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RE: female Dominance - 3/16/2005 2:27:17 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mantis65
So what you’re saying is the subs fantasies should very similar or compatible with the dominants? Or the sub surrenders completely only the Dommes fantasies?

quote:

BeachMystress
I have always been careful to make sure that the basics of what I want and what the sub wants are compatable. I've released subs when I realized that they had different "fantasy" goals than myself. When I've ended up with one and I know that the core fantasy of the person will not be fulfilled with me, the relationship is over.

I agree completely; it's about compatibility... and his submission.
I've a sub/stalker from Tx I met (only online and the phone) when I first decided I wanted to do this, and he's imagined me doing wonderful tortuous things to him, keeps saying we'd be perfect together despite clear incompatitibilities in our desires; his fantasies a mostly about bondage (major, like hanging from things, being restrained for days, locked in a room/cage, etc) and discipline/major pain, I simply cannot get with that... I can envision myself participating in some of it, may even want to watch, but that isn't erotic or fun for me, so I will not involve myself with someone like that, because I'm not going to be coerced to become something I'm not, and I don't want a miserable human being in my care.

quote:

Therefore, what he wants has to fit inside of what I want.
And yes, when the day is done, the sub surrenders to my fantasy.

Preach Sister! M

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Post #: 21

RE: female Dominance - 3/16/2005 3:27:59 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NATI

quote:

Agreeing with Angelika. This lifestyle is about everyone's fantasies. Yours, mine, joe blow down the block. How someone wishes to address those fantasies is another issue. Personally, I'll withhold gratification of a sub's fetish/fantasy to ensure proper behavior, etiquette, manners, adherence to a task, etc. When the sub has pleased me sufficiently, I will reward him by effectuating this particular proclivity.

I'm also in agreement with LadyAngelika to a degree. In this case though, it sounds very much to me like what he is suggesting is going to 'set' the tone right from the outset. You have to 'force' me (and I'm gonna give you one helluva fight while you're at it) and that's really not acceptable to me. Knowing his proclivities, I can choose if and when and how to act upon them.

Well I'm not sure if I was clear on my post. I would not engage in a relationship with a man or woman who would constantly resist.

Rather, I was talking about an isolate moment where this "take down/forced play" could happen within the realm of a relationship where submission is offered up willingly.

I know a few men and women who fit the bill of what onceburned was talking about, the inner conflict. The type of play I was suggesting has helped in some cases with these issues.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 3/16/2005 3:30:28 PM >

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RE: female Dominance - 3/17/2005 8:55:01 AM

NATI

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/5/2005
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quote:

Rather, I was talking about an isolate moment where this "take down/forced play" could happen within the realm of a relationship where submission is offered up willingly.

I know a few men and women who fit the bill of what onceburned was talking about, the inner conflict. The type of play I was suggesting has helped in some cases with these issues.

We are in agreement, then. That kind of play can be very powerful and cathartic. I think some subs need this to feel confidence in their own submission. They need to feel that you 'really are the boss'. Some like to push against their domme a little bit, and I can deal with all of these.

I also think Beach raises some excellent points regarding overall compatibility.

toywill - I get the feeling that you are really saying that you want a domme that is going to keep you in your place. Nothing wrong with that. But dominance is hard work. Dragging dead weight into submission really is not very appealing.

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Post #: 23

RE: female Dominance - 3/17/2005 1:52:53 PM

anythingoes222

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Joined: 3/13/2005
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OK, i have been submissive all my life, but the only way i expressed it is by going to pro-domos and paying. A few times i was able to do unpaid sessions with mistresses when they got to know me.

All of my serious relationships have been non-D/s relationships.

i am now not in a relationship. i have a very flexible job situation that allows me to work from anywhere. i have always dreamed about being a total slave. Should i go for it? Will it be more then i expect or can handle? Can a man who is in his 50's become a slave for the rest of his live?

anythingoes

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Post #: 24

RE: female Dominance - 3/17/2005 2:27:23 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: toywill

Would it be hard for a Female Dominant to make a strong willed Male to submit.
If a submissive male has a real strong rebellious quiet attitude and will fight the dominant every step but will surrendered eventually is this good from the Female Dominant position.

strong willed toywill

I like strong willed people, it makes it so much sweeter when they give the power away. Sure, within the framework of an established relationship it's possible to have the occasional, isolated power struggle be a hot thing. But I don't want to try to build a relationship on it. Too much work for too little return.

I don't know anyone that I would consider functional (admittedly by my own definitions) that prefers power struggles to power exchange. My experience is that power struggle is usually a hurtful thing to all participants.

I've long said that it takes a very strong character to commit to submit. I damned sure wouldn't do it, how can I not respect someone who offers me something I wouldn't dare offer anyone?. The key word here is 'offers.' That's what sends me. Trust me when I tell you that you can be thoroughly and completely "rode hard and put away wet" challenged within the confines of your commitment to give.

But power struggles are usually just ugly and I have no desire to invite them into my life. The occasional spontaneous take down play can be hot, but all the time? I wouldn't bother, in fact I go to great lengths to get away from it when I find myself in the midst of such.

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Post #: 25

RE: female Dominance - 3/18/2005 7:47:55 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: anythingoes222

OK, i have been submissive all my life, but the only way i expressed it is by going to pro-domos and paying. A few times i was able to do unpaid sessions with mistresses when they got to know me.

All of my serious relationships have been non-D/s relationships.

i am now not in a relationship. i have a very flexible job situation that allows me to work from anywhere. i have always dreamed about being a total slave. Should i go for it? Will it be more then i expect or can handle? Can a man who is in his 50's become a slave for the rest of his live?

anythingoes