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how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 3:00:54 AM

Slutsub

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Joined: 12/8/2004
From: my knees
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how do i ask for Master to do something to me or say something to me.im afraid if i ask in the wrong way he will not be pleased or he wont want to and then...be displeased with me.

they say you can ask anything...but.......im afraid to...

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 4:02:31 AM

medea

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I believe a truly genuine Master would be open to discussion (or should be at least). Surely, a good D/s relationship involves discussion so that both parties are fulfilled, especially if you're planning to turn it into a 24/7 thing.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 4:20:22 AM

Slutsub

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yes i know this..and he has said we can discuss anything...but. i have trouble...vocalising my thoughts at the best of times......i just dont know how to start..........help me ..please...i dont want to seem a fool..but..i feel ...unable to do this........

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 5:17:49 AM

MidnightWriter

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"Master, I would truly be happy if you would see fit to ________, please?"

"Sir, I think that you should know that I am really craving ________ and ________; what you do about that is, of course, up to you, but I felt that you should know."

"Master, if I may beg a boon from you, I've been really wanting _________."

"Sir, you have a right to know that I've been fantasizing about __________."

It's not about whatever it is that you'd like your dom to do - it's about your dom's right to know about your desires. I don't know the shape of your relationship, but you've gotta ask yourself - would they be pleased to have this information withheld from them? Would you expect them to not want to know?

If you have trouble turning those thoughts into words "on the fly", or suspect that you'll choke up when you try bringing this up, there's the option of writing it down. Write, edit, polish, until it seems "just right" to you, then in your best penmanship, transfer it to paper with a pen.

If being that direct really feels bad to you, start a thread on what you need to discuss in an appropriate forum, hash it out there with other subs, then drop a link to that thread into his mailbox.

Personally, I've never been unhappy with someone, sub or 'nilla, who told me about their desires. It's the things that I wasn't told that turned around and bit my ass.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 5:40:04 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Slutsub

yes i know this..and he has said we can discuss anything...but. i have trouble...vocalising my thoughts at the best of times......i just dont know how to start..........help me ..please...i dont want to seem a fool..but..i feel ...unable to do this........

Your dom has told you that you can discuss anything. Now, unless he's an insecure guy who just told you that to make you feel good but when you actually bring it up will be pissed, he meant what he said.

You can either trust him or be scared.

If you need to write them down and mail him a letter, then do that at first. Or read aloud from a journal.

He's not a mind reader. You should feel happy to be able to share with your dom, lots of slaves are not given such freedom of options. You're new and scared to lose something you really like. But the only reason you're scared is because you don't really "get it" in how things work long term yet.

Long term, being open and communicating desires isn't just something you work through, it's NECESSARY for the relationship to survive.

It's a skill, so practice it. Be honest.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 6:00:10 AM

kisshou

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write it out in a polite note , this is alot easier than face to face , or ask if you can whisper it in His ear *grins* works for me

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 6:04:42 AM

ShiftedJewel

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You could try filling out a BDSM checklist and giving it to him, that would open up a discussion about the things you enjoy.

Jewel

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 6:07:07 AM

velvetvixen

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quote:

im afraid if i ask in the wrong way he will not be pleased or he wont want to and then...be displeased with me.

I think He would be more displeased that you are not being completely open with Him than He would be with whatever it is that you need to discuss with Him. I would be punished for keeping something to myself that He needs to know.

I had difficulty with this is as well at one time. What I did was wrote down what I wanted to say and then read it to my Master. In reality it wasn't that I was afraid of His reaction, actually I was embarrassed to speak so openly about personal things. The first time was hard, even with the words written down. I read the whole thing with tears streaming down my face. However, once I was able to hear myself say what ever it was, I was eventually able to just say what I needed to say without the aid of a piece of paper.

Good luck.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 6:58:51 AM

PlayfulRaquel

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Write him an email with your fantasy of what you want done or said to you. It provides him with a good insight to what you desire and entertains as well.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 8:41:22 AM

domtimothy46176

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From: Dayton, Ohio area
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To ensure that you don't inadverdently offend him or ask in an inappropriate way, perhaps your best best is to ask him the question you posed here. Ask HIM how he wishes you to ask for something and you'll have the definitive answer you're looking for.
Timothy

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 9:45:35 AM

Alexander

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Break yourself open and beg. Right away you say " I am afraid.. " Well no kidding. That is the chance, the challenge you have. Take it, over come it, or live impoverished.

Overcoming fear and handing it over to someone. How much of this entire thing is about that?

reccomended viewing: Defending Your Life Albert Brooks, 1991

Alex.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 11:19:15 AM

perverseangelic

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I keep an alternate livejournal, where I can "say" the things I want to say but am too embarassed to say. I'm getting -much- better about bringing them up in 'real' conversation, but it's helpful to be able to bring something up without having to -look- at him.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 5:41:55 PM

SirKenin

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I always tell My pet to make it a humble request.. That is, unless W/we are in a scene that I have "scripted" so to speak and I didn't ask for input or I am busy working on something that requires My concentration, in which case I don't appreciate being asked what to do.

Just say "If it pleases you Master..." or "Master would you please...?" That would work for Me anyways.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/17/2005 5:43:48 PM

SirKenin

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Oh, I forgot. I encourage them to keep a journal. It's often much easier for them to write down their feelings than speak them to You directly. Then I read the journal on a daily basis and W/we talk about what was written.

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Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/19/2005 4:22:04 PM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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It really comes down to your particular relationship.... My girl can ask or request anything she likes (outside of a scene in progress) as long as she asks correctly. Most times I'm open to her request but how and when I go about meeting or fulfilling her request remains my choice.

Frankly, I'd be disappointed if my girl was afraid to ask - but then I'm not *your* Master! IMO, it's not healthy to be in any relationship where you're truly afraid to ask something.... And he certainly should have taught you the right way to ask if he is your Master. Most times I've said "No" is only because I didn't like how she asked at the time - it's more about respect than request....

Sweetie, if you really can't ask anything, why are you even with him?

Focus50.

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RE: how....do i.. - 3/20/2005 3:26:06 AM

Slutsub

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Hello..a huge thankyou to you all for helping me so much...as slave will understand its so confusing when starting out with a new D/M as it is in my case.

i will speak up politely and with respect...and also the journal is something i will ask Him about

he can then at least read my thoughts if i cant bring my self to speak them..all the time

all my love to you all Masters and subbies....
and if i have something else thats troubling me.....here.....will be the first place i look for advice

x be well....play safe......x

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slut sub........x

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RE: how....do i.. - 4/8/2005 4:42:53 PM

Tempestspet

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If he has said you can discuss anything. Trust him. ...smiles... Take a deep breath, ask if you may talk with im, and just....talk.. be respectful, follow whatever protocols he has you use when comunicating with him.

Good luck... smiles

Tempest's pet

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