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I am too clueless - 2/22/2007 4:45:48 PM   
ericpup


Posts: 72
Joined: 1/2/2004
Status: offline 		Here is my problem:  I work in an environment where, if people found out my interests, I could be fired.  So I can not post pics of myself on the web.  I live in a small community where there are no real ways to communicate my interests.  And believe it or not, I am so bad with computers, I don't really know how to post a pic anyway. 

So, I try to communicate online, and because of having such a bad profile, no one talks back. 

I am submissive, but don't want to start the post, chat room conversation, or email with "Will you domme me?" because I do know how lame that is.  I don't really know how to start the conversation.

Any advice?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I am too clueless - 2/22/2007 4:54:04 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		Since your profile is still pending approval, I cannot comment on that.
You can email the dommes on line if they state in their profiles that they welcome such contact.  Your best bet is to read THEIR profile first and make sure your interests match theirs.
If they are interested in needle play but it is a hard limit for you, it may not be a match unless one is willing to make the adjustment.

Good luck
Mistress Psy

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to ericpup)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I am too clueless - 2/22/2007 4:58:34 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Work around having a bad profile, with having an incredible first email. I have gotten emails from boys with little to no information in their profiles, but their emails were so well written and so personal that I replied.  I am happy I did with most of them, as well.
If your profile is so bad, then cut it down to nearly nothing. Impress someone with your email, not your proile.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I am too clueless - 2/22/2007 7:19:49 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Work around having a bad profile, with having an incredible first email.



I like this advice. But make it unique to the Domme, specific to whatever made you motivated to write. We like to feel special.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I am too clueless - 2/22/2007 8:03:23 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		Join the forums, let the Dommes get to know you through your posts.  This may work really well for you if you have a good sense of humor and are intelligent enough to spell or use spell checker.

If you do write letters to Dommes, do not use a form letter as Misstoyou stated.  They talk, they will know if you just keep using the same letter over and over again, only changing the names to suit your next victim errr interest.  Offer to send pics upon request, that will help too.

< Message edited by porthuronsub -- 2/22/2007 8:04:15 PM >

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I am too clueless - 2/22/2007 8:14:41 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear ericpup, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes the profiles are helpful to start a list of interests but, its just much like ticking off topics to talk about on a more expansive manner.
 
If into 'pup/dawg' role play and the such, other interests that are absent, it does open the door to communicate more about them.
 
Often asking through a note per chance, if that Dominant may know of any links and or resources that address your kink/fetish and or interests.
 
Writing is a courtship and treating it as such will guide one well.  Some will fizzle but, the kind and polite ones will be remembered the most.
 
Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to ericpup)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 3:38:47 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Being truthful - you are unlikely to find someone who lives "in your backyard" and you are unlikely to find someone just posting a personals ad and hoping women respond.

I believe there's one or two munch groups in Harrisburg.  I suggest tracking them down and getting involved.  You can also widen your circle a little bit.  Would you be willing to drive to Baltimore?  Philadelphia?  Both cities have very active BDSM scenes.  I live in a rural area myself and drive 70 miles one way to a munch.

Update your profile - the "hi, I'm here - interested?" profiles...well.   There's a LOT of them out there, and they're honestly not all that interesting.   Write a couple paragraphs - a little about yourself as a person and your vanilla interests.   Include your marital/dating status, include some information about what kind of relationship you are looking for (part time?  develop into LTR?), if you have some experience.  Talk a little about what YOU bring to the table as a potential submissive.   Bottom line - don't ask women to be interested if you don't give them something to be interested IN.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 2/23/2007 3:40:34 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 4:35:51 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		eric

In my opinion, dominant women do not need to pick up strangers over the internet.  If you are serious, then you need a strategy.

Truth is, I feel bloody sorry for submissive men because there are so many idiots out there, how does a really nice one get noticed by a Mistress?

Here's my advice from the trenches:

1 Use the internet to find your local scene then go to events and make friends with as many people as you can, of all BDSM persuasions (Dom, sub, male, female, trannies, Goreans, swingers/poly etc). Ask all about them and look very interested. If there's anything I know about BDSMers, its that they love crapping on about themselves. If you act impressed, you will be their new best friend within...oh....3 minutes. Be patient: these people are going to be very important later.

2 Present yourself as well as you can. Get some fashionable clothes, wash and shave properly, get a good haircut and use deodorant. That will get you ahead of the other 90% of submissive males.

3 Scout out the Dominant women and DO NOT GO NEAR THEM. Nope......look at them admiringly and if she looks back at you, give her a manly nod and a confident smile. DO NOT try to talk to her. Mistresses don't like strangers hassling them.

4 Ask your instant new best friends who she is. If they don't know, they will find out. Ask them what she is like. Again, they will get the gossip for you. Ask them what she likes. If she's a Real Mistress, she has a mouth as big as Texas and probably her own website, so that will not be hard to find out.

5 Do your homework. NO, DO NOT STALK HER AT HOME. Find out where she goes, who she is friends with etc Use your network of new friends to track down a mutual friend (whose opinion the Mistress respects) 

6 Tell this mutual friend that you would like to meet her. NO, DO NOT GET HER PHONE NUMBER AND RING HER. Mistresses do not like being called (or emailed) by complete strangers. Get your contact to introduce you in a really cool way like 'oh, have you met So and So?' The friend should not tell the Mistress you are a sub, because that will make her suspicious she is getting fixed up.

7 Talk to the Mistress like an ordinary person. Act like you are not submissive. Be cool. Be charming. See if her personality is as attractive as her thigh high boots. DON'T DROOL

8 Flatter her. Eventually ask 'so are you a pro-domme, lifestyler or a bit of both?' Let her boast about herself for a while (believe me, she will). Without sounding too excited, tell her somehow that you are submissive.

9 Figure out how you can be of service to the Mistress. Can you drive her about, massage her sore feet, teach her rope work....something, anything.

10 Make your offer. NO, do not offer to do anything she wants. That's crap. Tell her something like you would love to hear more about the lifestyle (or her chicken breeding or whatever the hell she has been blathering on about) and would she be interested in dinner sometime. Be cool about it, as if its just a suggestion, not your dying wish.

11 ALWAYS give before you get. Giving a Mistress something creates a sense of reciprocity. She might not reciprocate when you want or how you want, but you always give something of value TO HER first and NEVER ask for (or worse, demand) anything in return.

12 If you look like Brad Pitt, great. If you are as ordinary as the rest of us, make sure your new scene friends have put in a good word for you. Mistresses don't date strangers with no references (unless they look like Brad Pitt).
 
Good luck!!!

PS this is tongue in cheek but it IS how my last submissive got hooked up with me!  he was smart and persistent, although no Brad Pitt (damn......Angelina as got him.....)
I don't have a website by the way.....and half the things my friends told him about me were absolute bullsh*t, but he made me laugh :)

< Message edited by MsCfromMelbourne -- 2/23/2007 4:59:00 AM >

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 4:49:57 AM   
asubmissiveheart


Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		MsC has said it all, just read it

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 4:51:26 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		A couple thoughts...

In addition to deodorant - brush your teeth and suck on a Tic Tac.  Nothing is worse than sitting next to someone at a munch who is eager to talk to you but killing you with their breath.

"Real mistresses have websites?"   Now that's just funny.

Absolutely be careful that you don't come across as creepy/stalky.  If I'm talking to someone who I get a creepy vibe from...then I'm done talking to them, period.   Don't sit across from me and quote things you've seen me write on the internet or tell me about all the stuff you found when you looked me up;  don't send me email 4-5 times a day saying you're going to drive 1000 miles to show up somewhere I'm going;  don't decide that you want to be with me forever and ever when we've had dinner once.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 10:43:20 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

A couple thoughts...

In addition to deodorant - brush your teeth and suck on a Tic Tac.  Nothing is worse than sitting next to someone at a munch who is eager to talk to you but killing you with their breath.



That's funny but true. I use to tell clients when they came that they better be showered, shaved and smelling like a rose inside and out. You'd be amazed how many guys show up sweaty, unshaved and poor hygiene. Major turn off!

_____________________________



(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 2:18:13 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
don't decide that you want to be with me forever and ever when we've had dinner once.


Or never even actually met...... 

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 4:37:31 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood

A couple thoughts...

In addition to deodorant - brush your teeth and suck on a Tic Tac.  Nothing is worse than sitting next to someone at a munch who is eager to talk to you but killing you with their breath.

"Real mistresses have websites?"   Now that's just funny.

Absolutely be careful that you don't come across as creepy/stalky.  If I'm talking to someone who I get a creepy vibe from...then I'm done talking to them, period.   Don't sit across from me and quote things you've seen me write on the internet or tell me about all the stuff you found when you looked me up;  don't send me email 4-5 times a day saying you're going to drive 1000 miles to show up somewhere I'm going;  don't decide that you want to be with me forever and ever when we've had dinner once.


Please pay attention to that "creepy/stalky thing"  There is a guy at a club I go to who always asks me to play and when I say "no" he spends the rest of the night staring at me...***shudders***
I have mentioned it to a few people so they know to watch him for me, if it gets out of hand, the owner will ask him to leave.

Mistress Psy

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 4:58:39 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne

2 Present yourself as well as you can. Get some fashionable clothes, wash and shave properly, get a good haircut and use deodorant. That will get you ahead of the other 90% of submissive males.



This is a really big part of it. It's amazing how many submissives don't take care of basic hygeine (like wearing t-shirts that have stains on them or not having a haircut at all, or having body odor) at the basic level, but then a great many are actually HOT packages if they would take the time and actually work on their appearance just a little bit.  A few new outfits, a haircut, and some self confidence would literally move them from "unnoticable" to "wow, who's the hot guy that just walked in?"

If you are sub and you feel you might be in that category (ie, you know you take care of your hygeine, but you think you lack style or don't care or wouldn't know where to start) you should consider getting friends (male or female) to help develop a style for you.

Akasha



_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I am too clueless - 2/23/2007 10:56:04 PM   
LadyZee


Posts: 17
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

That's funny but true. I use to tell clients when they came that they better be showered, shaved and smelling like a rose inside and out. You'd be amazed how many guys show up sweaty, unshaved and poor hygiene. Major turn off!


Quite true -- I know a woman who will make a sub strip and shower before he is allowed to speak to her if he arrives less than sparkling clean (and doubly so if he is a smoker).

quote:

ORIGINAL: porthuron sub
If you do write letters to Dommes, do not use a form letter as Misstoyou stated.  They talk, they will know if you just keep using the same letter over and over again, only changing the names to suit your next victim errr interest.  Offer to send pics upon request, that will help too.


Very true that we tend to talk and will find out sooner or later if you are sending the exact same letter to everyone.  Also, don't lie to us...especially about relationship status or ongoing conversations with other Dominant Women.  You can be sure that we will find out and you will regret having lied.


(in reply to DiannaVesta)
Profile   Post #: 15
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