your noggin' and proceed with caution and never discount when those "spidey senses" of yours get to a tingling.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/12/2007 8:02:37 PM >

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RE: safe calls? - 2/14/2007 12:08:54 PM   
sexyone4you


Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		I always have a safe call, and it's with the same person each time.  We set up a time that I will call and check in.  If she doesn't hear from me within 20 minutes of when I said I would check in, she calls me.  If I don't answer, she will try again in 10 minutes.  Still no answer, she sends the cops.  Luckily I haven't forgotten to call yet.  I would hate to only be wearing a collar & leash & tell a cop that I am okay. Most of the Doms I have met asked me to arrange a safe call before we met. 

People can be whoever they want online.  I don't always get a vibe that someone will lose their mind, but shit happens.

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Profile   Post #: 38
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