RE: Subs with low sex drive

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BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/17/2007 6:13:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ArgoGeorgia (and I know I'm not a Mistress, so I apologize if it is improper to post here, but I do have experience with this issue). It's perfectly okay to post here Argo. And if you continue with the good advice, we'll make you an honorary Domme as well, just like Ron (mnottertail), and Jeff (mstrjx). Welcome to the boards, M

ineedotk -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/17/2007 6:26:46 PM)
Your thread is similar to another I read here recently. It's known that Mistresses in general prefer NOT to have sex with their male subs. And if a male sub even so much as HINTS he wants sex, that could potentially ruin a good thing - that good thing being a good relationship between Domme and sub. Many subs actually enjoy the sex with their Mistresses, but prefer to maintain that sub position, sometimes giving the impression that they are not interested in sex. And there are those subs who look at their Mistresses as mother-figures. And they wouldn't even THINK of having sex with their mother (Mistress). And that may be the case here.

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/17/2007 7:03:36 PM)
quote: It's known that Mistresses in general prefer NOT to have sex with their male subs I would say that is true of pro-dommes and their slaves/subs. They certainly maintain that air of "unattainability" to all clients. Sleeping with a client is the fastest way to lose him. However, many have rich and fulfulling sex lives at home with The One(s) They Love. However, is it true to say lifestyle Mistresses in general prefer to be celibate? No way!!! We want richer, kinkier sex lives than vanilla women. Does that mean we all have to sleep around with numerous partners? I hope not. I love my submissive. he likes chastity a lot - it keeps me top of mind. But I have misgivings whether it is a good idea we are just sexually incompatible. And its a huge disappointment because its so damn hard to find someone in the same city with compatible kinks, other common interests, intelligence and dead sexy to boot. Those of you living in big cities might find it easy to replace subs, but I have been looking for 10 years and there's not many genuine submissive men with integrity and irresistable looks. Can I salvage this situation?

jadein -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/17/2007 7:50:01 PM)
i hope it is ok for me to post as a submissive woman but i have some experience with a man who has a low sex drive. My husband has pretty much no sex drive at all. It is pretty much as you described it ... He functions quite well ... he can get an erection and keep one just fine and finishes ... it's the passion, the WANT for sex that he doesn't have. He really could careless one bit if he has sex or not. I would say do the medical route (as has been posted by almost everyone here) ... test his hormone levels and prostrate ... all of that. If that all checks out fine i would start to talk about the possible mental things that could of happend ... if that all checks out fine .... then asexuality it is ... and there is no known reason for that ... some people are just that way. My husband falls into the second category ... he was very very abused as a child and we aren't sure but think there may have been some sexual abuse. Me being a submissive woman makes this situation .... well ... it sucks butt. I have to initiate every sexual act we have ... and believe me it takes some coaxing. I HATE it. i should say i LOATH it. i hate being that take charge but ... i do it because i want my marriage to stay intact. For me sex isn't all there is to a relationship ... and if this is the ONLY bump in the road you two have ... then i would say find ways to work around it. I mean since you are his Mistress you could as someone else posted give him some rules to go by persay .... like house rules ... i know other D/s couples have them in the beginnings of relationships. Like He has to take charge of a sexual act at least once a week and if he doesn't he'll be punished with something that he REALLY doesn't like. i'm just throwing ideas out here ... i don't know if any of this is helpful or not but i hope so. If he says he doesn't know how to take charge of a sexual act and feels self concious about it maybe have him talk with some other male Dominants on how to go about it.

LadyHugs -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/17/2007 9:35:19 PM)
Dear MsCfromMelbourne, Ladies and Gentlemen; In my mind's eyes--your situation is something that could be exchanged for a good many other Dominant Women. More to choose from but, that 'perfect one' is never around, so I've found if I have at least 80% of what I'm looking for, I can deal with the 20%. Personally, I feel its a Global issue finding our 'perfect match.' At times, perfection is against us. In my mind's eyes I see--communication and understanding, as well as listening on both sides; will determine if it can be salvaged or not. Only the both of you know best. All I can do is cheer you on, pray for the best to happen and support you as much as able. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

undergroundsea -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/17/2007 10:18:12 PM)
I am curious what his sexual expression is. For me, BDSM is part of my sexual expression. For me, attraction is important and initiating BDSM with my partner would mean to me that I am expressing my interest in her. Does his lack of passion or enthusiasm apply to intercourse only, or does it exist in general? The point I wish to convey is that you may have different ways of sexual expression, and it may help to compare notes. It may help you to know that when he serves you, he is expressing his sexual interest in you. It may help him to know that you receive sexual interest in different ways, and that you value a show of passion. I am also wondering what matters to you; is it the intercourse, or is it the passion? That is, would a show of passion without intercourse be satisfying or not? I think identifying what is most important is important to help find a way to receive that. I recall hearing somewhere that if someone accustomed to regular orgasms stops having them, he will initially miss them but with time the urge will subside. If the matter is his lack of enthusiasm for intercourse, prolonged chastity might be relevant towards the cause. Of course, the want for sex in men also diminishes with age, which could be relevant. In closing, I think passion is emotional, and I think emotions are best influenced through communication and encouragement and cannot be forced. Good luck. Cheers, Sea

ServenteMail -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 5:29:30 AM)
In response to Ms C. So your sub slave does what it should and is ‘probably the most generous submissive I have had in the last 10 years.” but YOU want sex!!!???? Sounds like YOU are the weak one who needs help. I only hope your slave catches wind of this forum, and gets out (if it still can). “What I really want sometimes is a big strong man to thrown me on the bed and roger me senseless.” Appalling! To state that, and say you are a monogamous slave owner domme? “Someone pointed out recently that a lot of slaves are quite proud to be asexual.” ???? And you are just finding this out now? Perhaps down under is really down side up. i am glad your property is amazingly compatible in every other way – perhaps if YOU will not see a doctor for YOUR problem then you should buy some new property. Perhaps a weed whacker or jig saw attached to a 1 meter dildo that will render that mess between your legs useless. Why not sell it and get some money? If it really is as well trained as you say you could get a few bucks for it in the states. If it is like i was and comes with an income producing business even more money to sell it!

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 5:53:08 AM)
LOL Ok you have to warn folks at the beginnings of posts like this, Servente, to put down our beverages...I almost spilled my coffee I was laughing so hard over this! Wonderful sarcasm there.

Nikolette -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 5:54:58 AM)
MsC: A few people recommending him taking a visit to the doctor... I'd second that. He could easily have hormone problems among other things. Additionally, people recommended for you to suggest to him to be more passionate in whatever way he feels he can be. Maybe just suggesting him to be passionate about you physically on his own would do the trick? Would other sexual contact work, not just sex? I find that many subs/slaves with low sex drives enjoy serving their Mistress and pleasing her orally or etc. Perhaps he just needs nudged in the direction that --- hey... its okay, even IDEAL if ~he~ initiates it some of the time. As you mentioned.... living in a relatively BDSM-free area can be tricky. Honestly I haven't found anything to solve that except for expanding my abilities to relocate, or having them relocate to me. I've had two sucessful relationships that were initiated on the internet. (on this site in fact) Having been in a relationship with a very sexless man before.. I know exactly how you are generally feeling about this situation. It ended up ruining my relationship, but I think that was because it created tension and then a lack of mutual communication and then resentment and so one good sized problem then became a huge unfixable mountain of issues. I certainly hope that doesn't happen with you. I probably would have been much more successful in my relationship with the sexless partner if I'd been polyamorous, or could have kept him in a cuckolding situation. That way it would have seemed less like a rejection and more like my decision. (Even though I knew logically he wasn't really rejecting me, it certainly felt like that occasionally). Perhaps you could try some of those things. Some people might advise you to accept him as is, but if you are truly dissatisfied and dislike the other various options you have... I believe its most fair to you and him to look else where. But passion is pretty important to me, both of my present slaves have a good sex drive and passion between the sheets is pretty necessary for me to be satisfied in general. I ideally want my slave wanton for me- maybe not ALL the time... but at least a good portion of the time. Good luck with it. I hope that you and he can find some middle ground or solution. ~edited for grammar

michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 5:57:10 AM)
low sex drives, huh...maybe they need a tune-up...or maybe they need a new transmission LOL

Sylverdawn -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 6:35:31 AM)
I think most situations are salavagable.. it takes communication. Clearly you have found a good match with one problem.. you want more sex than he does. Compromise, discuss other options like finding another boy someone who's sex drive is higher.. is one option. If you cant see living in a poly than you will have to learn to compromise..or move on.

porthuronsub -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 8:47:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne What can I do besides get a lustier submissive? We want to be monogamous and we seem to be amazingly compatible in every other way I am curious, when you are out in public what is your viewpoint on PDAs? Do you allow him to hold your hand while walking together? Does he put his arm around you at dinner, or while sitting together at friends' homes? Do you openly kiss in public and do you allow him to initiate any of the above? I would wonder if this might be where his reluctance stems from.

TexasMaam -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 11:05:54 AM)
We don't have quite enough info to make a safe suggestion, it seems Cialis or Viagra are uncalled for unless he has ED, which it seems he suffers from to some degree. If drive is the problem, testosterone shots or a testosterone patch can elevate his drive a few notches. Go with him and sit down and talk with his doctor before you use Cialis or Viagra exclusively. Then make your decisions together. TM

TexasMaam -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 11:14:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne we are just sexually incompatible. And its a huge disappointment because its so damn hard to find someone in the same city with compatible kinks, other common interests, intelligence and dead sexy to boot. Those of you living in big cities might find it easy to replace subs, but I have been looking for 10 years and there's not many genuine submissive men with integrity and irresistable looks. Can I salvage this situation? My recent sub of six years, who was just released, once told me: "you know, I always dreamed of meeting someone who wanted sex ALL the time, EVERY day, but it really is true what they say, you *can* get too much of a good thing and you DO need to be careful what you wish for!"..... Yes, that comment some time ago pretty much sounded the death knell to our relationship. I wanted sex much more often than he ever did. I know I'm going to come under fire for writing this, but, my advice? Seriously? Keep the great sub, don't shoot yourself in the foot and run him off. Find a more compatible sexual partner outside this relationship. Your current sub might even get aroused at the thought. Who knows. TexasMaam

TexasMaam -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 11:16:13 AM)
pssst: don't tell Ron, but I made him an honorary subbie. [:D]

ineedotk -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/18/2007 10:45:47 PM)
At this point, I would say it's as simple as a two-way conversation, where both of you are equal in the conversation. Ask him what he wants, what he DOESN'T want, what he may be afraid of, and where he wants the relationship between you two to be, say, five years down the road. In other words, find out whats REALLY holding him back. And explain to him what YOU want out of the relationship. Don't allow him to avoid speaking on things he may seem to be afraid of mentioning, and YOU don't afraid of saying what you think needs to be said either. In other words, all cards on the table face up!

AEVanVogt -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/19/2007 3:51:02 AM)
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AEVanVogt -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/19/2007 3:53:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Misstoyou quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy I hate the idea that the male sex drive: 1. Is something sub's don't possess 2. Is an impediment to submission or being submissive. I don't agree with it, either. It just feeds into the stereotype that submissive males are less than "male," and that hasn't been my experience. [:)] Can't say I agree with you, Miss. It's no sterertype. They may have all the necessary equipment, they may look and feel like males, but there is nothing so masculine as the touch of a good, hard, intelligent, humiliating Dom. I assume you knew this when you posted but were just having a little fun.

MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (2/19/2007 4:00:32 AM)
Thank you everyone for the fantastic advice (and laughs along the way.....some of you really crack me up!!). Some of it has been used already and is proving helpful. I am very glad I came in search of an international forum for help.

amusoman -> RE: Subs with low sex drive (3/2/2007 9:02:31 PM)
Can i boastfuly say since i have accepted my submission to my owner and wife that our sex life has gone through the roof. But you are rite about the number of asexual people... i was wondering if you have considered dominance hypnosis to help strengthen his lust and passion triggers?? Lady Julias Enchanted Realm on yahoo is a great place to start looking at this...And it is nt morally wrong..the hypnosis just helps deepen what the sub already wants to do.. i love it...listening to Lady Julia has helped deepen the passion in my relationship!! Regards and respect brendan:)

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