being laughed at by your Master

being laughed at by your Master (Full Version)

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flaylingslave -> being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 2:47:46 PM)
i will admit to being a slave who battles with depression. In an attempt to open up and reveal my current emotional status (yes, i was acting like a child...but i was also dealing with emotions that stemmed from childhood and attempting to fight those as well) i sat crying and emotionally vulnerable in front of my Master...and He laughed at me! [&:] i think a deep D/s relationship is the ability to trust, respect, and communicate...to do that you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. So...my question is...how would you get over something like that? i can already see everyone screaming i need to communicate this with Him, which i did...but i'm not sure He understands the depth at which this hurt me. Everything inside me is screaming to quickly set up walls so something like that can never happen again. From other submissives points of views...any ideas or suggestions on how to get past this and allow oneself to be vulnerable without fear of being One's entertainment or laughingstock?

viperess -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 2:50:52 PM)
Greetings, Sometimes writing your Master a letter explaining what you think and feel can be a good idea. It gives Him a chance to read and reflect what you are going through but even better is the fact once you have written it down you are able to then get out amny of the feeling you are having. viperess slave of CTDOM4sub

redpetals -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 2:51:31 PM)
you need to get out of that relationship and fast just sayin'

kittensmailbox -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 2:55:39 PM)
my former Master was the same way, hated when i showed any emotion unless it was erotic in some way... i got smart and got out, it took awhile, but i did it....

slo18 -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 3:10:26 PM)
I think u should talk to him first, but if he cant come up with a resonable explanation of what was going on in his head when he laughed ( because he may not have been laughing at u but it seemed that way, that has happened to me) but as i was saying if he cant come up with a good explantion, then u need to leave because it isnt right for anyone to laugh at someone elses emtional distress. I have had sesons where afterward I balled like a 3 year old denied a toy. laughing at someones emotions can cause alot of damage.

redpetals -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 3:14:18 PM)
of course ..on the other hand..was he trying to make you realise that you could laugh at yourself? maybe he wasnt being heartless or an uncaring cumquat maybe he was trying to get you to lighten up.. i mean..hes a Dom but hes a MAN..you know how they are with emotions..

valeca -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 3:23:06 PM)
I tend to laugh unintentionally if I'm uncomfortable with a situation, and I've known several others who're this way, too. Maybe he's this way? Maybe try looking inside you to find out why it bothers you so much, where it stems from. Tackling the problem from its root, rather than removing the outside stimuli tends to be effective in problem solving.

gypsygrl -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 3:35:49 PM)
Its not the sort of thing I get over. The first Dominant I was involved with gave me a rule which I was having difficulty following early in our relationship (no masturbating without prior permission) I was getting really upset because I was doing such a bad job of resisting temptation especially since he wasn't available to give permission when I needed it. I brought it up with him after a while, and he laughed and said he had totally forgotten he had given me that rule. At the time I tried to get over it, but its not something I ever forgot or really forgave. In another relationship, not D/s, I was having a problem with something (I can't even remember what) and trying to talk with the guy. He was twisting my words around and making a travesty of my attempts to work it out. The next time we saw each other face to face, we were talking about the incident and he said something about how funny he was. Inside my head, I was doing a Joe Pesci in Goodfellas thing, ya know the part where he shoots the waiter feet..."You think its funny? I'll show you funny!" I didn't say anything, but I gently eased him into the idea that I was getting old, and was gonna start seeing other people and began to detach. It took a couple months, but I managed it. I dunno. If someone's making a joke, its pretty important to make sure they're not the only one laughing.

junecleaver -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 4:14:15 PM)
I tend to laugh and cry at the same time. So when I am crying about my problems to my Dom, he does laugh when I'm funny. But it really isn't the same thing. Sometimes things get so 'bad' that they are funny--like one of those sitcoms that should have been cancelled three seasons ago. He has laughed at me in certain moments that chaff me the wrong way though. He laughs when he's beating me. I don't find it funny at all and am along the lines of, "This fucking hurts why are you laughing?!" He laughs when I'm scared or nervous over little things that get to me. Again, it's not funny. It doesn't throw me off kilter when my Dom laughs, because I know I am cared about and owned and valuable. If I wasn't sure of this, I would probably feel differently. I was attracted to robotDoms (so if he is one of those and you are someone like me I feel your pain lol) who did not highly value emotional intimacy. For some people it works, but for me, I need that intimacy and thrive off of it. Is he giving you intimacy and access to the parts of him you need? If he is otherwise fufilling your needs and allowing you to fufill his, then this seems like a minor blip. Perhaps focusing on the positives of your relationship instead of this one isolated incidence would be helpful? If you feel yourself continuing to build walls, maybe you could ask him to help you remove those by increasing his control or helping you break down those walls and become more vulnerable. I know that even if I am determined not to open up, a good dose of pain/control removes those boundaries for me immediately. quote: From other submissives points of views...any ideas or suggestions on how to get past this and allow oneself to be vulnerable without fear of being One's entertainment or laughingstock? The embarassing and all together hot conclusion I've come to for my own personal relationship is...I'm here for his entertainment. If he wants me to be the laughingstock, that is what I am. It's humbling.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 4:16:10 PM)
You have "your stuff" to deal with. He has 'his stuff" to deal with. For whatever reasons, his stuff made him act in the way he did. Believe it or not, his reactions didn't have anything to do with you and everything to do with how his stuff made him react. He reacted to your vulnerability. You can't control how we reacts. However, you can control how you react and how your stuff affects you (or try to). You are a human being and, as such, you are allowed emotional/psychological boundaries, unless you have negotiated those away. In my opinion, it's not a healthy relationship if you have done this. He needs to be told that he crossed a boundary, because he may not truly know there was a boundary there. He needs to know that you no longer trust him. He can then choose how to react and, in turn, can choose how to react to that. If he expresses that he's sorry for crossing your boundary, you need to discuss where the boundary is and why it's there. You need to tell him what to do in order to regain your trust. Then, start there. You are under no obligations to extend the initial trust beyond a willingness to let him make amends. You do not have to be completely vulnerable again in order to continue the relationship, but, you will have to be open to becoming such again, over time, for it to work long term. If he expresses that he feels you overreacted or some other similar type thing, you have choices. You can look within and check to see if he's right, perhaps to the point of going to therapy for an outside opinion (I did this in my second marriage. I'm not crazy.). Even if you did overreact, you are still allowed boundaries and you are allowed to feel whatever emotions you feel. Talk to him about how you felt when he laughed at your vulnerability. He may not care that he broke your trust...but then again, he might. Talk to him and explain how you feel. If you can't do it face to face, write it down and ask him to read it. You're not going to be able to control how he reacts to you. You can only control how you react to him. If you cannot get past the hurt or he refuses to communicate about it, it's a valid thing to end the relationship. Master Fire

gypsygrl -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 4:55:45 PM)
junecleaver: I'm not sure if you were doing a fast reply or responding to me directly, but in general, I agree with you and don't mind being used for entertainment purposes. I also tend to laugh instead of cry. But, if I need to raise a relationship issue--and god knows, I only do it when absolutely necessary and even avoid relationships so I don'e have to do relationship talk--I'm probably already on my last nerve. To respond more directly to the OP, I think slowly introducing him to your emotional life, taking advantage of times when you're feeling pretty ok to talk about things, might be useful. You could, like, explain, when x happens sometimes I feel y or z or whatever's appropriate. The idea is to teach him (or someone else) whats going on inside instead of just unloading it when the feeling moves you. (I found therapy really useful just in giving me practice in that kind of thing.) You still might not get the reaction you want/need, as MasterfireMaam said but, ya know, it probably can't hurt. The other thing is to maybe get some perspective on yourself. I try not to take myself too seriously because it tends to take all the fun out of everything. :) Good luck.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 5:34:45 PM)
Not enough info to make a decision on. My unempathetic self says you're being oversensitive, irrational and need to calmly discuss your feelings with your dom and allow him the chance to explain his perspective. Sometimes laughing is just how it is- you slaves sometimes have no idea how ridiculous your own ideas are. We don't want to hurt your feelings, but sometimes a reaction comes out and you can't do anything about it. Wouldn't you want to be given the chance to explain and be forgiven for an automatic outburst and use this as an opportunity to build communication between you both towards a stronger connection? I think that's a lot better than just spewing out on a message board and saying he's a big bad wrong meanie.

LotusSong -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 5:50:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: flaylingslave i will admit to being a slave who battles with depression. In an attempt to open up and reveal my current emotional status (yes, i was acting like a child...but i was also dealing with emotions that stemmed from childhood and attempting to fight those as well) i sat crying and emotionally vulnerable in front of my Master...and He laughed at me! [&:] i think a deep D/s relationship is the ability to trust, respect, and communicate...to do that you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. So...my question is...how would you get over something like that? i can already see everyone screaming i need to communicate this with Him, which i did...but i'm not sure He understands the depth at which this hurt me. Everything inside me is screaming to quickly set up walls so something like that can never happen again. From other submissives points of views...any ideas or suggestions on how to get past this and allow oneself to be vulnerable without fear of being One's entertainment or laughingstock? This is what happens when people think their Master is a therapist. Seek appropriate help for your past history, get healthy and THEN come play.

juliaoceania -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 7:02:32 PM)
Not knowing the specifics I just cannot comment. I do not know if he was trying to help you make light of your problems by helping you to laugh at yourself, or what his intent was. My Daddy makes fun of things sometimes, I have not take it wrong. I would like to think that he would understand if I was hurt by it, but there is a sense I have of being responsible for what I feel.

juliaoceania -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 7:04:33 PM)
quote: This is what happens when people think their Master is a therapist. Seek appropriate help for your past history, get healthy and THEN come play. Another example of mental health triage over the internet... what some say is not for masters I tend to think is even more inappropriate for strangers over the internet. No one knows if therapy is going to be helpful but the person seeking it.

mnottertail -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 7:08:18 PM)
I aint serious out here often, but calmly girl, consider this, would you rather he whipped your ass? Perhaps he was enamoured to see you honest, as you were--- Your world fell apart for an instant,. you came undone, and he laughed---so you are no longer together is that the thing? Consider, really.......how joyous it could be to find a soul. Ron

Sternhand4 -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 7:09:37 PM)
Based upon limited info for your situation I'd offer a different perspective. Being Dominant doesn't mean you have a degree in psych. It also doesnt come with the ability to read minds. We tend as males to not be as emotional as women. He may have not been able to relate to what you were feeling. And laughed to break the tension. Maybe he laughed for any number of reasons, but if you expect to be able to reveal your true emotions... why wouldnt you expect him to do less. This may or may not be what you expected. There has to be room to make mistakes and work from them in your pursuit to bond. Those mistakes can be on both sides. Unless your currently bonded to the savior.. The rest of us know we make mistakes, we try to grow from them. S

DiurnalVampire -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 7:14:19 PM)
Without more informatioin, giving too much advice would be out of place. Is it posible he was laughing at you becasue of how you were acting before the crying jag? Or that he thought it was an act, and not true emotion? If this is the first time that a miscommunication like this happened, ending the relationship over it woud most definately be overkill, however if this is the normal reaction then theres a problem. OR perhaps this is the first time you have been truly emotionally vulnerable and he didnt even realize that it was a problem. There are a lot of possibilities. DV

junecleaver -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 7:37:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl junecleaver: I'm not sure if you were doing a fast reply or responding to me directly, but in general, I agree with you and don't mind being used for entertainment purposes. I also tend to laugh instead of cry. But, if I need to raise a relationship issue--and god knows, I only do it when absolutely necessary and even avoid relationships so I don'e have to do relationship talk--I'm probably already on my last nerve. Sorry, gypsygrl [8\|]. I was technically replying to the OP. After 300+ posts I still don't know how to operate the message boards lol

LotusSong -> RE: being laughed at by your Master (2/11/2007 7:54:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: This is what happens when people think their Master is a therapist. Seek appropriate help for your past history, get healthy and THEN come play. Another example of mental health triage over the internet... what some say is not for masters I tend to think is even more inappropriate for strangers over the internet. No one knows if therapy is going to be helpful but the person seeking it. With experience , comes wisdom. She clearly stated: "i will admit to being a slave who battles with depression. In an attempt to open up and reveal my current emotional status (yes, i was acting like a child...but i was also dealing with emotions that stemmed from childhood and attempting to fight those as well) i sat crying and emotionally vulnerable in front of my Master". Sometimes you have to state the obvious. With your attitude, I'm surprised you didn't admonish her for coming to a message board seeking advice. Being sympathetic and warm and fuzzy is good for a stubbed toe.

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