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a satisfying beginning - 2/19/2007 9:46:18 PM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline 		 Doms....
There are many ways to approach a girl... of which i have seen the best in worst, but  i am pleasantly surprised by this last approach.
i posted my profile and began a "blog".... mostly in this blog i responded in regards to what my profile did and did not say and by whom i wished to be contacted, because i did want dicks or ass's contacting me.... that is getting pics of genitalia and asking me to play.
Now my profile is very specific regarding my ideal man.
i started getting responses on my blog posts by one guy and it was obvious he was curious and laid back waiting, watching.
Finally he wrote (i hid my email address in the body of the last paragraph) and it was definately a refreshing change that someone paid enough attention to my written profile.
 
He wrotes a long letter and wants me to respond.  So i do.  i comment on a paragraph or a topic he speaks to.
He gives me freedom to respond the way i might or how i think i should.  Todays letter was a tad bit more specific and i appreciated that.
 
We started with the philosophyof BDSM we each share.
Moved to a bit about ourselves, more specific things about ourselves...ie: jobs and family and our general likes in life.
 
This gentleman, i say that out of respect... has decided to keep the subject of the sexual aspect of out of discussion for now...which i REALLY appreciate.
 
Like another Dom i am familiar with, his tends to be a bit of a loner (like myself) and seems to throw himself into his work, which i have no issues with.  Single men seem to do this (from my experience).
 
He has discussed what he feels is the worst sort of discipline a Dom can give to a girl and that being a lack of attention and affection, ie: ignoring the girl, something he says he loathes and is indicative of an irresponsible Dom.
 
Is there a question here.....?  Yes.
If you, as a Dom, begins this way as well, what are YOU looking for in regards to information and why?    Mind you, there are no specific questions as of yet, of which i have been assured are coming.
What does an opened ended letter provide you in regards to information versus asking specific questions.
 
i want to end by saying, i, like him, feel a "relationship" if one is to develope, is based on personality similarities and finding out who the person is before digging deep into the kink and sexual aspects.

What information would you desire that a woman gives in regards to herself? 
Please no cynicism, i am serious about this question.
Please no questions in regards to "well just ask him!"
i think if you are this kind of Dom and start this way in approach, you will be able to give me some valuable insight. 
 
Thank you

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/19/2007 10:03:23 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		trouble is on the internet is some peeps try to figure out what the most people is gonna want to hear and play to that. but ya know, its not about quantity, its about quality.u spell out who u r and what u want, and u may not get a million responses but the ones u do get will be on target

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/19/2007 10:52:11 PM   
Sternhand4


Posts: 422
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'm not speaking for everyone but I'll give it a shot.

First I'd want to know if you felt your profile was accurate..
I'd want you to show interest back.. ask some questions
If its for a LTR then vanilla interests are to be discussed as well, its not always about kink.

S

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 1:24:21 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I want to make sure they are not too big a drama queen, that they haven't spent too much time online and don't think I have a country estate and have never made a mistake in my life.

I want to make sure as hell they don't smoke, aren't idiots or republicans, aren't religious nutjobs, that sort of thing.  One of the most important is that they have a full and rich life and aren't looking at me as their entertainment system.

(in reply to Sternhand4)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 6:21:23 AM   
Devilslilsister


Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I want to make sure they are not too big a drama queen, that they haven't spent too much time online and don't think I have a country estate and have never made a mistake in my life.


well there goes my infatuation with you = ( 


_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 6:30:39 AM   
myobedience


Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for the replies, that pertained to my question....  one thing stands out to me and that is, he wants to get a feel for if  i am truly self confident and strong in who i am.
 
funny tho, one dude who replied early on, i redirected him to read my profile again because it WAS accurate of who i am and he shot back a few days later some rather defensive remarks and added...by the way, i dont like your "peasant legs and heels"  he preferred,i guess someone with not so slender legs and "pumps"  lol  
 
CM wont accept the pic of my legs, nice shot i think, but they accept other rather strange and less nice pics of "body parts" .... oh well
 
thanks gents

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to Devilslilsister)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 7:37:00 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience
He gives me freedom to respond the way i might or how i think i should.

How magnanimous of him.  He didn't GIVE that to you.  You always had it.  He just was hoping it would make you feel yummy and fuzzy inside by hearing it like that- which it seemed to do. 

quote:

Is there a question here.....?  Yes.
If you, as a Dom, begins this way as well, what are YOU looking for in regards to information and why?   

He's trying to feel you out and see what style he should take in continuing to seduce you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 8:19:59 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think I am getting old and senile and off my game.

First, in another forum, others berate a poseur harder than I do.

NOW, LA is playing the cynic harder than I did.

I am so lost...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 8:25:29 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I will be honest one of the biggest flaws I witnessed in my search was the failure of people to ask questions or write a message that a person could respond to even after the initial one. There was nothing worse then getting a message from a person that only commented on what I had written and left me nothing to write back.

Compatibility is all over the place. For the OP this type of letter appealed to you and that is great. It takes two people to connect and everyone is a little different and that is what makes the world so great.

Personally I would not respond positively to this approach. It would come off to me as a person trying not to convey themselves as much as it is a person trying to get the other person to give them a clue on how to act. I also like to discuss all things in the relationship in a natural way and not do just one or the other as all of it is very important. It is a simply to each their own thing and I think nice that there is no one way type of thing.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 8:48:37 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I don't look for information. I look to see if we can carry on a spirited, effortless conversation figuring information is going to come out in the process.

One thing that is critical to me is that a gal can get to the point without confusing me by babbling about all sorts of irrelevant stuff. But I'm sure there are guys who babble too and like babbling in return, so I guess this is just another one of those mysterious components that makes up "compatibility".


_____________________________

"Get a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live." . . . Mark Twain

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 8:57:50 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		There's value in just reading what someone thinks is important enough about themselves to share freely. Most tend to share the important things, good or bad, about themselves first. I suggest you focus on that.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 9:38:51 AM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I enjoy interactive communication best.  yes, I do ask questions and feel the other person out some.  Too see what we do or do not have in common.  Also, to get a feel for their personality and specific qualities. I enjoy SAMs the best.  I like to find out why they are in this lifestyle, and what apects drew them into it.  I look for things in common, such as activities. I also look for things which we don't have in common.  If there is a good vibe, I will play with a little seduction.  There have been times when I had to be blunt about incompatibility issues.  Generally, if I find myself pausing to contemplate deeply about words like a chess game, it's not a good sign.  I prefer a nice smooth flow and exchange.   I love asking questions and being asked questions.  I love to exchange thoughts and stories.  If there is not a natural D/s or D/D chemical bond occuring, then screw it.

It part I find it depends upon my intentions/motives in interacting with them.  Be it a pen pal, a 24/7 relationship, an occasional play partner, a willing victim to play out a specific scene.  Maaaaaauuhhhh.   

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 11:38:57 AM   
ShogunSensei


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I think this is a good and valid question.  While I am sure there are many who will attempt to figure you out in order to determine how to deal with you, there are also others who are wanting to determine the level of compatibility, uncover hidden (even if not realized) motivations as well as surface level motivations.

I tend to ask open ended questions.  I want someone to speak to me about themself.  If I'm looking to begin a relationship, I want to know there is someone I will actually like when not in my dominant garb as it were...

I want to find out how she self identifies, what intrigues her, and I ask other open ended questions I've developed that work for me over the years in order to elicit the type of information I am looking for.

In the process of this Q&A, I also will share things about myself.  I point them to places where I have a good bit I've written to share about myself at the same time.  I wouldn't agree with LA that it's necessarily about seducing you, though that may be exactly what is happening. 

I look for key areas that someone and I may connect.  Without the mental and spiritual connection, your body, tits or legs are really irrelevant, though nice to look at. 

Hope this makes some sense.....

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 11:40:16 AM   
ShogunSensei


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		I left out one key thing that I look for throughout this discovery period...Consistency!  

(in reply to ShogunSensei)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 11:41:13 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

What information would you desire that a woman gives in regards to herself? 

 
obedience,
The only thing I'd want to know after being attracted to a profile and exchanging some basic information would be; what time and place can we meet.
 
I wouldn't invest any time or effort if meeting wasn't a common goal. Finding out anything disclosing or personal can wait until we met.

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 11:55:28 AM   
PAsextoy4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

What information would you desire that a woman gives in regards to herself? 

 
obedience,
The only thing I'd want to know after being attracted to a profile and exchanging some basic information would be; what time and place can we meet.
 
I wouldn't invest any time or effort if meeting wasn't a common goal. Finding out anything disclosing or personal can wait until we met.


May I ask how you would handle it if you both didnt live in the same town?  What if there was a real interest in meeting in person, but because of distance that isnt possible to do right away?  Would you not pursue the person because of the distance, or would you approach it another way?  Thank you 

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 12:31:52 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PAsextoy4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

What information would you desire that a woman gives in regards to herself? 

 
obedience,
The only thing I'd want to know after being attracted to a profile and exchanging some basic information would be; what time and place can we meet.
 
I wouldn't invest any time or effort if meeting wasn't a common goal. Finding out anything disclosing or personal can wait until we met.


May I ask how you would handle it if you both didnt live in the same town?  What if there was a real interest in meeting in person, but because of distance that isnt possible to do right away?  Would you not pursue the person because of the distance, or would you approach it another way?  Thank you 

PA,
I would not pursue someone who wasn't in reasonable driving distance.

I would keep the relationship cordial and friendly, but would not put myself, or the other person, in a position of being frustrated.

"Pursue" the person? No. I also would not place any potential of "someday" meeting in the way of the ongoing pursuit of finding a compatible someone who I could see and get to know locally. Pragmatically, until the situation changed and meeting was not only possible but occurred regularly, pursuit is counterproductive.

I never saw it as beneficial to set myself up for failure by pursuing something that was outside my basic goal of being in the regular company of someone who I was attracted. I appreciate that some "pen-pal" relationships can be all that can be achieved by some. I've accepted that in some cases two people can be fulfilled by them. Not me. At the other end of the equation, there are many who only pursue people outside their local area. Some use the distance as a way to avoid direct contact. It is the same reason that when I was searching I met ASAP. Pushing for a quick meeting is a good way to quickly sift through frauds.

I wouldn't approach it any other way, because any other approach would not achieve my personal desired result - meeting and, if in meeting there was compatibility, being with a person. Life is frustrating enough. I would avoid adding more frustration by getting emotionally involved with someone over distance and time.

Remember...This is MY way - not THE way.

(in reply to PAsextoy4u)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 12:56:17 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

...... and aren't looking at me as their entertainment system.


Well then if you aren't entertaining what is the point of getting to know you? :P

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 1:02:37 PM   
texancutie


Posts: 322
Joined: 7/23/2005
Status: offline 		Whether cynical or not, she hit the nail on the head.  Pretty impressive.  

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: a satisfying beginning - 2/20/2007 1:12:44 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myobedience

Is there a question here.....?  Yes.
If you, as a Dom, begins this way as well, what are YOU looking for in regards to information and why?    Mind you, there are no specific questions as of yet, of which i have been assured are coming.
What does an opened ended letter provide you in regards to information versus asking specific questions.
 
What information would you desire that a woman gives in regards to herself? 
Please no cynicism, i am serious about this question.
Please no questions in regards to "well just ask him!"
i think if you are this kind of Dom and start this way in approach, you will be able to give me some valuable insight. 
 
Thank you


Question back....why should you worry what type of information this guys wants?
Why not answer honestly and fully? That way you know you are letting him know the true you, and he can base his decision from that.

Second question....are you also making sure you ask questions? You are feeling comfortable giving him all this information about yourself, but a relationship goes both way. The warm fuzzy of "how caring he is" does wear off, and it might help to know if there is more to him.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to myobedience)
Profile   Post #: 20
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