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Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 5:19:25 PM

WestWanderer

Posts: 35
Joined: 1/20/2006
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Let me clarify, Im pretty new to the life and today I cleaned my Mistress's home, happily ;). Well she allowed me to take a break and spanked me to amuse herself and I was begining to get aroused, but when I was turned on my back and she began administring some lite (And I mean really lite) cbt. I couldn't get aroused and I think it's because Im still new to actually being in even a semi sexual situation with anyone. And it's not that she even wanted me aroused, I was just worried because the last scene we had I wasn't able to come even though I stayed aroused for what seemed like forever.

My question is, is it common place for virgins and new submissives such as myself to experience this? And what can I do to help improve it?

Post #: 1

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 5:28:35 PM

KarbonCopy

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I'm nervous and i'm not a virgin :P

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 6:08:29 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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It is a common enough thing with longtime players let alone virgins ... don't be too concerned ...

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 7:39:53 PM

draba

Posts: 81
Joined: 2/22/2006
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It took me a year to be able to cum for my Mistress. I am not always hard in session. Sometimes it gets hard and soft numerous times. Sometimes I can not cum at all. In time this will change for you. My Mistress can not use me fully because every time she tries I go soft. I have been with her for two years now and never have been able to have sex due to ED in her presence. It is a part of the whole BDSM thing. Just remember to let Mistress control it and she will know how to get it hard when she wants it hard. They want that control and a good submissive should give it.
I went through some of the same problems and questions. Sounds like you have a nice arrangement. I am my Mistress's gardener.
Feel free to PM me if yoou have more questions
draba

(in reply to Jasmyn)

Post #: 4

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 7:40:03 PM

WestWanderer

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Oh good. :) I thought somthing might be wrong. Thanks Jasmyn.

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Post #: 5

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 7:51:39 PM

SCDommie

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Joined: 1/24/2007
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I see you are just 22 years old, a babe in the wild so to speak.
It could be difficult because you are learning your Mistress, and your virginity is coming to an end.
You could be concentrating on what you are doing for her.
Try not to worry about it too much, and if it becomes a problem, just talk w ith her, and I am sure she will be able to help you relax for your first time. Be sure to tell her it is your first time so that she can make it enjoyable for you.

SCD

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Post #: 6

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 8:05:56 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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YES virgins tend to be far more nervous when sex is entered into play than those more expereinced. Trust me, I am dealing with this on a regular basis. The problem is that your head gets so far ahead of what you are actualy experecing to where it might go, that you distract yourself. Least, thats our problem.

DV

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 9:10:02 PM

BORAT

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Where are you find so much virgins?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

YES virgins tend to be far more nervous when sex is entered into play than those more expereinced. Trust me, I am dealing with this on a regular basis.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 8

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/19/2007 10:32:21 PM

Zonk

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/13/2006
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not just virgins. Men have trouble getting and maintaining erections all the time, for any number of reasons. Anxiety is a big one. Just learn to relax and you'll stiffen up in no time.

Hmm, an oxymoron of synonyms. I'm so awesome.

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Post #: 9

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 2:01:48 AM

Vendaval

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Yes, this is a common experience. Just focus on the feelings
and sensations of the moment, do not focus on any sort of
goal in the situation. And if you do want to be aroused,
no masturbation the day you are heading over to be
with her.

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 2:23:41 AM

FelinePersuasion

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just for the hell of it and cause I am a bitch that way no nervousness is not normal.

ok ok sorry, yes it's normal.

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 2:30:17 AM

azzmaster

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i like virgins

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Post #: 12

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 3:47:28 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
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i was nervous as hell my frist time whit BDSM and i am still nervous before play, it is part of the fun.

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 4:06:23 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
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i served my last Mistress for 6 months and never got an erection in a session all that time (though i was able to do very easily outside sessions). Initially She was concerned but eventually We/we agreed it didn't matter as there was not to be any sexual activity between Us/us and it didn't otherwise affect my service to Her or the satisfaction either of Us/us derived from the session.

She also liked the fact that i am a virgin and thought i should remain one, which i have. And i am now 45.

paul

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 14

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 12:02:26 PM

BeachMystress

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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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While nervousness is normal in a virgin, being unable to keep an erection at 23 is not, in my experience. And yes, I've had many many virgins. My college occupation was to cure as many males of virginity as possible and I probably have about 40 to my credit. Do you have trouble sustaining an erection in other circumstances? I'm assuming not or you'd not have posted. If you have problems in other circumstances, you may want to have a physical. If you've already done that or do not have problems in "normal" situations, then you need to find a way to get past the extreme nervousness that is hampering you. If you are unable to talk with your Dominant (which would be a red flag that you're with the wrong person) then you should possibly seek out a support group or therapist. Personally, I feel that finding a way to relax and accept the play will do wonders for you. Perhaps this will just happen as you come to realize that you won't be damaged in play and get over fear.

Also, have you tried getting aroused first then having the play start? If it is important to you or her that you be hard for play, try that and any time the erection wanes (make sure to use a nice firm cock ring.. aka a rubber plumbing o ring gasket from your local hardware store) stop the CBT or other play and concentrate on the "sexy stuff" (either mental or photos) that you usually use for masturbation. Repeat the cycle as many times as needed. Do keep in mind that the more you concentrate on becoming or staying aroused the harder it may be to achieve, so relax and let nature work.

In any case, normal or not, this is the way things are. Accept it while you work to overcome it. And only work to overcome it if it is a problem for you or your Dominant. If you're both fine with it, don't stress over it. Who ever said you have to be "normal." Screw normal.

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 12:26:23 PM

Emperor1956

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Joined: 11/7/2005
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Oh boy. Normally I stay out of these threads, but I have to note before someone hurts themselves:

1. While nervousness, etc. may be a factor at any age, it is highly unusual for a 22 year old male who is aroused to not acheive/maintain an erection. This could be nerves -- or could be a sign of a more serious medical condition. If the OP maintains an erection outside of B/D/S/M play, then I wouldn't worry, but if there is significant erectile dysfunction at age 22, then a visit to a physician is in order.

2. IN NO EVENT should the OP put a cock ring, gasket, rubber band or anything else around his penis if there is any question of physical disorder. To suggest this is irresponsible -- if he has erectile dysfunction because of scarring or valve collapse in the penis, use of a constrictor could permanently damage him. Leave off with the toys until you know what is what.

E.

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 12:35:36 PM

BeachMystress

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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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I point out that I encouraged him to seek medical testing FIRST.

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Post #: 17

RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 12:53:10 PM

DefiantFlower

Posts: 204
Joined: 2/15/2007
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It is definitely "normal" for virgins to be nervous. Many many people in this world have a soft spot in their hearts for the shy and hesitant virgin.

As to the staying aroused problem, i will try to put this in layman's terms for y'all lol...The part of the nervous system of the human body that is automatic...as in you don't consciously have control over it, like your heart beating, sweating, etc...this part of the nervous system is divided into two parts: arousal and relaxation.

Arousal can mean horny as hell or simply that your about to get the shit beat out of you...just means physical stimulation of any kind. Relaxation occurs when you feel safe and in a secure environment. You can ONLY get an erection in the relaxation stage, and you can ONLY cum in the arousal stage. So every time you start the CBT, you lose that safe, cozy feeling and your body goes into fight mode, trying to deal with what's going on. This doesn't mean you're not turned on, just that your body will not let you have an erection unless it knows for sure it's safe.

You have to figure out the best ways of dealing with this on your own, everyone eventually develops methods that work...some good ones have already been mentioned. But now you at least know one reason why this is a problem!

<3

< Message edited by DefiantFlower -- 2/20/2007 1:20:01 PM >

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 2:11:47 PM

Carrianna

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Joined: 11/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
My college occupation was to cure as many males of virginity as possible...

I did laugh out loud when I read this!!!

But back to the point, I personaly know several virgins up to about the age of 38. Yet each one of them is different... Has different limits... Yet your 22, just try and enjoy all the fun you seem to be having...

Are you getting erections at other times???

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RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? - 2/20/2007 2:17:08 PM

BabyNyla

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I was a virgin when I began dating my (now) husband. Not only was I a virgin but he was my first Dom as well. There are still times when I get nervous around him and I lock up and he has to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings. So based off my experience, it's normal. However, having orgasms, cumming, all that good terminology - is never a problem

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