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RE: rape/submission - 5/4/2005 9:16:09 AM

MastersRobHunter

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Joined: 5/4/2005
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At 15, I didn't fully understand what was happening until later. All I knew is that I was not a crybaby & was not going to make a public party out of things. I'm not a drama queen, never have been, never will be.

(in reply to siamsa24)

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RE: rape/submission - 5/4/2005 9:23:52 AM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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That is you.

I don't understand what you are against in this thread. The fact that some people get upset when they are sexually violated? The fact that some people are more emotional then others? If someone wants to discuss this then that's great, you don't have to like it or agree with it. The fact that the first post you made was to critisize people's handling of a horrible life event doesn't really convince me that you are trying to contribute anything to this thread.
Personally, I think that this is a topic worthy of discussion and if people want to talk about it they should be able to without commentary from people that don't understand and don't want to.

I am not going to turn this into a big rant/flame fest, which is what I am afraid it will become in the end (I get very heated when talking about these topics) so I am not going to check this thread for a while. If anyone has any comments for me directly please sent them to me on the other side.

(in reply to MastersRobHunter)

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RE: rape/submission - 5/4/2005 10:17:54 AM

Kindred2Evil

Posts: 227
Joined: 4/16/2005
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Rape is a horrible, terrible, life changing thing. I was raped at church camp when I was 14, then again later in life by friends of my former husbands. That was my intro into this lifestyle. For many years I didn't see the difference any more than your friend did/does. Luckily for me, the man I am married to now has helped me, as have numerous other friends and a psychologist I feel I owe my life to. Blocking out the events that happened, or shutting them down is not a healthy way to deal with it. She needs to find someone who can help her, I agree with needing someone who has been there. For the longest time, any time I was held down, even just in play for fun, I would have a massive panic attack. They have stopped now.
Tell your friend to stay strong, that what happened is NOT her fault. For whatever reason, Fate stepped in and changed her life. Now she has the chance to change it again by getting help. Though I do not know her, or you for that matter, my heart goes out to anyone who has gone through this. One of my favorite quotes I've seen is "I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor". She IS a survivor. To take the sting out of this event, she needs to accept what happened, to stop giving into the pain of it, to take control of it through therapy, or counseling. I hope that she takes her husband with her, as he definately does need to know what she's going through to help her as well.
Goddess keep her, you and all others safe. My prayers are with you as is my heart.

_____________________________

Her touch is on the breeze that brushes your cheek, Her voice rides the thunder as the storm breaks, Her tears will clean your heartache when the rains come, Her sun will light the darkest times when you feel alone...She is the Goddess.

(in reply to siamsa24)

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RE: rape/submission - 5/15/2005 11:30:16 PM

dallasangel

Posts: 3
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I agree with much of what has already been said. Some of my close friends that know (which are few) have had a hard time understanding. I explain that everything I do is safe, sane and consensual. I ALWAYS make a point to saying… its nothing like you see on TV & at the movies which often makes BDSM look like a bunch of nuts and murderers. LOL! The best way I can convince them that it is not an abusive relationship is by showing my enthusiasm. For example, I love to be spanked. So I might share something along the lines of … I just find it so hot when it bends me over his lap and spanks my bottom like a bad little school girl! I try to show the fun side of it. They probably will never fully understand but at least they can see that I am happy and I love it. That’s all that matters to me…I don’t want them to be concerned or worried about me.

(in reply to subjolynn)

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RE: rape/submission - 5/15/2005 11:37:21 PM

Lordandmaster

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Joined: 6/22/2004
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I'm sorry this happened to you, and am interested to read about the long-term after-effects. I once had a sub who in her past had been nearly strangled to death--left for dead, in fact; I'm not a psychologist, and the relationship didn't even last very long, but one thing I succeeded in doing was getting her to the point where I could put my hands on her neck without having her flip out. I thought it was important for her to feel, skin on skin, that some people don't want to hurt her.

Lam

quote:

Kindred2Evil

For the longest time, any time I was held down, even just in play for fun, I would have a massive panic attack. They have stopped now.

(in reply to Kindred2Evil)

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none - 5/15/2005 11:40:38 PM

PuppetMsterspet

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Joined: 4/26/2005
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none

< Message edited by PuppetMsterspet -- 5/15/2005 11:43:41 PM >

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RE: rape/submission - 5/16/2005 5:41:04 AM

Kindred2Evil

Posts: 227
Joined: 4/16/2005
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Long term effects? Sure *smiles* I avoided intimate contact in this area for almost 7 years. I wouldn't allow any sort of bondage at all, refused to even be cuffed. I suffered from nightmares for years as well. When I dated, you know how people will just act silly? Wrestling and what not just for fun? That wasn't allowed out of fear that I would get pinned down. It took finding myself, allowing myself to be what and who I am, and getting with a man who had my interests at heart instead of his own. My husband is the most unselfish man I know, he has the patience of a saint *chuckles* and he needs it. Don't get me wrong, there are still times when I have "flashbacks", but the mind-numbing panic attacks have stopped.
Some people never recover from their experiences, sad to say but true. They don't have the support they need and have no idea how to get it or are in such a place they just don't trust anyone to help. You live in a type of void, lacking in human contact and it's a scary dark place there. Hopefully, eventually, you find the light and are able to take baby steps toward it.
I've had some horrible things happen...but every day those nightmares and experiences fade a little more. I'll never ever forget the things done to me, but I can accept that it wasn't my fault, that being naive and inexperienced didn't make me a bad person, just young. In return, I hope that maybe, my words will reach someone who needs to hear them and will help them through their own nightmares.
I'm an advocate for abused women and I work damn hard to try and reach them. Some want the help, others just aren't ready.
There are long term effects that can't be discovered until your in a situation where they are brought to the top again, you just hope that the person you're with is strong enough to handle it and able/willing to help you deal with it.
I'm still not a particular fan of being tied up, but I don't mind it. Hubby and I even experimented with mummification. Granted, it took long for him to wrap me up than the amount of time I was actually there, but again...baby steps.
Hope that helps.

_____________________________

Her touch is on the breeze that brushes your cheek, Her voice rides the thunder as the storm breaks, Her tears will clean your heartache when the rains come, Her sun will light the darkest times when you feel alone...She is the Goddess.

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

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RE: rape/submission - 5/16/2005 12:55:36 PM

Lordandmaster

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Kindred,

Again, I'm very sorry to read about how you've suffered, but the way you have fought to overcome your ordeal is truly inspiring. I'm also glad to hear that you seem to have a once-in-a-lifetime relationship with your husband now.

Lam

(in reply to Kindred2Evil)

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Post #: 28