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Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 1:29:52 PM   
duckykarma


Posts: 95
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		Right now I am at the point in my life that I dont want someone to take compleat control and am searching for a bedroom Dom and then eventually move into more into 24/7 after there is a base of love and trust I am interested if there are other subs/slaves who have done the same thing and if it has worked for them.How do Doms feel about this? Is it considerd taking the realtionship at a slow pace or do you want someone to give compleat control over to You at the very beginning? How can i make this work?

_____________________________

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if your posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?
-Fanny Brice
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 1:32:57 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: duckykarma

Right now I am at the point in my life that I dont want someone to take compleat control and am searching for a bedroom Dom and then eventually move into more into 24/7 after there is a base of love and trust I am interested if there are other subs/slaves who have done the same thing and if it has worked for them.How do Doms feel about this? Is it considerd taking the realtionship at a slow pace or do you want someone to give compleat control over to You at the very beginning? How can i make this work?


I imagine if you are honest about your needs and desires up-front you will find somebody who can and will enter in to the type of relationship you are looking for.

I would suggest you simply ignore any "you awe not a twue submissive" type posts or comments.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to duckykarma)
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 1:34:58 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Angel and I did something similiar, though we didnt start in the bedroom. We started very slow, online and on the phone.  We are taking a short break now that I have moved closer when he finishes school, but we are going to progress slowly face to face as we build our real relationship. It works, though it is slow going. You have to understand that trust builds slowly, especialy if someone has a background that has caused them not to trust easily. But, if you are a good pair, it is worth it.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to duckykarma)
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 1:41:55 PM   
duckykarma


Posts: 95
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have been hurt many times in the past and it seems that I have found a Dom who is willing to take it slow with me. I was just talking to him last night and I about spilled my guts to him about things that i have NEVER talked to to anyone elce...is this a good sign? I dont trust easlie but he is really easy to talk to..Sinergy I have never payed much attention to thoes type of ppl or posts in the first place but I really appreciate the advice..I have also read that it can take years to find your One is it possible to find that person in a short amount of time? I am a very honest person and put everthing on the plate on my profile..

_____________________________

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if your posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?
-Fanny Brice

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 3:52:11 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		As Sinergy said be upfront and honest about what you are seeking. You will find someone.  When Doug and I first got together we didn't even play the first time until our year anniversary.
We knew we needed a vanilla based relationship if we were ever going to make it long term in a lifestyle relationship.
So, that's what we did.  We found out we were compatible in many arenas before going further.

(in reply to duckykarma)
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 4:15:33 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I believe most people who are looking for a relationship that is 'real' and lasting are going to be patient as needed, so long as the communications and the expectations are set up front.  I won't say that it is only abusers who look to rush things along, but if being pushed is a red flag for you and you act accordingly, then you probably won't have too much difficulty.

Finding 'someone' takes no time at all.  Finding someone 'worthy' might not take much longer.  Finding the almighty 'One' might be impossible.  I make that statement not knowing your complete criteria.  The more selective you are, the longer the search is bound to last.

That you are starting to open up with someone of your own accord is certainly a good sign.  You yourself would have to admit that that isn't easy for you.  It could also have something to do with him.  Some people are naturally able to draw others out.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 4:29:07 PM   
duckykarma


Posts: 95
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		Well i have been very honest with him since the first day i started talking to him and everytime i open up a little more i make sure he still wants to move foward..everything seems to be going well and we are scheduled to meet next weekend so see if there is chemistry. I am not looking for my perfect match because no such person is out there but i am seeking one person WORTHY of my trust and submission and i know its not going to be an easy task. He seems to posses the qualitys i am seeking in my mate but i dont know for sure yet until we get to know eachother....Thank you all for your replys...

Ps i would like to get some more input from others...


_____________________________

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if your posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?
-Fanny Brice

(in reply to mstrjx)
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 5:07:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: duckykarma
How do Doms feel about this? Is it considerd taking the realtionship at a slow pace or do you want someone to give compleat control over to You at the very beginning? How can i make this work?

Some love it, some don't love it.

You make it work by establishing expectations and deciding together where you want to go from there. 

Trust me, if you can imagine it, someone out there is doing it and very happy with it.  In this particular case, I think more are doing it than not actually.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to duckykarma)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 5:19:09 PM   
duckykarma


Posts: 95
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		lol thank you  Lucky...

_____________________________

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if your posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?
-Fanny Brice

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 6:53:58 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Anyone who wants full control at the front end doesn't have the back end to deal with it.

(in reply to duckykarma)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/24/2007 7:09:30 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		That's a dilemma I'm dealing with myself....
 
Since last ending back at "square one" relationship wise, I find I'm not interested in jumping back in with the next willing fem/sub who comes along.  Indeed, due to some health issues and other temporary distractions, I'm not even looking at all for the time being....
 
But when I do, I envisage someone who lives in the same city but not in any rush to move in 24/7.  Even at 52, I've got all the time in the world for the right person and I'll need that time for my own sake, too!  And I've adjusted my profile accordingly....
 
Control is something I need and that's how it'll be when together - I just don't wanna be together too much, too soon!  Who knows, maybe I never will again, as this is a fairly new chapter in my life and psyche unfolding....
 
Focus.

(in reply to duckykarma)
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/25/2007 12:24:34 AM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		Yep, i have been blessed with only meeting others who want a casual relationship, and if something comes of it great. But i am not ready to get attached emotionally.

Those i have met how are "your the one."ect. End up being those who are insecure in themselves, and i have found them to be needy of me.

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"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to Focus50)
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/25/2007 1:49:59 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Anyone who wants full control at the front end doesn't have the back end to deal with it.


I thought this was a great way to sum it up. Memorable line!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/25/2007 1:55:08 AM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
quote:


I would suggest you simply ignore any "you awe not a twue submissive" type posts or comments.

Sinergy


Always dodge Elmer Fudd.

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I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

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Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

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RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/25/2007 5:15:14 AM   
StellaByStarlite


Posts: 790
Joined: 2/10/2007
Status: offline 		Hello, Ducky. =)

My owner and I started off vanilla. In fact, we've been married for 3 years. I'll say there are pros to going that route. Like... the trust and commitment are already established, we have a good sense of each other's personalities, etc.

I'm not suggesting that you need to be together and hitched before you submit fully. But yeah, there are advantages to taking things slowly.


Cheers,
Stella

(in reply to duckykarma)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/25/2007 7:50:34 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Anyone who wants full control at the front end doesn't have the back end to deal with it.


I'm sure there are people doing it that way, and successfully too.

But.....in general, I'd wonder how anyone can take control of something they don't yet know.

agirl

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/25/2007 8:59:40 AM   
duckykarma


Posts: 95
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:


I would suggest you simply ignore any "you awe not a twue submissive" type posts or comments.

Sinergy


Always dodge Elmer Fudd.



but but but i like Elmer Fudd.......


_____________________________

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if your posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?
-Fanny Brice

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/25/2007 9:17:55 AM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		A quick reference point:

One of the things i've discovered in my journey is to be careful that we are both on the same page, as far as how we each define certain roles, i.e., Dom/sub, Master/slave. TPE vs. bedroom, that kind of thing thing.  From reading the OP, i'd add one more to that list, and that is...define slow!!  i know it sounds silly but it's a problem that's come up in my life a lot!!

Good luck and cheers
jminie k

quote:

ORIGINAL: duckykarma

I have been hurt many times in the past and it seems that I have found a Dom who is willing to take it slow with me. I was just talking to him last night and I about spilled my guts to him about things that i have NEVER talked to to anyone elce...is this a good sign? I dont trust easlie but he is really easy to talk to..Sinergy I have never payed much attention to thoes type of ppl or posts in the first place but I really appreciate the advice..I have also read that it can take years to find your One is it possible to find that person in a short amount of time? I am a very honest person and put everthing on the plate on my profile..


_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to duckykarma)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Progressing the relationship - 2/25/2007 7:51:40 PM   
duckykarma


Posts: 95
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		i guess going slow is going at the pace the both you and the Dom feel comfortable going at...im not going divulge everything the first time i meet them nor am i going to allow them to do things im not yet comfortable doing at that particular moment... a slow pace is going to be diffrent for everybody just depends on their comfort level...dont rush into meeting someone because you are afraid they are going to find someone elce..if thats the case and they do find someone because you were going to slow with them or trying to take your time getting to know them then i guess they wernt the one for you in the first place..

_____________________________

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if your posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?
-Fanny Brice

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 19
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