RE: Topping without dominance... (Full Version)

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Oumae -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 7:16:48 AM)

It seems to just come naturally to you... a strut or glare or a loud voice does not a Dom/me make.
We are all diferent with varying needs and tastes, if it is working for you and your sub/slave does the title matter?

Domme is just a general term for what I am into. I am however an individual with my own wants and being put neatly into a box isnt one of them. [;)]

Oumae



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 7:41:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightWriter

I'm probably a twisted pervert or something - but I'd far rather get a blowjob (for example) from someone who wasn't really in the mood to give a blowjob, but was doing their best because I wanted them to, than get one from someone who really really wanted to give one.


This really works for me as well. One of the more delightful moments I had with my slave the last time she was contracted was when I asked her to do some ironing for me, while I took E shopping. The look on her face quickly told me something was wrong, so I asked her what it was. She mentioned to the Mistress and myself that she hated ironing. I had given her a list of other things she could do while we were away, and I quickly told her that she could do one of them instead, but if she really wanted to please me, she would do the ironing.

Needless to say, the ironing was completed and it really meant more to me then having her do something she would have enjoyed doing.

BTW, is there any way you might get to Las Vegas for our get together? I would really enjoy sitting down and breaking bread with you...

Taggard



MidnightWriter -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 8:10:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty
quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightWriter
I'm probably a twisted pervert or something - but I'd far rather get a blowjob (for example) from someone who wasn't really in the mood to give a blowjob, but was doing their best because I wanted them to, than get one from someone who really really wanted to give one.

This really works for me as well. One of the more delightful moments I had with my slave the last time she was contracted was when I asked her to do some ironing for me, while I took E shopping. The look on her face quickly told me something was wrong, so I asked her what it was. She mentioned to the Mistress and myself that she hated ironing. I had given her a list of other things she could do while we were away, and I quickly told her that she could do one of them instead, but if she really wanted to please me, she would do the ironing.

Needless to say, the ironing was completed and it really meant more to me then having her do something she would have enjoyed doing.

I've got some good news and some bad news for ya, Taggard. The bad news is that you are, after all, a dominant, even if there are some connotations to that term that you don't feel fit you.

The good news is that there are dozens, if not hundreds, of different styles of dominance (I'm talkin' the primary style types here - the permutations on those are endless), and you are welcome to use exactly the styles that suit you, while ignoring the styles that you don't like - and create brand-new styles for yourself whenever that suits you. But you already knew that, didn't you?

IMO and in common RL usage, if you want 'em to feel a particular sensation, you're a top - if you want 'em to perform a particular action, and they do so - you're a dom. You'll just have to learn to live with it. <sigh> There are, after all, worse fates.

quote:

BTW, is there any way you might get to Las Vegas for our get together? I would really enjoy sitting down and breaking bread with you...

I dunno, man - I'm a pretty sloppy trencherman. [;)] Seriously, I probably can't - between childcare issues and expenses, I don't get to travel much. Besides, I was in Vegas last summer, and was highly disappointed with the changes - I liked it better when it was run by the Mob as an adult's playground rather than now, as the corporations are running it as a family playground. Besides, slot machines are supposed to drop coins, not print tickets. I guess I'm just a traditionalist there.

But I imagine that we'll find ourselves at the same event sometime - my travel opportunities are likely to open up a bit this summer. Then, I'd enjoy that, as long as you don't mind watching me spill crumbs into my beard.



CitizenCane -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 8:59:59 AM)

Alright, I'm fashionably late to the party, but I thought I'd throw my two cents in. I think a lot of people, apparently including Taggard, equate 'dominance' with 'oppression'. I don't. I believe you can have either without the other. Dominance simply means exerting your will over another's. It's oppression when the needs of the other party are not respected. I think that people have different levels of self-interest- some narrow, some immediate, some longer term and 'higher'. Dominance that promotes another's higher good is not oppressive, though it may appear so at the time. Anybody who has lived or worked with children understands this. They also know that effective dominance rarely resorts to force or the threat of force. Anger and hostility, threats and violence may generate compliance in the moment, and on the surface, but they tend very much to foster inner resentment and resistance. This is oppression, and doesn't promote anyone's higher good.

Before anyone gets their panties in a wad, I want to say that I'm not saying that submissives are children, childish, or childlike. I do think that non-oppressive dominance shares some qualities with a positive paternal relationship- authoritative rather than authoritarian, nurturing, firm and consistent.

Citizen Cane



GingerleeDREAD -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 10:32:00 AM)

All I'm seeing here in these posts is each persons definitions for T/b or D/s and M/s
defined for Them and some also stating that this way of lifestyle for them is
either full time or part time or only a kink and also that they do not have respect
for others whom are not what they are sometimes, which is why most of Our Old Lifestyler fulltimers are still in the closet for the most part and stay away from the new society of BDSMers whom are only the parttime understanders or parttime players. A bully does not make a bully Dominant simply because they might push others around, and this wrong opinion is widespread from D/s and T/b towards M/s.
Taggard I am happy that You consider Your self a Top who enjoys the scene of a Dom with in a contract with a submissive, Your defining is the differences in D/s and M/s to a point. But to say that those whom call Their selfs a Dominant Master/Mistress or a Dom/mes that invokes Their Dominance on a more permanent level and control EVERY aspect of Their and others life's are to be considered menacing is a foo pa. Dominance that is natural usually comes off as being such and the description Writer and the Boss show is such perfectly as it is something that just is and comes naturally within a Dominants life and is something that is just simply used in commanding all thats done in that life. Its just not the scene which is Dominated but life in general. Ive met many a Man whom totally enjoys to Top however has no Dominant skills in life nor to use for living. Ive met many a Man whom are Dominant in nature and haven't a clue what Topping is but are Master of Their souls and others around Them none the less. This is One area when it comes to Woman and the definition of Domination that is easier to define and is quite clear to Me and for Men not quite as clear because They are not fighting against the nature to be Dominant against society's norms. A rose by any other name..... Cane hit it on the head when defining the differences in abuse and lifestyle acceptance and consensuality be it in Dominance or Topping or just a Person trying to oppress another. This is a ongoing arguement that I have had with other Woman that I meet whom define Theirselfs as Mistress or Dominant but have no control over Their lifes and only scene with those whom would pay for such a service. I do not call this a Dominant Person or act much less a Mistress and the person whom is requesting a scene and getting it is the One I see as in Control. The Woman who has men as the breadwinners but donot gain the bread Theirselfs are only being led to beleive that They are Dominant when they are Only a Top over that mans bread and chosen scene and not a Dominant over Their Own earning and life or the man providing such in a Topping from the bottom manner such as going out and choosing to pay for the Dominant service. Just who is really in charge of that scene? Dominance takes in so much more then simply controlling anothers total life and being as well as Ones Own self. If I were to growl and grit My teeth and slant My eyes and yell obsenities and humiliate to those around Me in a menicing manner any can be assured it would be that part of Me that is a Sadist that would be controlling those actions out of Me and not the Dominant part of Me which needs no such actions to be Dominating and would be envoked by request or actions. But even then at that point My actions would not have anything to do with Topping or Dominance because being sadistic is a wholly and totally other factor into being Me, or any person be they Dominant or submissive or slave and sadistic. I wouldn't nor couldn't call My self a Mistress or Dominant if I didn't have control over My life and scenes in all aspects as well as others liefs by choice and practice a lifestyle which is alternate in living 24/7 and taking the total responsibility of those involved successfully for Our pleasure and benefit throughout Our life's. Of course this is just My personal definition and opinion.

My word but You are hansom Midnight Writer..... of course it could be the hair being as I have a hair fetish that could be blinding My eyes and mind as I emagine My fist wrapped around it. OOHhhhhhh please excuse My rambling..... ~wink~



Leonidas -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 4:37:55 PM)

Hi Taggard,

Had to smile reading this. You remind me of my 11 year old. She doesn't really want my submission either, nor does she try to dominate anyone. Just wants to be served. Just wants what she wants. Like you, she'll also remind me that I am bound by contract (the unspoken one that says I'm her dad) when she doesn't think I'm behaving according to the terms of that contract. The time she wanted a piano comes to mind. That's an interesting take you have on this life.



nella -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 5:24:53 PM)

There are many reasons i think for pepole being Dominants, some use it as a way to get for free the service that would othervise have costed them alo of money to buy from a maid.



Alexander -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 5:53:48 PM)

Are Eleven year olds are sometimes incapable of a lot of internal deciept? I am going to have to look this up but I think they literally have not moved that far into the stage where they start to doubt their own natural inclinations in great detail.

In 4th grade I dreamed of grabbing this girl I really liked and pushing her into the bushes just to get her naked. I didnt comprehend any further use for her then. I did however know it was wrong but my primary concern was would she go along with it. It wasnt until later in life that I fully comprehend the depth of the thing I was contemplating. It's only when we get older that we start to decipher and doubt our inner urges.

I don't know, this makes me think of how doubtful I was in 6th grade. I was raised in a pretty doubtful environment though. It's safe to say you're eleven year old is pretty confident in her own demands.

Alex.



nella -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/18/2005 6:53:08 PM)

i have Aspergers syndrom so i can not realy say, when i was 11 i was werry different than many 11 years olds. But i think that this depends on the person, some 11-12 years olds are werry mature and thinks nearly like adults, while others are werry clearly children while most are in the middel of theese two extremes. Children develop mentaly a bit induvidualy.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/19/2005 8:38:44 AM)

At 11 I was charging boys a quarter for a look at my then sprouting breasts. It was a look and don't touch deal and I did keep them all in line. I understood very young the power of a woman's sexuality.

I've always been dominant by nature and I've rarely had problems with getting men, and many women for that matter, to "obey my wishes". I learned how to get what I wanted by knowing when to be authoritative and when to be charming.

- LA



Alexander -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/19/2005 8:46:21 AM)

Yes but did you spend a lot of time doubting your nature then? Feeling guilty? Wondering if you were empowered? Most people at some point doubt their natures. You may be an exception.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Topping without dominance... (3/19/2005 10:04:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alexander
Yes but did you spend a lot of time doubting your nature then? Feeling guilty? Wondering if you were empowered? Most people at some point doubt their natures. You may be an exception.


Definitely. That didn't happen until my late teens, early twenties when I became aware of society's judgements.

Until the age of 20, I was a happy, bisexual little libertine! I'd convince my girl friends to make out with me and I kept a harem of boys at my beck & call. However that this doesn't mean I went all the way with anyone. I actually didn't give that up until I was 19. It wasn’t out of fear or guilt. I just didn’t think anyone was worthy of it. I didn't doubt my nature one bit. I followed my desires and my instincts. I was precautious and adventurous in almost all areas of my life, not just sexually. My mom used to say I was 15 going on 21. I have to admit, my mother did encourage a lot of it (not on a sexual level of course).

Then I retreated and repressed a lot (not everything mind you) due to fear of judgement from the other. I thank my lucky stars I got over that in my mid twenties and rediscovered the woman I was naturally.

- LA



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