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long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 2:59:29 PM   
noor


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/21/2007
Status: offline 		            Hi - looking to hear about others' experiences with long-distance D/s relationships... I met a wonderful Dom on this site a couple of months ago, and he has been a great teacher and Master. He lives in the States, I live in Europe, and we've never met, though we hope to in April. We chat and share and play and generally i am learning a huge amount under His guidance and it is great. But my doubts do catch up with me regularly, wondering whether I can really think of him as my Master if we've never met in person, wondering whether I'm kidding myself that this kind of commitment can be made and kept through emails and chatting, not to mention the incredible frustration of not being able to get a good flogging when you most need it... I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who have been successful in building and keeping a long-distance D/s relationship; I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 3:01:38 PM   
touchthesky


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline 		there are people that seem to work this out. But any serious sort of relationship i have had long distance eventually crashed and burned. Just not enuff real time togetherness, too much phone and internet

(in reply to noor)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 3:08:59 PM   
MrKite


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I had an LDR many years ago. The distance was 600 miles or a 12 hour drive.  We would meet every 6 to 8 weeks usually some place in the middle.  Our long weekends were part play and part vacation.  Then we talked via IM everynight.  That relationship lasted for almost 7 years.  
The thing about cyber relationships is that you only see the good side of the other person and your fanciful ideas are projected on the text you read.  There is no doubt that your feelings are real but a cyber relationship isn't as real as you imagine it to be. 
Enjoy it for all its worth but remember its only worth the paper its written on.


_____________________________

If it feels good, do it.

(in reply to noor)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 3:09:16 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		I've been in a so-far succesful LDR for 6 years this month. It is hard.. it is very hard not to be next to him or see him every single day instead of a few times a year. The dynamic must be working somehow, but I really do not know how lol. All I can say is yes, it can work especially if the end goal is to be physically together.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to touchthesky)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 3:14:04 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Since my experience with LDRs as in Dom/sub or Master/slave relationships has not been good.  I really don't have many positive things to say about them.  I know of some that have worked out though.  But most that I know of, have crashed and burned.  There is no real way of knowing if you click or not unless you meet in person.  That can be a deal breaker.  I guess, should I have to look again at some point in the future.  I would not rule them out entirely, but I certainly would be smarter about it, than I was.   Anyone can play a game online, and online is really more of a fantasy than anything.  But if both people are in agreement about it, it is not hurting anyone of course, and is fine for them.

Personally, I need to have a physical relationship with my Master.  Also, I need to clarify that physical does not just mean sexual either.  I don't see how how we can even truly establish that mental and emotional connection that I crave online either.  Maybe with regular real time meets in addition to the online stuff it could work out for a while, but only with the understanding that it would wind up real time in the end.  And real time fairly quickly within a reasonable amount of time.  I will not allow myself to be strung along for months or even a year by anyone, because I would doubt their sincerity of ever meeting me.

(in reply to noor)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 3:16:53 PM   
noor


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/21/2007
Status: offline 		Wow, 7 years. I hope we won't have to spend quite that long in this way, but it's encouraging to hear that it can be done. Thanks.

(in reply to MrKite)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 3:22:51 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Okay.. I did some thinking. The reason it works for me is because of my health status. There is no pressure to be active when I cannot move, there are no demands made on my physical body. The lack of contact um yes.. that is hard, its sometimes almost breaking me down hard...but I am not really feasible for a RT anything.
When we met in chat years ago I never ever expected the connection that we have formed, and neither did he lol. We take what we can get, he and I. I try very hard to be content with it, just as I try very hard to be content and accepting of my limitations.

Some days? Yeah I hate being away from him. Hopefully I will be moving as planned to his state sometime this summer.

Damn that was hard. I left out a lot..but I think the gist of it is there.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to noor)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 3:38:00 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Yes! LDR in my opinion is very hard and takes quite an effort to maintain it..For it to progress into years to maintain ..no.... I do not think that is feasible..somewhere along the line something has to give...either relocation from one or the other, or eventually ,an ending...There have been a few LDR relationships from people who frequent this site..but as with them all...they have worked or are working on making it non LDR...Hopefully they will post to this thread....and as with anything my opinions are not meant to be spoken in absolutes...there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule...~seems a shame that such a provider needs to be added..~shrug~..Tempting

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 3:43:58 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		It is not the length of time that isn't feasible. It is my actual health that makes having a RT anything... unfeasible.
If I didn't have him I would be lost. If he had me full time...it wouldn't work. It is simply unfair of me to try and burden anyone with what I need. I won't do it.
My body cost me my marriage.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 4:50:45 PM   
amiciaN


Posts: 228
Joined: 1/20/2007
Status: offline 		I have been in a long distance relationship with NChaka (who is French) for almost a year and a half.  We met online as friends first, then He collared me not long after the "Dominant" I had been seeing "real time" poofed at a critical point in my life. 

I accepted His collar based on His dominance of me "from the neck up" and with the understanding that it would not be an "online only" relationship.  We met face to face last summer and spent 2 wonderful weeks together.  We eagerly await when we can be together again this summer.   We are both very much working toward being together 24/7 and I am His 24/7, whether He is present or not.  And yes, the chemistry is most definitely there when He is. 

Belonging to NChaka is both the best thing that has ever happened to me and the hardest thing I've done.  I could not have found a better match if I had looked forever, but being apart is pure hell at times, even with video conferencing.  If I had to pick one thing that is the basis for the success of our relationship, it would have to be that we believe in complete and honest communication, right down to if I have eaten as He requires, if I cried to myself to sleep because I miss Him or that He had a bad day.  If I could not even see His face or hear His voice, I don't know if I could do it.  We are fortunate however in that our schedules allow us to spend several hours a day talking so I get the structure and guidence He needs to provide and I need to receive.  When difficulties do arise (and they do on a far too regular basis), we have the time to talk and resolve it.  It is hard work sometimes but I can honestly say I have no regrets.

As always, these are only my thoughts on and experiences with the subject.  Every person/relationship varies, therefore ymmv. 




_____________________________

NChaka's amicia

I have never been lifted so high as when I kneel at His feet.

(in reply to noor)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 5:18:17 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

texancutie

should I have to look again at some point in the future.  I would not rule them out entirely, but I certainly would be smarter about it, than I was.   Anyone can play a game online, and online is really more of a fantasy than anything.  But if both people are in agreement about it, it is not hurting anyone of course, and is fine for them.


While I am by no means thrilled by the thought of having a LDR....I do not understand the thought of not pursuing 'it" (the LDR) because others might be getting hurt? If I began a LDR with texancutie or some other woman and people started to "spontaneously combust" or "blow up" when in my presence I don't know if their injuries or deaths would be enough for me to stop communicating with my one true love. Love means sacrifice;  And I am willing to sacrifice the needs and lives of others.... Just 'cause I love you so much Baby!!!  Now if that aint love you show me what is!!!!

_____________________________



(in reply to amiciaN)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 5:28:42 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Why limit yourself?  Why not just keep dating and getting to know others locally WHILE also continuing to getting to know him, then when you actually meet in person you can make a decision on a further commitment?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_688989/mpage_3/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#689642
LDRs and you

http://www.collarchat.com/m_555442/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#555476
How do you cope?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_399208/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#399230
Long distance relationships...how do you all make them work and overcome the obstacles that arise?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_358232/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#358330
When the Master is away

http://www.collarchat.com/m_243191/mpage_2/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#243396
Online or Distance relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#207957
Long Distance Relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_214831/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#214831
Long distance d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_210165/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#210165
Pleasing my master long distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_131170/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#131170
In Between Visits

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124826/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#124826
LDR and sickness or death

http://www.collarchat.com/m_89834/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#89834
Long distance punishment ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_22973/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#22973
Long Distance Relationship (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#5502
Long Distance Relationships (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3521/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#3521
Long Distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_272610/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#272610
LDR D/s ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_108560/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#108560
Long Distance Relationships????


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to noor)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 8:03:54 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Ahhh...the one true love thing.  You know, I don't even know if that exists.  Kind of a similar concept like soulmates.  I personally think there are a number of ideal mates for everyone.  That does not mean that just anyone is the right match of course.

What I was stating that if 2 people mutually agree to an online relationship that is between them and suits them well.  No harm in it.  It just is not something I plan on doing again, other than in friendship.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 10:25:03 PM   
CandleInTheWind


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline 		while i believet hat a Long term relationship can be maintained if there is actually an end insite or an expected date of availability coming up.  But to actually be in a "ltr"  that has no basis in the personal plane  well I do not see that workign for very long  it is kind of like a dungeons and dragins game   almost goream chat room kind of thing to me anyhow...

I wish you all the best and I sure hope that you are able to have the space and ability to relocate if that is what is supposed to be...I fear for alot of those that have been in "ltr" internet based relationships will be blown up when it comes down to inperson and real life/real time relationships!!

red

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to texancutie)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: long-distance relationships - 2/11/2007 10:28:56 PM   
xkittenishx


Posts: 38
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline 		This girl and her Master are currently far away from one another and to say that it's hard would be a massive understatement.  We see one another when at ever possible, but that doesn't stop the ache of the occasional very long and cold night.  We manage, however, and do it beautifully.  This girl thinks the main difference is, though, that we are working towards being together.  If we weren't, she doesn't think it's likely we would last and make the effort that we do.

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)
Profile   Post #: 15
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