RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor submissive?

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RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/12/2007 9:32:07 PM

Najakcharmer

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Joined: 5/3/2004
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Depends on why he was broke. If it's because of a lack of maturity or impulse control, a drug or alcohol problem, sheer laziness or other severe personal deficiencies, then no, I would not. If he can't manage his own life due to being a perpetual fuckup, he can't manage a relationship either.

If he was broke for reasons beyond his own control but was decent, responsible and hardworking, absolutely I would if he met all my other criteria.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 21

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/12/2007 9:38:10 PM

freakgoddess

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/19/2006
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wealth and worldly success is not something i look for in a sub.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 22

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/13/2007 11:05:22 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
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As a fair corollary, I would advise subs to also beware of dominants who are not reasonably self supporting. There are exceptions, but as a rule I'd suggest that any adult who really isn't capable of holding a job may also not be capable of holding up their end of a committment to a serious relationship. There are individuals of both sexes who are much better suited to staying at home and taking care of the house than they are to success in the outside world, but the skills for doing that successfully can still be parlayed into at least minimal self support. If that isn't happening, there may be a serious personal deficiency that is also going to cause issues in a relationship. A successful long term relationship takes work, maturity, honesty and committment, and someone who has a record of not being able to apply these skills to the rest of their lives is not a promising risk in a relationship either.

Obviously there's always the "shit happens" factor in real life, and you'll run into people who are broke due to circumstances outside their control, or circumstances in which their behavior and their choices were ethical and mature. But as a general rule "broke with no job" should be a warning sign worth investigating no matter what your gender or kinky orientation. You may find an answer behind it that's acceptable, or you may not.

I've been suckered in by some very pretty but fundamentally flawed and dysfunctional boysubs with no jobs a few times because I'm actually attracted to the "gigolo" dynamic. I let it happen - to an extent - because it was fun. But there's a point beyond which I won't go, because the amusement value isn't worth the annoyance factor of a dysfunctional partner with lazy fuckaround habits. I don't look at a man's bank account before I start dating him, but I do look at his maturity, reliability, work ethic and personal habits. Under most circumstances these things are likely to have a fairly direct connection.

(in reply to freakgoddess)

Post #: 23

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/13/2007 11:24:01 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

As a fair corollary, I would advise subs to also beware of dominants who are not reasonably self supporting. There are exceptions, but as a rule I'd suggest that any adult who really isn't capable of holding a job may also not be capable of holding up their end of a committment to a serious relationship. There are individuals of both sexes who are much better suited to staying at home and taking care of the house than they are to success in the outside world, but the skills for doing that successfully can still be parlayed into at least minimal self support. If that isn't happening, there may be a serious personal deficiency that is also going to cause issues in a relationship. A successful long term relationship takes work, maturity, honesty and committment, and someone who has a record of not being able to apply these skills to the rest of their lives is not a promising risk in a relationship either.

Obviously there's always the "shit happens" factor in real life, and you'll run into people who are broke due to circumstances outside their control, or circumstances in which their behavior and their choices were ethical and mature. But as a general rule "broke with no job" should be a warning sign worth investigating no matter what your gender or kinky orientation. You may find an answer behind it that's acceptable, or you may not.

I've been suckered in by some very pretty but fundamentally flawed and dysfunctional boysubs with no jobs a few times because I'm actually attracted to the "gigolo" dynamic. I let it happen - to an extent - because it was fun. But there's a point beyond which I won't go, because the amusement value isn't worth the annoyance factor of a dysfunctional partner with lazy fuckaround habits. I don't look at a man's bank account before I start dating him, but I do look at his maturity, reliability, work ethic and personal habits. Under most circumstances these things are likely to have a fairly direct connection.

This is such a great point and I wanted to illustrate it with an example. I, too, am really attracted to the "gigolo" dynamic, and moreso was/am attracted to the "Successful Corporate Woman/sexy boytoy/plaything/armcandy" dynamic. Early in my career when I was only moderately successful I still spent extravant amounts of money (unwisely) flying boytoys around and supporting them (well beyond my own means; I am a financial mess when I manage my own money - even when I make a lot of it).

I had a few situations with a livein type where I worked happily and supported my "boy" and it was fine. But I got tired of these guys who slept all day, stayed up til 3am playing videogames, left the place looking like a dump, not cleaning up their own messes, you name it. I didn't want to be a PARENT, after all.

When I met my current man, he didn't work because of his tourist-Visa status, and he lived with me. But he got up every morning when I did, started taking over cleaning the place, ran all my errands, took care of all the cooking, and totally made my life managable (and ran the finances properly, so not only did I make good money, the money started making money). Fast forward a year or so, and there's no way in hell I want this guy to work - I want him running my household. He is up in the morning before me so my breakfast is hot and ready, and he's thinking three steps ahead of me to make sure I have nothing to worry about. He's not lazy, and doesn't see his "non working" status as a permanent vacation. There's a big difference!

And he's STILL great arm candy!

Akasha

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(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 24

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/13/2007 11:44:57 AM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
I had a few situations with a livein type where I worked happily and supported my "boy" and it was fine. But I got tired of these guys who slept all day, stayed up til 3am playing videogames, left the place looking like a dump, not cleaning up their own messes, you name it. I didn't want to be a PARENT, after all.

EXACTLY. Been there, done that, eventually threw the lazy fucks out. That type can be fun arm candy, but I will NOT allow them to live with me any more. Dinner and dungeon on my tab was fun, but now you can go sleep in the dumpster if you cannot pay your rent. It's not my problem and it's not going to be my problem.

quote:

When I met my current man, he didn't work because of his tourist-Visa status, and he lived with me. But he got up every morning when I did, started taking over cleaning the place, ran all my errands, took care of all the cooking, and totally made my life managable (and ran the finances properly, so not only did I make good money, the money started making money). Fast forward a year or so, and there's no way in hell I want this guy to work - I want him running my household. He is up in the morning before me so my breakfast is hot and ready, and he's thinking three steps ahead of me to make sure I have nothing to worry about. He's not lazy, and doesn't see his "non working" status as a permanent vacation. There's a big difference!

You lucky bitch.

Yes, I would take a slave/sub like this in a heartbeat.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 25

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/13/2007 12:24:21 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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Yes, yes, crass I know. I'll take my chances.

(Answering the question......) I didn't know there were any other kind.

Honestly, my usual partner has started from circumstances that might not have been the best, usually getting progressively worse during the early stages of the relationship. It didn't LOOK that way on the surface, but most have been on very shaky ground from the outset.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 26

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/13/2007 12:35:22 PM

porthuronsub

Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

I feel really lucky to have met my Mistress. I was at a really low point in my life, having lost my job and living in Michigan (Highest unemployment in the nation) I re-enrolled in school in the nursing program. I will be out of school in two years and making a very decent living. I met my Mistress after I was enrolled, almost at the end of my first semester. She has been very supportive of my decision. She is in the health field as well. I am working part time, paying half the bills (we live together) and attending school. She has gone as far to say that she doesn't want my current job to interfere with my studies. Really very nice but I am not interested in being supported. She once said that she looks at me as an investment, knowing that when i graduate things will be easier on both of us. I liked that comment. I have told her she is going to be the most spoiled Mistress alive in the near future!

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 27

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/13/2007 12:47:07 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
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God, you are so full of yourself. Drug addicts need love and spankings like everyone else.

There's an old saying, The Prince would marry the pauper but the Princess wouldn't.

Basically, though, the right guy is the right guy. A F preoccupied with $$ or status is merely compromising her chance at the right guy for lifestyle considerations. Not the worst tradeoff in the world.

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 28

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/13/2007 12:57:23 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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As far as I am concerned rich or poor doesn't matter one bit.

A job or some sort of financial self sufficiency is required. I will not tollerate anyone that has some of the problems (drugs, alchohol abuse, gambling problems, laziness, etc) that would cause them to be in debt or unemployed. I am not rich and will not completely support someone just because they don't want to work.

I do not need or want a full time house keeper that I have to financially support.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 29

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/13/2007 1:29:01 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

Ambition, drive and personality mean a lot more to me than what is in a person's bank account. Admittedly, money does make things a lot easier but I am thankful that I have that all by my lonesome. I have no desire to play mommy to someone who can not take care of themselves and function in the world. But if someone does not work or does not have a lot of money but is driven at something else, be it taking care of the home, me, kids, charity work, learning, etc then I am good to go.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 30

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/21/2007 2:28:56 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

i would yes i have my own money! oh gifts and flowers are nice but no i would not pick a submissive just for his money, i have ran into to some who are weatlhy and they are no different then anyothers they just have money. they are devoted too, just as the one with no money it is the person i care for his insides his honor and his friendship most of all. if he happen to come with money it does not matter if he comes with money but just enough to do what he needs then it is ok too.

warm wishes
mons

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 31

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/21/2007 12:38:12 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

Yes I would. I'm probably one of the few people in Southern California who is totally uninterested in money beyond food and shelter. Money comes and money goes.. but you can't purchase the traits in a good submissive. Those are, as the commercials say, priceless!

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Beach Mystress
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(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 32

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/21/2007 12:41:23 PM

Wulfchyld

Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

As far as I am concerned rich or poor doesn't matter one bit.

A job or some sort of financial self sufficiency is required. I will not tollerate anyone that has some of the problems (drugs, alchohol abuse, gambling problems, laziness, etc) that would cause them to be in debt or unemployed. I am not rich and will not completely support someone just because they don't want to work.

I do not need or want a full time house keeper that I have to financially support.

And you wonder why I didn't send you anything for valintines day. You "besmirched-O-sexuals" are just too demanding.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
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Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 33

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/21/2007 2:51:57 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

As far as I am concerned rich or poor doesn't matter one bit.

A job or some sort of financial self sufficiency is required. I will not tollerate anyone that has some of the problems (drugs, alchohol abuse, gambling problems, laziness, etc) that would cause them to be in debt or unemployed. I am not rich and will not completely support someone just because they don't want to work.

I do not need or want a full time house keeper that I have to financially support.

And you wonder why I didn't send you anything for valintines day. You "besmirched-O-sexuals" are just too demanding.

Soooooooooo, it's YOUR fault my chcolate supply is low?!?!?!?

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 34

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/21/2007 3:53:19 PM

gigininis

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/4/2007
Status: offline

Someones personalty cant be expressed by money. This is a stupid question and Dommes who go for the money are not dommes but idiots

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 35

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/21/2007 5:44:21 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gigininis
Someones personalty cant be expressed by money. This is a stupid question and Dommes who go for the money are not dommes but idiots

I didn't think the question was stupid. I do think this particular post of yours indicates you are a poor, bitter man, who lacks the social skills to get a domme with or without money though.... I could be wrong, so I hope your subsequent posts come to prove me wrong. M

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(in reply to gigininis)

Post #: 36

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/21/2007 6:11:24 PM

VeryMercurial

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Joined: 6/5/2006
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I agree with you.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

Post #: 37

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/21/2007 9:41:00 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

**Okay here is my silly Sunday question**
Would you consider a very poor submissive...?
Would you go ahead and collar this man?

They're are a lot of people who are wonderful and
who are teriffic
and who are poor. :) So of course, yes, I would. ;P

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 38

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/22/2007 12:33:18 AM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

<fast reply> As others have stated, it would depend on the reason for the *poor* financial state. And we should also define *poor* on an individual basis. What I might consider poor, others would probably read as destitute. I am a good money manager, so I have little patience with the boys who throw money around and then wonder why they are barely getting by. Or those who can't hang onto a job or manage what they have and blame everything under the sum except their own poor decisions.
I am more interested in personal responsibility than the actual amount of the bank account. Not living beyond means and not carrying heavy debt also counts with Me.
I dislike the supposedly rich boys who think their bank account can buy them a lifestyle that includes topping from the bottom just as much as I dislike the boys who think that having a relationship with Me means they can get a free roof over their heads with the additional benefit regular BDSM play and all they have to do is "serve" Me.
Bottom line (no pun intended), in a very general sense of the word *poor*, I would not be attracted to anyone who is looking for a free ride or shows little ambition in any field of endeavor. Laziness does not sit well with Me, so the relationship would never get off the ground in the first place.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 39

RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor su... - 2/24/2007 9:54:10 PM

MzMia

Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

**Okay here is my silly Sunday question**
Would you consider a very poor submissive...?
Would you go ahead and collar this man?

They're are a lot of people who are wonderful and
who are teriffic
and who are poor. :) So of course, yes, I would. ;P

Dolly you are the hottest woman on here, IMHO, if I ever become a submissive---
I will crawl over to you.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 40

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