Combative

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RiotGirl -> Combative (2/22/2007 9:05:36 PM)
Does anyone else go through periods where they just get down right combative with their Doms? Where they dont want to do anything they should do for no - sticking out like a sore thumb - reason?? i seem to be very very combative lately and i cant figure it out. I'm argueing constantly, i dont want to do as told, i'm telling Master no, and i'm having majorly hard times accepting when he says no. To the point where i get down right tantrumish. I am starting to annoy myself. i'm even argueing about argueing. Master will tell me not to argue and my response is "i'm not argueing, i'm debating" Its like, i want what i damn well want! And i'm not getting it. - ( I dont usually have such a damn difficult time being told No. I wanted to stay up late the other night, i wanted to watch TV and he said No and i think i sent him like 50 text messages about it. I dont want to do something this weekend, i exshausted my argue limit and THEN got out of bed to try and argue 40 minutes later about why he needs to reconsider. Its not like their big things either. If he wanted me to stand on my head, that would be reasonable to argue over. i'm starting to upset him with it. Its like every night i go into tantrum mode. Like i literally want to lay in bed and kick my legs and throw a fit. Its lame. It would be nice if i could just say "shut up kelly, you're being unreasonable" but i dont work like that. Once the emotions engage, game over. Its not just him i'm being combative with either. i dont find it major problem with others though. Screw em. Which is pretty much how i feel lately. Screw em! I'm not sure if this is what Master means when he says "you need a spanking" or "you just need to get laid" but i'd really like to figure it out and stop it. Like hell, its god damn annoying. Who wants to stay up every night until 2 am being upset, cranky, and mentally cussing ppl out? i'm not sure if i'm running on lack of sleep, making me over emtional and less rational. (that whole up till 2 am thing kind of does me in) If i'm just being a hormonal bitch........ Or if i mentally stepped back from my relationship to get a better perspective on where i want to go with it and this is the consequence? So............. if anyone else has gotten combative....... and realised why......... would you please share? And NO, i dont need to be psycho analyzed, i do that just fine myself. What i'm looking for is others who have felt the same way, figured it out, and can give me their own opionons on why they felt that way.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Combative (2/22/2007 9:08:25 PM)
Well a few weeks ago you were all worried about letting that "last bit go" so maybe this is just residuals from that raising its head up big and loud? Or it could just be the pregnancy. Or it could be a sign that this really isn't right for you anymore- we've seen several threads from you where you were at wits end and falling apart and nearly everyone recommended that it needed to end, and you ultimately decided it was fine and would continue. If you stay true to all of your other worried threads, in a few days you'll be back in the rights again and it won't be much of a problem at all.

SusanofO -> RE: Combative (2/22/2007 9:10:14 PM)
I am an INFJ on the Meyers-Briggs inventory. When I feel highly committed to a POV and also backed into a corner, it can be interpreted as being wildly unreasonable (read: "Too emotional"). That is the only reason I think it's ever been a problem - because I was dealing with a highly "logical" Dominant. But we both were aware of these personality differences, and tried to work around them. Unsually I did this by just leaving the room (or he did). It didn't happen often - but it did happen. - Susan

AquaticSub -> RE: Combative (2/22/2007 9:20:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Well a few weeks ago you were all worried about letting that "last bit go" so maybe this is just residuals from that raising its head up big and loud? Or it could just be the pregnancy. Or it could be a sign that this really isn't right for you anymore- we've seen several threads from you where you were at wits end and falling apart and nearly everyone recommended that it needed to end, and you ultimately decided it was fine and would continue. If you stay true to all of your other worried threads, in a few days you'll be back in the rights again and it won't be much of a problem at all. I haven't read your other threads but as a general rule I would say that LA is pretty sharp so give her some thought. Otherwise, I can only ask if you under a lot of stress. When my mid-terms, finals and other huge projects are on my back I tend to become less submissive. I'm having to be assertive because I have to be able to tell him "No, I can't do this for you right now because right now I'm working on a paper and I don't want to leave my train of thought". I have to be able to say that because he doesn't know if I'm typing away on the forums, a story for myself or doing work. The downside is that doing this means I get used to being less submissive for a period of time. It makes thing rough, but if you are willing to put in the work then it can work.

jadein -> RE: Combative (2/22/2007 9:24:51 PM)
wait ... you're pregnant and asking why your overly emotional and combative?? i have two children and the whole pregnancy in both cases yo-yo'ed between overly emotional and combative. It's called hormones sweetie. Is this your first pregnancy? It wasn't as bad in the second pregnancy as it was in the first. I get combative and defensive at times because I'm scared or anxious. I suffer from an anxiety disorder and when I start to feel anxious I get VERY defensive and start to lash out at everyone and everything in sight. I hate it. Luckily I've learned to control it better, but it doesn't mean those feelings don't start to rear thier ugly head. How do I control these emotional outbursts? BEFORE the lash out I evaluate WHY I'm feeling this way ... it takes some practice believe me. Just recently I started arguing with my husband for literally like 2 hours about all kinds of stupid shit under the sun ... finally He said to me ... STOP and think for a minute ... what are you REALLY upset about or worried about or scared about ... cause it's usually those three categories for me. After I stopped for 5 -10 minutes and really thought I realized I was EXTREAMLY stressed out because we are moving and I'm feeling really overwhelmed because He's working 13 hours a day ... 2nd shift. I mean I already knew that ... but didn't realize HOW bad it was. laughs We were arguing HOW we were going to pack our clothes in boxes for 2 hours .... How flipping stupid ... just throw the dayum clothes in the box. Anyways... hope this helped some

juliaoceania -> RE: Combative (2/22/2007 9:31:53 PM)
I was very emotional, cried easily, and was hot tempered at times while I was pregnant, mostly in the first couple of trimesters, by the third I was either too tired of being pregnant to much care anymore, or my hormones were more aligned or something

HatesParisHilton -> RE: Combative (2/23/2007 9:54:37 PM)
or, we could have accidentally tuned into the Drama-Rama channel...

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Combative (2/23/2007 10:06:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RiotGirl Does anyone else go through periods where they just get down right combative with their Doms? Where they dont want to do anything they should do for no - sticking out like a sore thumb - reason?? i seem to be very very combative lately and i cant figure it out. I'm argueing constantly, i dont want to do as told, i'm telling Master no, and i'm having majorly hard times accepting when he says no. To the point where i get down right tantrumish. I am starting to annoy myself. i'm even argueing about argueing. Master will tell me not to argue and my response is "i'm not argueing, i'm debating" Its like, i want what i damn well want! And i'm not getting it. - ( I dont usually have such a damn difficult time being told No. I wanted to stay up late the other night, i wanted to watch TV and he said No and i think i sent him like 50 text messages about it. I dont want to do something this weekend, i exshausted my argue limit and THEN got out of bed to try and argue 40 minutes later about why he needs to reconsider. Its not like their big things either. If he wanted me to stand on my head, that would be reasonable to argue over. i'm starting to upset him with it. Its like every night i go into tantrum mode. Like i literally want to lay in bed and kick my legs and throw a fit. Its lame. It would be nice if i could just say "shut up kelly, you're being unreasonable" but i dont work like that. Once the emotions engage, game over. Its not just him i'm being combative with either. i dont find it major problem with others though. Screw em. Which is pretty much how i feel lately. Screw em! I'm not sure if this is what Master means when he says "you need a spanking" or "you just need to get laid" but i'd really like to figure it out and stop it. Like hell, its god damn annoying. Who wants to stay up every night until 2 am being upset, cranky, and mentally cussing ppl out? i'm not sure if i'm running on lack of sleep, making me over emtional and less rational. (that whole up till 2 am thing kind of does me in) If i'm just being a hormonal bitch........ Or if i mentally stepped back from my relationship to get a better perspective on where i want to go with it and this is the consequence? So............. if anyone else has gotten combative....... and realised why......... would you please share? And NO, i dont need to be psycho analyzed, i do that just fine myself. What i'm looking for is others who have felt the same way, figured it out, and can give me their own opionons on why they felt that way. i've found myself in situations like this before, but for me it's usually b/c i don't get home from work until around 1-1:30 am and than i play with my dom 7 hours later. Yes i can become combative and don't want to do anything that i'm told, or as my dom puts it: Your being feisty again aren't you? And by than i usually end up bound and helpless until i can calm down. i've had many moments like that and luckily for me my dom puts up with it, since it's not all the time. That's my response to yours.

taintedgypsy -> RE: Combative (2/23/2007 10:20:28 PM)
You are not alone, I know the feeling well and still living in the mess. I have no anwsers only deep compassion and well wishes. If you find any answers let me know lol. warm smiles

nimcompoop -> RE: Combative (2/23/2007 10:36:31 PM)
If I cant figure something out that I belive Im "supposed to" I try very hard and after hours of feeling alone and foolish, I just quit. I geuss i am just throughing a tantrum i want attention and trying to do right, but.,,,,,,nothing.

sugarcandy -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 9:40:07 AM)
RiotGirl: I have felt combative in a D/s relationship in the past. Why? He acted ( or I perceived him to be) mentally, verbally combative himself and I became defensive. Round and round. People you love can bring out the worst ( or best) in you (any of us) by knowing what buttons to push. Guess it is back to plain old COMMUNICATE! What else can we do?

Wildfleurs -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 10:01:33 AM)
FR... I have to agree with LA, I've been on collarchat boards for about a year or so and over that time i've seen several threads from you about abuse (I'm pretty sure I remember seeing that) and looking for advice on leaving your dominant/significant other. Not to mention being pregnant makes women all nutso and hormonal. C~

sugarcandy -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 12:03:36 PM)
Too late to edit, jumped in too fast before, my apologies to any. Just wanted to add: that relationship I had was a long time ago. "Combative" is not the right word. Never did any of us text numberous times a times a day, act up at nothing, have fits, or tantrums, or fights, nor was he combative in any real sense . Just miscommunication. Hope you feel better soon and yeah, like some above said: sounds like the hormones are getting to you and you'll be OK soon! Good luck!

mnottertail -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 12:16:19 PM)
I will never be ceased to be amazed by women who claim submissive and claim slave and want to fight to see if they can get by with it, see if the Dom will do something about it, like a continuous test------- Perhaps this is not you, or perhaps you need some time in the 55 gallon barrel of acid in the basement to cool off and reorganize yourself? Mr. Christie.

BDSM05478 -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 1:10:14 PM)
Pregnancy is involved in this equation? and this behavior is new to you? no former diagnosis of bi-polar or ODD? No major relationship tramas lately? Then I would look at the um inside you as being at fault lol they disrupt your life from the moment they enter it. Well at least in my case.

sugarcandy -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 2:08:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail I will never be ceased to be amazed by women who claim submissive and claim slave and want to fight to see if they can get by with it, see if the Dom will do something about it, like a continuous test------- Respectfully mnottertail: I am not sure if that was the OP's meaning or not. Since you posted below me, I feel I may explain. "Combative" was not the best choice of words. "Resistance" may be a better word. Plus, "claim to be a slave" means that the "claim to be a master" holds as much honor and meaning. Correct? People are people- vanilla or not - and a relationship needs communication, time, work and care. Personal growth for all. Personally, I must say: I have never tried to get away with anything or misbehave. The relationship was not solid due to a misunderstanding and external factors. I cannot speak for anyone else. Thanks for your input and humor as always!

mnottertail -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 2:13:42 PM)
But my dear Riot is the original poster, n'est ce pas? Francois

Emperor1956 -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 2:27:52 PM)
Riot is the op, but I'm going to take her post as a general inquiry about this issue, not a specific "why am I going through a stage where I'm combative?" (and note, that's the term she used, so I'll stick with it). I think that many submissives have periods in their relationships where they are at least restless, if not combative. I have had submissives who seemed to go in cycles. Not a constant testing at all, as Ron noted, but a spiral over a period of months where she would grow restive, and strain at the boundaries of our relationship. I don't think its true of all D/s relationships (I don't think any one trait is true of all anyways), but I think there are many submissives who chafe at their submission over time. It may be related to inability to spend as much time with their Dominant as they'd like. I've noted that at times some of this restiveness will start after I've spent a lot of time with her, and then need to spend less because of other demands on me. It may be related to issues of polyamorous relationships. In any event, I think that it is not uncommon. And it isn't uncommon that some of this combativeness manifests itself with others -- when my former slave of almost 9 years would get this way (and she would get this way), I'd hear that she was also fighting with her adult daughters. Of course I had certain tools to change her behavior that they did not SMILE E.

sugarcandy -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 2:55:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail But my dear Riot is the original poster, n'est ce pas? Francois Merci beacoup, Francois. Pardon.... I am hormonal myself today and (scream) my old ex who I detest.. dropped by my house today! The nerve of the lousy....! C' est tout Je regrette, Monsieur :) sugarcandy

RiotGirl -> RE: Combative (2/24/2007 4:15:33 PM)
God damn, i knew better then to put myself out there. Especially with LA chomping at the bits for it. But fuck, i through caution to the wind and said "dont worry, it'll be alright". Fuck me for being right and not listening to myself. LA you've been chomping at the bit to give me shit over this area for AGES, but i have refused to give you any ammo. So you have tried to slap me with the bi polar thing and most recently you started to attack my parenting/daughter. Luckily for you, i managed to walk away - just knowing you were looking to instigate. Why do you respond to ANYTHING i fucking post? Oh wait, let me guess. Because you know i think yer a dumb cunt and you're looking to start trouble? And yet, i have the graciousness to think that at times you do have something intelligent to say. i havent fucking posted a fucking thread like that in you know how FUCKING long. Now have i? The past is the past and you want to throw it in to my present. Just the fuck up you dumb whore. YES, i've had difficult times in my relationship - go on tell me how fucking perfect you are and you've never been through the same. Everyone has. But we are past all of that. Quite well past it. Things are pretty damn good. ON TOP of that, i dont give a flying fuck over a god damn donut what anyone thinks of my relationship. You all could go to hell for all i fucking care. I dont need your judgement. Your opionons, upon me - matter diddly squat. Choke on them, really. I will do as i damn well please, when i damn well want to - and if you've a problem with it you can fuck off to the nearest cliff. This isnt about my relationship. ITs about an attitude i've been having lately. Hey, LA - cant you read? The guidelines of this post basically exludes what you'd have to say. quote: So............. if anyone else has gotten combative....... and realised why......... would you please share? And NO, i dont need to be psycho analyzed, i do that just fine myself. What i'm looking for is others who have felt the same way, figured it out, and can give me their own opionons on why they felt that way. put that in there for you or any other retards that wanted to give me shit. Obviously you need to get your ass back into school. Hey Ron, i dont claim submissive and i sure as hell dont fucking claim slave. What i need is for people to leave me the fuck alone. Stop getting in my way and shit. i'm even more fucking cranky today. God love Master for being ok. I got like no sleep last night and ma poor Master has been trying to put me in good spirits all day. Nothing worked until i started eating. And i was in a great mood until i saw this thread go from the second page back to the first page. Saw LA posted in it and i was done. What the fuck ever. i should really really know better by now then to give an opening. For those that offered advice and suggestions.............i greatly appreciate it. Dont mind me too much.

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