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Munches - 2/15/2007 8:13:46 PM

curiouspet55

Posts: 133
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Indiana
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I have a question about munches (hence the title

).

I am 18, almost 19. I was invited to join a group (through this website) for munches in my area. I know there are munches in Fort Wayne, in Anderson, Indianapolis, and in Bloomington. I really want to go, because I think it'd be great to meet people in the scene who understand the conflicts involved. I don't know if other people struggle as I do, but it is really hard for me to hide the fact that I am submissive, and I have to due to my situation and the friends I have to. When dating, do I blurt out the fact that I'm submissive, do I wait to try to find a Dominant man, or do I limit my D/s search to the internet, leaving me with men miles away from me....

Getting to my point...I want to go to a munch, to meet people, etc., but it seems that the only people going to them are a lot older than me. Some groups require people be over 21. Most people that go have a partner. I don't have anyone I could bring with me, and I would be petrified to go by myself. Right now I wouldn't have transportation to get there anyhow, but I'm curious....

For those of you who do attend munches, what type of people go, and what goes on at meetings? Does anyone understand where I'm coming from with the fear and issues?

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RE: Munches - 2/15/2007 8:17:48 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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1) Go anyway. Even if you don't meet a partner, you'll learn a lot...and meet some real live people to ask questions of.
2) Look for a TNG (The Next Generation) chapter near you. They cater to the 18-35 year old crowd.

Master Fire

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RE: Munches - 2/15/2007 8:48:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I agree, go anyway. Better you find out how great and how sucky the offline scene really is- and yes, most of them will be older than you. That's not necessarily a bad thing.

What goes on? A lot of smoking, eating, talking, some posturing, though usually minimal, always at least a few nervous newbies.

I always liken a first munch to a first school dance- EVERYONE is nervous at first, but you go, and end up having punch, hanging out, maybe dancing some and realizing these are the same people you see at lunch every day.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_438399/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#438658
Advice on a first munch

http://www.collarchat.com/m_133075/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#133214
munches

http://www.collarchat.com/m_123477/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#123520
munches and sloshes

http://www.collarchat.com/m_120380/mpage_1/key_munch/tm.htm#120646
first munch...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_264730/mpage_1/key_munches/tm.htm#264747
normal reaction?

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RE: Munches - 2/16/2007 10:31:46 AM

mystiquenz

Posts: 330
Joined: 8/13/2004
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I agree, go any way, with no expectations.

Some groups will have a group greeter. This person could meet you before hand, if you explained that you felt a tad timid about going alone.  I am sure that they have had other shy people enter their doors. I am also fairly certain that the group would be welcoming.

Munches are not a dating service, BUT it will give you an opportunity of being put in touch with other locals in your area. Good luck to you as you prepare to move into the real time environment. I always find that the energy is very good, you can talk to those around you and don't be shy. They will not eat you!

I think that people who go to munches, are just like any other group of people. They go, because they want to meet like minded people. Some people may not have been before either, and so an established group is usually very welcoming. You might need to come out of your shell a little bit more though.  You will interact with people, on different levels, and they will interact with you in return.

Don't expect too much from your first munch. It takes time for people to get to know you, and you them.  Go and enjoy!!

Blessings,
~mystique~

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RE: Munches - 2/16/2007 3:48:04 PM

krikket

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Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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I've only been to a couple of munches, but I had a blast. I agree, however, that I was so nervous I was surprised no one could hear my knees knocking...lol. What I found were a great bunch of people, some of whom I knew from on-line, and most almost always willing to answer my questions without making me feel silly or stupid. If nothing else, it's an evening out, which is always appreciated :)

Hope you have fun..

cheers
jk

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RE: Munches - 2/16/2007 5:59:26 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
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Sure, if you want to meet kinky people face-to-face, go. You may have fun.

Do go with expectations. These are the things to expect:

-Kinky people look like most everyone else. There is a slightly higher concentration of gothy-punky types, at least in my area. There are ugly people, there are plain people, and there are attractive people.
-As with physical gifts, kinky people have varied social skills, but they're a microcosm of the general population. You will like some people, be reasonably okay with most, and dislike a few.
-If your munch is anything like the one I attend, the conversations will involve very little kink discussion, save a few bad puns. People will talk about the weather, local restaurants, popular movies, travel--conversations one sees at any topic-less mixer.

You really shouldn't be scared to go by yourself. Meeting new people is cause for some nervousness, but rationalize it--you've met new people before, these are just more new people to meet. Because really, kinky people are not all that special when not actually engaging in BDSM. The munch is probably held in a restaurant or cafe, so you could easily seek help in the highly unlikely event of violence or coercion. The worst thing that is likely to happen to you is a dull conversation or an awkward come-on, and if you haven't learned some skills to cope with those yet, you have had a remarkable life so far.

Monica

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RE: Munches - 2/16/2007 8:07:49 PM

justinasamerk

Posts: 153
Joined: 8/1/2006
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Greetings curious,
go to the munch and enjoy the floor show. And yes, there are times it can be a great floor show. This one has been to numerous munches from various groups, and has been with and without friends, of course it is fun to get to see and meet people you know, but its a social challenge and a great way to build character, esteem and social skills by breaking your comfort zone and going to a place you are not sure of.
Usually at munches you will see couples, you will see newbies...a normal munch for her is usually the 1)Know it all personality, that person who thinks they are gods greatest gift to the community and will contradict anything and everything being said...2)you meet the political freak who will talk about politics to the end of it...3) you get the exibitionists stories...these are my favorite people, those who love to share what they have done and what they have experienced....4)you will get t he weirdo guy who looks like he hasn't had a date in about 40 years yet a ttends these things and will ask creepy questions 6)you will get the genuine munch appointed leader who will be all hugs and smiles and try to make you as comfortable as possible introducing you to everyone and amazingly gives you little snippits into everyone (this is the person to definately get to know)...
But most off, you get food. Even if you have a crappy time, or the best of times, it is night out plus food YUM YUM...overall experience of munches, good conversation, meeting poeple, learning a few things, but most off..personally don't believe munches is a pick up party place. Its a great connection to meet friendship, but if you are looking solely for a play partner, not the easiest at a munch.

Hope that helps curious...know that this may seem a bit judgemental, but would love to hear what your opinions are of the people once you do get to go, and if a girl is accurate on her assesment. To her a munch is a great place to meet talk, and well it truly is a floor show.
Take care,
sincerely
justina, the sweet potato

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RE: Munches - 2/16/2007 8:16:08 PM

Kalyndrah

Posts: 69
Joined: 5/29/2006
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As a new munch host and former SUPER nervous newbie - do it do it! If I were in your area I'd swoop in and drag you with me! I know it sucks not having a partner, not really knowing anyone, etc etc. I've been there. TERRIFIED! but I met one of my most fantabulous friends at that munch and I've never regretted it.
See if your group has a greeter, if not, find out who the host(ess) or chair of the group is. They always have a leader or a leading group, and someone like that should be happy to meet up with you one on one in a public area for a meal or a coffee or something just so you can meet someone and have someone you know before you go into the munch all freaked out and alone.

You know, come to think of it, going to that munch was kinda the Alpha and Omega for me. WallflowerKitty was beaten into hiding and OutgoingNutsyKitty was dragged in kicking and screaming and loving every minute of it! Huh.. a new revelation every time I open my mouth (or type, as the case may be) lately. Interesting.

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RE: Munches - 2/17/2007 6:38:34 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: curiouspet55

I have a question about munches (hence the title ).

I am 18, almost 19. I was invited to join a group (through this website) for munches in my area. I know there are munches in Fort Wayne, in Anderson, Indianapolis, and in Bloomington. I really want to go, because I think it'd be great to meet people in the scene who understand the conflicts involved. I don't know if other people struggle as I do, but it is really hard for me to hide the fact that I am submissive, and I have to due to my situation and the friends I have to. When dating, do I blurt out the fact that I'm submissive, do I wait to try to find a Dominant man, or do I limit my D/s search to the internet, leaving me with men miles away from me....

Getting to my point...I want to go to a munch, to meet people, etc., but it seems that the only people going to them are a lot older than me. Some groups require people be over 21. Most people that go have a partner. I don't have anyone I could bring with me, and I would be petrified to go by myself. Right now I wouldn't have transportation to get there anyhow, but I'm curious....

For those of you who do attend munches, what type of people go, and what goes on at meetings? Does anyone understand where I'm coming from with the fear and issues?

As to Bloomington, I don't know if that munch or any munch is still around. The last announcement I saw bout one was back in early December. I know the Headspace group used to have munches twice a month and they were open to anyone 18+ (it was a university group afterall).

A slosh would be in a bar so you'd certainly need to be 21+ but most munches should be in restaurants so age isn't real issue. Of the munches I've been to in Indiana I never saw anyone checking IDs. As long as you look like and act like an adult, no one is likely to question your age.

If you aren't on the yahoogroup IndianaBDSM I strongly suggest you join because you can about events in the tri-state area if not further. Usually a few things happening every week.

My family and I rarely have time to go to much these days but if you want to chat to someone, feel free to send me a note.

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RE: Munches - 2/17/2007 7:59:46 AM

SirMichealspeach

Posts: 73
Joined: 1/13/2006
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I cannot speak for most munch groups butthe one in our local area has a 21yr age requirement.. There is a sepertate group for the "younger crowd" called "whippersanappers" I am sure there is always one that has an 18+ age thing...My suggesstion would be to go anyway. all they can do is say your not old enough and maybe direct you to one that is in your age group. Most munches are at a local resturant so there is no need to worry about an unwanted play thing...They are usually set up to meet and greet new members and give those people a chance to get to know the members of the group in a non BDSM setting (so to speak)...there may be talk of group activites, planning for an event, discussion on protocol, safety, use of toys, ect... but nothing that shouldn't be of interest to anyone wanting to learn.
Sir Micheals peach

< Message edited by SirMichealspeach -- 2/17/2007 8:01:09 AM >

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RE: Munches - 2/17/2007 8:36:15 AM

HisProperty4Life

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Joined: 2/16/2007
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just take a deep breath and take the plunge. go to a munch, enjoy people for people, worry about the titles and relationship roles later. just walk up to someone and say hi i am ............ and im new.

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RE: Munches - 2/17/2007 9:45:48 AM

SirDominic

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Most munches are at a public restaurant, so the setting is very vanilla and safe. As you didn't say, I would only advise caution if the munch is not at such a place. Otherwise, go for it. Everyone remembers the experience of their first munch, and most will be very accomodating to your nervousness.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Munches - 2/17/2007 10:30:07 AM

subdelicious

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Joined: 7/2/2006
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i'm not sure where you are, curiouspet, but someone told me there was a TNG group in Indianapolis. Maybe someone down there can offer more details about it. Also, if you're on a major campus, you should be able to find bdsm'ers. You'd be surprised how strong the interest is on most big campuses. You just have to do some discreet detective work!! Good luck!! :-)

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