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The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 2:23:14 PM   
timorous


Posts: 60
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not usually one to feel sorry for myself this is weighing heavily on me and breaking my heart.
I live in a 24/7 relationship with my Dom who I love and I think we are good for each other and happy to be together. I live to serve him in every way I can. But this is now greatly effected by my having cancer. It just tears me up that I don't have the energy to do all the things that I want for him that I know he would value. And I'm saddened beyond belief that he no longer wants to hurt me in play the way we've both really enjoyed in the past because he sees, although I would never ever complain about it, that it takes me a long time to recover from it. But I miss it very much. Even just ordinary vigorous sex (and no... I'm not in any way talking about vanilla sex) can take me the rest of the day or maybe more to recover from and so I think he is holding back on that too. This makes me inconsolable.

I don't know whether I will but I have big plans on a good recovery. But in the meantime I just wish I could be everything I want to for him.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 2:29:26 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		You aren't feeling sorry for yourself, not at all. What you are doing tho, is being way too hard on yourself :(
Don't you think your dom values you for more than just a sub? It sounds to me like he is taking care of you, making sure that your body has enough energy to fight against illness. I sure can understand that you miss playing but sometimes that has to take a back seat to RL.
Have you told him that you are struggling with this? If not I think you should, all the energy and effort you put into worrying is energy n effort not going towards keeping your body strong.
I hope you go talk to him.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to timorous)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 2:30:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I know, you just have to find your worth intrinsically within yourself.  You must find ways of connecting on that intimate level together which are not physically vigorous. 

I'm sorry and yours is a very common plight, just recognize that your service goes far beyond being available and your physical sustainability.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to timorous)
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RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 2:56:48 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: timorous

I'm not usually one to feel sorry for myself this is weighing heavily on me and breaking my heart.
I live in a 24/7 relationship with my Dom who I love and I think we are good for each other and happy to be together. I live to serve him in every way I can. But this is now greatly effected by my having cancer. It just tears me up that I don't have the energy to do all the things that I want for him that I know he would value. And I'm saddened beyond belief that he no longer wants to hurt me in play the way we've both really enjoyed in the past because he sees, although I would never ever complain about it, that it takes me a long time to recover from it. But I miss it very much. Even just ordinary vigorous sex (and no... I'm not in any way talking about vanilla sex) can take me the rest of the day or maybe more to recover from and so I think he is holding back on that too. This makes me inconsolable.

I don't know whether I will but I have big plans on a good recovery. But in the meantime I just wish I could be everything I want to for him.


i think what you are feeling is a loss - but realize it's temporary until you recover.  Allow your dom to care for you and make good decisions and don't be so hard on yourself.  It soulds like he's being very caring and loving to you. Keep up the positive energy and focus on your recovery, i think thats that best gift you could give him at this point. 

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to timorous)
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RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 3:03:06 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		Aw hon, I know this hurts and is tearing you up. I don't have cancer, but I do have daily physical pain that sometimes interferes with me being able to play. You have to remember that the relationship is about more than the physical fun of playing. The mental connection is there whether you're able to serve in a certain way or not. My husband is my property and servant even if I'm the one having to tend him through illness. (Which just happened. He had the flu two weeks ago. It is quite a switch to be the one cooking, going to the store and fetching drinks.. eeks, lol.) Part of 24/7 365 ownership is caring for the property. I take my cat to the vet, I take my car to the mechanic and I provide care for my subhubby when it becomes necessary.

You need to concentrate your efforts on getting well. I know it is easier to worry about him and what you can not do, but if you're ever to serve at full capacity again, you need to let yourself be ok with things not being quite as active right now. Put your energy into healing and not into worry. Talk with him and express your frustration at not being able to do what you normally do. Also, perhaps join a support group. While you may not want to discuss exactly the things you're not able to do anymore (funny how vanillas don't understand being able to take a hard whipping as being a good thing,) talking with others in the same boat may help you cope and find some ways around some of the problems. The support group would also be a good place to discuss your fears with others who truly understand them. Your Dom may find it helpful to also attend a support group for partners of those who have cancer. You have my thoughts and hopes in your fight against this.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to timorous)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 3:18:33 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Yanno, in life not all our properties are in the best shape, always.......

so I have this tractor that I love, (38 B Allis Chalmers) the bearings are a little weak, so I got to baby it along a little, but I happily putz with it,  but I don't want to wreck it; now it is an inatimate object, but if it could feel, I would rather that it concentrated on the love behind that, than that it couldn't perform for me up to ITS expectations.  I am in charge here!!!!!

Al Haig




_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to timorous)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 3:50:46 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Ron prolly has a point here somewhere lost in the cogs of that beloved tractor.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 3:58:09 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
I would rather that it concentrated on the love behind that, than that it couldn't perform for me up to ITS expectations.  I am in charge here!!!!!

BINGO, exactly. Mnottertail has a great point; you don't even know what your Dom feels on the subject unless you ask him. Considering the man cares enough to keep you as a 24/7 365, I suspect he'd rather you concentrate on healing. Again, I stress, talk to him.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 3:59:52 PM   
BreatheinToMe


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: timorous

I'm not usually one to feel sorry for myself this is weighing heavily on me and breaking my heart.
I live in a 24/7 relationship with my Dom who I love and I think we are good for each other and happy to be together. I live to serve him in every way I can. But this is now greatly effected by my having cancer. It just tears me up that I don't have the energy to do all the things that I want for him that I know he would value. And I'm saddened beyond belief that he no longer wants to hurt me in play the way we've both really enjoyed in the past because he sees, although I would never ever complain about it, that it takes me a long time to recover from it. But I miss it very much. Even just ordinary vigorous sex (and no... I'm not in any way talking about vanilla sex) can take me the rest of the day or maybe more to recover from and so I think he is holding back on that too. This makes me inconsolable.

I don't know whether I will but I have big plans on a good recovery. But in the meantime I just wish I could be everything I want to for him.


Ok sis, it's time to smell the coffee. With all the other things being said, Read what I have underlined. Your Dominant is wise and correct. Your body should be working on one thing at a time. It is already under enormous stress. You might want to examine, if you miss the endorphins that are released during play (for you), in that case, perhaps there is another, less strenuous way to "relive" some experiences. Or you just need to focus on what "He" wants, even if it is abstinence. Heck I had to do it and I wasn't even sick....  lol.

(in reply to timorous)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 4:38:36 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		the fastest way to get well is to concentrate on being well. Your life is at stake, and guilt will not speed the process.

Here is a link to a movie about changing our thoughts to bring abundance at all levels to ourselves.

http://www.allabreve.org/thesecret.html

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to timorous)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 4:59:03 PM   
VeryPrivateMstr


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline 		Julia,
  That is a great link! Thanks for posting it!

His slave

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 4:59:42 PM   
outlier


Posts: 1111
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		timorous,

I have been in the situation your dom is in.  My profile says:

"For all except the last of those 30 years we had a sex life built on a foundation
of my control. The last year she was too ill, but the bond remained because it lies
in the essence of what you have together, it’s not just physical. "

Imagine for a moment that your post said something like this:
"I have a problem because I cannot perform as my dom demands because
I have cancer."

The kind of punishment that would be inflicted on him
in here would be devastating and richly deserved. 

Accept the fact that he knows you have a value that far exceeds any
temporary physical pleasure.  It sounds like he has already figured
that out.  Now you just join with him in using your energy to get
well.  Then you two can party together for a long long time.

All the best
Outlier




< Message edited by outlier -- 2/18/2007 5:02:27 PM >

_____________________________

Avatar from xkcd.com

"A happy sex life may take years to achieve, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

(in reply to timorous)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 5:03:52 PM   
VeryPrivateMstr


Posts: 21
Joined: 12/5/2006
Status: offline 		timorous,
There is also alot of greatnes and satisfaction in being service oriented. You may find ways to bring honor to your Dom with things that will not harm you, or put you "out of comission". Everyday of service brings it's own challenges. Yours may be to find new ways to serve for the time being.

His slave

edited to correct typos

< Message edited by VeryPrivateMstr -- 2/18/2007 5:22:46 PM >

(in reply to outlier)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 5:10:41 PM   
MasterC70


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline 		It is my understanding that part of being a Dom/Master is taking care of your sub/slave when she is ill.  You may want to talk to him about how you feel, but you should also be glad that he is trying to take good care of you while you are sick.  It is after all his task (a task he chose to undertake) to do so.  Wishing you a speedy and complete recovery. 

(in reply to timorous)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 5:27:43 PM   
MistressYlwa


Posts: 263
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline 		BeachMystress
quote:

You have to remember that the relationship is about more than the physical fun of playing. The mental connection is there whether you're able to serve in a certain way or not. ......Part of 24/7 365 ownership is caring for the property. I take my cat to the vet, I take my car to the mechanic and I provide care for my subhubby when it becomes necessary.


I think you have said it all, in your post. Was my slave/husband's nurse for several years.
 
True, he cried often because I was taking care of him and not the other way around. But the love didn't leave when the illness arrived. And the connection we made wasn't based on the physical. We connected on so many other levels.
 
Be strong. Take care of yourself, the way I am sure your Dom wants you to. Know that you can survive this. My current roommate has stage 3, ovarian cancer. Is in remission and her CA125 is so low, they hate to say cured, but looks really good.   All things are possible.
 
Also, "The Secret", that julia mentioned is a wonderful book. You will be amazed at the things that can change.
 
Take care. My thoughts are with you.

_____________________________

Mistress Ylwa

You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to MasterC70)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 6:23:40 PM   
timorous


Posts: 60
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much for your patience, wisdom, understanding and good counsel.

I know that the things he values in me the most - my trustworthiness, peacefulness and reliability are still running at full capacity.
I will try to stop beating myself up about him not being able or wanting to do it himself.... lol.

Thank you all very much..... um, and extra blessings for the tractor take on my problems. Now that's one kinky allusion!!!!!

(in reply to MistressYlwa)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 7:20:05 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		 Serve as best you can as he requires. When he requires that service be your rest, then rest to the best of your ability to rest! It's all perspective. That's all you can do. I wish you a very speedy recovery, timorous.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to timorous)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/18/2007 7:32:44 PM   
touchthesky


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline 		i am not sure what can be worse than getting cancer, it changes so many things...u need to take care of urself and let urself be taken care of. this is a time maybe to remember the good times u shared while u mend. i don't blame you for feelin bad about the sitiuation but try not to dwell on it overmuch cause u need all ur energy right now

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/20/2007 9:31:21 PM   
dakotabo


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

 Serve as best you can as he requires. When he requires that service be your rest, then rest to the best of your ability to rest! It's all perspective. That's all you can do. I wish you a very speedy recovery, timorous.

Celeste



( hope I did this qoute thingy right)
BitaTuble said what I was going to say!! Serve him by making him happy in the capacity of taking care of yourself right now, he will be trully unhappy and unfufilled if you do not get better!!! Healing is so important for you to do, and to do that you need to concentrate on yourself, positive thought processes, and laugh, laugh as much as you can. My heart and thoughts are with you..... I hope this made sense.......

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The heartache and frustration of being a sick slave. - 2/20/2007 11:19:21 PM   
timorous


Posts: 60
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you all so much for your kind and sage comments. I do appreciate them.
Its quite a difficult thing for a slave to let go of some of the servitude but you're right. I need to if I won't to go on serving him.

(in reply to dakotabo)
Profile   Post #: 20
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