ShiftedJewel
Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
|
I have been doing a lot of thinking about what we call the Four Cornerstones and after looking at each one on an individual basis, one thing keeps coming to mind. Emotions, pure and simple. Humans have such a wide variety of emotions and underlying each emotion is that gray area where they overlap each other. When a loved one that has been suffering finally passes away, we are capable of being sad, happy and relieved all at the same time. The birth of a child brings us joy, fear, concern, and for some, over whelming sadness. Emotions show in our faces, our actions and reactions, a flash of anger, a wave of sadness, the burden of guilt, a tear of joy; all of these can be seen as well as felt. Maybe in our quest to achieve the harmony of a perfect relationship, the joy of open communication, the honor of respect, the acceptance of total honesty and the highest level of trust, we have to first learn to control our emotions rather then allowing them to control us.
I believe it’s possible to understand why we feel the way we do in any given situation and defuse it, analyze it, comprehend why we feel the way we do and get past it. Every day of our lives we learn something new, we don’t always recognize it that way, but somewhere in our brain it is being absorbed and filed away for future reference. My favorite word for it is “baggage”. Our baggage sets our standards in what we will or will not tolerate in our lives. I’ve heard that some “experts” say it isn’t a good idea to discuss previous relationships with a new partner, I disagree. My previous relationships, my childhood, my parents, every person I have met or spent time with have in some way made me who I am today. My life partner deserves to understand that, to know what my “baggage” is and why I deal with things the way I do. I’m sure I could tell him that I just can’t deal with someone yelling at me and at some point he would have to understand that. But instead I told him that I can’t deal with someone yelling at me because in my past being yelled at was frequently followed by getting the hell beat out of me. No wondering there, just plain, simple truth and a very real reason why. As sad as it may make him to think that the person he loves went through something like that, in the same light it gives him a deep understanding of the way I think or react.
Baggage is probably one of the biggest contributors to reactions. To be able to look at a current situation and understand that you are reacting to it because of “baggage” is the first step to controlling the emotion that it causes. We all have to reach a point where we can look at something that is happening in our lives and admit that it is only the baggage that is causing us to be uncomfortable with it. We then have to decide whether or not this circumstance is different, the person is different, the reasoning behind it is different, and if so, shouldn’t our reaction be different?
No matter what it is we choose to do, whether we are a white collar executive or a blue collar factory worker, BDSM or vanilla, emotions play a big part of our daily life. When you become angry over trivial things, you allow that anger to control you. When you allow someone to make you feel guilty, even for things that are beyond your control, you allow that emotion to control you. And through that, you allow others to control how you feel and react.
In a D/s or M/s relationship the Dominant is given the power to control the submissive or slave. In this power exchange the submissive or slave relies on the Dominant to lead them in the direction they wish them to go. Control is imperative, not just for the Dominant, who, at this point must be in complete control of not only themselves but their partner as well, but for the submissive or slave because they have to be able to control their reactions on many levels. The vulnerabity of this moment in time is immense. All participants are in danger of being hurt, if not physically then mentally or emotionally. A momentary lapse in judgment, a slight flash of anger, a false euphoria, a moment of doubt or too much pride can all cause damages that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.
Yes, I do focus on the worst case scenario on a regular basis, but only because it happens. It happens all too often. But these are things like so many others in this world, the one that everyone says will never happen to them because they are too careful. But are we always? For the same reason you would not step off of a curb into heavy traffic with out looking first, for the same reason you would not allow a child to play with a loaded gun… the reasons for not stepping into a scene with out having total control over your emotions and emotional baggage and knowing that the other person does too are the same, the results can be and are, more often then not, most devastating.
Jewel
_____________________________
Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.
|
Emotions (yeah, another rambling) - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread