monogamy-hopeless? (Full Version)

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novicecourtesan -> monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 8:56:37 PM)

hello...
I am new to this site, but very glad to be here.

I am searching for a dominant man in my area (NYC) and my age (27-39) who is willing to be monogamous. I feel like this is a very tall order. My fantasies of being a submissive has always been to belong to one man who will cherish and use me, like a courtesan or geisha. I am curious about many things and will probably break many boundaries, but I know that I am not into women or groups, and I would be sick if I thought my dom had to go elsewhere for sex.

I don't know if this is a common problem. My profile is still under review, so maybe it's early to be worrying about this. But I am just a vanilla girl about romance, and I know I don't want to give my body to just anyone.

Does anyone have some advice or feedback? I welcome all comments and questions...

many thanks.



SimplyMichael -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 9:03:51 PM)

Young thin women rarely lack suitors and are often in a position to demand and get monogamy.  There are plenty of people out there who want monogamy.

I would worry more about finding a sane, stable, level headed partner than anything else.  Do that and all else will likely follow.



novicecourtesan -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 9:06:28 PM)

thank you for your reply. I hope that's true. I don't necessarily want to demand monogamy; I'm hoping to find someone with the similar mindset, looking for creative, erotic monogamy. But it is very important to me, so I hope that there's a dominant man out there who feels the same way....:)

as for level-headed and sane...so far, so good.



GeekyGirl -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 9:15:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Young thin women rarely lack suitors and are often in a position to demand and get monogamy. 


Young fat women rarely lack suitors and are just as often in a position to demand and get monogamy. Has nothing to do with thinness or lack there of. Plenty of men desire a monagmous relationship with a larger woman (not all men are even attracted to thin women.)

For the record, I spent two solid years being single with absolutely NO suitors when I was a size 3. Once I hit a size 14, I had men knocking down my door. I've been single for less than 3 weeks this time and have been contacted by numerous monogamous minded men and am actually seriously talking with two of them. My biggest problem right now is choosing which one I want to go out with.

Not sure why you even brought that up...it's not relevant and honestly, it's a bit insulting.

I usually like reading your posts and find you to be intelligent but that was just a stupid and crass thing to say.

For that matter, age doesn't have much to do with it either, as I see an awful lot of older ladies, even *gasp* older FAT ladies, who are also having no problem finding monogamous partners.

ETA : Getting back on track and ending my rant: Don't give up. I have honestly met FAR more monogamous guys than poly ones. Part of that is probaby because some of the men I have been involved with were older and had tried the poly thing and come to realize it was far more trouble than it was worth. It's also probably a geographic thing. It's funny how one's raisin' stays with a person...this is texas and the bible belt and there's still plenty of men here, even kinky ones, who don't believe in poly.



trappedinamuseum -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 9:16:56 PM)

I'm sorry I just can't help myself.  Bad historian, bad!

Historically, courtesans were high-balling prostitutes.  Monogamy was not high on their lists.  Geisha is probably a better word for it.

Once again, I'm sorry.  I'll put the smartass to bed now. 



novicecourtesan -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 9:25:21 PM)

actually, it seems to me that the high-ranking courtesans were far more than prostitutes. Many were financially independent (Sarah Bernhardt) and completely devoted to one suitor, to the point of losing their jewelry and savings (Marion Davies for William Randolph Hearst, for example) or disgrace. The best courtesans (Ninon de'Echlos, Lola Montez, Caroline "La Belle Otero" Liane de Pougy) were the movie stars of their day, creating crazes for hair and dress and cuisine and entertaining that overwhelmed their status as kept women. They entertained great artists and writers in their salons (the list is never ending) and challenged the sharpest of intellectuals (Voltaire, Nietzche, etc).

The courtesan could be educated, while the wife usually was not. She could be financially independent, live alone, bear children out of wedlock, travel alone, choose a new protector over another one, refuse anyone access to her bed. A wife usually came with a dowry, could not divorce or be involved in business, and was legally considered propety.  Living outside the boundaries allowed the courtesan to be completely free. That is what I imagine--minus the financial
upkeep. I hardly think I would advertise to be a novice prostitute. :)

While money was involved was the center of the prostitute's existence, the courtesan contributed a great deal to society. At the same time, she often belonged to a protector. She may not have been required to be monogamous, (her protector obviously wasn't) but you can consider that request to be a nod to the 21st century.

Many thanks for your reply.





venusdiva429 -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 9:36:46 PM)

Girl, I hear you.

No...you know what, put it in your profile. Big and clear. Don't be afraid. If that's what in your heart, then a man that's equal to it will step up and do his best. Even with me putting that I want a serious, monogamous relationship in my profile, I'm still getting guys that are like, "Hey, baby! Yur HAWT!" I can tell right away that these guys are just out for what they can get.

Be strong. You aren't collared yet, and someone should have to win the privilege. Hey, he'll be rewarded for his efforts in the end, I'm sure!

ETA: GeekyGirl, you're lucky that you're surrounded with Southern gents. NYC guys...whew, boy.

The weight issue? Oh, puh-lease! That pic is me. I model sometimes. The only stable relationship I ever had was two years ago, and the rest have been jerks that use, use, use. Being thin doesn't get you anywhere.






BitaTruble -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 9:45:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: novicecourtesan

hello...
I am new to this site, but very glad to be here.

I am searching for a dominant man in my area (NYC) and my age (27-39) who is willing to be monogamous. I feel like this is a very tall order. My fantasies of being a submissive has always been to belong to one man who will cherish and use me, like a courtesan or geisha. I am curious about many things and will probably break many boundaries, but I know that I am not into women or groups, and I would be sick if I thought my dom had to go elsewhere for sex.

I don't know if this is a common problem. My profile is still under review, so maybe it's early to be worrying about this. But I am just a vanilla girl about romance, and I know I don't want to give my body to just anyone.

Does anyone have some advice or feedback? I welcome all comments and questions...

many thanks.



You don't have to settle for less than you want so just stick to your guns. Have you considered joining a group local to your area? You might have more success than keeping your search strictly online. Your profile is up now and you're going to be getting a lot of emails so you might want to go to your mail controls and filter out those who don't fit your criteria (location, age, females etc.) to save yourself some time. Given the intelligence of your profile, I have a feeling you're going to be too busy for the forums, but feel free to come here and ask questions if you desire. If nothing else, you'll get a multitude of perspectives, some good, some not so good, but you can filter through those as well and pick and choose what works for you.

Good luck and welcome to .. well, everything!

Celeste




amayos -> RE: Monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 10:05:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: novicecourtesan

Monogamy-hopeless?


Among humans, not hopeless—but unlikely.




venusdiva429 -> RE: Monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 10:18:01 PM)

I would really, really hope that women who hope to be someone's one-and-only are not just wishing for something stupid. I don't think so. Someone who feels that they're mature enough to fulfill this requirement would be very happy with a sub that wishes the same.



ladychatterley -> RE: Monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 10:18:58 PM)

I'm in NYC.  (Not thin, FWIW, which I think it harder in NYC than anywhere else I've lived.  It is so frustrating when you meet someone, and you can feel they are attracted to you, and they flirt for a month and finally decide you 'aren't their type'--but if they are too weak to go for what they want rather than what society expects they aren't strong enough for me anyway) I seem to be doing the monogamy thing.  However, I spent several years saying 'no thank you.'  You cannot be in a rush.  You need to find someone you click with, who values YOU and you need it for more than just the monogamy thing.  You also need it so that when life hands you a lousy week, you have someone there to support you.  You need it when you just can't handle something he wants and he is willing to compromise because of how it affects you.  You need someone that will work with the person you want to be, not against it.  It is out there--but it will take time to find.



slavegirljoy -> RE: Monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 10:31:34 PM)

courtesan (n.) A woman prostitute, especially one whose clients are members of a royal court or men of high social standing.

courtesan Synonyms:
concubine
paramour

concubine (n.) A woman who cohabits with a man without being legally married to him.
concubine (n.) In certain societies, such as imperial China, a woman contracted to a man as a secondary wife, often having few legal rights and low social status.






paramour
(n.)
A lover, especially one in an adulterous relationship.Par´a`mour`



n.
1.
A lover, of either sex; a wooer or a mistress (formerly in a good sense, now only in a bad one); one who takes the place, without possessing the rights, of a husband or wife; - used of a man or a woman.

geisha (n.) One of a class of professional women in Japan trained from girlhood in conversation, dancing, and singing in order to entertain professional or social gatherings of men.

Who are Geisha?
"Gei" means arts or performance in Japanese. "Sha" means people. Geisha are professional hostesses who entertain guests through various performing arts. Geisha girls and women are not ordinary hostesses and are not prostitutes. It's believed that the women who danced for warriers in the 11th century are the predecessors of geisha. Geisha girls and women are trained in a number of traditional skills; Japanese ancient dance, singing, playing instruments (a three stringed instrument called shamisen is an essential instrument), flower arrangement, wearing kimono, tea ceremony, calligraphy, conversation, alcohol serving manners, and more.
http://gojapan.about.com/cs/japanesegeisha/a/geisha1.htm

    There are many Dominant men who are also very comitted to being monogamous, especially men who are believers of Domestic Discipline.  i don't think that a lot of men who are looking for a mistress, geisha, or courtesan are necessarily going to be interested in monogamy, but you never know until you ask.  Be sure you know and define what it is that you are really looking for and you will find it.  Best wishes in your search.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David



juliaoceania -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 10:56:15 PM)

I am in a monogamous relationship. I specified that was what I wanted. I would not settle for less.

Just remember what you want and do not focus on those who are not a match. It only leads to frustration.



venusdiva429 -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/11/2007 11:48:44 PM)

OT: I just have to say that the subwomen of this site ROCK. So many strong ladies!



eyesopened -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/12/2007 2:05:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Young thin women rarely lack suitors and are often in a position to demand and get monogamy.  There are plenty of people out there who want monogamy.

I would worry more about finding a sane, stable, level headed partner than anything else.  Do that and all else will likely follow.


Old, chunky women also have many suitors and ALL women are in a position to demand monogamy.  Know yourself, know what you want, and yes, find a sane, stable, partner and monogamy is entirely possible.



missturbation -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/12/2007 6:14:55 AM)

I am searching for a dominant man in my area (NYC) and my age (27-39) who is willing to be monogamous. I feel like this is a very tall order.

Not a tall order as such but can be a difficult path to follow. It has been my finding through research that monogamy is not the natural sexual path for humans to follow.



QuietlySeeking -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/12/2007 6:25:17 AM)

It is not hopeless....it is just difficult as is anything that is truly worthy.

Stay the course; it may take a long time, but you will find what you need if you don't give up.

QS



viperess -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/12/2007 6:28:25 AM)

Greetings,

Good luck in your search. Believe me when your profile is accepted you will have them beating down your door so to speak. Heck as an OLD BBW when i first came to collarme i had messages out the gazoo from all over the place. There are many who do want a monogamous relation and you will find most that are into the poly world are very upfront about that also. Again good luck in your search.

viperess slave of CTDOM4sub



KatyLied -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/12/2007 6:33:22 AM)

quote:

There are plenty of people out there who want monogamy.


Please....point them in my direction.  I have found it difficult to find a Dom who is interested in monogamy.  Actually I've found it so difficult that I've stopped looking for one.



Serista -> RE: monogamy-hopeless? (2/12/2007 6:42:17 AM)

Monogamy is definitely not hopeless. My Master is completely monogamous and would not have it any other way. The idea of me being intimate with or submitting to someone else does not appeal to him; furthermore, any time he would spend with someone else is time away from me- again, something that does not appeal to him.

I am his partner, his slave, his wife, his best friend, his conscience and everything in between.

I have never had any difficulty finding a man who only wanted to be with me. Do not settle for things that will not make you happy.










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