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Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 5:42:02 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

chrissyslave from “What Does Surrender Mean or Look Like To You as a slave” wrote:

quote:

I just wish there was some "sub/slave" test to see which I am, and what type of relationship is ideal for myself. Anyone ever see one of these?...and opinion on it? But perhaps this would make a better new topic then here, but then it does affect one's ability to surrender to any dom/master.

it is this slave's opinion that because one person’s “sub” can be another’s “slave”, it might be best just to be yourself, and let the labelling or testing of the label take care of itself.

Case in point:
upon making the decision to actively seek out like-minded BDSM folk for conversation, friendship and/or fun that could lead to something more if the sparks flew, this slave did not think of it in terms of “looking for the One” or go right out the gate seeking a Master to be slave to. didn’t discount the notion, but didn’t specifically seek out the slave label or relationship~perfectly willing to self-identify as sub and see where it went from there. It just so happened that this slave’s definition of sub turned out to be Master’s definition of slave. He had given up on ever finding someone who shared so closely in their “own-personal-definition-of-things” or labelling, if you will, that he was convinced he would never find His slave.

With neither being a reflection of “better” or “worse” other than the context as it applies to the individual personally, do you think there exists a “test” of some sort to determine the things chrissyslave mused?

Also, do you think the label you identify with affects your ability to surrender?

Post #: 1

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 6:06:03 PM

valeca

Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline

This was my reply on another thread. I feel that it applies here (in reference to myself only).

quote:

Quite honestly, because it's what someone else started calling me a long time ago, and I didn't know enough to say 'that isn't me'. Now, years later, I'm no longer concerned with trying to fit into some pre-defined set of standards. Been there, done that, grown passed it.

Loraith calls me His slave. Beyond that, it doesn't really matter anymore.

I don't feel there's a generic test...it's up to the individual(s) to decide how they interact in their dynamic. Nor do I feel there should be. If there were, I probably wouldn't give it much credit because I don't fit into anything pre-defined. People are too complex. Like you said, one person's sub is another's slave. And vice versa.

No, my label doesn't affect my ability to surrender. The only two things that affect it are Master and myself. Anything else can be directly linked back to one of those two--trust, understanding, patience, commitment, compatibility, love, etc. My label is only a label. It is not 'me'.

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 2

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 6:12:34 PM

slaveish

Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline

Indeed indeed indeed beth. I considered myself more sub than slave; however, I am discovering that the labels mingle and that I was discounting a part of myself that works in a particular dynamic. If I'd held tight to "sub" without considering "slave" I would have missed something wonderful.

I do not believe the label affects my surrender, although Master will exact His will very specifically - I am His property. The only sub / slave litmus test-ish thingie I know of is the tolerance level of those involved. Hell, he could call me a tomato for all I cared.

_____________________________

You only lose what you cling to. ~~Gautama Sidharta

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. ~~Mother Teresa

(in reply to valeca)

Post #: 3

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 6:16:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
With neither being a reflection of “better” or “worse” other than the context as it applies to the individual personally, do you think there exists a “test” of some sort to determine the things chrissyslave mused?

No and anyone who tries to claim otherwise is just trying to either make themselves feel cooler than everyone else or a one-true-way type who I really wouldn't put much stock into anyway.

quote:

Also, do you think the label you identify with affects your ability to surrender?

No, but I think the baggage we put into the label does.

I'll add I think most people DO- that's why we hear so many say "I was a sub and became a slave" or "I'm not yet a slave because I don't do X" Obviously, to quite a lot of people out there, the labels DO inherently mean a different level of ability and devotion.

People react very differently to me depending on whether I introduce myself as a slave, switch, dominant, or slut. There's a lot of pre-associations built into the labels and it's easy to get sucked into thinking they are universal.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 2/21/2007 6:17:53 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 4

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 7:28:00 PM

bearincuffs

Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

I personally believe there is no "actual" test to determine what is best for an induvidual, other then using their own life experience to determine what they want in a relationship. Myself, I always knew I was submissive and yet wasn't looking to be claimed as someone's slave.

At this point, I can't specifically label myself strictly as a slave nor can I specifically label myself strictly submissive. My definition I apply to myself is a submissive and slave, where I still am a sub but having strong slave tendancies. Almost as if my level of submissiveness falls somewhere between the two labels yet it's not fixed.

I do think the label I have does affect my ability to surrender. My ability to surrender isn't consistant as I would like. At times I have no problem surrendering more and other times, I get stubborn and hold back in surrendering. It seems my ability wavers between the sub and slave spectrum. It's also possible as time goes on, this may change and I'll redefine the label I have placed upon myself.

< Message edited by bearincuffs -- 2/21/2007 7:29:25 PM >

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 5

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 8:03:43 PM

PlayfulOne

Posts: 1047
Status: offline

Neither of us were "looking". We fit together as people and the rest just fell into place for us. We still hold to that thought in our friendships and play partners, the person is more important than what they do..

The only label we fit is "happy"

K

(in reply to bearincuffs)

Post #: 6

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 8:15:10 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I agree first and foremost to just be yourself and not give a damn about a label. Whatever you and your other want to call each other is all that matters and not what others think or as some symbol of where you are at.

Terms used in this life or others for these types of separations are just to get a better grasp of what a person is about without taking minutes to describe themselves, a way to shortcut an effective way in communication.

Personally I do have three or four questions I would ask to someone to determine if they are a slave or sub or wanting a slave or sub but that is my personal definitions only, and while I do feel strong about my beliefs of a significant difference between a sub and a slave, I do not preach or judge others beliefs or self descriptions. Whatever works for anyone.

I do not believe words can affect a person on this deep a level so to use a label as a crutch you are probably not in position to surrender as deeply as you or your other are wanting to. Sorry if that is too harsh.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to bearincuffs)

Post #: 7

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 8:38:11 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I have to agree with you one hundred percent on this point

quote:

it is this slave's opinion that because one person’s “sub” can be another’s “slave”, it might be best just to be yourself, and let the labelling or testing of the label take care of itself.

I call him what feels good to me, and he calls me what feels good to him, and the labels feel less and less important the longer we are together.

quote:

With neither being a reflection of “better” or “worse” other than the context as it applies to the individual personally, do you think there exists a “test” of some sort to determine the things chrissyslave mused?

I do not see how it would apply. I could perhaps conceive of something that had four categories of submissive type characteristics to formulate a profile for areas of submissiveness (sexual, service, fetish, social roles). But I would hesitate for people to form relationships based upon "tests"... kinda like an eharmony for kink folks

. Personally I hesitate to allow any test to stand in the way of my growth with another person. A test cannot judge chemistry, or what I might be willing to become for the man in my life.

quote:

Also, do you think the label you identify with affects your ability to surrender?

No.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 8

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 9:13:30 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Are you happy?

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 9

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 9:29:44 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Are you happy?

Is this one of those 69 questions?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 10

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 9:31:27 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

No, 69 questions are stupid, mine aren't.

The test to see what you "are" is simple, does doing it make you happy, content, at peace with oneself, etc.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 9:35:52 PM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

I think it would be....does it really matter what you are called? As long as you make it into what you want and need, it is ALLL GOOD!

What i concider as a brat might be diffrent for someone else.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 12

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 9:36:51 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Well I do not think that such a test would lead to happiness, but I did try eharmony once...

Seriously, I see tests as ways to narrow the playing field as being limiting. Since we are rather limited in the number of people that do what we do, who wants to limit it some more? I think it is wise just to get to know people, if nothing else one can make friends

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 13

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/21/2007 9:50:09 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Tests are worthless.

In real life, there are dominant women who look at me and their knees go weak. I have met older VERY experienced, often lesbian, dominant females who evoke a submissive response in me.

Tests are meaningless

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/22/2007 11:00:58 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Test are not needed and labels are too limiting. You are who you are sub/slave it is just a label. The only thing that matters is how you and your Master/Mistress connect.

I am a sub but that is just a lable as i d\said Master and i have been together almost a year (in 4 days) and the label does not mean anything anymore. It does not affect my submission to him one bit.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 15

RE: Testing for the Dynamic Label - 2/22/2007 11:13:05 AM

bearincuffs

Posts: 1904
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

No need to appologize toservez and don't find your words harsh at all! I do agree which what you are saying. Yes it is highly possible the label I'm applying to myself , I'm using as a crutch, yet at the same time I'm trying to grasp as much knowledge as I can about myself and use what I believe applies to me. Yet eventually my "crutch" will be left behind as I progress.
I can see how many people will disagree with my views and that I'm ok with. I am learning and growing and along the way I will make mistakes and hopefully learn from them!

< Message edited by bearincuffs -- 2/22/2007 11:14:52 AM >

_____________________________

property of Master Dave of the House of Gemini

An it harm none, do as thou wilt
Do what you will, so long as it harms none
An it harm none, do what thou will
That it harm none, do as thou wilt
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 16

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