A Warning To The Ladies (Full Version)

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JerseyKrissi72 -> A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:26:16 PM)

         I refuse to mention any names because I don't want any problems but I thought to warn the ladies who may fall into the same trap that I did..I met someone here on collarme and we seemed to hit it off really good, we chatted every day via the net/ phone/ cam, etc...I booked a trip to NY to go and see him, I had to take a 9 hour bus ride because due to seizures and a few other problems, I cannot drive...I spent over $300.00 in hotel fees, not to mention the $300.00 he scammed out of me for medications that I now find out may have been used for other things....After I gave him the money he suddenly tells me "he fell in love with someone he chatted with two nights ago"..nice time to tell me, eh? Then I STILL consider going to see him and he says I cannot because they are due to receive 20 inches of snow next week, I check the weather channel and it says "flurries" for next week and cloudy...where does the lies end and the truth start? The thing that hurts is that I really felt sorry for him because he is stuck in a marriage he doesn't want to be in (however, he cannot be honest with his wife that he is seeking others)....I blame myself for being a fool and allowing myself to be played ...It hurts because the next time, when a good man comes along I will have a very difficult time trusting again...Ladies, don't be as stupid as me..when your intuition tells you something doesn't sound right...it's almost always right...[:(]




Aileen68 -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:31:46 PM)

A good man doesn't ask for money from someone he hasn't met or only recently just met.




JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:34:53 PM)

I blame myself though Aileen because he never said "gimme" but went on and on about how sick he would get without his meds and how his electric was going to get cut off and how cold it was outside....I consider it a learning lesson and you are absolutely right.




SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:44:39 PM)

Aww krissi...that just sucks. Sorry to hear it but perhaps thinking of it as a lesson being learned (fault not being laid on yourself) and allowing the next person that comes along to be judged on their own merit rather than the actions of past experience would be good. It's hard not to become jaded (if that's the proper word) after an experience like that I know. Think of it as learning to recognize the red flags and trust your own feminine instincts sweetie.





MistressDiane -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:46:29 PM)

Dayum girl.....Sounds like that was just a mess from the git-go.  Save your sympathy and good intentions for those who truly deserve it. 




sensualmagirl -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:50:44 PM)

I'm sorry Krissi, it sucks, I know, I was used before too... a long time ago, and it was so hard for me not to feel jaded... but, well, I felt like I wear my heart on my sleeve and have a lot of love to give to the world...

If I changed because of something that loser did to me in my past, he won.

Let yourself win, and take it as a lesson, but you'll find the right person.

P.S. I think some sugar-free, but full fat, ice cream is called for in situations like this [:)]




lilsubl -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:51:11 PM)

Krissi, i'm so sorry that you had this experience & i wish that there was a way to warn others about someone like this so the scam doesn't continue...i know how charming the scammers can be & how easy it can be to fall for one...use this as a way to learn & grow so that he doesn't retain any power over you & how you feel & how you view the world in the future...i like to say that the monsters never look like monsters because if the did, it would be so much more difficult to find their victims...my heart goes out to you.....




KatyLied -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:51:14 PM)

Why did you give someone money you barely know?  That doesn't make sense.  It sounds like he saw an easy mark.




sub4hire -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 12:59:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JerseyKrissi72

      The thing that hurts is that I really felt sorry for him because he is stuck in a marriage he doesn't want to be in (however, he cannot be honest with his wife that he is seeking others


Aren't all cheats?  A good chunk of the BDSM community is stuck in a marriage they are unhappy in.  Of course the primary reason for that is because they are liars and cannot tell their wives or husbands the truth.
If he lies to her, he will lie to you.  Better off lesson learned than anything to had ever happened with him.




lilsubl -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 1:01:54 PM)

quote:

If he lies to her, he will lie to you.
 

words to live by!!!




JerseyKrissi72 -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 1:01:59 PM)

I have been through so much since losing my Master in June and found alot of men have preyed upon my weak moment. I have learned alot from this lesson and take responsibility for the loss.




domahpet -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 1:02:18 PM)

A 'MAN', asking for money? you should have left immedietly my dear...




KatyLied -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 1:03:16 PM)

And I have to wonder, where's his wife in all of this "he needs money for medication and his utilities are going to be cut off."  He's probably just scamming anyone who comes along for money.




MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 1:05:27 PM)

So let me get this straight...you have been communicating with a guy who is looking around his wife's back...you gave him money...you planned on going to see him...you felt sorry for him because he gave you some sad sack story about his wife...

None of this sent up red flags to you?

Seriously - you need to step back and focus on yourself for a while and just not date until you are in a better place mentally to look out after yourself.




Quivver -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 1:08:12 PM)

Sigh, and another once of trust bite's the dust. 
Krissi, you were not dumb..  I would venture to guess you spoke enough to this person that you became comfortable with him, comfortable equates some trust.  Your big hearted, the Sub in you couldnt bear to think someone was suffereing and you helped out.  Many of us have been caught in this trap, your not alone.  It's hard to sit back and do nothing.  And it's hard to find another you click with even if only in a font.  Eventually it's has to be face to face.  Who pay's, who travels has been a hot topic here for sometime.  Somebody's got to and this time it was you.  The next time the chemistry ignites and you think back to this it's a real good chance your going to hold back, not believe.  You'll do thing differently ... But who's to say the other hasnt found the same things and is also doing thing differently.  It's all a catch 22.  Eventually we have to move on, we hope to do it smarter the next time.  Lick your wounds, recover the check book and enjoy friends and forget him.  Every bad move gives you more strength in the long run as long as you dont become numb for too long. 
My Best to you........... 




MasterFireMaam -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 1:16:20 PM)

Someone who is strong in their Victim or the male equivalant of the Damsel-in-distress archetype (the dom) can really spark our Rescuer and Caretaker (you). Now you know to take more care and to watch your desires to help, help help. We all do it.

Master FIre




CoyoteWhips -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 1:21:10 PM)

It's a hard experience, but a good one.  The whole lesson could very well save you much more grief in the future.

A little cynicism is not a bad thing.





MistressDiane -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 2:22:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

Krissi, you were not dumb.. 


Krissi I think you're adoreable but I find it hard to say.....oh poor krissi!
It comes back to what we see posted all the time. you have to be responsible for your own actions be you dom or sub. It's not that I don't feel for you but shit, given the red flags that were handed to you on a silver platter that WAS dumb.




RobertCloud -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 2:38:17 PM)

First I am going to say that the person Krissi is speaking about is ME!
Second there is three sides to every story, hers, mine, and the truth. Being a libra, and an author, I do try to be as close to the truth as I possibly can.

From the very beginning Krissi had a crush on me and I knew that. We flirted, and I cared and yes deeply, deeply enough to talk to her, but more so to try to get her to understand that she had more worth than to allow herself to be used as some Dom's plaything to allow him to have her let up to six or more guys have sex with her whenever he wanted while he has sex with anyone he wants and shows her no real respect.

I had even spoken to another about her crush on me and my worry about it, but felt the need to help her, and yes, I did care for her. However, from the first day that SHE mentioned coming to see me when she got her tax check back I emphasized it would be as friends only. Again, I repeat friends only. Yes, we flirted, we joked, and laughed, and even talked about things, but I always came back and said it would remain platonic because I wanted to stay celebate until I was ready to commit to the one I wanted to be in my life forever and she said she respected that.

As far as the money she sent me is concerned. I did not ask for it. I did not go ON & ON about it. I mentioned it once or twice because my medicaid had been cut and I was trying to figure a way to get the medications I needed when I did not have the money to pay the electric bill. I did not yet have a cut off notice but it was going to be coming soon. I am disabled and receive social security disability, I also recieve a royalty check every three months. My medicaid was cut because the joint income between my spouse and I is too high based off the standards. It does not take into account that the majority of our medications and therapy is NOT covered by any Medicare program.

It was her idea to wire me the money. Not mine. I even tried to talk her out of it. Told her I felt bad, and did not want a friend sending me money and she insisted saying that is what friends were supposed to do. To help friends. This was not a ploy on my part. I was serious. I had helped friends in the past and they had them turn on me, I was afraid that the minute she helped me something like this would happen. However, since she was planning to come see me afterwards I figured it would not. I was a fool.

When last we had spoke about her wiring me money she was only going to send the money for the medications, and bring the rest when she came to see me. Which is what I would have preferred.
However, she chose to wire it all.

She also jumped the gun and pre-registered the motel room before she got her prepaid cards through orbitz. It is off season, it would have been just as cheap to wait until she got here.

The girl I was speaking to, was not someone I had been speaking to for only two days. I had been speaking to her for longer than I had Krissi. However, AFTER Krissi had sent the money, that girl and I spent an entire night on the phone and things really clicked. I had already told Krissi that I was talking to another girl, so it was not like this was out of the blue, Krissi had even talked about pulling out entirely and I asked her why. Her coming to see me was a friend thing and we were close, and at that time there was no commitment to anyone, which was true.

I could not let Krissi show up here without telling her about this other girl. I had to tell her before she came. When Krissi first wanted to cancel I did everything I could to get her to come according to our original plans as a friend. Even telling her that I would give her a fair chance, but platonic. I cannot say that it would have been easy to do that for the feelings I have for this other girl have grown so strong and so quickly it has stunned me, but I would have done everything I could to meet my word.

She even agreed to come. Everything was set. My neighbour helped me get my car out of 30 inches of snow and after he was done HE informed me that he had heard that we are expecting another 20 inches next week. I have not yet seen this on the news. I don't follow TV or the news reports. Yet, when I heard this from him I thought it would be best to let Krissi know and ask her to delay her trip to be safe, so she did not get stuck, or that I did not get stuck in my driveway and be unable to even see her while she was here. I was NOT trying to tell her not to come, and she could have kept her original plans had she wished them. It was her decision to cancel.

I still want her to come. I had plans to take her to some attractions her. A couple of gifts for her, and so on. In no way was I trying to scam money from her. I never asked her for any money, and even tried to tell her no. She insisted saying that that is what friends do. I had helped friends before when they were in a jam, so I relented. Now she posts this claiming I scammed her.

Krissi is a good girl, but she is hurting. After she cancelled the meeting with me she called the Dom that abused her and went to a party and allowed herself to be used again, she also left me a message saying "Love is a Lie". The guilt trip message did not work. She says she wants to be my friend if I want to be hers and yet she posts this thread. I find that hypocritical on her part to warn people about me.

She also talks about my wife not knowing I am searching.... Grumbles.... My wife and I are separated, not legally but in all other respects. There is nothing between us and has not been for over 7 years, I am her caregiver only. We stayed together initially for insurance reasons. Now it is financial, I cannot yet afford for separate living arrangements but I am working on that. Each new book I publish increases my royalties, and the next review will be national which will help sales enough that I may be able to meet my goals.

The wife is unstable enough that I do not tell her that I am searching within the lifestyle, but she does know I am searching and she does suspect it is within the lifestyle. I do not hide the fact I am looking for someone, and that I talk to people on the phone, it is impossible to hide that. She hears me. I don't go outside to talk, I talk inside the house. But even her therapist has asked me to hide as much as possible about the lifestyle and me from her. To not tell her about the books upon the lifestyle that I write and so on, for it sends her into a panic state.

Now, the main reasons Krissi and I would not have made it had nothing to do with any of Krissi's physical characteristic's as she claimed to me. Yet, the reasons are ones that I would prefer to not bring up in a public forum. Even though Krissi brought our private situation into a public forum only ONE day after it occurred and while stile protesting she wanted to be my friend. In fact she is still IM'ing me and sending nice and sweet things my blog account and yet here she is basically saying I scammed her. The two do not agree, if I scammed her, why is she being nice and sweet to me in private, but here in public she is trying to defame me. Yes, she did not mention me by name, but did she think I would let this go unanswered.

She did not bother to tell anyone that I have offered to pay back the money and she has refused to accept it.




stef -> RE: A Warning To The Ladies (2/17/2007 2:42:58 PM)

Drama-Rama!   Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

~stef




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