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ORIGINAL: BigBeninLA

I am disappointed in the lack of basic etiquette I am finding in the way personal ads are handled.

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ORIGINAL: BigBeninLA
Unless I'm genuinely mistaken, even the most popular women probably aren't receiving more than a few dozen of those per day, so if someone takes the time to send you such a note, they at least deserve a "Thanks, but you're not what I'm looking for."

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While we're on the topic, let's discuss how very disappointing it is to see the number of people (especially males) that are new to the board who post to bitch about not getting answers to their emails without first observing message board courtesy and searching to see if the topic's been discussed (to DEATH) or lurking for a while to get a feel for things before they start pissing and moaning about how disappointed they are that people who don't know them don't adhere to their notion of basic etiquette, common courtesy, showing respect or anything of the like.

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ORIGINAL: BigBeninLA

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While we're on the topic, let's discuss how very disappointing it is to see the number of people (especially males) that are new to the board who post to bitch about not getting answers to their emails without first observing message board courtesy and searching to see if the topic's been discussed (to DEATH) or lurking for a while to get a feel for things before they start pissing and moaning about how disappointed they are that people who don't know them don't adhere to their notion of basic etiquette, common courtesy, showing respect or anything of the like.

Hey, so sue me! <grin> It was 2:30am, I'd already spent several hours perusing different fora and threads, had earlier discovered a woman I REALLY wanted to hear back from had read my response and chose not to respond (How could I not be anyone's type??? <tongue planted firmly in cheek (for those who don't get sarcasm)>), and didn't see any of the existing threads covering what I wanted to rant about (which, admittedly, surpised me), so I started a new thread.

And for the record, I'm only new under this sn. And when did Thank You notes get relegated to being a mere "notion" of basic etiquette? <chuckling> I don't like clutter, so if I could delete this thread I would, but I can't, so I'll continue my rant. <laughing>

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I try not to read motives into things *not* done. I simply don't know the details of what is happening in others lives. (shrug)

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ORIGINAL: BeachMystress


As with many topics on this board, this is a rehash. Yes people should be polite.. but they are often overwhelmed. On your end, you get maybe one unsoliceted email a month. The people you're writing are getting maybe 30 a day. There isn't always enough time in someone's life to send a "sorry, not interested" to everyone that writes. Try being a bit more understanding. They aren't slighting you. They are dealing with their own lives.

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ORIGINAL: BigBeninLA
I understand that, as a male, I'm not going to get nearly as many responses as does a woman--at most a few per day as opposed to a few dozen or even hundreds per day--especially one who posts photos that show how physically attractive she is, and especially on a free site where any HNG (Horny Net Geek) may write as many of these women as he (or occasionally she) chooses, so it is much easier for me to write back.

I think I am being understanding (particularly with regard to comparative numbers since I make that concession in my first post--see above). <smiles> I was imagining that women received a greater number of sincere responses than a mere 30 per day. If 30 is a realistic number, and you are in a far better position to judge this than I, I'm actually a little bit more disappointed. It takes less than 30 seconds to send a "Thanks, but no thanks" note. If someone is dedicated enough to a search that she placed an ad, I think she can take an extra 15 minutes (30 x 30 seconds) per day to acknowledge the interest that has been shown in her by these 30 polite responses--30 just doesn't scream "overwhelming" to me. On the bright side, knowing it's only about 30 (as opposed to 100 or more, since that definitely would get tedious and overly time-consuming) tells me that someone who doesn't respond isn't worth the time I spent in composing the first note I sent her. <grin> While ads which state "Don't write, I'm here to use the message boards" deserve to have that request honored, I feel compelled to point out that ads which state "I'm looking for [insert description here]..." or language to that effect, are soliciting responses; that's what a personals ad is for, after all.

Thank you for your input, and especially for the links, but I suspect this will continue to get rehashed as long as there are people who insist on behaving discourteously--that is, until the end of time!--or at least until personals sites fall out of favor. (BTW, I get a few more responses to my own ad than 1 per month, but only because I'm so pretty (WHOOPS! there's my tongue in my cheek again! ))

_____________________________

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously. -- Oscar Wilde

(in reply to BeachMystress)

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ORIGINAL: BigBeninLA
It takes less than 30 seconds to send a "Thanks, but no thanks" note. If someone is dedicated enough to a search that she placed an ad, I think she can take an extra 15 minutes (30 x 30 seconds) per day to acknowledge the interest that has been shown in her by these 30 polite responses--30 just doesn't scream "overwhelming" to me.

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On the bright side, knowing it's only about 30 (as opposed to 100 or more, since that definitely would get tedious and overly time-consuming) tells me that someone who doesn't respond isn't worth the time I spent in composing the first note I sent her.

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ORIGINAL: onceburned


My take on it is that women don't read all the email they receive. Some have their email set so that all mail from guys who are dom (or sub) are routed into the bulk mail folder.

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ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I make it quite clear in My profile what I am looking for and what I expect in an introductory email. If I don't get a sincere effort to meet those requirements, I say I am not going to answer. I give all the boys every opportunity to do it right. And when I do get the good ones, even if I don't believe W/we are compatible, I take the time to write a nice response. But, when I get the lazy one liner filled with chat speak, or the obvious "do me" mail, I do not feel any obligation to reply.

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ORIGINAL: SherriA

You're not taking into account the time it takes to load each email (collarme can be frustratingly slow at times), read them, check out the profile, and compose a response to the ones that we find interesting.

Also, we may not have the same idea of what's "polite". While you may have written what you consider to be a polite/courteous email, that doesn't mean that the person receiving it perceived it that way.

The bottom line, for me, is that I've got no obligation to respond to anything that I don't want to. Just because someone invests time in writing to me doesn't mean that I'm obligated to do the same. S/he may think we're a match made in heaven, but I don't necessarily see it that way. I allocate my energy resources where I feel most appropriate. That's not discourteous; it's good use of my time, according to my own standards.

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ORIGINAL: BigBeninLA

I am taking into account the time it takes to load each email, etc.--I actually use dialup, so it's even slower for me!

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But perhaps you aren't accounting for the time the responder takes to go through the hundreds of available profiles, eliminating those to which a response would be inappropriate because the person isn't looking or otherwise just isn't compatible, selects the few dozen or so that might be, crafts a somewhat unique response to show he actually read the person's profile and attempted to respond to it, without knowing that it will ever be read since it may just get dumped into the recipient's bulk email because she didn't take the time to say "locals only, please," or "25-40 only," in her profile, but did take the time to program her inbox to direct emails not meeting those criteria to the bulk mail folder, and then comes back to see it's been read, but gets not even an "I'm sorry, but you're not quite what I'm looking for, but thanks for taking the time to write. Good luck in your search."

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I don't think there are really widely differing opinions on what constitutes "polite"--we all learned the "Golden Rule" in kindergarten.

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So, if you wrote someone, Sherri, and did so in a gracious respectful manner, and they just ignored you, how would you feel?

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One doesn't "have to" send Thank you notes to those who have given us wedding/Christmas/birthday gifts either, and it may not be the most advantageous use of our time, but we do it because it's the right thing to do, and to not do so IS discourteous, by my standards.

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If you encourage polite behavior by responding to it in kind, you lessen the likelihood that impolite behavior will continue, as well as the impact of those respondents who insist on being impolite.

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I don't think there are really widely differing opinions on what constitutes "polite"--we all learned the "Golden Rule" in kindergarten.

I'll disagree with that. I'll give you an example from my own family to illustrate just how different "polite" can be to different people. I was raised in a house where it was impolite to eat everything on your plate, the underlying message being that the host didn't serve you enough to satisfy you. My stepfamily, otoh, was raised to believe that it was impolite to leave anything on your plate, which would suggest to the host that you didn't enjoy the food you were offered. Both perspectives are reasonable; neither one is "wrong". Yet the perception of "polite" or "impolite" was polar opposite.