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Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 2:31:14 PM

Mowas

Posts: 10
Joined: 3/1/2005
Status: offline

My sub, "DGC", ("C" will do), is a wonderful woman with all the rite qualifications for me. But over the years I find myself dealing with the same issue.
For the most part she enjoys her life as a sub. But there are no female friends or couples her that she can talk to. Noone that she can relate to ,or that can relate to her.So she sometimes feels that she is different,strange. She sometimes gets depressed over it and questions if there is something wrong with her?Naturally I do my best to let her know that WE are not alone. But to date I have not had very much sucess in getting past this obstickle.
She means as much to me as I do to her. Therefore how she sees herself,as a sub, and a woman is very important to me. So I am a Dom seaking advice on how I might help her to come to terms with this issue? I'm sure we will both be interested in any sugestions,experience that you may have. Simply seeing that there are others that can hold conversation on the subject will be a start. Thanks, Mowas

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Take each precious moment and cherrish it while you can
because today will never come this way again.
Mowas

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 2:43:06 PM

spliffsmum

Posts: 16
Joined: 2/3/2005
Status: offline

she can always mail me if she's wants a natter. i've only been a sub for two years but love chatting to others. There are also a number of groups for submissives - the main one i know of is www.submission.org.uk

You sound like a very caring Master.

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 2:47:54 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I've helped several local Domme deal with the exact same issue simply by talking with them, peer to peer. They get to know me, realize I'm not some weirdo and it helps them realize there isn't anything wrong with them either. Just talking with subs didn't help, because subs don't have the same feelings that Dominants do. You can't compaire apples and oranges.

Help your sub find someone local who is also submissive to speak with about her feelings. This would be best accomplished by both joining a munch group and figuring out who she connects with and who meets your approval. Just joining the munch group may help as she gets to know others in the lifestyle and doesn't consider them sick or broken. The "What is wrong with me" question is a normal one in our lifestyle. I've dealt with a bunch of people who have asked it at one time or another.

I'm not sure how close you are to any of these, but hope they help.
http://www.bess-md.org/
http://www.radix.net/~msmocha/fotmm.html
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/DCMDNoVA-MulticultralMunchGroup/
http://www.thesacredgarden.org/
http://www.br.org/

Good luck to the both of you.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 3:17:03 PM

ElektraUkM

Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline

Take time to look up with her some submissives Yahoo! groups or other groups online. There are plenty of places she can talk, lots of information for her... lots of friends for her to find... :):)

~ Elektra

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 3:47:48 PM

Vancouver_cinful

Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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Munches are great if there are any in your area. Real life friends are the definite best way to go.

Lots of subs on here are happy to be contacted to chat with a newbie, just have her put something in the subject line so that the sub knows it's just a friendly email and not a trolling. I'd recommend she search close to your area. That way she can make a friend she may be able to meet face to face.

Why not have her read these message boards? There is a section called "Ask A Sub"...Seems perfect.

I also find reading online journals written by subs, reminds me that lots of women share my thoughts.

Cin

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Cin

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 6:10:32 PM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Prove that she's not alone...take her to a group that's local. It sounds like she could use some real interaction, not just online communication. Go to google.com and use the name of the closest big city and BDSM. This is a page I got when I did "Maryland BDSM".

http://www.domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/wwwdir/db.cgi?db=org&uid=default&state=MARYLAND&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

Also, consider taking her to a leather event such as Together in Leather that's in Charlotte, NC in October. http://togetherinleather.org/

Fire

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 7:34:46 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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OK you're in MD!!! I've got friends I can TOSS you. You're not in the metropolis but there's TONS of stuff going on. Check out bdsmdc.com for the calendar of events. Trust me, new people are welcomed, specially if you let me know beforehand and we can meet up!

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 8:11:29 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
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If she just reads these forums she will learn she is not alone.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/17/2005 9:48:48 PM

Chilli

Posts: 42
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline

I empathise, because I am possibly in a similar situation. I am not open to any of my friends or family about the nature of the relationship with my partner because I know that it would require much explanation and effort. I am mostly happy with this, but I do get a bit down from time to time because I dont have the ability to talk to my best girlfriends about things that come up from time to time and I miss their emotional support.

I would not feel happy at this stage attending any sort of group meeting, as I could not handle being the object of discussion in my work place if my sexuality was somehow publicised and snickered about in the lunchroom.

Maybe in time I will feel comfortable to talk to my closest friends, but I dont have the energy or the desire to open myself up in that way at this time.

(in reply to ElektraUkM)

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/18/2005 10:55:22 AM

GingerleeDREAD

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/27/2005
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Mowas
You didn't say if You were dealing with this issue over the years with the same sub or different subs. When I hear a repetitive action being complained about by more then one person I tend to look at the complaint more then the person. Is this issue coming up because the sub is being separated by those they felt close to because of their lifestyle choice? Or is it simply just the desire to have friends whom are like minded? Many of Us are introverts and not easy to open up about anything in life much less a subject thats taboo. Do you have the sub keep a journal and write down all the things that SHE feels are different in her from others? Have You read these things and then gone out and found others whom have the same feelings to address with the sub?
How much time are You and Your sub in position? Are You 24/7 or part timers? Some issues cannot be addressed in a munch or even with like minded and it could be more a need that is not lifestyle at all but might be vanilla in nature that needs to be addressed.
Mowas We ARE different and strange for being a part of this alternate lifestyle and living and what needs to be addressed is the negative incantations that this is bad. Its not and this is what it sounds like needs to be addressed and impressed upon her is that she nor You are weird, simply different in a good way and unique. Just the Opinion of another Dominant Alternate Lifestyler who Owns slaves not subs just so You are aware.

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/18/2005 11:01:11 AM

GingerleeDREAD

Posts: 103
Joined: 2/27/2005
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quote:

would not feel happy at this stage attending any sort of group meeting, as I could not handle being the object of discussion in my work place if my sexuality was somehow publicised and snickered about in the lunchroom.

Chilli, Alternate Lifestyle living is not all about sex.
Accepting ones self and likes will let you letgo of others
opinions of anything concerning yourself. Find strenth in
who you are and not by the definition of others. Just My
Dominant personal Opinion.

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RE: Dom needs advise - 3/18/2005 11:43:31 AM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

It is easy to feel totaly alone in such a situation. When you deside to live your life differently than those around you, and especialy if you like me have different opinions that many of the internett sosiety so you dont feel you fit there either, and then offcourse there is the sosial condisioning.

It is so hard to acknowledge that you are submissive, and live that, even if it is what makes you happy. For over years and years you are trained by sosiety to be strong, and strong means to take your own desitions in pepole`s eyes. To submitt to somone, somtimes it makes you feel like your are doing it all wrong, and you end up looking at your life and asking, what are i doing. An then there is the insecurity, how should i act, i mean, everyone on the online forums have their ideas, and werry often i am made feel a fool for not agreeling whit them, yes it is indeed easy to feel alone.

i sypetise whit Your sub totaly, for the jurney to submission for many, are not a rose coverd road of happyness, it is long and hard, and somtimes you do feel totaly alone.

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