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Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 10:38:50 AM

wyldsubmissive

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The title kind've says it.

Basically I want to know

If you, as a sub/slave have found that when one puts out a profile getting/finding a domina/dominant female/Mistress/Lady/Goddess/Top is harder then finding men? As its been stated the male dom to female sub ratio plays in favor of the sub. (So many choices! Heh.) So, does one have to "chase" female doms or at least pursue them harder then men?

No flaming my pretties.

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RE: Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 10:46:28 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wyldsubmissive
So, does one have to "chase" female doms or at least pursue them harder then men?

To get any partner? Sure.

To get a good partner who works for you? No.

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RE: Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 11:49:15 AM

Stephann

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I've found the reverse to be true; good dominant men need to pratically shake females away. I consider it along the lines that the kind of man the average female submissive desires, is the kind of man who wouldn't chase her; she'd feel compelled to chase him. The moment a dominant man has to start begging the slave to give him attention, is the moment he should re-examine if this is the right slave for him and his dynamic.

The same would seem to be true for female dominants, though it's not uncommon for a female dominant to take notice of an female (or male) submissive and invite their attentions. Saying what I have, I don't know of many successful relationshiops that were initiated by one party or the other spending an unusual amount of time or effort to 'woo' the other. People either seem to click, or they don't.

Stephan

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RE: Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 11:59:52 AM

toservez

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Like anything in life, to sit and wait for something to happen/come to you or to actively try to go after what you want/need the people who engage usually have a much higher percentage of success then those who just stand by.

I think in real life that there is no difference between male and female dominants when trying to find one but online since men way outnumber women that the women tend to be passive including the dominants so if looking for a female dominant it would give you a much better chance to initiate contact, but this would be good advice for looking for a male dominant as well.

Proactive is always better then reactive.

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RE: Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 3:32:16 PM

amayos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: wyldsubmissive

As its been stated the male dom to female sub ratio plays in favor of the sub. (So many choices! Heh.) So, does one have to "chase" female doms or at least pursue them harder then men?

I usually find the established wisdom of ratios and "supply and demand" paradigms often flawed, as they all too often are based upon assumptions dominance and submission parallels traditional mating strategy. There are many who claim to be Keepers or slaves, but so seldom do they have anything more than a part. Those who rule or serve authentically may seem as plentiful as the stars from one's vantage point on the hill at night, but like stars, they are in reality so very far apart. Those who purely wish to have or be devoted servants are rarities, from my experience.

Be that as it may, it is my belief the dominant party—be it male or female—shouldn't be the one giving pursuit, and my reasons for this belief do not lie with supply and demand rationale, but the spirit inherent in the two forms. I am aware there are no doubt some who will disagree, but I remain convinced that outside of an auction or some similar form of transactional procurement, pursuit itself is in essence an entreaty far more fitting for the supplicant. Many "dominas" no doubt instinctually understand this and foster an environment where pursuit is necessary.

On a somewhat satirical note, perhaps this little grain of wisdom sits somewhere in our shared DNA:

"He who loves the more is the inferior and must suffer." – Thomas Mann

< Message edited by amayos -- 2/19/2007 3:36:03 PM >

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RE: Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 3:47:36 PM

porthuronsub

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When I met my Mistress I was at the bottom of a list of ten candidates, or so I was told. I feel that I was lucky and hit it off with her on non-lifestyle areas. We just connected. I do believe that there are far more men then the female dominants they want to be involved with.
Although the dominants could argue that out of the many men pursuing them that only a handful are worthy for whatever reason which really narrows the spread.

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RE: Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 4:11:46 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

the supplicant.

Who should never be confused with the replicant, who although designed for slavery took poorly to it.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 2/19/2007 4:14:06 PM >

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RE: Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 5:28:49 PM

mp072004

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This is an interesting question.

Online, my correspondence is almost entirely with men. While my profile says "bisexual" and I indicate that I'm looking for women, it's written for men, because that appears to be my audience. My contacts, men, generally contact me first and do the pursuing. If they're interested in playing with me and with my male partner, they contact me, which might lead to the conclusion that bisexual submissive men pursue dominant women more readily than they pursue dominant men--but that is correlative, not causative, as they may pursue me because I logged on more recently, or because they regard my profile as more attractively written. I do think that men who want to submit or bottom need to pursue women fairly ardently, and I do think this is because of the market, but I don't know how that compares to the degree of effort submissive men need to pursue dominant men.

Offline, in BDSM groups, it is rare for a submissive or bottom woman to be the aggressor in a flirtation with me, but it's much more common for a submissive or bottom man to do so. (Note: here, "submissive" and "bottom" refer to the role the person wants in interactions with me. Some of the people I have in mind switch.) Men approach me and flirt, and ask me to top them. I frequently notice someone and decided I'm going to hit on him, and before I have made my move, he has already approached me. This frustrated me initially, as I often find it fun to approach people myself, but now I'm beginning to grow lazy about flirting with submissive men. On the other hand, in general, I approach women I want to top. Most of the time, I need to be quite blunt about my intentions, especially at pansexual events. In conversations, I've made playfully toppy remarks, announced that I find the prospective object of my attentions attractive, and *still* needed to say, "I am flirting with you. I want to bind/hit you." I've decided to find this brand of shyness charming and funny. But submissive women in primary relationships with dominant men have pursued me in one particular way: with their partners as intermediaries or matchmakers.

Monica

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RE: Dominas need pursuit? - 2/19/2007 6:08:00 PM

marieToo

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I don't really see a big difference in the genders.
I think the delicate part of this comes into it when we consider how we perceive ourselves in our submission or dominance (whether male or female).

Some may think that its more "dominant" to be the one to control the pursuit, while others feel the submissive should have to scrape and crawl for it.

We may not want to admit this or recognize it, but both parties have to participate in the "dance", or it would never get anywhere. I think it always varies a bit depending on the specific chemistry of the two involved.

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