Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (Full Version)

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seekstofasn8adom -> Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 10:07:29 AM)

As for example loads of people don't have pics on their profiles cause it's all down to,i don't want people to know im into bdsm.And im afraid kind of mentality,which is just so,so sad in my opinion.



mnottertail -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 10:08:59 AM)

I like girls that are ashamed of what they do----

Ron



kittensmailbox -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 10:10:36 AM)

LOL not me... Everyone in my life knows my life style even my child....



goodlittlegirl28 -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 10:14:18 AM)

wasn't this already addressed in your pictures thread?



litleone8620 -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 10:18:17 AM)

Fast Reply:

It has nothing to do with being ashamed or not. It has to do with the fear of being ostrasized. I have in fact lost friends by telling them 'about' me.

I'm not ashamed about what i do. I'm more afraid of losing those i love.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 10:20:24 AM)

not really the case for me. i'm not hiding from the fact i'm associated with the BDSM lifestyle - my bosses and co-workers know about it ...some have even browsed through collarme at the station.  even my 2 UMs know about Daddy and like my collars i wear.

i would post pictures of myself however i didn't like Doms sending sick messages (for example, would love to cum inside that black pussy of yours every night if i was your white Master) when i clearly stated i was owned and wasn't looking under my former name.



MzMia -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 10:24:06 AM)

I am hardly ashamed of BDSM, I will admit there are many people that engage in activities
that I have absolutely NO interest in this lifestyle.
I have been on the internet almost 12 years and I will NEVER have my picture on the internet
for the world to see, for many reasons.
No one is forced to put up pictures it is not a requirement, it is called free will. [:D]
I MAY put up a picture of my feet in killer fucking heels in the summer.
Keep your fingers crossed.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 10:57:24 AM)

For some, there are still dangers with being associated with BDSM. In the South (southeastern part of the US), being kinky can affect your job status, your marriage status and custody of your children. The same is still true of being gay/lesbain in some places and is certainly true of being transgendered. So, some people don't post photos out of fear, not shame.

Master Fire



FullCircle -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 11:07:58 AM)

We have had this topic from you it ended something like:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_810409/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#810525




asubmissiveheart -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 11:08:52 AM)

I am personally not ashamed, but I am ashamed of the abusers who give this lifestyle a bad name.
I don't post a picture, because it could be harmful to my career.
Think about it, you never know who is who on here.



JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 12:05:57 PM)

I would never be ashamed and I post my pic because that's just my choice, I respect those who do not.



MadameMarque -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 12:11:30 PM)

The distinction is between being ashamed and being private.  It is a distinction for which I wish more people would develop an appreciation.
 
For example, when I use the bathroom, I'm not ashamed, but I do shut the door.
 
 
And just as I don't need or want to know exactly how [most of] my neighbors or my relatives, my co-workers or other people on the bus, like to do it or get it done to them, and don't find their failure to be forthcoming about those intimate matters some evidence that they are weak or pretenders, I am not conflicted about choosing with whom I share such private matters as my predilection for bondage or whether a given partner of mine is my slave, etc., etc..
 
 
It doesn't make me or us furtive and "sad."  It makes us private people, people who use our discretion and make our choices, freely.  I happen to be more open about this than most people.  At the same time, there are ways in which I choose to be very private, as well.  We all make our choices to suit, the best we can, our needs and desires.  And, to the extent that we choose to be open about an alternative type of relationship and sexuality that many people have an idea is abusive and which makes them highly uncomfortable, - let's be realistic - we take our chances.
 
 
As for this new-found idea that kinky people *should* be out to their non-scene family and friends, I'd like to point out that it's not the same as coming out gay or bisexual.  It's not about having to hide your love for someone. 
 
 
It's more analogous to 'hiding' the fact that you and your partner love wearing red lingerie and having lots of oral sex.  If you keep the graphic details of your sex life private from your parents and your children, hopefully they will return the favour.
 
 
 
 
 
"If his love is to be called perverse, then let it be so, for maybe love is too great to be normal, too intense to be sane."
 
- from a review of the Japanese film, Gekko no Sasayaki aka Sasayaki aka Moonlight Whispers, here: http://imdb.com/title/tt0208178.
 
 



cjenny -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 12:15:36 PM)

IMO it isn't a matter of shame, but more a matter of privacy and decorum. If my workplace demands that things be kept to myself then so be it. A lot of jobs come with an expectation of ethical behaviour & BDSM does not fit that for the rest of the world. It doesn't mean it is right, it is simply the way business works. If someone is a church deacon and on CM then absolutely no pic, it would be destructive to them & contrary to what I believe to be tenents of WIITWD. Honesty with ones self, and being smart enough to protect ones self.
So many are willing to overshare information & I consider this to fall into that catagory, much like if I were vanilla... I wouldn't shout to the world my favorite sex positions lol. Nor would I shout out my belief system. It goes under 'personal business'.
On the other hand, since I have no weal life I get to put my pic up.



ownedgirlie -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 12:19:40 PM)

Not ashamed, just private.  It's nobody's business what I choose to do in the privacy of my relationships, unless I choose to tell them.

Some people have high profile jobs and it would be detrimental for them to be "out."  Some people work with youth, and the same logic applies.

People have their reasons.  Why does it bother you so?



touchthesky -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 12:24:27 PM)

I really don't need any of my family members knowin about everything i do. Its not like gay rights or something, this is just the way i like sex. People get my pic when they ask



myobedience -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 12:30:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

We have had this topic from you it ended something like:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_810409/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#810525




Interesting isnt it?
 
My only thought is,  maybe in England its different ... maybe privacy is not highly regarded .....
Ashamed of who I am?  NO
Ashamed of some of my mistakes?  YES!




MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 12:32:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: asubmissiveheart
I am personally not ashamed, but I am ashamed of the abusers who give this lifestyle a bad name.
I don't post a picture, because it could be harmful to my career.
Think about it, you never know who is who on here.


Amen.  I don't post a picture, either, and for the same reason.  I heard of a person who lost his position due to being outed to his employer by a member of the local "community" who has an ax to grind.  I also have a Domme friend who had a male submissive (?) playing cat and mouse games with her.  He would write to her and tell her he knew her, but she didn't know who he was because he did not post a photo and the info on his profile was too general for her to nail down.  Apparently he was one of her clients and she never did figure out who it was.  It was kind of a creepy feeling walking into business meetings, not knowing if this was the person who was toying with her online or not.
 
Frankly, neither of the above interests me.  You never know who is on this or any other site.  I am proud to be in the lifestyle and very happy to attend public events and meet people in person, but post a picture?  No thanks, I'll pass.
 
For those who have measured the risk and are willing to post a photo, more power to them.  Numerous surveys have proven that profiles with photos get far more responses than those without and yes, it is nice to associate a screen name with a face.
 
Lady Topaz
 



sub4hire -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 1:02:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekstofasn8adom

As for example loads of people don't have pics on their profiles cause it's all down to,i don't want people to know im into bdsm.And im afraid kind of mentality,which is just so,so sad in my opinion.


Everyone knows who I am and what I am into.  It has nothing to do with shame.  As I stated in your last thread about this same topic.  Some of us just don't want the attention it gets from the wrong people.

There are other reasons.  No idea how long it is going to take you to figure that one out.



Quivver -> RE: Are people ashamed to be associated with bdsm? (2/17/2007 1:11:51 PM)

I used to post a picture, I used to keep them updated too. 
Now I've been here long enough I dont care anymore to post a pic. 
The pic's usually just drag out the Trolls .. I've gotten better responses from my
profile on the other side without a picutre. 

course if we could have an avatar of us without having it as a profile pic i'd do that!
:>)



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