Training VS. Play--the practical matter (Full Version)

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teachmetobeg -> Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/15/2005 8:59:54 PM)

i have been talking to Sir for about a month. Not long ago, i asked if He would train me as i am still new to the world of D/s and BDSM. Though He agreed, there are a couple major obstacles. W/e live about 3 hours apart and a lot of training will be done long distance. i also am a full time nursing student and work full time. [>:]
He has recently asked me if i would like to continue training or just play for now with the option of always going back to training.
Though i have a very busy schedule, i can usually manage to find time for Him. My question is, which do Y/ou think would be more appropriate given the circumstances? Any ideas on how to go about things? All thoughts will be appreciated [:D]



subjolynn -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/15/2005 9:48:52 PM)

If you want the training and need it as part of your life you might not want to stop training. I am still training with a new master and not getting all that i had with the old one and i sure miss all of what i was taught and falling behind. Sure this master does some of the stuff to me, but not as offen as i need it . So if you can make time i would. Hope this helps you.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 3:19:35 AM)

quote:

He has recently asked me if i would like to continue training or just play for now with the option of always going back to training.


You didn't mention how far into the training you are or what it entails at this point. I also wonder if you are considering this mans collar? If he agreed to train you and only train you and has not offered a collar, I would accept the training and avoid becoming a "plaything" to him. On the other hand, if the two of you are working on a D/s relationship, as in you eventually taking his collar, I don't see why you can't incorporate training with some play. But I would by no means give up the training completely, even with the possibility of returning to it later. That's the best advice I can offer with out more info.

Jewel



fencerpet19 -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 3:56:20 AM)

I am also quite new at this, but what I learned from my previous Master was mostly done apart from eachother. He had a very busy schedule, and I lived an hour and a half away and was in school. I'm sure there is a way that your Master can train you without having to visit him every time. For example I was asked to watch certain movies and take notes on the actresses and try to emulate them. I was also given daily tasks and such to help me understand my submissiveness and what was expected of me. So if formal training is not possible because of the distance and your busy schedule, and if it's what you want, then I suggest something along those lines. Take care and have fun!
Cheers,
~FP



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 5:48:19 AM)

Depends on what you're talking about when you say "training"?

Is it to become a sexual goddess?

Is it to learn a new skill such as cooking or cleaning?

Is it to learn endurance from pain?

Is it to understand yourself more?

Is it to become better versed in the knowledge of Kantian ethics?

You can be trained in anything. Whether you go take belly dancing lessons, create a garden, clean the house from top to bottom, or stop smoking, training your body and your mind can be done any gazillion ways. It doesn't matter so much whether the dom has the time to supervise or directly stand over you for the training, more so whether your life can adequately fit in the time you need for the training.

And that depends on what you're trying to train. What the Owner is training me in is extremely different than what your dom might find you need training in.



willing2serve -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 8:03:42 AM)

quote:

Depends on what you're talking about when you say "training"?


I agree with EmeraldSlave2. Each training can be as diverse as the D/s relationships themselves. No two people are alike, no two relationships are alike and I am sure training for this can not be the same.

I can offer how it works (very well i might add) for us. Training is a part of reaching my and his life goals. The amazing part is that the goals intertwine beautifully becoming O/our focus and is orchestrated by Him.

This training is wrapped up with a pretty bow of being guided in submission and obedience to him, with the accessories of learning such things as protocol, positions, service and things of this nature to make Him proud of his submissive. He basically has one rule for me...Obey, everything else falls into order.

For U/us training is very important to our dynamics and couldn't be changed unless our dynamics changed. So in your quest for knowledge i would encourage you to dig deep and find what type of relationship and what things you need as a part of that relationship...Is it training? Is it play? There are no right or wrong answers, just what best suits your needs.

I wish you success in all that you seek.

Respectfully,
WIlling2serve1



strikingpeach -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 8:08:09 AM)

This is an interesting question, but as eloquently posed by EmeraldSlave2, more information is needed... especially about the goal and circumstances of the "training." So much depends on the context... most situations are not so black and white.

Is the “training” to it just to teach you more about D/s and BDSM?

Is it to prepare you to be collared by Him?

Is He training or playing with any others?

Is this a poly situation or something leading to a monogamous long-term match?

If this is about what most would refer to as D/s or BDSM play, then play can be a rewarding option as well as a teaching experience. Yes, some will disagree, but I’ll bet that many will also say that they have had rewarding play experiences - really, it very much depends on the goals of the play-partners.

Much of what I have been exposed to in the way of BDSM has been in play. And, much of what I have been "taught" regarding D/s, has been in some form of teaching or training - both formal and informal alike.

Regarding your Sir, perhaps He is having his own time constraints and that is why he has presented the option.

Sounds like within these postings that there are lots of considerations and food for thought. [:)]



teachmetobeg -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 9:25:28 AM)

i realize i may not have been clear enough in my first posting, so i will try and clear things up.

Yes this is a poly situation. Sir and Miss Grace have been together for about two years. She moved closer to Him, but does not live with Him. i have met her with Sir's encouragement and feel comfortable with it.

The training thus far has entailed a mixture of things. Sir is teaching me the ways of submission, so to speak. He has also been guiding me to learn and do more for myself.

i am not sure about taking His collar. W/e have not discussed that and i think W/e are a ways away from it, if it ever comes up. Sir is a good deal older than me and it may not be practical for Him to collar me.

Thank Y/ou to all who replied, there is definately some good thoughts to ponder.



celestia -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 10:46:02 AM)

I do agree with all that has been stated. But I would have to question his motives as to why he is asking. Is he only looking for a play toy or is he dissatified with the training, distance, lack of contact? I think first and foremost you need to define where this is going and then make a decision from there.

Learning is a crucial part in what we do. I do not think it is benefical to anyone to become lost in just the play aspects. I know that if I were only to be involved in play sessions and not taking anything from the relationship to help my growth as a slave, I would feel empty and soon be very bored, which in turn is going to force me to look for other avenues to fulfill my need to serve.

Distance does not have to be a hinderance in training, any kind of training. It's no different than when we were in school and we had homework. Did you have someone standing by you guiding you through it, or were you taking what was already taught, applying it, and actually learning more by doing it, or at least perfecting what you have already learned?

I consider myself in training with the Master and Mistress I am with now, and although we do not see each other daily or even weekly, I know I have that "homework" to do that they have assigned and that it is going to improve me for the next time we are together so that I can then continue with more training.

IMO...I think you should always continue continue continue, and the play can be the reward for doing well ;)

Good luck in what ever you decide.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 11:04:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: teachmetobeg
The training thus far has entailed a mixture of things. Sir is teaching me the ways of submission, so to speak. He has also been guiding me to learn and do more for myself.


OK this is really vague and doesn't give us any more information than your first post did.

The "ways of submission" are hardly universal unless you're talking the stereotypical stuff of kneeling, asking permission, the sexual stuff, etc.



velvetvixen -> RE: Training VS. Play--the practical matter (3/16/2005 4:40:26 PM)

Does "Miss Grace" wear His collar? Are you being trained as a submissive for Sir and Miss Grace or are you being trained for play only with Sir?

In your previous posts you have not mentioned that this is a poly situation and in fact have presented your situation with Sir as being exclusive. If a collar is what you seek, is collaring even an option for you in this situation?

Should you continue with training? I don't know. What do you ultimately want? An exclusive 24/7 M/s relationship? Ocassional play with Sir? To find out how much pain you can tolerate? Some specific fetish training?

I would suggest you figure out what you really want, what Sir is actually offering, and if those two things can actually mesh together.






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