When subs go "poof"...and come BACK???

When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (Full Version)

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DominaSmartass -> When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 7:39:49 PM)
Here's the back story: Someone I had spent 6 weeks or so getting to know online before traveling to meet, just to have him disappear after our first meeting has come back! Now ironically, I met my current significant other on the very trip that I took to meet this sub and so it all seemed to make sense...things happen for a reason, never would have met S if B hadn't given me a reason to travel there and then stood me up. So now I am extremely happy, with someone else, and no need or desire for this other one but I have always wondered what really happened. I had my theories, as we all do when the boys go poof, but I wanted to know for sure. So I messaged him and against all of my expectations, he messaged back and we began talking. We ended up talking on the phone and it was good to finally know. He claims that he became terrified after meeting me because I was the first dom he had ever ventured to meet in real life. He panicked and stood me up for our 2nd meeting and disappeared completely from phone/internet after that. I always considered him special and was very hurt by his disappearance so knowing that he has the balls to face me, admit he was completely, immeasurably wrong, and appologize, does show some strength of character, IMO. The fact is, he's the only one of several poofers that has ever faced me again. He told me that he was sorry, told me that it had taken a couple of months to return to normal after the intensity of our daily conversations and even some d/s aspects of the relationship that I had initiated via phone had ceased. He is not by any means asking for me to give him another chance or take him back, he doesn't believe he deserves another chance. But my question is to all you others who may have experienced this. If I were not so happily with someone I might consider giving it another go with this one, though he'd have to work doubly hard to get me to trust him again, but the point is, that's not going to happen and I wonder where to go from here? I'm considering seeing him when I can in more of a friends capacity, trying to help him get a grip on his d/s desires and figure out what he wants and who he is by taking him with me to events and meetings I attend, exposing him to different people whom I respect and he could learn from. Obviously I don't have to do anything but I do care about him and still believe he's a good person. But I'm just a bit in shock still to have him back in whatever capacity I may. When this has happened in the past I write them off as another loss. Has anyone ever had someone reappear with explanation and apology after disappearing without a trace? I know some of you will say that he's playing me and I'm a sucker, but I don't believe that to be the case. Though I guess only time will tell. Looking forward to hearing others' inputs. I know they go poof a lot but how often do they come back?

sub4hire -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 7:41:37 PM)
All of the time. People disappear for various reasons. Health, family, career among other reasons. Its part of life.

losttreasure -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 7:45:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass ...Has anyone ever had someone reappear with explanation and apology after disappearing without a trace? Hmmm... not quite the same deal, but I had a poofing dom from here once send me an email a couple of months later. He apologized, and then warned me against the evils of this "twisted world of BDSM". You do know you are all evil, don't you? [;)]

DominaSmartass -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 7:55:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sub4hire All of the time. People disappear for various reasons. Health, family, career among other reasons. Its part of life. That wasn't the question but thanks for reading my post so carefully before replying. And yes, I know I'm a smartass, it comes with the territory.

MsInnocent -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 7:56:20 PM)
I have had that happen quite a few times here on CM as well. I guess some people get scared about taking that step away from the computer or are too worried about making that perfect impression. Sometimes it's nice that they "weed" themselves out, other times it's more annoying. Sometimes they get a second chance. It all happens for a reason. I just talked to one of the dissappearing/reappearing ones earlier today. MI

sub4hire -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 7:57:36 PM)
I read the post and my response would be the same. People disappear...yeah they do come back but usually it is too late. I don't see your post as being a smartass. What part of it was?

Sinergy -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 7:58:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass quote: ORIGINAL: sub4hire All of the time. People disappear for various reasons. Health, family, career among other reasons. Its part of life. That wasn't the question but thanks for reading my post so carefully before replying. And yes, I know I'm a smartass, it comes with the territory. Hello DominaSmartass, I personally am uninterested in why a person up and disappears. For the most part, I have better things to do in my life than listen to their explanations. I would say to you that the only thing you have control over is whether or not you take the person back in. Hope this helps. Sinergy edited because it was all messed up.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:00:33 PM)
I had one that didn't necessarily go "poof" because I knew where he was and how to see him or get in touch with him...but I left the ball in his court. It took him about six months to contact me an apologize for his crappy treatment. I'm seeing him this weekend at an event...if he shows. Part of me doesn't believe he will... Master Fire

DominaSmartass -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:01:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam I had one that didn't necessarily go "poof" because I knew where he was and how to see him or get in touch with him...but I left the ball in his court. It took him about six months to contact me an apologize for his crappy treatment. I'm seeing him this weekend at an event...if he shows. Part of me doesn't believe he will... Master Fire No need to be cryptic, I know where you will be this weekend. I'll be there too...so if he does show can I watch you beat the hell out of him for disappearing? Just kidding - I know the beatings are a reward.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:07:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam I had one that didn't necessarily go "poof" because I knew where he was and how to see him or get in touch with him...but I left the ball in his court. It took him about six months to contact me an apologize for his crappy treatment. I'm seeing him this weekend at an event...if he shows. Part of me doesn't believe he will... Master Fire chuckle I wasn't being cryptic about going to SPLF, I was being cryptic about jason. But, I might have books with me! Master Fire No need to be cryptic, I know where you will be this weekend. I'll be there too...so if he does show can I watch you beat the hell out of him for disappearing? Just kidding - I know the beatings are a reward.

bludemonn -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:09:40 PM)
You mean subs are turning poof? how ....how did this happen, what makes subs turn into homos!

SimplyMichael -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:11:05 PM)
I would agree to mentor him a bit, ease him into the scene and help him get over himself but only at arms length.

MistressSophia -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:21:40 PM)
Everyone has had a poof at some time. I consider it weak as well as bad manners, After all remember what great manners they had when wanting our attention. I myself do not think it takes a great deal of courage to write a nice email, explaining themself.. After all the computer was never meant to be a hiding spot. They had the courage to contact us. they should have the same to back away.. Excuses are for children. In my eyes it is disrespect and bad manners. and most go poof again. One big game for them. So if you are going to see him again. make him work for it. nothing given easy has any value. just my two cents.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:27:43 PM)
Curious as to what your theories were in regards to his "poof" before you actually found out?......Tempting

nephandi -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:44:42 PM)
i often leve internett and collarme for long periods at a time due to depressions only to come back when i want to and i am feeling better. Somtimes i also just have to take a brake from all the arguments here. This disapearing of me online have somtimes made me also stop comunications whit somone online, but then i usualy always inform pepole i may disapear now and again.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:50:48 PM)
hmmm...well I'm an expert on slaves going "poof" so I admit up front I'm quite jaded...lol I get them all the time that poof from here, and they "always" come back, with some excuse or another...I am polite, but I'm not going to go out of my way for a second time...I figure if they were really sorry, and their apology was legit, then they would stick around and accept friendship...that is the best way to change a mind, especially mine....stick around, show me that you are serious, and you never know what a good friendship will change into. None ever do, just come back every few months with a different approach. (which is just as lame as the others) I had MB out of PA, who I met in a chat room...he kept going "poof" so when he said he would be close by on business, I met him there and we spent a few days together...everything was fine, or so I thought...you guessed it, after a phone call after I got back that day, he went poof. I really liked him, and I was hurt. But as someone else said in a previous post, I was not going to let him rent any more space in my head. I had to consider that he's just a gamer/or very sad person, either of which, I needed life to move on. LOOOOONG story short, please don't think the big "confession" is going to necessarily stick. Actually, I bet you blew him away when/if you told him that you were already taken and happy, and the circumstances of the whole thing. A lot of these people actually think that you are sitting around waiting for them...or so one told me. If you can just be friends with this guy, more power to you, but be careful, he could come back into your life and still come of with reasons to disappear. So if you being friends with this guy will in any way, shape or form jepordize your current relationship, please just cut this guy loose....you went above and beyond, and he had his chance. just the opinions of the "Jedi " of being played on this thing....LOL

TxBlkMistress -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 8:55:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bludemonn You mean subs are turning poof? how ....how did this happen, what makes subs turn into homos! [sm=biggrin.gif] good one.....lol

sublizzie -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 9:00:05 PM)
I don't know how often submissives go poof and then return, but I know about a lot of dominants who poof and then return. Sometimes over and over and over again. I hate to be sexist, but it's possible it is more of a gender thing than a D/s one.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 9:12:16 PM)
It's happened on very rare occasion. I react usually with genuine surprise, awkward well wishes, introductions and then we part again.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: When subs go "poof"...and come BACK??? (2/18/2007 9:16:22 PM)
Ive had subs go poof for years and then come back al of a sudden and think tey should be welcomed with open arms. I gently remind them that they missed their chance when they disappeared the first time, and wish them well in their new search. I dont tel them much more than that, since once theyve taken themselves out of my life that way they dont need to know anything. DV

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