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match2u -> foundation of... (3/16/2005 1:33:14 AM)




Hug to all,

i am not sure if that topic did pop up in the past, but i would like to know

what is the foundation of Your relation You have/ being involved in.

Is just Dominance and submission enuogh to keep a relation ongoing - to make it last long?

i know there were a couple of discussions on this board about being in service and also how much subs/ slaves did mention when they get the choice being in a relation either including the emotional aspect as well - the love, caring, nurturing aspect - mostly they tell they would choose that one (if they have the choice between).
being in service and to please the Dom/ Master requires that i get to know Him.
will i be able to know someone when i do not take care of?
would a relation last long if just based on the Domination/ submission part?

and finally is it not like - we all seeking our partner to make a relation longlasting....

i am curious to hear Your views



petra






LadyAngelika -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 4:34:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: match2u

what is the foundation of Your relation You have/ being involved in.

Is just Dominance and submission enuogh to keep a relation ongoing - to make it last long?



Funny you should ask. I went out for dinner last night with my boy, my main boy I guess you can say. He and I have been seeing each other for 6 months now, in fact, it was the 6-month anniversary of the day we first met. I know that isn’t very long in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a good base and we both agree that it has the potential to go on a lot longer.

Over dinner, he said to me that this was much more then a sex/kink thing to him because if that’s all there was, we wouldn’t be sitting face to face after 6 months. So I asked him what he attributed the success of our relationship to. His answer mirrored the one in my mind. Communication.

He and I have gone through some rough patches over the last 6 months. It is his first poly relationship and his first relationship that involves wiitwd. We’ve worked these things out because we fundamentally care about each other very much and because we don’t hold back. He claims he’s never felt so comfortable talking to any other human being then me because he knows no matter what he says to me, I won’t judge him.

So the D/s, the kink, the sex, all of wiitwd are the ways we express our relationship. The foundation of our relationship is communication.

- LA

*edited for a few typos... *



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 5:38:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: match2u
Is just Dominance and submission enuogh to keep a relation ongoing - to make it last long?

My relationship is based on authority, the Owner has it and I don't.

It takes more than any one thing to make a relationship ongoing, but there's no reason a relationship based on authority can't last.

Similarly, love isn't nearly enough to make a relationship ongoing either- there's a LOT more involved.




sterlingsweet -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 6:17:19 AM)

Hello Petra,
For myself, I desire to have once again, a monogamous
relationship with a solid base of Love, Trust, Communication
and hopefully one that is Longlasting.
Those 3 things come first for me. Then to intricately intertwine
our desires for a D/s PowerExchange and savor the growth
happening in Love and in all areas of the dynamic.
~sterling



MsCameron -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 6:18:38 AM)

quote:

Is just Dominance and submission enuogh to keep a relation ongoing - to make it last long?


No, not if there is nothing else.

While the basis of my relationship is D/s, there is also a line up behind it of love, affection, respect, communication, honesty, commitment, service and one of the most important... we really like each other.

It's not what you hear often in these types of discussions but we like the person we are partnered with. We truly enjoy each others company even when the lifestyle has to take a backseat to life issues.

I think that may be one of the most important. You can be raging in love with someone but if you don't really like the person, it won't last.

As to long term, well, unlike many others, this relationship even with all the components listed above was started with the knowledge there would be an absolute end.
He will return to the States sometime in the next 6 months and I will remain here.

It didn't seem to be an issue 3 1/2 years ago.. smile.. funny how things change over time.

MsC

Damn typos :)



match2u -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 7:20:40 AM)




quote:

It's not what you hear often in these types of discussions but we like the person we are partnered with. We truely enjoy each others company even when the lifestyle has to take a backseat to life issues.


thanks a lot MsCameron for mention it..... - smile -

as You see, so often when i talked with Master/ Doms they demand the service and at least its often a sign for them being a good sub/ slave.
also i have to admitt - i figured out often that these Master/ Doms are by themself without living in a current ongoing D/s relation.
playtime - playpartner - yes there have no problems with - but at least You do not have to like the human at all.

i often wonder myself - in case it is true and such a huge number of submissive painsluts ( and just needing the service in being satisfied) will exist - why the hell they are of there own since years?

oh - and by the way i know about the sentence - i am just picky - smile -

so i wonder myself - if the foundation of a relationship would not include the emotional aspect too - would that not be like carry wood on the ocean to build a house?



petra






ShiftedJewel -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 7:54:24 AM)

quote:

I think that may be one of the most important. You can be raging in love with someone but if you don't really like the person, it won't last.


My husband is my best friend, I love him with all my heart and soul, and I like everything about him. I have to say that for a relationship to last between a Dominant and submissive there has to be more as well. I can't imagine not having an emotional bond with my submissive. It's one of the priorities in my husbands search for his own as well. I can't understand someone that wishes to be thought of as a object, that isn't seeking love or a committed relationship.

And I have to agree with others here, communication is a biggie in our house as well.

Jewel



loyalsubb -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 10:29:49 AM)

I met my dominant (my daddy) 7 months ago and we have been dating for the last 6 months. Our relationship was started based on mutual interests, passions and beliefs about the way the world works. We also had many of the same life goals and have come from similarily screwed up families. He was attracted to me, not for my submissive potential but for other things like intellegence etc. I feel really lucky to have met him and been introduced to the BDSM lifestyle--I feel it is truly the type of relationship I am supposed to be in. At the same time I am grateful that our d/s relationship did not start until 2 months ago--when we had plenty of time to talk and explore lightly. Now I feel like we have a good foundation upon which we can build our daddy/babygirl relationship. I'm new to this whole thing, but I think that is important.



perverseangelic -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 10:58:51 AM)

My partner wasn't invovled in BDSM before I met him. I've been out about who I am and what I do for a long time, and he knew what kind of desires I had before we got together. It apparantly jived for him :)

We dated for...maybe a little over a year and a half with "just" kinky play (not that that wasn't amazing) on his end (That is, he liked to spank me) and a deep desire to belong on my end.

It kind of evovled. I don't think that our current power exchange could have come about if we tried that from the begining. We set up a -very- strong relationship foundation, and we learned to read each other intimatly. Then we took the next step.

I think this was the best situation for us, simply because he -hadn't- been invovled before. It made everything comfortable, and helped him to know me well enough to know I -meant- what I was saying.



domtimothy46176 -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 11:35:49 AM)

While the D/s is the fundamental structure of our relationship, defining the way we interact with each other, it's not the foundation, per se. As I see it, it is our basic respect for each other that everything else is founded upon. That respect is based upon several factors, such as shared beliefs, values, ethics and goals. It was neccessary for each of us to be able to properly communicate our POVs before we were able to understand one another sufficiently to develop that level of respect. With respect and communication it became possible to develop the spark of trust, without which there could be no D/s.
It is still much more complicated than I can decribe here but this simplistic explanation at least gives a rough idea of how I think it came together for my girl and me.
Timothy



BeachMystress -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 12:17:04 PM)


Love is the core of my relationship. While it started as play and service, the love has way outweighed the other factors now. With that love goes all the accompanying things, communication, respect and trust. I've never had so deep a relationship with a sub before. While D/s, service or power exchange may be enough to keep a relationship going, love adds a really wonderful dimension.



willing2serve -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 5:15:01 PM)

Ah....great topic....

This was one I discussed with Sir to see if we were on the same page...

My answer would be Control and Obedience......I truly dont think adoration or just Domination or just submission or the animalistic passion is enough to hold it together long term. I believe there has to be an authority that will ensure the longevity.

His answer: "My responsible control and your trusting obedience"

So yes, we are in the same relationship..fine tuned together and the foundation set.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1



GentleLady -> RE: foundation of... (3/16/2005 5:37:17 PM)

quote:

We’ve worked these things out because we fundamentally care about each other very much and because we don’t hold back. He claims he’s never felt so comfortable talking to any other human being then me because he knows no matter what he says to me, I won’t judge him.

So the D/s, the kink, the sex, all of wiitwd are the ways we express our relationship. The foundation of our relationship is communication.

The submissive I am living with said the same thing to Me almost a year ago. Our basic values and beliefs are similar even though we have some radically different views about certain subjects. But because we can talk about the opposing viewpoints without arguing or insulting each other's beliefs, the communication lines stay open. Personally I feel that without the communication, no long-lasting and happy relationship will occur. Everything else we do together is because of the communication (which is based on honesty and leads to respect and trust) and wiitwd is a reflection of our relationship and ourselves.

Obviously other elements must be present for a relationship to last, but open communication is one of the necessary ones in My opinion.

edited to add a personal caveat

For Myself, the D/s aspect must be present. I am no longer willing to even attempt to fit into a strictly vanilla relationship. However, if the relationship was just D/s, I would not be living with My submissive. How much D/s will be needed for Me to be comfortable? We are still working that out.

Gentle Lady



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