Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (Full Version)

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WhiteRadiance -> Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/12/2007 6:07:07 PM)

I enjoy letting my slave show off his talents to the Ladies at parties. One of his great joys and talents is pedicure and foot care.  However, there seems to be a certain element (not many) who think that because I allow him to be useful to them, it makes him their slave.
These "ladies" expect him to follow their orders and do things for them that goes beyond his comfort level.
 
I have no problem with him being useful or tending to them as long as both are ok with it- but what's up with this attitude of "he's a sub so I can do what I want"?  
 



SCDommie -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/12/2007 6:19:59 PM)

I tend to agree with you on this one.    I allowed my slave to act as a Domme's slave so that I could learn from it. 
Next thing I know, Male Doms came in with floggers that had studs on them. 
At that time I was to knew to stop it, but I would not have a problem now picking up and walking out the door.
My advice is to make sure they understand your rules before you start out.  Also, make sure they know that is not their sub/slave.

SCD



draba -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/12/2007 8:43:42 PM)

I agree also. I recently had walked into a session at my Mistress's and one of her friends grabed me as I walked in the door. She put several marks on my butt and when my Mistress saw what was happening, she took over. I am grateful to have such a good Mistress. I was told after that I am never see that other Mistyress and I would never be shared again. My Mistress wants me for herself.



LadyHugs -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/12/2007 9:33:28 PM)

Dear WhiteRadiance, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Your original post is really a sad situation indeed but, unfortunately has been an attitude of Dominants both men and women and in the Gay, Lesbian and Pansexual communities for some time now.
 
I too, wish to know where or when this 'attitude' and or 'behavior' has been allowed to flourish in the community at large.  I confess, I really would like said behavior and or attitude, that collared submissives and or slaves are to be treated like unclaimed property--cease.
 
It really makes 'giving' Dominants think twice to offer services, as to aid and or help other Dominants, such as getting food and or drinks; as well as to serve within their limits.  Justified in my mind's eyes.
 
I must wonder outloud, if the current culture of the community, where 'anything goes' and or 'do your own thing' has hurt and or promoted this Dominant superiority, even over the Dominant who owns and has collared slaves/submissives.  In my time, such behavior would have had that Dominant removed from premises and at least an apology to both the slave/submissive and the Owner/Dominant.
 
All I can say is, that there might be a time where no Dominants will share their slave/submissive, as to be kind and or helpful, as there are no fixed and firm etiquette/manners/protocol in place to make it prohibited in the first place to take liberties with a collared slave and or submissive beyond what that Owner deems appropriate.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs
 
 



undergroundsea -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/12/2007 9:46:05 PM)

I think the subs can play a role towards a remedy by speaking up when a boundary is crossed.

Cheers,

Sea



MadameDahlia -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/12/2007 10:01:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

I think the subs can play a role towards a remedy by speaking up when a boundary is crossed.

Cheers,

Sea


I second that.

I would hope that it would be clear to anyone I considered -Mine- that they were to think for themselves... and speak up when they felt that the actions of another had become unacceptable.

I would ask them to drop any and all fantasy aspects when dealing with someone who did not know them as I know them. I don't want to have to micromanage someone because s/he can't tell the different between being polite and being trampled.

That said, should it rest entirely on the shoulders of the submissive/slave? Absolutely not. Seeing as how you (The Dominant) have taken them (the submissive/slave) as your responsibility and/or property you should make sure that other Dom/mes understand what you are comfortable allowing and what you would appreciate them refraining from.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/12/2007 10:15:33 PM)

I would think it's your responsibility to stop the submission to another who is crossing boundaries and treating you and your property disrespectfully, but that is just me.    M



nephandi -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 2:13:31 AM)

i dont understand pepole that think like this, even in a Master/slave relationship, if some other pice of property is in the question, everyone know to ask, pepole dont just come into my home and take my DVDs, they ask can i borrow this one, also if an pice of property is lended out it is expected it will be handeld as it is suposed to, a borrowd DVD for exsample is not used as a frisbee. Why do pepole think it will be different whit slaves, that they can just come in and make use of another`s slave whitout premission becouse they are Dominant. Even if one push aside the fact it is disrespectful to the slave or submissive, it is also disrespectful to their Dominant.

i am all for having to serve other Dominats than my Master and treat all Dominats whit respect, but there are limits to what he want me to do for others, at least whitout asking him first, and such limits i think it is inportant that be respected.



LadyEllen -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 2:39:58 AM)

Never seen it happening this way round, but have heard of it, and the fall out that can occur if its not controlled properly. Worst instance was a relationship break up, (eventually), when the guy was left with deep fingernail scratches in an area not easy to conceal in the outside world and became very upset. It was an instance where whilst he was OK with his lady doing as she would, he regarded this other lady's attention as unwanted and not agreed; sure, he had agreed to show respect and to serve all of the ladies there, but what wasnt agreed was any contact. From others' witness, it wasnt accidental either, and it sort of reminded me from what I heard, of a child who, jealous of another's toys, set out to damage them.

But then I've also experienced it from the other side. Its nice that others are prepared to share and so on, but I find it can be uncomfortable too, if one isnt given any choice in the matter, and is roped in to what is really someone else's scene. One can walk away of course, but then it appears more of a rejection of the people involved, and though its daft to think this way, seems rude of me, when really it was the imposition on me which was rude in the first place. Invitation is one thing, but imposition is another, especially when one is simply expected to play along to rules one hasnt been appraised of.

E



Lashra -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 5:01:29 AM)

I have never had this happen as we haven't gotten into public or private parties yet. But I have instructed him already that no one touches him unless I am there and give permission. I am very protective of my sub and if someone touched him I wouldn't take it very nicely. ASK before you touch, don't assume that all subs are fair game.

~Lashra



SCDommie -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 5:51:27 AM)

The incident with the MaleDom at the Dungeon party happened when I was learning how to flog.  I allowed her to use him as my way of paying her back. She taught me a lot of skills.
Now, I would take my slave out of that environment in a minute.   She allowed things to get out of hand, and the fact that I was new at that time, made it difficult. 
I learned a lot from the experience.  My slave stood by me as he always does. 
One thing you have to remember about the Dungeon parties is once the energy level gets to going, everything goes out the window. 
My slave is fine.  He did not complain, but I did not like that Male Dom being around him.  The male Dom was a lot bigger than I was.  LOL

SCD



Isaidnow -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 9:44:02 AM)

I have never shared a sub yet, but they will be told  that if  'anyone' tries to push past their boundries that they are allowed to stop it themselves if I am not there at that exact moment in time.  No-one abuses anyone that serves me.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 10:31:45 AM)

It happens. You'll have to train him to simply say, "I don't have permission to do that." when they ask him to do something he's uncomfortable with. If they then turn to you for permission, you will have to train yourself to say, "No."

Master Fire



LadyHugs -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 8:07:13 PM)

Dear undergroundsea, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
I do agree, that slaves and submissives do have a voice, as to speak up and make the displeasure of boundaries crossed known.
 
I also will mention, that some (repeating on purpose) some, slaves and or submissives can invite trouble by their behaviors as well.  I have seen at times submissives 'tease' as to provoke a response out of Dominants.  I wouldn't approve of my slave/submissive doing such but, I know some Dominants find it 'cute.'  
 
I cannot help but replay General George S. Patton's words in my mind, in the movie "Patton"--George C. Scott as Patton.  .."If they don't look like soldiers, act like soldiers--how can you expect them to fight like soldiers."  I can say that about what causes problems within society and or in the BDSM culture and or M/s community, et. al. 
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



DiurnalVampire -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 8:10:35 PM)

This issue is particularly why I dont allow my boy to play with others.  I have a hard neough time with his comfort level, I cant imagine trying to handle him with someone else.  Id never trust someone else with him, to respect not ony my limits but his limits.

DV



LadyHugs -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 8:25:01 PM)

Dear LadyEllen, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
You bring up good points of being imposed upon and being polite are put into a position to where its rude no matter what.
 
I was at a local convention, to where I was not attended by a slave.  A gentleman I knew wasn't able to grasp an concept so, I looked about for a shirtless boy/slave.  So, I approached the Master of the shirtless boy and explained briefly my need and both were happy to assist in showing how the positions of arms affect the back and how the spine lowers and muscles come forward as to take impact on the shoulders.
But, I approached and asked politely, if I could impose on them.  If they would be imposed upon, we could part most civil and delightfully so. 

When done, I thanked the slave and accompanied the slave back to his Master and praised him and also gave my deep appreciation to the use of the slave.  But, what was the bonus on all this; was that not only the person I was explaining the concept to benefits, the slave was excited in learning something new, he told his Master and he was excited also!

I am of the conviction, that how a person approaches another has much to do with how the response will follow and or be.  I also do not take 'no' as personal.  I often take it as a matter of timing and or
circumstances.

I am careful to ask "May I..."  as to give the other the least dominant approach as well.  In my mind's eyes, when I say "May I," it offers the others a kind way to excuse themselves out of the request and or to accept the request.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



WhiteRadiance -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/13/2007 8:48:42 PM)

Thank you all for your opinions.  I have set rules of conduct for my boy as well as those who play with him. It is quite disheartening that I must explain- "this toy is mine and I treasure him- please enjoy his gift and remember who owns him."
 
Master Fire- excellent point- He must learn to speak up when he is uncomfortable, and say he does not have permission.  And I do not give permission when he is uncomfortable. But as Lady Ellen said- it seems then to be a rejection. So it can be uncomfortable for all involved! 
 
Since this querry about stepping over bounds was made on a public message board- I felt rather put on the spot- as did my slave. I had promised his services for this party, and felt ridiculous posting "rules" as to how he would be used. I instead decided to deal with it in person. 
 
The next time I offer his service, it will be at a closed party, with people I know well and who respect my boy. 
 
 
 



MsKatHouston -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/14/2007 7:57:26 AM)

Don't feel bad about making your rules known.  Without them, someone may assume something is ok when it is not.  I doubt anyone would be offended by ensuring your rules for your slave are known so no unintentional faux pas is made.  I also agree with ensuring your slave knows the rules and discuss how he is expected to deal with someone who tries to over step bounds either intentionally or unintentionally.  It can all be done very tactfully without feelings or pride getting hurt. 



nephandi -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/14/2007 8:09:44 AM)

If somone try to use me for somthing my Master do not want i am instructed to plitly say. No i am sorry Sir/Maam but my Master do not premit me to do that. Or Forgive me Sir/Maam but that go outside of my comfort sone, you will ahve to ask my Master first.



bandit25 -> RE: Dom/mes treating subs as "fair game" (2/14/2007 8:14:55 AM)

MFM, do you honestly believe that someone has to be "trained" to say that he doesn't have permission?  I don't know about others, but no one would ever have to "train" me to tell someone to get their hands or any other instruments off me.



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