RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria

RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (Full Version)

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cynthiamarie -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/24/2005 7:09:15 PM)
Hello, This sub was interested in reading all Y/your posts, because this sub is in this position right now. This girl is new to the scene, and was brought here by CamPo when this sub was scared to death by a troll somewhere else. This girl has spent over 80 hours reading threads on this board, and has been in private chat with around 10+ per day for 14 days many Doms. This girl was not planning to fixate on one Dom until this girl got her "sea legs." But, by O/our second chat this girl was obsessed/frenzied, extremely attracted by His mind and personality. This girl has seen no picture and has posted none of her own. (In this girl's past vanilla relationships, looks never seemed to count for anything.) With this sub, love makes all the details that make up a person's looks separately endearing, especially the imperfections that add up to their uniqueness. So with this girl, a feeling of Mindmeld...can trigger ponFarr. (sorry for the Star Trekkian analogy, lol) This girl can only hope that her Master, bodian27, feels the same way. This sub is afraid that if/whenever W/w eventually meet, Sir will feel no instant spark for His sub. This sub's Master lives in Louisiana and this sub lives in West Virginia; so the meeting won't come for a long time, and that sounds like the wait might make things more difficult. This considering/being considered for a collar...is such a BIG commitment to make, on both sides...this sub's mind is doing cartwheels.

cynthiamarie -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/25/2005 1:26:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cynthiamarie Hello, This sub was interested in reading all Y/your posts, because this sub is in this position right now. This girl is new to the scene, and was brought here by CamPo when this sub was scared to death by a troll somewhere else. This girl has spent over 80 hours reading threads on this board, and has been in private chat with around 10+ per day for 14 days many Doms. This girl was not planning to fixate on one Dom until this girl got her "sea legs." But, by O/our second chat this girl was obsessed/frenzied, extremely attracted by His mind and personality. This girl has seen no picture and has posted none of her own. (In this girl's past vanilla relationships, looks never seemed to count for anything.) With this sub, love makes all the details that make up a person's looks separately endearing, especially the imperfections that add up to their uniqueness. So with this girl, a feeling of Mindmeld...can trigger ponFarr. (sorry for the Star Trekkian analogy, lol) This girl can only hope that her Dom, feels the same way. This sub is afraid that if/whenever W/w eventually meet, Sir will feel no instant spark for His sub. This sub's Dom lives in Louisiana and this sub lives in West Virginia; so the meeting won't come for a long time, and that sounds like the wait might make things more difficult. ................................................................................................................................ edited/disclaimer: This ignorant sub thought that being considered for a collar was like...officially courting, not being as good as already collared. It is a very hard thing to consider becoming someone's slave, and to me, that would take 6 months to a year of consideration, because my commitment is absolute. This sub is crying, now because of Dom friends and respect lost over this confusion. After a week and a half of chat, experiencing frenzy for the first time, losing friends...this sub is almost ready to give up.

nella -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/25/2005 5:12:33 AM)
i think it is inportant to be patient, it is hard to find somone at first, and not everyone you meet will be gold. But if you are patient, and dont give in to dipair, then i am sure you will find somone eventualy. Sounds like werry generic advice, but i think that it is one that might work.

riversimplicity -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/25/2005 5:28:21 AM)
quote: I tell you from experience, when you're beset with wankers, a real contact can be a breath of fresh air. i totally have to agree with this! Master and i just celebrated our first year anniversary yesterday. i became His sometime after He sent me a note that stood out against the wankers bombarding me, and basically all He said was "Hi neighbor!" i'm now living 24/7 as both His slave and His wife. Life is good

Blk4u2 -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/25/2005 4:19:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: temptation I cant add labels to "What I look for in a person" and then compare and contrast everyone I meet to those labels. It's unrealistic, in a black and white kind of way. Nobody will fit what I want perfectly, and so instead of making a list and writing down all of the ways that a person dissapoints me, I either deal with it or move on. I have to agree with you here. If that was teh way i went through life i would not have met some extraordinary people. I'm not saying that for others this is not a good way, but i could not do it. For me the key is to build a good relationship first.

Dieplztks -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/25/2005 9:38:30 PM)
For me, looks have never been at the top of my list. Sure, I like eye candy (who doesnt) but when it comes down to it, like many have said, that isnt the main focus. One thing I've noticed about me is this.... the more I come to love the person, like them, care about them, admire them... the more attractive they become to me in my mind. When I had my most serious vanilla relationship, the boyfriend wasnt all that attractive. I went out with him because of his values, morals, interests.... As we continued to grow as a couple and as I gave more to him, his physical features became more attractive to me. I thought that he was the most handsome person ever. Not sure where I'm going with this, but just decided to throw that in for some people. :\ scurries away

newflowers -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/27/2005 9:13:04 AM)
quote: Upon entering further, I check her interests. If she has none listed: I figure A.) she is a lazy ass. Which would not meet my needs. B.) she is avoiding unwanted messages. Thus, I'm am not going to approach. C.) she is playing head games. Perhaps just wanting sex. Perhaps seeing what oppurtunites she has out there. In any case, again, not coming close to my needs. You might wish to consider that there are other reasons for not listing interests.

ScooterTrash -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/27/2005 6:47:24 PM)
This is true on the reasons for not listing interests. I have heard of some not listing them so that they would not be targeted so much with "perfect" questions or answers. I would myself like to have some idea up front so as not to be "barking up the wrong tree", but to leave a few things to talk about is good. The lists are not very in depth anyway, so I don't know that putting a few things there wouldn't be almost a polite gesture. Would save some confusion on issues such as "can relocate" or also in my case if they are open to "poly".

resademilo -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/28/2005 12:15:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blimabean Catching my eye, from the front page of a profile is not limited to just a picture. In fact, I don't use that feature(pictures only), when browsing. For me to go into a profile with interest, something distinct has clicked in my mind. It could be her name, location, something she said, or yes, her appearance. . . . IF....... I still find an interest in her.... then, I will introduce myself. But ONLY after she has been here awhile. I don't join the hounds of hell, who bombard "new" subs/slaves/females to the site! I love that term "hounds of hell" especially since the second i mentioned in my journal i was single again, i had all sorts of responses from Doms and sub males moving in for the kill. I have to say one thing that is a major deal breaker for me is a person who can't read or more importantly who skips reading a profile. We have a profile to show who we are and i've heard from a variety of people (yes mainly Doms) who say i write too much. When you get a degree in college it's part of the deal you write a lot. Still the matter here is people don't want to invest the time in getting to know someone. Really seeing the full person. I'll say i have some level where i might not be visibly attracted to a man but if we share some common interests like Opera (very few guys i know like opera) hey that's a bonus, and if he's kinky that's a double bonus i might be willing to flex on looks but then looks isn't a NEED for me. Looks are like extra points in my book. Now everyone's book is different. So a lot of advice falls into sitting down and writing out two lists, NEEDS and WANTS. NEEDS are must haves. With me i must have (NEED) a man who has more on his mind then what kinks i have. I swear it's gotten to the point when a man asks me what kinks i have after answering a profile of mine, I just ignore them. Why because with my kink related ads i go through a lot of effort to paint a picture of who i am and things i'm interested in. I even have a full section of my website devoted to my flavor of Ds. All just to be CLEAR of who I am and what i want. When a person looks at my profile then writes me and says "tell me about yourself" that is an instant indicator they are lazy and never bothered to read anything. Wants are things that are nice to have and would be great but are not needed to have a happy relationship. A WANT might be my desire to have an English Dom. Hey i'm an american woman we go for the accent. Just like they go for ours! It's a want and if i don't have it i won't die or be miserably. I'll just have to invest more time in watching the BBB. But with all that said i really think people can benefit from sitting down and making those two lists. The thing is you can't be greedy with your Needs list. You have to really be honest too. If something is going to make you miserable in lacking it, then it's a Need but if you can live without it again it's a Want (optional). And that really helps in times of thinking whether or not you are settling. Even when you find that perfect person and you want to be with them, they call it "settling down." the key is getting all you NEED and settling with the wants you can get.

GentleLady -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/28/2005 8:35:22 PM)
Excellent piece of advice with creating the two lists resademila. It can be critical knowing which are your needs in a relationship and which ones fall into the want category. Gentle Lady

LadyAngelika -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/29/2005 4:35:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: newflowers You might wish to consider that there are other reasons for not listing interests. Quite right newflowers. I consider sometimes taking my interests off because either a) the person who came up with the terms/definitions do not see it the same way I do and b) many of my fetishes and interests are not there. It's actually a really general and incomplete list. I'd take a well written profile over a completed checklist anyday. - LA

ScooterTrash -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (3/31/2005 4:08:43 PM)
Thanks for the input, I don't know if it distracted me long enough or I took it all to heart, but I actually found what (who) I was looking for. So I guess my advise is to stick to your guns, stay with your list of "for sure things" and sure be a bit lenient on the "nice to haves" and if you give it time, you will find the one you seek. Now we have a ful house, his & hers subbies..lol.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (4/1/2005 5:25:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cynthiamarie This sub was interested in reading all Y/your posts, because this sub is in this position right now. Cynthia, THIS is why we give the advice to people to SLOW DOWN and NOT focus and try and settle down in your first six months. We've seen it again and again and again, and most of us experienced it ourselves. So, you got in over your head, let yourself get frenzied up and connected...and now you're all aghast and upset. Let your emotions stabilize and look at things from a long term perspective. It's all new, there's a learning curve.

Wickad -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (4/1/2005 12:03:16 PM)
I take into consideration quite a few variables when considering a slave. I find that many folks are looking for a 24/7 relationship or one with romantic or sexual overtones. I am not looking for any of these things, thus the first thing I look for is someone whose life reflects my own. By this I mean: attached with room to play, not seeking 24/7, local to me, non-sexual, etc. If a boy does not have these criteria then they do not even qualify. I try to meet people who meet these criteria as soon as possible to get an overall idea about them. Yes, their looks do come into play at this point but so do their interests. I'm not interested in men who are into cross dressing, forced feminization, etc. I believe looks are important but, for me, they are not as important as his wants and needs reflecting my own. Wickad

krazij9 -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (4/2/2005 9:03:50 PM)
If you're talking about a romantic relationship being involved, I think the problem you're discussing can be avoided by getting to know the person in question prior to attempting to begin a relationship. Once you've gotten to know them well you'll be in a better position to judge how a relationship with them would work out based on all of the factors involved, not just one or two because you havne't known them long enough to have enough info about them (ie, what they look like, taste like, etc...) if you're talking about purely a D/s relationship, without all of the trappings of a romantic relationship, what would it matter if he/she isn't "what you have pictured". That's almost like saying, "I'd love to hire this young lady to work the counter at my auto parts store because she's great with the customers, trust worthy, and she knows about auto parts, but she's just not as cute as I had picture my employees being..." That just sounds ridiculous to me. Almost as ridiculous as entering into a romantic relationship with a person you really don't know.

LdyAuburn -> RE: Sub/Slave selection criteria (4/3/2005 5:58:39 AM)
I did settle originally, he was a bit older than me, shorter than I liked but what the heck we were only meeting for play (he was in another state, excellent we would play on a semi regular basis) Oh things didnt quite go to plan, compatibility shone out on play (nice and shallow to start with) mm then literature was very similar, sleeping habits (it was important to me) bits in common. I married him We have now been together four years. You know what I didnt settle I got the best, I just didnt realise it initally regards

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