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RE: Some silly questions... - 3/14/2005 9:37:29 PM   
GentleLady


Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		LASub4Real

Very well said and appreciated by Me at least.

Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/15/2005 1:01:06 AM   
KCbuttslut4U


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		MizSuz: Soooo... what you're basically saying is that it's a bit like riding a bike. Even if you don't do it for a long time, it's something you never really forget how to do. Simple really... Thank you Ma'am.

Incidentally, i read your post this morning, Ma'am, and didn't respond then because of your closing question. What do i bring to the table? i spent a lot of time thinking about that today, and will likely think about it for some time. i actually have a lot to offer a Domme with a strong enough personality to train me. i'm strong willed, and extremely task oriented. When i do a thing, i do it until it is done correctly to the absolute best of my ability. That is a constant in every aspect of my life. The Domme that can bend my will to her own ends will not find me lacking in many tasks.

Of all the posts, yours has been the most thought provoking Ma'am.

Fortunately, i AM familiar with the concept of supply and demand. i'm also a patient man. Because i too have my standards, i do not expect to meet anyone anytime soon. As i said in an earlier post though, a simple task is rarely worth doing...

i have been on ALT for almost 2 years, and on Bondage for about 9 months. In that time, i've only contacted 3 women who seemed promising. Most Domme's profiles simply do not suggest to me that they have the willpower to undertake training someone like me. i do not casually e-mail every local Domme just because she shares my area code. Believe me, i have no reason to be angry or feel rejected as everyone else seems to think, LOL!

GentleLady: Thank you for your response Ma'am. It reinforces some of the earlier responses. i enjoyed reading your post very much.

LASub4Real: i know your a sub-n-all, but my hats off to you Sir! Thank you for your insightful response. Incidentally, loved the profile. Very witty.

Last, and yes, least...

GddssBella: As a matter of fact, yes you did indeed suggest that i pay a professional Domme to get kinky sex. Anyone who can read the English language can see that. Here it is again...
quote:

I'm continually amazed just how cheap some guys are. There are skilled Pro-Dommes everywhere. They don't give a whit (usually) about marital status or other contributing factors. So long as you pay their fee & agree to the terms they set, your need for anal reaming would be satisfied.

Here's a hint buttslut, stop whining & go pony up the money. In the long run, you'll be happier because you'll get exactly what you want. Bent over, lubed, & taken for a ride along the hershey highway.

You said it, you might as well own it instead of trying to cover it up with more blow and bluster. Since your mastery of the written word is dubious at best, i'm not surprised that you found my tone "pissy" and "snippy." Considering the vile and contemptuous tone of your own posts, i'm really having a hard time thinking you might actually have some redeeming qualities that would give me some measure of respect for you or your opinions.

Thank you all.





(in reply to GentleLady)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/15/2005 7:49:25 AM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		Holas all!

{chuckling}

buttslut, I could care less what your opinion is of me. My tone was interpreted in that manner because it simply doesn't conform to your liking. Tough. Obviously, you've never even approached a Pro-Domme, because strap-on play is NOT considered sexual in nature to the ladies I personally know. The sexual contact must be connected to their bodies, not yours. Nor is it considered sexual contact by legal standards. It won't get the ladies arrested. Get your facts straight before you try to blow smoke up people's backsides.

Let's touch on ~your~ lack of mastery over the written word. I found plenty of spelling & grammatical errors in your posts & profile. Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Your entire tone throughout the thread has been to accuse dommes of not catering to your whim. Here's the first lesson: to be submissive is to be humble. Look it up. Possessing a strong will is fine. For myself, I've never appreciated a doormat. There IS however a difference in expressing yourself in a firm manner & being outright rude. Resorting to name calling only demeans yourself.

I've never pulled any punches with anyone. I don't back down either. I'm brutally honest, concise & to the point. Perhaps residing in the city that never sleeps has conditioned me to not swallow a b/s story when I hear one. Whatever. If that disturbs you, ignore my posts instead of commenting on them.


Stay safe all, play nice, & share your toys w/ others....





Bella



_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to KCbuttslut4U)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/15/2005 2:16:25 PM   
LadyTantalize


Posts: 242
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KCbuttslut4U

Interesting responses. Pretty useless mostly, but interesting... Lets re-cap some of the highlights, shall we?

quote:

As for your comments about Dommes refining their skills, note that learning how to use an instrument properly is a very small part of being a Domme. Being a Domme has so much more to do with the power inside. Perhaps once you realise that, you might *click* more with your local Dommes.

Why would i want to "click" with someone who honestly believes this without an outstanding medical plan? Your "power inside" doesn't mean you know jello from corn nuts when a submissives safety is involved.
Question: What good is that "power inside" without someone to have power over, even if only for a short time?

quote:

This is fine to acknowledge, and I do the same. But the message you posted is rather undiplomatic, especially for someone so new. And I hate to break the news to you, but you really should know this: **Dommes do not lack for male subs**. You and I are on the wrong side of the supply/demand ratio. It means we have to be extra careful not to offend.

Thank you for the advice Chris. Wise words. As undiplomatic as my question seems, it was written in a sincere effort to understand something that i have observed through reading profiles. i realize that male subs are a dime a dozen, my questions were aimed at the quality of male subs an unpracticed Domme might expect to find, as well as how important keeping skilled at domination is to a Domme. However, since you responded consider this; as a male submissive, how wise do you think it would be to submit to, say CBT, if you were reasonably certain that a Domme is unskilled in that activity. Is that session worth the risk of permanent, irreversable damage?

quote:

It amuses Me you question about whips and floggers getting a workout when all it is you want is to be farked with a strap-on and be used as an oral sex service boy. So tell Me what whip skill inparticular are you offering these Mistresses a chance to hone?

Actually, thats sort of the point, now isn't it? What kind of twit would let someone who doesn't know what they're doing smack them around with a single-tail just because they happen to own one? i would think that more submissives would be concerned about that sort of thing. While i dearly love being "farked" with a strap-on, in order to move into a more involved sort of play, sanity tells me that emergency room visits are a bad thing.

quote:

I'm continually amazed just how cheap some guys are. There are skilled Pro-Dommes everywhere. They don't give a whit (usually) about marital status or other contributing factors. So long as you pay their fee & agree to the terms they set, your need for anal reaming would be satisfied.

Here's a hint buttslut, stop whining & go pony up the money. In the long run, you'll be happier because you'll get exactly what you want. Bent over, lubed, & taken for a ride along the hershey highway.

Interesting comments, and a little hypocritical considering the comments in your own profile GddsBella. You are searching for "One who knows that this lifestyle is less about kinky sex than the connection; the power exchange between a dominant & a submissive." Yet your suggestion is that i pay someone for kinky sex rather than find a way to find someone with whom to connect in a power exchange. Here's a hint GddsBella, anyone can use someone elses own words against them. It's a pointless endeavor, and childish at best. Thank you for allowing me this time to connect with my own inner child though.

quote:

I find it interesting that you assume that Dommes can't practice their skills unless they are with a play partner. I have spent some time using my floggers and whip on pillows in order to practice my aim. I choose not to play with every sub that comes along because D/s is a very emotional and physical thing for me, and it's something I choose to experience with someone with whom I have a deeper connection.

Thank you very much. i appreciate the straightforward response SecretDomme. That actually does help clear up some of my questions.

quote:

Everyone comes into the BD/SM world with a different agenda. and you will eventually come to realize this. Perhaps you have not found someone who you are on the same page with and maybe you might not find that person with your current attitude. Suggestions were given for you to see a pro Dom but from the tone of your post it doesn't sound like you would want to give a monetary tribute (and they aren't cheap!) for the lady's time because it sounds like you feel you are somehow owed free playtime for Dommes to practice on. you are so wrong.

Um, actually no. The point of my questions were intended to find out how important Domme's think a working knowledge of there skills are. A professional Domme would not be likely to attract a very large clientel if she was ignorant of how to use her equipment. In a private sense, my questions go to the quality of submissives a Domme is likely to attract if she does not practice her skills, as well as the safety of their potentual submissives.

quote:

Why do you assume We are abstaining?
Silly boy, with the silly questions. My play skills have nothing to do with whether or not you can do the dishes, clean My bathroom, wash My car, and countless other tasks you would be required to perform. My strap-on, which you so badly want, is not for your pleasure. It is for Mine.

Why yes, as a matter of fact, i would love to experience your strap-on. Thats not the point of these questions though Ma'am. Sorry, that just had to be said. I digress...
quote:

If you are lounging around a club or party with the attitude that you are there only to play, then it is about you, isn't it? Most Dominas are not going to be attracted to that aura!

Let me use your line of thought for a moment. If you were lounging in a club, or at a party and obviously lacking in competency or any real skill, what sort of submissive would be attracted to your "I am Woman, hear me roar" aura if thats the only thing you really have to offer?

Oh well, we live, we learn not to ask serious questions in the "Ask a Mistress" Forum...

Thank you



Serious questions always apply here, but We prefer to be posed questions with more of a polite and sincere demeanor. Possibly you are completely sincere, but might I suggest a few things to ponder.......

I mean no offense in My words and only share such as possibly giving you reason to think and further explore your needs, the leather lifestyle, your attitude and the possible reasons you are not finding what you want.

A side point on the above, if I may.... if someone replied to Me when I asked "ummm, why I am not getting a spread for Playboy" with a blunt, possibly ego-blow of a response .... "because Lady T. you are not PlayBoy material as you are quite the ah, oh, voluptous and older Woman!!!" ...... I would not be offended as this would be an honest answer to what I deemed a serious question. My point......constructive criticism is often painful but also often useful if one humbles themselves enough to see a positive outcome given via a negative critique.

I feel your posts contains shades of passive-agressive behavior in that you are irritated that you are not finding what you desire in the BDSM personals or elsewhere so you somewhat point the blame elsewhere while being in denial of any reasons for such inability to find a "BDSM anal play mate" that might be your fault.

Also, you admit to being new yet you often shun points given by others that do not fit into your ideal. Such condescending tones from someone admittedly new is another reason for possibly not finding the one you want to fulfill you "anal needs" as well not being taken seriously as sincerely wanting answers to your questions.

So, with that said...

I agree with all that everyone mentioned! Seems to Me that you need to research seeing a ProDomme! Granted, some states do have ancient statutes which make "strap-on training" a gray area. But, with the proper research and communication with a ProDomme such can be established quickly and easily. Also, might I add that many ProDommes, Myself included, prefer to establish some degree of a caring, trusting relationship....a friendship, a D/s bond and in My case, even slavery or collared submission. Not every ProDomme is a revolving door of emotional callousness, and again with the proper research such can be determined fairly easily hence allowing you the freedom of an "non body-fluided bonded" or uncommitted relationship while receiving the BDSM and anal play that you so desire combined with an emotional and secure bond .......yes, I KNOW this combination can be found with a Professional Dominatrix and it can be found much sooner and easier than with a Lifestyle Mistress who prefers commitment, unconditional servitude and most often, fidelity.....none of which you are willing to offer.

Further, and again no offense, the actitivities that you described sound more of a kinky nature than of a D/s ideal, which is more the format that most "lifestylers" prefer and strive for .... a personal BDSM relationship is often grounded in commitment to servitude and commitment to each other.... not just mere play.... such, in My opinion, betells more a "kinky sex" or a "swinger lifestyle". Now, I have nothing against swingers, nor periodic play-partners, but for most lifestylers, a more committed and special BDSM relationship is preferred.... especially for most Dominant Women who would hesitate to engage in such intimate acts with someone either not committed to them, or someone merely looking for periodic kinky sex.....what does the Domme have to gain emotionally from such periodic anal play with someone not committed to her? And, if your answer is sheer physical gratification is to be gained, I forge into My next point......

yes, it's supply and demand......Dommes hold the demand and have massive supply to choose from.....most are bombarded with offers for mere kinky sex, just like yours, and most are able to weed out those for ones that offer more than just periodic kinky sex.......why eat cornflakes when you have a smorgasboard of more to choose from....why settle for just kinky sex when the magnitude of subs out there might offer you emotional gratification via love, committment and servitude plus extreme sexual gratification and physical pleasure.

Possibly researching more about the "leather lifestyle" and it's protocols, in general, as knowledge of what most Dominants prefer and/or require in their personal relationships might be very helpful. Might I also suggest researching more a swinger-fetish lifestyle, as I know the folks who evolve in those type of relationships are much more open to uncommitted, periodic kinky sex with fetish/BDSM play. Just some thoughts, but hey, there might be a Dominant Woman out there willing to do things your way and satisfy your needs as you dictate..... but, dear, I do doubt it. That whole approach sort of negates the Dominant-submissive mind-set, does it not?

And, your points about practice are just nonsense to Me, in that you evidently have no idea how a Domme garners experience or even "practices".....and yes, I can assure you that we practice!!!! From all avenues of practice mentioned by others which are head-on and correct... I can only agree and add that I certainly would never consider "practicing" a new technique on a stranger!! Only the most trusted in My stable can fill that role, only those that I most comfortable with will I engage in an activity that I am just learning. As for practicing corporal activities with which we are familiar, most Dommes do so on pillows, furniture, collared personal slaves or subs, and for Me, I like the clothes-pins on the teddy-bears for My single-tail practice and I actually have a mannequinn in My playspace who helps Me to perfect My aim. And, much experience is to be garnered via reading, research and/or attending classes, demos or presentations - none of which require the presence of a body to use. And, as many Dommes know...... much of our practice is gained via PLAY, dear, and I imagine that most Dommes here play enough to be very practiced in all they do.

Finally, I must add that your post totally confirms some of My rationale in the statements at My profile......in that I want a personal submissive who is willing to serve Me with no expectation of play!! Such delicious fun as strap-on play, or flogging, or any activity that I exert effort and energy MUST BE EARNED and will not be given so lightly to just anyone out there who merely asks and expects to get what they want from Me without earning such pleasures! Early on in My BDSM explorations, I played often, I played kinky and I played with many people....but after time that became unsatisfying and I craved a true emotional bond as well as complete servitude combined with the reward for such being hot, kinky, BDSM, fetish fun!!!

Anyway, I hope these words here bring some enlightenment to your outlook and not just a defensive shut-down or flaming crusade. I do wish you and everyone the best of luck in fulfilling your desires and living your dreams!!!

Truly,

Lady T.

_____________________________

Truly, Lady T.

Lady Tatiana Tantalize
Atlanta's Sadistic Southern Belle, Crossdressing Consultant, Punk-Rock Party Girl and Wicked SugarPuss
http://www.ladytantalize.net

"A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages."
-Tennessee William

(in reply to KCbuttslut4U)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/15/2005 7:50:05 PM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		Holas!

{curtsies to the ever eloquent Lady T while applauding}


Couldn't have said it better myself. I tend to be a tad rougher around the edges but I concur with every point made & the lovely manner in which you expressed them. Bravo.





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to LadyTantalize)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 12:27:40 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LASub4Real

Much of the thrill of anything sexual is gone if we think that the person is only doing if for their own alterior motives--whether that be money, of a novel orgasmic experience. These Ladies are not interested in most of us for our bodies, as much as for our minds, if they are interested at all. Remember, these are not men.



Impressively well spoken. I've noticed you here and there lately. Are you active at all in the local scene? If not, would you like to be? I'm a member of Club FEm locally, and next month, we have a munch (near the Lair) and a play party in North Hollywood. Our normal munches are in Costa Mesa.

I know it is hard for truly submissive men to stand out among the dreck that is offered so many places. You sound like you have an idea of what submission is about. I don't know that you'd be a match for any in our group but do know several of our Domme are looking for subs who actually understand service. These women are poly for the most part, so if that puts you off, you'd be waiting for a single Domme to come into the group. The last time that happened, she was single for the length of a whole month, before some sub impressed her at a play party. *grins*

While Club FEm is in no way a dating service, the way to find people who are serious about accepting your submission is by going where those people hang out. It is a getting to know each other process and nothing happens fast (usually.. I met my sub and have kept him ever since, but that was a miracle.) But when you have a group of Domme that are impressed with you, you up your chances of getting to serve.

Another group in the area is So Cal Bound. I believe they are based in OC.


< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 3/16/2005 12:28:13 AM >

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to LASub4Real)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 12:34:09 AM   
NATI


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		I love that very self effacing opening line that is immediately followed by such a deliciously grandiose and sweeping generalisation. I am so sorry that you have not been selected as a candidate for casual play. This has obviously place all subs in imminent peril.

For gawd's sake just take me, please! And flay the skin right off my pitiable and pathetic hide!

Sounded to me like you were stepping forward as a volunteer for a little trip to the ER. Wait. No, I get it. It's the 'other' casual play partner I am supposed to flay before I get to you.

The point of your post was not to suggest that dominas should be willing to 'practise' on casual partners to keep their skills honed. The point of your post was to complain through the veneer of your statement that dominas should be willing to practise on live flesh (that happens to be casual).

This is not a list of silly questions. It is a rant. It is a temper tantrum. It is, my friend a big ol' WHY NOT ME?

And I will answer you. You are involved. And you've got a bad attitude.

Get over it.


_____________________________



For most of history, Anonymous was a woman

Virginia Woolf

(in reply to GddssBella)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 1:41:58 AM   
KCbuttslut4U


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		LadyTantalize: Thank you for taking the time to respond Ma'am. Although your analysis of my personality and motives is way off, it's clear to me that there must be some reason for these universal misconceptions about my character. However, i would like to clear something up, which can be verified by simply re-reading my posts.

At no time, have i asked how i can get more playtime, why Dommes don't fall all over themselves to get me to play, or lamented my lack of experience. However, i have been consistantly been accused of doing just that by almost every person who has responded. Since everyone seems to want to read things into my post that just aren't there, i have a very difficult time accepting their psyco-babble criticism which simply is not warranted.

The questions i posted were specifically asked about things i have noticed in many the profiles Dommes write. Things that led me to ask the questions in my OP. Many of those answers have been given with a generous helping of ridicule and scorn. To those, i have responded with equal venom. Those who actually responded to the post without trying to rake me over the coals recieved a sincerely respectful response from me.

So, LadyTantalize, i do thank you for your post Ma'am. Although you attempted to analize me like many others, you were very eloquent and polite about it. i can take no issue with your comments because you clearly were trying to be as diplomatic as possible while doing so. i did enjoy the latter part of your post a great deal. It was very informative Ma'am.

i know it's a serious tool for you, but the mental image of the teddy bear gave me a much needed laugh. i think if you used a Barney doll you would be too tempted to miss your marks on purpose, LOL.

BeachMystress: LASub4Real does have a way with words doesn't he Ma'am!?!? If you haven't read his profile yet, you really should treat yourself.

GddsBella: As long as you insist on commenting on my posts, i shall insist on commenting on yours. You may have noticed that i don't pull punches or back down either when people display rude and egotistical behavior such as yours. In "the city that never sleeps" your comments may be considered polite conversation. In my neighborhood they are considered self-serving and contemptuous. Indeed, you have managed to earn my contempt and utter disrespect because of them. Frankly, i don't give a whooping funt about your opinions of me either, so at least we seem to be in agreement on something.

That said, you and i can simply not comment on each others personalities and act like good little boys and girls when we meet in the forums, or we can continue to clash at every turn. Whichever suits you is fine with me too.

Again, i thank you all


(in reply to GddssBella)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 2:09:12 AM   
KCbuttslut4U


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		Nati: More useless psyco-babble... Yippee!

Just out of curiosity, do you actually read OP's or just jump on the bandwagon when you read a few responses? Are you familiar with the concept of intellectual conversation? Not many people who have responded seem to be, so i'm guessing you're just a bandwagon type.

Please o' wise and almost knowing NATI, give us more of your wisdom and sage understanding ripped from the hearts of other peoples posts. Release your wisdom to we poor mortals that we may understand all that has been said before in your prosaic regurgitations. Speak to us of the error of our ways in plaguristic tones, implicitly erroneous in their assumptions, yet made right by your bolstering self-rightiousness.

We are not worthy, who have original thought! Cleanse us of our wickedness and teach us of the ways of NATI.

(Now THATS a rant)
Thank you


(in reply to NATI)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 6:45:18 AM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		Holas!

Obviously, someone doesn't read entire posts, threads or their own profile. Nor does this "special" individual look in the mirror & recognise his own faults. Whatever. I won't justify myself to the likes of you. I have offered sound advice. Do what you want with it.

Your own admitted lack of experience has earned my contempt because you know nothing of what you speak & have no basis for comparison except for peeking a few profiles on a personals site. I have many years of real-time, real life experience. Having gone to munches, clubs, events & had interactions on all levels with many different people. I've even had my share of subs.

quote:

This is not a list of silly questions. It is a rant. It is a temper tantrum. It is, my friend a big ol' WHY NOT ME?

And I will answer you. You are involved. And you've got a bad attitude.

Get over it.


Got to it love when someone else says it in simple language as well as I do. Thank you Nati.

buttslut, several others have pointed out your total lack of etiqutte or manners. Perhaps you should take the hint & re-examine your m.o. If you continue to make me the focus of your rage, I will simply notify a moderator.

To further your education on submission, let's start with Webster's definition:

http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=submitting
http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary?book=Dictionary&va=submission

Learn from it......


Stay safe all, play nice, & share your toys w/ others.......




Bella


< Message edited by GddssBella -- 3/16/2005 7:05:17 AM >

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to KCbuttslut4U)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 7:12:51 AM   
Dave8544


Posts: 49
Joined: 7/23/2004
Status: offline 		This is not to any one person, but what does amaze me is if someone asks a silly question, or an out of line question, why does everyone seem to jump on the bandwagon and attack them? If you think it's silly ignore it and move on! To see Dommes that are supposed to be in control, rant and rave just so they can't say they have been out smarted by someone is silly in it self. It makes people hesitant to speak out least they be attacked. No we are not all smart and well written, many are just normal people. And if I'm not wrong this is (ask a Mistress) not (Be insulted by Dommes,) if you feel this guy is beneath you, ignore! Sorry but look at you posts, you cut him down for his replys and look at yours. Dave

< Message edited by Dave8544 -- 3/16/2005 7:14:33 AM >

(in reply to GentleLady)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 8:02:12 AM   
NATI


Posts: 177
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

We are not worthy, who have original thought! Cleanse us of our wickedness and teach us of the ways of NATI.


First statement - if you get rid of the plural - we actually agree, though the qualifier loses me. If you had an original thought (I'm assuming you were speaking of yourself) I must have blinked and missed it. Second comment. Refer to your first, please. You are really not worth it.

'Intellectual,' my arse.

_____________________________



For most of history, Anonymous was a woman

Virginia Woolf

(in reply to KCbuttslut4U)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 8:23:53 AM   
MsCameron


Posts: 238
Joined: 10/14/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		I've gone back to the OP to ask some questions of my own.

quote:

Why is it that Dominants, especially Domme's, are always looking for the perfect submissive, but will not meet with local, willing submissives just for play?


I'm puzzled. First, what lead you to believe we don't? Wouldn't the better question have been "If you don't have a submissive, who do you play with and why?"

If I don't have my submissive in tow, I usually play with my friends submissives. It's easier then scoping out people I don't know.
Now, having said that, I'm not beyond playing with someone new providing the approach is done right.
I am also approached for a particular skill I may have. If someone really wants to experience something that maybe their own Domme can't provide, most times I'm happy to help out.

It's very different for someone to approach me wanting to play WITH me rather then looking at me as a life support system for a fantasy.

Secondly, there are no perfect submissives or Dommes. Every relationship starts new and I don't think Dommes are looking for the perfect submissive but rather someone that fits the things that are important in starting a relationship.
For example, if you are a submissve that isn't into pain play or anal, we will be a no go right from the first conversation. End of story and I don't see that as looking for a "perfect submissive."

quote:

While i understand that everyone wants to have that perfect Dom/sub relationship, it seems to me there are more positive things to be gained from Domme's who are not attached having play sessions with available subs. Just on the safety issues alone, there is more to be gained by practicing your craft with a likable companion than by abstaining for a fairy-tale ending.


Sorry, I don't know anyone that abstains for a fairy-tale ending. In fact, a lot of people play for JUST PLAY because it's fun!

quote:

As someone with limited experience, i find Dominants who don't practice their craft as often as possible rather disturbing.


Again, what lead you to believe they don't practice their craft?

quote:

Don't thinks like floggers and whips require some practice too? What about things like CBT, rope bondage or pick-a-fetish?


Ummm, no, not really. I think it was MizSuz that said it takes but a couple of minutes to pick up right where you left off. The only thing that will show a time out from play will be my shoulder the next day.
CBT??? Once you know what you're doing, that won't leave you. Or bondage or pretty much anything else.

Do I think I need to practice on a weekly basis? No, absolutely not. I play when I want to play and the question of my skills becoming rusty is not an issue.

quote:

How do you know what mistakes you're making if you don't play with submissives who are experienced in types of play that are new to you?


Again, how do you know that Dommes DON"T play with more experienced submissives to learn something new?
Consider this if you will... When a Domme starts out, unless she is playing with a brand new submissive like herself, EVERY submissive is more experienced. Every scene is a learning experience and you learn from your mistakes. That includes feedback from the submissive you're playing with and those around you that have more experience.
If someone sees you flogging an ear off, you will be told.
There is also a great deal to learn in simply just watching others play.

If you are so concerned with playing with someone who may have not played for a while and issues that may or may not result from that.. do what you should do in the first place.

You start slow and basic. After all, you are limited in experience and everyone starts from that point.

MsC

For typos

< Message edited by MsCameron -- 3/16/2005 11:19:59 AM >

_____________________________

I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and wind we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been.
Spiral out. Keep going, going...
Lateralis.Tool

(in reply to KCbuttslut4U)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 10:25:38 AM   
KCbuttslut4U


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		MsCameron: Ma'am, if i'd known the answers to those question, i wouldn't have asked them in the first place... When reading a profile containing the phrases "I'm not attached" and "I do not play casually" (or words to that effect) in the same profile, i wonder about how that Domme keeps on top of her game...

There is no way to really know anything about the things people omit from their profiles. After reading many of the answers it is clear that you all have your own methods of practice when you're not involved with a submissive. It's also pretty clear why someone would not bother writing that they whip pillows or teddy bears for practice.

Since i seem to run across an awful lot like that, i thought i would ask. Thank you for your response Ma'am.

NATI: Gramatical errors aside, do you see the difference between a rant and a question now?

GddssBella: As i said before, you and i can get along or not. The choice is yours. So far it seems that you don't want to. Instead, you want to go crying to a moderator to make the bad little submissive go away. Is that your usual method of Domination Bella???

i'm sure the moderators peek into these forums from time to time. They have probably already seen my OP, the flaming responses (of which yours is the most offensive) as well as the more direct posts which responded to my questions and my own responses to them in kind. They are probably already aware that i have written everyone who refrained from slamming me with a respectful answer to their posts. i have responded to people in the manner they have responded to me.

They have probably also seen that you seem unable to post to me without some kind of insult thrown into the bargain. In short, they probably already think you are getting the type of responses from me that you deserve.

When you write your teary eyed plea to the moderators, please remind them for me that i have already said that the choice was yours about how you and i get along in the forums. Let them know that you took the choice you couldn't handle, and beg them to bail you out of your jam. Let them know that you would rather have an open invitation to slam anyone in the forums than to practice some self-moderation so you don't have to suffer the verbal abuse you so freely heap on others. Actually, they probably already know that too.

As for your attempt to educate me via Websters dictionary, just because someone is a submissive, or wants to be, does not mean they are YOUR submissive, or want to be.

Thank you all

(in reply to MsCameron)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/16/2005 9:06:12 PM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		G'evening all:

Getting along is a 2-way street. LOL. Aside from the anger management problems, maturity is not strong suit of yours. I won't even deign to respond to your venomous barbs.

There is one note I will touch on... I never intimated that I desired or expected you to act submissive to me. That's ridiculous. I do expect anyone that is visiting this forum though to act like a gentleman. You're a guest on this side of the list. Remember that.

quote:

I feel your posts contains shades of passive-agressive behavior in that you are irritated that you are not finding what you desire in the BDSM personals or elsewhere so you somewhat point the blame elsewhere while being in denial of any reasons for such inability to find a "BDSM anal play mate" that might be your fault.


You get what you give. Consider that as well. Your entire OP was nothing but a rant accusing an entire genre of this scene of negligence or worse yet, incompetence. If your initial tone had been more positive, you might have been received better.


Stay safe all, play nice, & share your toys w/ others....





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to KCbuttslut4U)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/17/2005 9:14:38 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyTantalize

and for Me, I like the clothes-pins on the teddy-bears


BAAAHAHAHA! I do believe every dungeon should have a teddy bear (and no, I'm not into age play). The picture of the bear below is affectionately referred to as the 'aftercare bear' although it gets it's share of 'play' as well.

This bear usually sits on top of my cage in some form of bondage. I've seen submissives argue over who gets to sleep in the cage and I've seen submissived crawl into the cage and pull the bear through the bars and sleep curled around it.

Yup, every dungeon should have a bear. (Response to this post will bear pic #2)






Attachment (1)

< Message edited by MizSuz -- 3/17/2005 9:15:14 AM >

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to LadyTantalize)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/17/2005 9:16:27 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Yup, every dungeon should have a bear. (Response to this post will bear pic #2)





Attachment (1)

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/17/2005 10:07:58 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KCbuttslut4U

MizSuz: Soooo... what you're basically saying is that it's a bit like riding a bike. Even if you don't do it for a long time, it's something you never really forget how to do. Simple really... Thank you Ma'am.

Incidentally, i read your post this morning, Ma'am, and didn't respond then because of your closing question. What do i bring to the table? i spent a lot of time thinking about that today, and will likely think about it for some time. i actually have a lot to offer a Domme with a strong enough personality to train me. i'm strong willed, and extremely task oriented. When i do a thing, i do it until it is done correctly to the absolute best of my ability. That is a constant in every aspect of my life. The Domme that can bend my will to her own ends will not find me lacking in many tasks.

Of all the posts, yours has been the most thought provoking Ma'am.

Fortunately, i AM familiar with the concept of supply and demand. i'm also a patient man. Because i too have my standards, i do not expect to meet anyone anytime soon. As i said in an earlier post though, a simple task is rarely worth doing...

i have been on ALT for almost 2 years, and on Bondage for about 9 months. In that time, i've only contacted 3 women who seemed promising. Most Domme's profiles simply do not suggest to me that they have the willpower to undertake training someone like me. i do not casually e-mail every local Domme just because she shares my area code. Believe me, i have no reason to be angry or feel rejected as everyone else seems to think, LOL!



KCbuttslut4U:

In reading your response I have a couple of comments; but will refrain from commenting on the less-than-magnanimous interactions you've been having on this thread with others.

1st. I'm glad to hear that my question to you put your mind to thinking, hopefully a bit outside of your admittedly limited box. I'm also quite glad to hear that you intend to continue to ponder the question, because I firmly believe that pondering that question is where submissives can find a great deal of insight into themself and what it is they want in a relationship. It's the sort of question that should be asked of oneself fairly often, but especially when contemplating new interactions and relations.

You said:
quote:

i actually have a lot to offer a Domme with a strong enough personality to train me. i'm strong willed, and extremely task oriented. When i do a thing, i do it until it is done correctly to the absolute best of my ability. That is a constant in every aspect of my life.


To which I would like to say "That's great and sounds like the kind of trait a savvy woman, willing to assess what areas you excel at and capitalize on them, could benefit from." It also supposes you excel in some areas (not a difficult assumption if the trait is truly present). It is, however, a bit vague from the domina's perspective. I mean, if you're married then can you be tenacious about something for her if your prior commitments get in the way? Perhaps an example would be that she requires your escort services for a weekend retreat or during a national holiday (which most married men spend with their families). Can you receive a phone call in the middle of the night requesting you come to the hospital to get her if she's had an asthma attack and needs a ride home (unable to drive after acute respiratory treatment) or after she's been there on a family emergency? If so, will you be able to arrange for the retrieval of her car the next day? You probably will not be able to offer 'on call' as part of the terms of your relationship, am I right? It's also likely that, as a married person, you won't want your pictures taken so you can't offer her the kind of relationship that she can be 'out' about. A lot of women who are 'out' find the notion that they have to, in any way, be more discrete than they usually are rather offensive. It's an "I'm not and won't be your dirty little secret" kind of thing. Of course all of this supposes that you prefer to keep your activities separate from your marriage and you may not have that sort of relationship with your wife.

Are the above considerations accurate for your situation? If they are, please be more specific in regard to how you believe your tenacity could be a benefit to a domina. It sounds nice, but there isn't a lot of meat for a woman to work with.

2. On several occasions you have alluded to the notion that the domina need to be 'strong willed enough to dominate' you. What you may not realize you are communicating is that you wish to engage in a power struggle as opposed to a power exchange. While there are plenty of dysfunctional women who like to play those kinds of mind games, my experience is that experienced dominas generally have little interest in power struggles. They've been around long enough to know that they are more trouble than they are worth and usually not healthy for either participant. Most of us want someone who is willing to give their power away as the foundation from which to build. Then, after trust and the relationship has been established, we look to find ways to challenge your commitment to giving the power away. Just because you are willing doesn't mean it will always be easy.

In short, I suspect you are looking for a woman who you can respect, but your approach will sabotage your ability to make a connection with the kind of woman you are looking for.

Lastly, magnanimousness is a very attractive trait to intelligent women; it suggests an ability to act from commitment and decorum that transcends emotional reaction and impulse. It suggests that there is something deeper worth getting closer to.



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to KCbuttslut4U)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/21/2005 1:24:54 AM   
KCbuttslut4U


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		GddssBella:
* Since i understand the problems of having a Mistress other than as a play partner given my circumstances, i do not contact women who are looking for anything more substantial. Furthermore, i do not contact women who seem unlikly candidates for other reasons that they have stated in their profiles. It would be a waste of their time and mine to do so. Much like test driving a sedan when what you really want is a pick-up truck... Hence, i have no reason to feel rejected or angry.
* The questions in my O.P. come from a long time observation of profiles. All of this has already been covered... A question came to me. That led to another, and yet another, and so on. It was not a rant as you continue to insist. I have previously demonstrated the difference between a rant and a question.
* My questions asked, rather specifically i might add, how someone who says they do not play casually becomes or remains competent if they are uninvolved. Had they been an accusation, they would have ended with either a period or an exclamation point instead of a question mark. These questions were answered, and i have already thanked those who answered them, as i will continue to thank those who answer any questions i may have in the future.
* i have acted as is fitting to each response to my posts. i have responded respectfully to many people who posted. To those who responded with scorn and ridicule, i responded with scorn and ridicule. So you are correct. You got what you gave.

MizSuz: Once again, you have given me much to think about Ma'am.

i found your comments on power exchange-v-power struggle very enlightening. Although i never thought about it that way, i think that you may have struck on something with that Ma'am. For instance, i know i could never respect a Domme that i could top from the bottom enough to remain her submissive. Perhaps it follows that the initial "power struggle" has somehow been my way of testing the situation rather than finding out too late that things are not as they should be... Quid pro quo. If that is true as it seems to be, then your insight becomes crystal clear, and i am in your debt for pointing this out.

The rest of your post is equally insightful Ma'am. i don't contact women seeking a full time submissive for exactly the reasons you mentioned. Actually Ma'am, your list of "for instances" is quite a bit more involved than i had considered, but along the exact line of reasoning.

As for being task oriented, i follow a 3 stage pattern of assesment, action, and perfection of a task. In the assesment phase, i study the task, and the requirements that the completed task must meet. If i do not know what i'm doing, i educate myself as quickly and completely as possible to complete that task. This is also the planning stage where priorities are set, tools and materials are gathered, etc. During the action phase, i perform the task to the best of my ability. The perfection phase consists of "tweaking" or re-doing the task as needed to obtain better results until the end result is indeed the best i can manage. This often includes improving on the task starting at the assesment phase. If a task is important enough, i will continue to work on perfecting it indefinately over time.

It may be vague, but the phrase "task oriented" sounds much less disturbing to most people than "obsessive/compulsive", wouldn't you agree Ma'am?

Thank you

(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Some silly questions... - 3/21/2005 9:25:28 AM   
GddssBella


Posts: 343
Joined: 2/24/2004
Status: offline 		G'afternoon all!

I refuse to be baited by this particular individual. I will affirm my earlier advice. Seek out the skills of a Pro-Domme. Few, if any, lifestyle dommes would be willing to be "test-driven" for the gratification of your fetish(es). Nor would they appreciate your analogy as it objectifies them. Unless you are willing to become unattached, divorced, disaffiliated with whatever your current status is, it is highly unlikely that any domme other than a paid professional will accomodate you.

If you seek servitude to a lady to fulfill your need to surrender in some way, why not announce "no-strings service". What this basically entails is that you perform tasks of her choosing without seeking reciprocation of any sort. Now I personally know many dominants; fems & couples, which find this an ideal situation. The dominant(s) receives service that suits their needs without the need to compensate the sub. The sub receives instruction, guidance, & generally satisfies their need to hand over control to an outside party. Everyone's happy.


Stay safe all, play nice, & share your toys w/ others.....





Bella

_____________________________

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting..."Wow! What a ride!"

(in reply to KCbuttslut4U)
Profile   Post #: 40
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