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blue^elf -> Uppercase and lowercase nicks on the internet (3/11/2005 8:00:22 PM)
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Hi all,
I hope this won't sound wrong. But I want to say something about so-called internet protocols. That is, certain ways BDSM people talk and behave in chat on the internet.
I was just watching a not too friendly discussion about uppercase and lowercase nicks on IRC again. A new sub came in with an uppercase nick, and was instantly seen as a Domme because of the uppercase nick. She didn't know about the "rule", and was quite surprised. Boy did she get to hear it when she mentioned it. Then the discussion turned less friendly.
I got annoyed, I couldn't help it. My tolerance for intolerant people is shrinking. It got too stupid when people said it was disrespectful for a sub not to lowercase her nick.
I am a submissive. In all my time in BDSM channels on IRC (almost 6 1/2 years) I have used a lowercase nick. Most of that time I have used the nick I am using now - blue^elf. But 3 times in these years I have capped up. Or rather, I have used my real name: Karl. I have done that to show how stupid it gets when people make up silly internet rules and don't use their brains.
Most of the time I follow the normal ways people behave in these channels. I have my lowercase nick, I address Dommes as Ma'am, when I talk to Dommes I say "You" rather than "you", and so on. I don't have a problem with it. But I also know that those things aren't rules carved in stone. And I know it is an internet thing, not real life BDSM.
Sometimes I get really annoyed or just laugh when people seem to think that those rules are super important. They often call themselves "real life BDSM'ers", but they still see internet slang as hard rules. It's too stupid.
Turn your computer off. Turn your back to it, go out your door and meet BDSM people in real life. That is, face to face, close enough to touch them. Then see how much the difference between an uppercase and a lowercase nickname is worth. Pronounce (that is, with your voice, not a keyboard) an uppercase and a lowercase nick and show me the difference.
I hear people say that you have to have a way to see the difference on line between dominants and submissives. There aren't many ways to show it on line, so you need a special way to show it. Well...
Look out into the real world. Peek into a BDSM club for a moment. Sure, you may see differences between submissives and dominants at a party where the participants are wearing the typical fetish gear. But then consider that BDSM is much more than staged parties. Look outside of the clubs. Take 50 real life BDSM'ers and look at them outside of the party/fetish setting. Who is the Dom or Domme, and who is the submissive? Just look at them. Don't talk to them. Just look. Maybe you can tell with a few of them, but I bet that with most of them you can't tell for sure if they are dominant or submissives just by looking at them.
Most BDSM'ers don't "look like" dominants or submissives. Many submissives can look pretty dominant in their everyday life, even if they are clearly submissive in some ways. Dominants can be quiet and not super extrovert. And certainly not the demanding, bossy types they are often made out to be in BDSM clichés. And BDSM people don't wear a fetish costume 24 hours a day. To be certain of what they are, you have to TALK to them! Or at the very least, watch them interact with others. People don't wear big signs on their back or chest saying "I am a dominant!" or "I am a submissive!".
That's exactly how it is on the internet, too. You have to talk with people, or at least watch them with others, to know for certain what they are. At least that's how it would be if people had a little bit more patience. But normal talking takes time. It's much easier if you can just look at a nick and then throw yourself at the feet of the nearest uppercase person. Or throw out commands to the nearest lowercase person.
I still don't see a problem with it if people don't take it all too seriously. But when people make these stupid shortcuts into hard rules, it gets plain ridiculous.
You may have noticed that I am writing this post in plain English. English isn't my first language, but I speak it fairly well, so I manage. I could have lowercased my own "I" (i) and said "BDSM P/people" and so on. But that would have been bad English, and not very easy to read. It can work in chat to a degree. But not in a post or a letter.
So some people think it is disrespectful of a submissive to not use a lowercase nick in chat. Well, my name has an uppercase letter at the start of it. Karl, not karl. Oh, and Olsen, not olsen. All real names are like that, both in English speaking countries and in Norway where I am from. It is certainly disrespectful for anyone to demand that I lowercase my name. I use a lowercase nick on IRC, but that is my own choice. I follow what is most normal on IRC. But if people start demanding that I do it, then I am not playing the game anymore.
If you can't show respect in other ways than by using uppercase or lowercase nicks and other words on line, you are hopeless and need to learn a lesson or ten about respect.
Some people say that chat (in this case IRC) is different, and that no matter how "real life" you are, you have to abide by the "rules" that are on chat. However, the very same people usually make a big point *in chat* out of how real life they are. The very same people who tell people to follow the internet slang, often put others down for playing on line.
I don't have a lot of real life experience. And I have done my share of cyber play, even plain cyber sex at times. But I have seen real life BDSM. I have talked with people, I have been to clubs, and I have played a little. I am not a different person when I am talking on line. I am still the same me.
I dare say that real life is still more important than cyber play. Uppercase or lowercase nicks don't get any more important just because some people say they do. Playing on IRC and other kinds of chat is fine. But we need to know about real life, too. And many people obviously need to be reminded that even if they are only playing on line, other people are not. For me, I am a submissive, not a "cyber sub", even if I sometimes play on line. There is a difference there.
To conclude: Live by the "uppercase/lowercase rule" if you want to. But don't expect that everyone else will. Such "rules" are an internet invention, not real BDSM. They have nothing to do with respect. It's fine if most people behave that way. But there are exceptions, and those people are doing nothing wrong. Live with it. Life isn't easy, not even on the internet.
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