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I'm sure this seems cliche...? - 2/15/2007 12:22:09 PM

absublutely

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As Dominant Women, how do You All decide what You want in a sub? Do You want Your potential subs to be instantly taken to You, or would You expect them to "test the waters" so-to-speak?

The reason I ask is as follows:

I've recently been chatting with a Dominant Woman (Yes, i do realize the online nature of bdsm is entirely different than rea life) and She is wanting to take things a step further and become more realistic in our interactions. She is quite a bit younger than I (She's 23 and i'm 34), but that doesn't seem to bother Her. She has expressed an interest in having me as Her slave....

However, I was recently contaqcted by another Domme that says to me that She is concerned that i might be going into this situation a little too fast and that the Domme that is interested in me seems to be a little harsh in Her advice to me and Her comments to me... This Domme has also said that the first Domme may not understand what being a Domme is truly about...

I know i feel somewhat apprehensive, but at the same time, i'm ready to live up to my submissive potential (does that even make sense what I'm trying to say?) So really, I guess, I would love to hear Your advice or thoughts and what it is You would want in a similar situation?

thank You,

ab

P.S. I've just barely begun to accept that I'm a submissive and i'm being very cautious, but i don't know if i'm being overly cautious...

< Message edited by absublutely -- 2/15/2007 12:23:19 PM >

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RE: I'm sure this seems cliche...? - 2/15/2007 12:37:13 PM

ToGiveDivine

Posts: 650
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You have to be true to yourself, your wants and your desires. You can't conform to what they want or it just won't work (it's the same as the vanilla world)

If the Domme wants you to play with men and you don't like that type of thing; then you either move along or have a potentially problematic relationship. There are hard limits and not so hard limits - and those change over time.

You need to let the Domme know your limits (and perhaps why would be a good idea to divulge as well) and then see how compatible you are.

Basically, if a Domme has an unhappy sub, then she's not going to be all that happy either.

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RE: I'm sure this seems cliche...? - 2/15/2007 12:51:44 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
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Perhaps a more important question is: what do YOU want as a subsmissive? Define what you need and want in a relationship. Then, start there. Don't start at a woman.

Master Fire

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RE: I'm sure this seems cliche...? - 2/15/2007 3:47:07 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

I've recently been chatting with a Dominant Woman (Yes, i do realize the online nature of bdsm is entirely different than rea life) and She is wanting to take things a step further and become more realistic in our interactions. She is quite a bit younger than I (She's 23 and i'm 34), but that doesn't seem to bother Her. She has expressed an interest in having me as Her slave....

However, I was recently contaqcted by another Domme that says to me that She is concerned that i might be going into this situation a little too fast and that the Domme that is interested in me seems to be a little harsh in Her advice to me and Her comments to me... This Domme has also said that the first Domme may not understand what being a Domme is truly about...

Aren't you too old to be basing relationships on he said, she said???
If you're communicating with someone and things are going well, what is the problem?
Obviously use your mind and submit to whomever you feel it is safe and fun to submit to. Get to know the woman you're talking to and see if she is someone you can be with/submit to. I really don't like the referencing idea we sometimes feel is necessary in this lifestyle. I can't imagine asking a man to give me his ex's number as a reference, but that's just me. M

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RE: I'm sure this seems cliche...? - 2/15/2007 4:03:28 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: absublutely

As Dominant Women, how do You All decide what You want in a sub? Do You want Your potential subs to be instantly taken to You, or would You expect them to "test the waters" so-to-speak?

The reason I ask is as follows:

I've recently been chatting with a Dominant Woman (Yes, i do realize the online nature of bdsm is entirely different than rea life) and She is wanting to take things a step further and become more realistic in our interactions. She is quite a bit younger than I (She's 23 and i'm 34), but that doesn't seem to bother Her. She has expressed an interest in having me as Her slave....

However, I was recently contaqcted by another Domme that says to me that She is concerned that i might be going into this situation a little too fast and that the Domme that is interested in me seems to be a little harsh in Her advice to me and Her comments to me... This Domme has also said that the first Domme may not understand what being a Domme is truly about...

I know i feel somewhat apprehensive, but at the same time, i'm ready to live up to my submissive potential (does that even make sense what I'm trying to say?) So really, I guess, I would love to hear Your advice or thoughts and what it is You would want in a similar situation?

thank You,

ab

P.S. I've just barely begun to accept that I'm a submissive and i'm being very cautious, but i don't know if i'm being overly cautious...

If I was either femdom in this situation I would be irritated that you are going from stranger to stranger about advice on relationships based on email and guessing games. It's nice to perhaps stick to ONE femdom that you're courting, but if you don't want to do that, at least don't share dirty laundry from one to the other. That's tacky.

Akasha

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RE: I'm sure this seems cliche...? - 2/15/2007 5:04:48 PM

hereyesruponyou

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Joined: 1/22/2007
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If you are new to this and feeling apprehensive then perhaps you need to explore a bit more before making such a committment to anyone. As was said, learn what you want to bring to the relationship then you can have honest discourse about it and maybe create something lasting. You and she need to both acknowledge that you are in learning situations and maybe not put quite so much pressure on yourself. I guess i can understand about you asking this question here, but perhaps you should instead be looking for advice from other subs???

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RE: I'm sure this seems cliche...? - 2/16/2007 6:02:49 AM

thetammyjo

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Look at your own goals, absublutely.

What steps could you take to help increase the likelihood of you reaching these goals?

If your goals are merely to get into something quickly, by all means, jump in.

If your goals are to create a long-term, mutual beneficial Ds dynamic, you may want to go into things slowly but purposely gaining as much information and experience as you can before committing to any one person.

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RE: I'm sure this seems cliche...? - 2/16/2007 9:54:56 AM

SweetDommes

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Joined: 10/5/2004
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My question is, how does the second Domme know anything at all about the first Domme? I agree with Akasha that it's tacky to tell one about what the other is saying to you - the second Domme shouldn't be asking, and without her asking, you shouldn't be telling. If you didn't tell her anything, then how would she know? I've seen situations like that before, and somehow, it never occurred to the person in the middle that he/she was being set up by the first person to try and catch him/her in a lie ... and never mind the fact that they are lieing to try and catch the person (either by using both screen names, or having a friend use the second one and feeding them information).

Personally, I think you need to take a step back, appologise to both Dommes for your behavior and lack of tact, and figure out what it is that you want before you start talking to anyone again. If the situation is the first one (that you blabbed), then if you're lucky, the first Domme will speak to you again when you are ready - if the situation is the second one (that she was trying to trick you), then you're better off without her anyway and you can start with a clean slate with someone else.

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