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BeachMystress -> RE: Is nervousness common in Virgins? (2/20/2007 11:04:22 PM)
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If you're having a hard time achieving orgasm via masturbation, I again urge you to have a physical. You need to be 100% candid with your physician. Tell him or her of your fears and why they exist. Make sure there is nothing physically wrong.
I suspect your problem is all in your mind, as they say. It sounds like you're fairly frightened and intimidated by sex. You may want to consider the attitudes towards sex and sexuality in your family and see if you can figure out why you might be so nervous. Your fear may even be the root of your desire for Domination.. the fantasy that a woman will take over and make it not your choice, fault or responsibility. That happens to be a common theme in shy or sexually unsure males. Having the woman take the lead also takes away the fear of rejection. We're such complex critters mentally. Just keep in mind that while figuring out your motivations is great, you don't want to talk yourself out of what you enjoy.
Now, as to having trouble not being able to cum quickly, I was actually thinking of doing a blog on it recently. I know several men who have trouble achieving orgasm with a partner and take a while to cum when alone. My husband was like this when I first met him. After talking with him and watching him masturbate, I could tell that his problem was the way he was masturbating. He was being so firm with his penis that it was losing some sensitivity. I cured that by forbidding masturbation for a period of several months. After several weeks, he was able to achieve orgasm during sex. (Now, if he masturbates he is allowed to do so with two fingers and his thumb.) Try curtailing masturbation for a while and see if that doesn't help you cum more quickly.
By the way, the worst thing you can do for yourself is to build this up in your mind into some monster mental block. If you do that, you're going to talk yourself into total erectile dysfunction. Not all men have wonderful, functional penises. Even if you never are able to penetrate a woman with your penis, you still have fingers and a tongue. Learning how to give amazing oral sex makes up for many a flaw. There was a guy I once went out with waaay longer than I should because he had the most magic tongue and fingers. (His penis was about 5 inches long and skinny) I passed him around to friends who passed him around to their friends. He was a legend among us. There is more to pleasing a woman than a hard dick and thrusting. *grins*
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