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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 8:21:13 PM

SimplyMichael

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I don't know, hasn't happened, but I am enjoying reading about how others deal with the mistakes they seem to make.

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 9:14:16 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
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From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

After being on these boards for a while now, I know that "our" dominants aren't wrong very often..but..(and isn't there always a but..lol)..

If you find out that you did indeed punish your submissive partner in (gasp) error, what do you do?

Inquiring minds and all that....

cheers
jk

I apologize and correct it as best I can. I screw up now and then, I'm human.

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 9:28:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
Fine and I never said you did. I was simply giving the guy some advice from my own POV. You're beginning to annoy me. For once, try responding to the person posting, as opposed to flaming someone elses beliefs, k?

Wow, I know there are fair-weather posters here, but I don't think I've ever had anyone change their minds about me quite as fast.

Almost exactly five hours before you posted this you said to me:
Just thought you should know you have been noticed and admired for your wisdom, as well as how you can explain a point without being judgemental or criticising the person who put up the topic and/or their opinions.

What brought you to the conclusion that I was flaming someone's beliefs just because I clearly stated my disagreement and basis for said disagreement of them?

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 9:59:01 PM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
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I've only been wrong once in my life. I thought I had made a mistake...but I was mistaken.

This topic is yet another reason why I feel punishment has no place is my relationships. I have experienced this from the other side and the dom in question did, I suppose, feel guilty and try to do something for me to make up for his mistake. It didn't really make me feel better, only respect him less because of his quickness to jump to conclusions and punishment without having a firm grasp on the reality of a situation. I think he also got off on treating me badly and then making ammends...I think it was some sort of mental/emotional sadism.

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 10:49:37 PM

obey1

Posts: 227
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

I've only been wrong once in my life. I thought I had made a mistake...but I was mistaken.

This topic is yet another reason why I feel punishment has no place is my relationships. I have experienced this from the other side and the dom in question did, I suppose, feel guilty and try to do something for me to make up for his mistake. It didn't really make me feel better, only respect him less because of his quickness to jump to conclusions and punishment without having a firm grasp on the reality of a situation. I think he also got off on treating me badly and then making ammends...I think it was some sort of mental/emotional sadism.

Your screen name kills me, LOL. It is well deserved.

I use 'correction'. In 'correction' there is ample time to talk and discover who made the faux pas. If it is me there is never any CP or 'punishment' at all. If I choose to escalate the correction into punishment of some sort, there may be childish feelings of "I see what I did wrong you don't have to punish me." but as we all know with children, sometimes you have to follow through. She will be forced to speak out what it is she is being punished for when it happens. In that way she is motivated to disclose all the facts during correction so that she cannot trump later with feelings of guilt.

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 5:18:47 AM

Arastella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
Fine and I never said you did. I was simply giving the guy some advice from my own POV. You're beginning to annoy me. For once, try responding to the person posting, as opposed to flaming someone elses beliefs, k?

Wow, I know there are fair-weather posters here, but I don't think I've ever had anyone change their minds about me quite as fast.

Almost exactly five hours before you posted this you said to me:
Just thought you should know you have been noticed and admired for your wisdom, as well as how you can explain a point without being judgemental or criticising the person who put up the topic and/or their opinions.

What brought you to the conclusion that I was flaming someone's beliefs just because I clearly stated my disagreement and basis for said disagreement of them?

Because you do it to at least someone in almost every forum you write in. You HAVE to let everyone know you disagree and think they're wrong. And yeah, I have never changed my opinion of someone so quickly before either, but my initial idea of you is she likes to give advice, now my idea of you is make yourself look smarter than everyone else, make sure everyone knows when you disagree and it annoys EVERYONE. I've been warned by many to back off and discontinue communication with you. I've been told you must spend all day on the computer since you manage to respond to almost every forum, and you are notorious for flaming, starting arguments, and annoying others. I have been told you're also a self proclaimed slut. Communication discontinued.

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 5:44:42 AM

WhiplashSmile

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I have been reading all these wonderful posts. There are a few things I thought I could add. Punishment should generally not be handed out left and right. That is True Punishment, not speaking about S&M recreational past time punishment abuse. Playful kinds of punishment.

The type and form of punishment makes a big difference. Punishment does not mean it has to be cruel to get the lesson across. If your Dom is dishing out heavy punishment which is not grounded in valid reality, and does not realize or admit they are making a mistake, they need to be snapped back into reality. Some DOMs which are insecure will punish for imagined wrong doings. I suppose for some you NO LIMITS slaves or subs, you can deal with this.

The Question you have to ask yourself, does unjust punishment cross your limits or not? What are you willing to deal with? For some of you happy hardcore people this issue may not even be an option to consider. I think I am making a fair statement that the Majority of people in this lifestyle, this may be an issue at some point in time.

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 6:03:45 AM

SirDominic

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krikket,
Dominants make mistakes just like anybody else. A good one is confident enough to honestly admit a mistake, and sincerely apologize for it. There should follow a discussion about how the miscommunication happened so both parties can learn not to make the same mistake again. I am not likely to "make it up to them", that is a vanilla guit trip quality that I have no use for. I don't do guilt. If I make a mistake, I correct it, apologize for it, correct the behavior. Those are all far better uses of my time than doing a guilt trip, which benefits nobody.

This issue is also the primary reason that I don't punish when I am angry. Clouded judgement is not the time. If I perceive a need to punish, I do so only when I am calm and in complete control of myself. I also explain why she is being punished beforehand so she understands the exact reasons.

Any supposed dom who can't or won't admit a mistake is, to my mind, not someone a sub would want to be involved with.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 6:13:16 AM

heartfeltsub

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Though LA doesn't need me to defend her "honor," all i can say is wow do you have her wrong. She would be the first to say that her style of answering may not be to everyone's taste, but by no means is she guilty of starting flames or attacks. Might want to check how you are perceiving comments that are not intended in the way that it seems you are receiving them. Be careful when using terms like everyone, because here is one part of everyone who does not see LA the way you apparently have chosen to. And LA is proudly a slut, as are many more on this site.

* Editted to add an additional thought.

heartfelt

< Message edited by heartfeltsub -- 2/15/2007 6:15:33 AM >

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 7:04:24 AM

SimplyMichael

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Arastella,

Adults discuss ideas and in order to do so, we lay out our opinions and then the reasons we hold those opinions. That is not attacking someone.

If I say "at 19, you aren't old enough to know what you are talking about" and I say that because at that age you have likely only had a few relationships lasting more than a year or two, have never been in a long term relationship and thus have no idea of the patterns that these things often take" isn't an attack.

If I said "you are too young and stupid to have any idea what you are talking about and should never address your betters this way" THAT would be an attack.

Here is another example, by dismissing LA as a "self proclaimed slut" you have clearly shown how limited your understanding of relationships, integrity, self worth and sexuality because you either haven't bothered to learn or can't grasp the context in which LA uses the word slut.

That isn't an attack on you, if I simply said you are too stupid to grasp her use of the word slut, THAT would be an attack.

LA is one of the few here of whom I ask advice, I don't always like it but unlike some here, it is based on years of experience, deep self awareness, and a level of brutal honesty that I find very refreshing. Trust me, not "everyone" finds her annoying!

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 7:19:11 AM

MaryT

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Duplicate post.

< Message edited by MaryT -- 2/15/2007 7:23:17 AM >

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 7:22:16 AM

MaryT

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella

Because you do it to at least someone in almost every forum you write in. You HAVE to let everyone know you disagree and think they're wrong. And yeah, I have never changed my opinion of someone so quickly before either, but my initial idea of you is she likes to give advice, now my idea of you is make yourself look smarter than everyone else, make sure everyone knows when you disagree and it annoys EVERYONE.

LOL. I think your perception is a little distorted. There are a few posters whose posts I try to never miss because their judgment seems very sound, and LA is one.

I am also a self-proclaimed slut, as are many women seeking to reclaim their sexuality from a puritanical culture.

MaryT

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 7:23:36 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

I have punished quickly when I knew for a fact that they were guilty of the offense, without a doubt. If there is any possibility that they arent, or theres a miscommunication about there actualy being an offense at all, I will discuss the point in detail before the punishment is done. Usually by the end of it, they feel so guilty if they actualy did do somehting wron, the punishment is almost unnecessary. I have gotten snappy with Angel over things that werent truly offenses before, and apologied afterwards. Unfortunately, stress can shorten ones fuse, which is why I avoid actual physical punishment unless the offense is a major one.
I have nothing against admitting I can be wrong. I have nothing against apologizing. However, Angel knows this and some of the others I have known would hav ebeen better off learning it, if I am open enough to admit I made a mistake, and you throw it up in my face... we are going to have problems.

My 2 cents
DV
[/quote ]

Question regarding highlighted sentence in your quote: Do you then punish him? Or do you not? And why?

LBO

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 7:42:29 AM

bearincuffs

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I'd like to say something from a sub's point of view, if I may. On the few occassions when my Master has punished/repermanded me in error on His part, He has appologised, after I clarified the issue. Once the appology is given and we move on.

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An it harm none, do as thou wilt
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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 7:52:30 AM

Valyraen

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I'm not terribly big on punishment... usually, a quick censure will do the trick. There have been times that I'm too quick to snap at my sub, though, and thankfully she's got enough fire in her to snap right back at me. When that happens, we both take a minute to cool down and talk about things, I apologize for being too hasty, and we move on. We've gotten to the point of warning one another explicitly when we're out-of-sorts, to the tune of "suggesting" that she leave me alone while I get it out of my system.

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 7:53:41 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arastella
Because you do it to at least someone in almost every forum you write in. You HAVE to let everyone know you disagree and think they're wrong.

No really I don't. Trust me I temper a LOT of what I say here and hold back a heck of a lot- that's what socializing is for me.

quote:

And yeah, I have never changed my opinion of someone so quickly before either, but my initial idea of you is she likes to give advice, now my idea of you is make yourself look smarter than everyone else, make sure everyone knows when you disagree and it annoys EVERYONE.

Oh it annoys plenty, but not nearly everyone. It didn't annoy you until now.

quote:

I've been warned by many to back off and discontinue communication with you. I've been told you must spend all day on the computer since you manage to respond to almost every forum, and you are notorious for flaming, starting arguments, and annoying others.

Not for flaming. I don't start arguments intentionally, but raucous discussion can occur.

Frankly it sounds like you've made cyber friends with a few people who are notorious for disliking me and are going with what they say because it makes you feel closer to them and gives you something to high five eachother in emails about. I'd much prefer you come to this assessment of me on your own rather than just a few warnings. At least I respect you enough to make up your own mind about people here.

quote:

I have been told you're also a self proclaimed slut. Communication discontinued.

Oh and a whore, absolutely. Though I have no idea what the relevance is to this conversation.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 2/15/2007 7:54:12 AM >

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 8:05:02 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Not for flaming. I don't start arguments intentionally, but raucous discussion can occur.

This reminded me of Monty Python's, "I'd like to buy an argument."

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 8:07:26 AM

findmedaddy

Posts: 254
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From: Maine
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

LA is one of the few here of whom I ask advice, I don't always like it but unlike some here, it is based on years of experience, deep self awareness, and a level of brutal honesty that I find very refreshing. Trust me, not "everyone" finds her annoying!

I was amazed to see that LA is only 26 years old. That's a short time to have gained the experience and self-awareness you note.

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 8:21:38 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
This reminded me of Monty Python's, "I'd like to buy an argument."

OMG one of our favorites!!

That's not an argument!

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RE: When you're wrong - 2/15/2007 8:22:42 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: findmedaddy
I was amazed to see that LA is only 26 years old. That's a short time to have gained the experience and self-awareness you note.

Oops, I had my birthday last week and didn't update the profile. I'm 27 now.

Does that help?

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