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Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 4:35:39 AM   
servant30


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		I am new to the whole scene and am about to have my first BDSM experience.  A Mistress met online is going to use me for CBT play.  I scanned google for images as to specifically what can be involved and what I saw looks positively dangerous.  My questions; what is the chance for permanent injury or damage in CBT?  As a mistress how do you know what's too much if your plaything is gagged? Are the google images exaggerated for impact?  Last question, during Martial arts I was kicked hard in the groin, the pain was overwhelming and a feeling of sickness throughout most of my body lasted for a whole day.  Is a CBT session that bad?

I am seriously considering not doing this if there's a good chance of permanent injury although I really want to go ahead with it.  Your feedback would be helpful. 
Appologies if this has been treated elsewhere.  I ran a search but couldn't find a relevant thread.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 4:41:42 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		If she knows what she is doing you should be fine. Can someone get hurt engaging in CBT? Yes of course they can, these games we play aren't without their downside if someone isn't careful and accidents do happen occasionally. I think those pictures are overdone honestly. My sub says it hurts but in a good way that really sends him into deep subspace. The pain shouldn't be anything like being kicked in the nuts.
You should probably tell her that you are apprehensive and to take it slow, she should know this but its best never to assume anything. I think its better to ease into something sometimes rather than go at it full swing.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to servant30)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 5:10:08 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		       Yep.  Looks excruciating doesn't it?  I have no idea exactly what sort of images you saw, but if they are anything like the ones I got in an e-mail about new IRS audit methods (from a dirty minded friend with no idea of what I consider a good time), your hesitation is perfectly understandable.

     Inserting anything is definitely risky, even trained medical professionals can mess that up.  Really though, CBT is about creating intense sensations.  Makes for great scenes.  Lots of activities involve virtually no risk of lasting injury.

     Relax and go for it.

(in reply to servant30)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 6:07:04 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Hope you know the lady well.  Nothing like being tied up and then finding out she hasnt a clue what she's doing

(in reply to WyrdRich)
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RE: Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 6:37:22 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		It's one way to reduce the inferior breeding stock.

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RE: Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 6:44:07 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Ask her if you can speak to anyone else she has played with.  Anyone serious and sane should be able to convince an old lover to speak to you, if not, well, play at your own risk.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 6:53:08 AM   
mp072004


Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		CBT is a category of activity, like spanking or bondage. There are really heavy spankings, and really difficult ties, and there are light hand spankings and cuffing the hands together in front. Similarly, there are degrees of CBT. Lightly slapping the cock "counts" as CBT, as does sticking needles in it. As you can see, the chance for injury or damage in the former differs from the risk of the latter. Impact play with the balls can indeed be like being kicked in the nuts, because sometimes it involves being kicked in the nuts. I don't know what images you've seen, so I don't know whether they are exaggerated. You might remember that the extremities of leisure activities get attention, whether sex or sports.

Things to avoid: twisting the balls at all, piercing or cutting into the tissue of the shaft (not the skin), blistering. Obviously, blood should not be drawn with things that aren't sanitized, though I've accidentally drawn blood with abrasion and nobody's dick fell off. Sounds (urethral insertion) and needles take a bit of care. If you want to get an idea of CBT, get a few rubber bands, some clothespins, and a bristled brush or loofah. Wrap the rubber bands around your genitals and snap them, put the clothespins on for a few minutes and take them off, smack your penis and balls a little with your hands, give yourself a handjob with the loofah or bristles. This might give you an idea of your endurance and your preferred activities, and it will let you describe your preferences more accurately to your prospective top.

If I want complex verbal communication to help me gauge the bottom's attraction and endurance, I don't gag him. You can communicate a great deal with implicit body language and noises, especially if you've played with this top before. If someone is gagged, I'll ask yes/no questions like "Could you take a little more?" I also ask bottoms to describe their good and bad reactions before we start playing, and I ask about their techniques and experience in processing pain.

Monica

(in reply to servant30)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 1:28:22 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		1) Realize that internet pics of CBT are about as real as internet pics of everyday sex.
2) Do your homework. Check the lady out. Have you had dinner in a public place? Has she provided references and have you checked them? Do you know what her experience level is?
3) Explain your concerns and talk to her about it. If your concerns aren't met, don't do it and find someone else that you trust.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to servant30)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/22/2007 11:47:12 PM   
StacyCat


Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Why not meet the Mistress first, and see how you interact on a date?  You dont have to fuck or play with someone on the first time you meet them.  CBT is one of those things that you can build up to, make sure you trust a person, etc. 

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/23/2007 3:55:41 AM   
MissDiandSirHugh


Posts: 1158
Joined: 8/11/2005
From: Goondiwindi ( Qld )
Status: offline 		G’Day servant firstly We wonder if you have told this Mistress that besides CBT being new to you that you are new to the whole life style and if so fully informed Her of what you have experienced if anything at all.
As already suggested it would have been a better idea to arrange to meet this Mistress in a public place and get to know Her in person and to get a feeling with in your self if you are comfortable with Her long before you drop your dacks and  let Her loses on your cock and balls.
As to CBT being both dangerous and harmful again it has been said yes it can be but so can using a cane or a crop and any other instrument for that mater if not used or done properly, if the Mistress is a person who has often given CBT then She would know what She is doing and also just go slow and use only minor toys or less constricting forms of knots on any rope She may use if that is part of Her CBT ways but would only do these things if She has been fully informed by you of your being new to it all.
Both being new with each other then She may not use a gag and if She does then make sure that you have set a body movement or had movement for Her to know its stop there and then also She may do some CBT then loosen the gag to ask if its all OK .
Just a minor matter on it all that seems a little out of place is that your name  says servant and you have that in your profile yet you have put that you want 24/7 service or to be used as a toy before wanting to be a house servant .
Oh and one very last thing if at the end of the day and all the CBT is over you find you are one nut short to tighten all the bolts hen you know things have gone dead wrong .
No matter what just play safe and sanely.

_____________________________

HoRoo for now from Us both and enjoy all you read even if you don"t agree with us or others.
Knowledge is no Burden to Carry

(in reply to StacyCat)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/23/2007 4:08:27 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

1) Realize that internet pics of CBT are about as real as internet pics of everyday sex


Hmm, strangely enough, every one of my CBT photos posted online is 100% real and depicts real life CBT done by a real Lifestyle Domme (myself) to her real Lifestyle submissive husband and former subs during actual scenes. While I agree, many of the photos on the internet are "professional" (not done in play scenes, but as photo shoots) as always, be careful with blanket statements.

 
OP, you may want to get the book The Family Jewels: A Guide to Male Genital Play and Torment It is a good reference guide for beginners to CBT. I also have some links to online information at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Beachs_Dominion/links/Play_Techinques_001112914669/CBT_Links_001086298025/ The links are public, but that group has gone private so please do not try to join. Just use the links. If you wish to visit my images at my yahoo photo albums or FemDom Society album, they are linked on http://geocities.com/mys_beach/




< Message edited by BeachMystress -- 2/23/2007 4:09:37 AM >

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/23/2007 4:56:02 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:


as always, be careful with blanket statements.


Quite right. I stand corrected. Most fetish picture I see, like most sex pictures I see, are staged and the situation only lasts a few seconds so that the model is not injured or marked.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to BeachMystress)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/23/2007 5:47:58 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Well, the problem I see is that you are keen to play with eachother, but seem to have established zero trust and understanding between yourselves about what is going to happen.

I have learned the HARD way that it can be a big mistake for the Domme to jump straight into her favorite kink with a newbie. A few men are OK (even thrilled) with extreme play (things like cock torture, forced homosexuality, sounds, cathedarisation etc), but others can have a total meltdown. Understandably. You need to be honest with Her about your fears or the scene could be awful for both of you.

There's a big gap between fantasy and reality. Take it easy crossing the gap. Enjoy the journey.

My advice to a newcomer meeting a heavy/extreme player is the same advice applicable to us all - -

~meet in public, park your car somewhere well lit and do not let the other person (or her male companion!) follow you back to your car,
~ ideally meet at the BDSM clubs and parties and go with a friend, not alone,
~get references if you can, or just ask around and see if your potential partner is known and liked in your local scene
~meet someone a few times before you play, get to know and trust them
~negotiate your desires, boundaries and safety as well as hers
~if She is pushing you to play before you are ready or have sex with her when you would rather not, run

Don't get raped/injured/worse because you were in a hurry to be dominated. Wait for someone you trust. 


< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 2/23/2007 5:51:59 AM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/24/2007 5:04:23 AM   
servant30


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your advice. It has given me something to think about. After reading your replies I expressed my concerns and a compromise has been met. The first session will be a web cam session so I will have a self-controlled introduction. I don't know how you do a web-cam CBT though. It seems to me to be the sort of thing that someone really has to administer but the Mistress says that she knows what to do. I certainly don't.

Again thanks to all contributors. All the discussion was relevant and helpful. Guess I am about to find out if its just a fantasy or a real part of my nature. (Maybe both)

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/24/2007 7:46:50 PM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		CBT by webcam sounds bizarre.......are you paying for the session?  If this is a profesisonal, then go to the dungeon and have a good talk to the pro-domme about what it is you actually want. 

If you are getting a freebie - well, good luck, but scout out your local scene and go meet some other Dominants in person before deciding whether "it is just a fantasy or a real part of my nature"

Webcam huh?   Maybe she actually meant Cognitive Behaviour Therapy?

(in reply to servant30)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Worried about CBT - 2/25/2007 4:52:10 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		CBT via webcam isn't all that unusual. Back when Yahoo had the user created chat rooms, there was one called CBT101 and the women who chatted there would often play with the males on cam. I more than once had "chat room screaming fits" when I walked in and some "domme" was telling a guy to do something dangerous or stupid, such as sounding with a rusty screwdriver. While there were a fair share of females without experience playing on the cams, some of the women were highly skilled. These were done not "for money" but for the woman's enjoyment. There are a lot of things you can do CBT wise that are pretty safe even if done on cam by some guy who doesn't know his frenulum from his glans.

A word of caution though, I do know several men who were damaged via idiots and cam play. One of them squirted antibacterial soap down his urethra at a male camdom's instruction. (Resulted in infection which caused permanent scar tissue.) Another camdom (female this time) tore an inch long gash in a real time friend's hemorrhoid by assuring him things were going as they should.. she knew cuz she was watching.. *rolls eyes* Yes, he and I did have a looong talk after that stunt. Then there was the guy and the rusty screwdriver. He got a nasty infection and even had to get a tetanus shot. I swear, I think men lose about 50 IQ points when you put them in front of a cam with someone "female" watching.  Personally, I don't think you should be having your first experience with BDSM on cam. You've really no clue what is safe or how to judge the veracity of the Dominant.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 16
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