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RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 7:52:53 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

I'm giving up sex for lent - just thought i'd throw that in the mix

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Post #: 621

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:06:30 AM

needdiscipline23

Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline

dbg--what is so hard about this???

If there are others who ASSUME that someone putting "straight" in their profile on a BDSM site means they have NEVER (or only once but they didn't like it) had a bisexual interaction, and they fall into the same situation you did (which makes no sense, b/c it sounds like your husband was a GAY MAN, not someone who had simply experienced homosexual acts before) it is THEIR OWN FAULT for making ASSUMPTIONS. Bottom line. WIITWD requires us to be proactive about understanding and learning about people we are involved in. No one (except your ex husband--and possibly FukinTroll, b/c who can tell with him) is being DISHONEST. Okay, well, I don't want to say no one, b/c there's all those HNG's out there, but not my point.

People are NOT required to define their sexuality according to your terms. Defining sexuality differently than you do is not a lack of honesty. I don't care if you have 50 friends who agree with you on your definition, this isn't a mainstream board, it's a BDSM board. And people have the right to define their sexuality the way they want....and YOU have the right to find out about someone before you engage in sexual acts with them. You do NOT have the right to define their sexuality for them.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 622

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:07:52 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

how long is lent?

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 623

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:10:19 AM

needdiscipline23

Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline

40 days?

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 624

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:11:21 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Well, let's give that shit up now......

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to needdiscipline23)

Post #: 625

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:18:55 AM

needdiscipline23

Posts: 106
Joined: 5/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Well, let's give that shit up now......

Ron

Um, should we take this as a committment from you to also give up sex for lent?

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 626

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:22:11 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Now had he given you a handgun that would have made a big ol difference in the world.

By the way... what is wrong with Troll lesbian male Dom's?

Not a god damned thing.......he's kinda cuteish

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 627

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:23:19 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Fuck no!!!!! Give up Lent for Lent!!!!!!

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to needdiscipline23)

Post #: 628

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:31:40 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

shrill
3. Sharp or keen to the senses; harshly vivid:

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/shrill

it doesn't have to be about the vocal sounds.

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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 629

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:33:21 AM

defiantbadgirl

Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

defiant,

It may appear that people are ganging up on you...they really aren't. You prolly need to knock that chip off your shoulder and try and process what's been said here. Honey, you apparently have Issues! I would think that they could be dealt with in a more constructive way than telling people that they are bisexual simply because they've had sex with someone of the same sex. I honestly doubt that you are at all qualified to make that type of judgment.

The problem is, many people think sexual orientation refers to both preference and acts. Most on here know that, but persist in using their definition and not elaborating. These people don't specifically ask about acts because they don't know. By not elaborating, that takes away a person's right to choose what sexual orientation (what they've always thought sexual orientation was) they want to be with. What about those who have had a sex change and don't bother telling their significant other before becoming involved? Tecnically, they are whatever sex the surgery made them into. Does this mean they aren't guilty of deception? I would love to present this issue in a more constructive way, but I'm not sure how.
As I said earlier, if you're all that homophobic and feel that someone needs to give you his entire past sexual history, well, you may want to think about searching on another site. btw...you said that you enjoy bdsm, right? Um, which part? You've got so many "hard limits" I don't see how you're ever going to find a partner much less get laid (and for all those who want to jump up and tell me that this isn't all about sex...for me a part of it is). Someone who hits you is abusive..Someone who hits me in the face is abusive because that's a hard limit, someone who spanks me is not. I've talked to plenty of doms who don't believe in striking women in the face..being with more than one woman is wrong (or whatever you said) There are many women on here seeking monogamous relationships, you talk like I'm the only one, being with same sex is disgusting. To me it is because I'm straight. To a homosexual, being with the opposite sex is disgusting. That doesn't make either person wrong or better than the other one. It's just a matter of person preference. So, when you hit someone (since you identify as a switch) are you being abusive? Yes, in most cases I would consider myself abusive if I did that. I just spank because I don't do to others what I wouldn't want done to me. Now if they specifically asked me to hit them in the face and told me they liked it, that would be a different story because I aim to please.Think about it.

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 630

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:37:15 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

I'm gonna try one more idea.

DBG, you tell us that we cannot define bisexual for you, because you are working with the "mainstream" definition. You argue that yours is widely accepted; fine.

We will not define it for you, and accept that everyone can have their own definitions, which may not match our own.

Can you not accept that you, in the same way, have to accept that we have a different definition from yours, and that therefore, you can't force us to use yours?

The only way for us to then communicate is to lay both definitions on the table, and think about whether you fall into the other person's.

In the same way, when you meet a new guy, you ask him, "Are you bi?" He may say no, and you will have to tell him what your definition is, because yours differs from the dictionary definition.

Nothing wrong with defining it differently from the dictionary, just make sure to clarify it before blaming the other person for lying.

Just like if I define "single" as "not married," I may do just that. But if I deviate from the dictionary, I have to add the disclaimer, not someone else.

Hope that helps you understand our point.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 631

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:39:54 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

The problem is, many people think sexual orientation refers to both preference and acts. Most on here know that, but persist in using their definition and not elaborating. These people don't specifically ask about acts because they don't know. By not elaborating, that takes away a person's right to choose what sexual orientation (what they've always thought sexual orientation was) they want to be with. What about those who have had a sex change and don't bother telling their significant other before becoming involved? Tecnically, they are whatever sex the surgery made them into. Does this mean they aren't guilty of deception? I would love to present this issue in a more constructive way, but I'm not sure how.

Where YOU live this maybe the case, people I know are more sophisticated and know more about sexuality I guess. I would suggest you educate people you know so that they do not sound ignorant... because they are wrong, not us.

quote:

Someone who hits me in the face is abusive because that's a hard limit, someone who spanks me is not. I've talked to plenty of doms who don't believe in striking women in the face..

Ok, if someone strikes YOU in the face that would be abusive... but I get face slapped often, and I love it, so how is this abusive?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 632

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:58:34 AM

porthuronsub

Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Anyone who has hard limits is wanting safety at their terms.

First of all, is there any BBQ left b/c it is lunchtime and I am hungry.
I can't believe this thread is still growing.

Then I just want to know where dbg feels that someones sexual past is a matter of safety in a relationship. I mean other than with disease which should be clarified regardless of who they are. If it is in their past, it is in their past. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Just b/c a man did a sexual act with another man doesn't mean he wants to go out and buy a pair of mary janes and parade down the street with another man. You really need to open your mind and realize that just b/c you felt wronged in your relationship your mindset doesn't apply to the rest of the world and deinitely not here.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 633

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 8:58:38 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

*snipped cause you ain't worth repeatin'*

I find it very amusing that you can respond only to this instead of our very valid point. This is a BDSM board not a mainstream one. What the hell are you doing trying to use mainstream arguments against us, or have you realized just how pointless that is?

Your precious mainstream people aren't into being spanked and collared. In your case, you need to pick a side and stick with it. Either you want the conservative views and probably non-kinky sex (I can't believe you actually want a lifestyle relationship, way too close-minded) or learn to open your mind.

BDSM isn't easy. Neither is free speech - we have to listen to you. However, let's talk reality. The reality is you are in a forum of blissfully happy perverts, among whom are straight men who obey any order given. If you are going to be so pompous as to go around telling us that a large section of us are liars... perhaps you should reconsider exactly who you want for friends and where you want to belong.

This is my "mainstream". I don't give a damn what yours thinks.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)

Post #: 634

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 9:00:39 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

FR- I think
michaelOfGeorgia and defiantbadgirl
make the Perfect couple.

Defiant- do you have your own car? cus mike will need a ride

I think a wedding is in order!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 635

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 9:00:44 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

The problem is, many people think sexual orientation refers to both preference and acts. Most on here know that, but persist in using their definition and not elaborating. These people don't specifically ask about acts because they don't know. By not elaborating, that takes away a person's right to choose what sexual orientation (what they've always thought sexual orientation was) they want to be with. What about those who have had a sex change and don't bother telling their significant other before becoming involved? Tecnically, they are whatever sex the surgery made them into. Does this mean they aren't guilty of deception? I would love to present this issue in a more constructive way, but I'm not sure how.

Where YOU live this maybe the case, people I know are more sophisticated and know more about sexuality I guess. I would suggest you educate people you know so that they do not sound ignorant... because they are wrong, not us.

Ditto. Talking about this thread around the people I know made a lot of people laugh. And I live in the bible belt for Christ's sake.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 636

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 9:02:04 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

FR- I think
michaelOfGeorgia and defiantbadgirl
make the Perfect couple.

Defiant- do you have your own car? cus mike will need a ride

I think a wedding is in order!

It has to be said...

Can we do the catering? I promise it will be fresh!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 637

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 9:03:43 AM

Valyraen

Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porthuronsub

quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

Anyone who has hard limits is wanting safety at their terms.

First of all, is there any BBQ left b/c it is lunchtime and I am hungry.
I can't believe this thread is still growing.

Is there any barbecue left... foolish Earth man! I've been up since 7:30 making restock runs! Do you prefer breast meat, or ribs?

(in reply to porthuronsub)

Post #: 638

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 9:04:47 AM

porthuronsub

Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

I am sure the majority of us wouldn't be invited...gay and lesbians and bisexuals at THEIR wedding.....ewwwwwww

The catering would be the best in the land though.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 639

RE: honesty about sexual orientation - 2/20/2007 9:06:15 AM

porthuronsub

Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

I'll have the ribs. Any potato salad to go with that?

(in reply to porthuronsub)

Post #: 640

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