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Privacy - 2/15/2007 4:21:23 PM

all4yourplsr

Posts: 156
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Greeting, Mistresses and thank you for reading my question.

Is it acceptable for a Mistress to check out a sub behind their back or should she always tell the sub that she is checking into this or that about them?

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 4:28:43 PM

MistressBee

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It is up to the mistress but i feel that, as the sub, it has no right to know unless she chooses to tell.
It is acceptable as she is the dominant what, she can do what ever she feels.

(in reply to all4yourplsr)

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 4:33:10 PM

krikket

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While I don't have a problem with anyone checking on me, even as a submissive, I reserve the same right -- to check that the dominant is who and what they say they are. Once the relationship has developed I would hope they know me well enough to trust my words and deeds -- there's little more important to me than integrity, honesty and loyalty.

My 2 cents worth...
jk

< Message edited by krikket -- 2/15/2007 5:29:54 PM >

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 4:51:28 PM

hereyesruponyou

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I think everyone should assume that they may be checked up on, especially subs/slaves. Building trust takes time and I expect to be held accountable for what i say and do. Make yourself my property and you are just that MINE

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 5:28:02 PM

MasterFireMaam

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My girl will cringe when she hears this, being a true anti-estalishment hippy flower child....

If you have nothing to hide, then you shouldn't care if I'm checking or not.

Master Fire

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 6:59:30 PM

porthuronsub

Posts: 339
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I had no problem with my Mistress checking on me. We met through ALT and she had me get confirmed before our first meeting. They should have that type of service here. As a sub/slave if you are planning on giving up your rights to someone, and being restrained by them I think it would be wise to find out who is going to be in control of you. Don't assume that just because they have a profile up that they are safe and sane. Bad people hide everywhere.

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 7:22:53 PM

Lashra

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I don't check up on my sub. He is a grown man and I should be able to trust him. However if I do find that he isn't living up to my expectation, I will call him out on the carpet and we will have a conversation. If that doesn't help things and he does it again, punishment and a 3rd time is release.

~Lashra

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 7:29:19 PM

BabyNyla

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I don't like being checked on ... but I am usually able to figure out my Dom/hubby's passwords ... and I sometimes log into his accounts to see things. I figure if he wants to see mine than I should be able to do the same. Although when I had a collared sub I never checked or spied on him. I had trust in him. But I seem to be more jealous as a subbie.

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 7:35:36 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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I think she should tell him. I generally just go with open communication and don't look for outside information unless something feels wrong for two reasons: 1) I don't like or get along with folks who are too paranoid to trust simple communication; 2) If two people broke up, how good is a reference going to be? If you two broke up it most certainly isn't because you love, trust, and respect one another (though on rare occasion that does occur, lol) ... M

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 7:38:01 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: all4yourplsr

Greeting, Mistresses and thank you for reading my question.

Is it acceptable for a Mistress to check out a sub behind their back or should she always tell the sub that she is checking into this or that about them?

Check out as in doing a credit check, background investigation sort of thing? Or check out as in watching your naked hiney while you're crawling away?

In the first instance, I'd say, sure.. anyone (not exclusive to a dominant) has the right to check on someone else if they are planning on getting involved with them and turn about is fair play as well. If they want all your info, they should be willing to give you all theirs as well. I wouldn't utilize those means for myself because I use lots of 'time' to check people out myself, but I do understand someone doing it. In the second, I'd say it's a just a given and, no, she doesn't need to ask you first. ;)

Celeste

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 8:30:58 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: all4yourplsr

Greeting, Mistresses and thank you for reading my question.

Is it acceptable for a Mistress to check out a sub behind their back or should she always tell the sub that she is checking into this or that about them?

Of course it is acceptable, she can do what the hell she wants to do.
You are free to also respond and do what you want to do, are you trying to control her actions?

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 9:02:10 PM

RumpusParable

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Depends on what one means by "checking up on".... there are things like looking at your posting history and then there is hiring people to follow you and reading your mail...

There's also a big difference between "checking up on" to get to know the person better and doing it in place of directly approaching a trust or communication issue.

In each of those, I would consider the former acceptable and a non-issue; while the latter would end the relationship and, depending on the manner of it, possibly all contact as well.

Since background/credit checks have come up as examples, unless receiving permission from me I would consider these definitely in the second category and would end all contact immediately with someone sick enough to do that. I've nothing to hide and would in most cases give permission, I just don't like lying, conniving, trust-issue-laced sneaks.

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(in reply to MzMia)

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RE: Privacy - 2/15/2007 9:43:24 PM

MzMia

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I am sorry for being harsh, but many people have trust issues and may be intrusive about gaining information.
I would talk to her, if you feel it is an invasion of your privacy and it bothers YOU, you might need to move on.
We don't know what you consider an invasion of privacy, but many people want to know as much as possible,
and maybe from a variety of sources before becoming personally involved.

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To Each His/Her Own
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What's your favorite fetish?
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RE: Privacy - 2/16/2007 5:59:09 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: all4yourplsr

Greeting, Mistresses and thank you for reading my question.

Is it acceptable for a Mistress to check out a sub behind their back or should she always tell the sub that she is checking into this or that about them?

I think it is more responsible for each potential partner to ask for a list of people you can talk to (email, telephone, face-to-face) and then gather information. You should both take the responsibilty to protect yourself by learning as much as you can about the other person and exercising your power to learn as much as you can so that the choices you make are the most beneficial for you as an individual, a couple and/or a household.

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(in reply to all4yourplsr)

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RE: Privacy - 2/16/2007 6:05:07 AM

MsKatHouston

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From: Houston, TX
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I think you should assume that people check you out all the time for various reasons and live your life so that they find nothing of substance.

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RE: Privacy - 2/16/2007 6:37:04 AM

lateralist1

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I've always had trust issues. When you find out that someone you have known for over twenty years is someone completely different to who you thought he was then they get worse.
But then I have realised since I found the lifestyle that I am totally naive.
Dom or sub it doesn't matter we are all human and we can all be manipulated.
We also all seem to have a different slant on what this 'lifestyle' is about.
I find that I can't assume anything at all about another person.
It makes communication extremely difficult.
Especially when the other person seems to be assuming a lot about me.
So yes it is necessary to check things out.
But with the person first.
If you don't believe what they tell you then I would suggest that you haven't got much of a chance of making things work.
It's the time it takes that is the problem.
However it's worth it if you eventually find the person or people that you are looking for.
And if we don't then we are a lot richer people for having talked to and met so many different people.

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RE: Privacy - 2/16/2007 8:48:11 AM

wyldsubmissive

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I am not a mistress, but I personally have some opinions on it:

Chatting with a sub or slave is exactly like a job interview. The Lady is testing the waters to see if the sub/slave would work in her household. As such information that is on public record is up for grabs (arrests, divorce papers, bankruptcy, etc.) This is not an invasion of privacy because it is public. This is something any potential employer would do, and in essence (IMO) BDSM/the lifestyle is an employment type situation.

But with better benefits.

(in reply to lateralist1)

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RE: Privacy - 2/16/2007 1:03:08 PM

onestandingstill

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I think if she's checking out public information about you then she's considering you seriously and that's a plus.
In my life any Dom I'd consider dating is asked for references from old subs who served him, other lifestyle friends, and vanilla friends. I'm of course willing to divulge the same things back to them.
I think doing research is a good tool over all as to if someone's actions in the past match who they are telling you they are now.
If she's contacting people and pulling your information, but not admitting it when you ask her then I'd be concerned, but if she's just looking around to see what she can find out about you that in my mind is good common sense.
suzanne

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RE: Privacy - 2/16/2007 2:15:20 PM

MistressSassy66

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I think its reasonable for B/both to do background checks.
Its up toW/whomever is doing the checking to tell or not.

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RE: Privacy - 2/16/2007 3:09:05 PM

Isaidnow

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I think as a safety issue especially for women be they Dom or sub to do a background check especially if you are going to be living in the same home even more so if there are kids living there as well.
Also if a sub is chained, tied etc, they want some degree of re-assurance that they are not putting themselves in the hands of an axe murderer.

As for telling each other, that is a matter of personal choice, but to have such a close 'relationship' trust would be an important factor, therefore honesty would be the way forward for me.

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