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Money Matters - 3/21/2005 5:09:43 AM   
daddysgirl1985


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		When a Master and his submissive go out to dinner, who is supposed to pay the bill? is it offensive for the subbie to offer to help?
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RE: Money Matters - 3/21/2005 6:15:04 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Hmmm...is this a first dinner? If so, it is my opinion that the Master should pick up the tab. I generally don't try for the check unless it was I who suggested taking the Dominant out for a dinner...my treat. During the intitial dating process though, it has been my experience that most Dominants like to get the check.

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RE: Money Matters - 3/21/2005 6:35:50 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		As with most things, there is no right or wrong. Traditionally a dom will pay being responsible for the situation. However, in my situation, I often pay as a service to the Owner.

It can also come down to just real life pragmatics, who's in the better position to pay.

Do what feels right to the people involved- don't let others tell you what should or shouldn't happen.

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RE: Money Matters - 3/21/2005 7:20:41 AM   
MsSilvie


Posts: 248
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		I would offer to go halvesies. I would offer at least twice. If he wants to pick up the whole bill, then offer to put down the tip.. Some males and some doms are funny about paying. If he really insists on covering it all, don't arge. But at least make sure you show you are willing to put in on the bill.

If someone is insisting you pay everything, all the time? Pay for this dinner, but think long and hard before trying to keep something going with a cheapskate.

If the only concern you have it who picks up the check, you're in a real good relationship.

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RE: Money Matters - 3/21/2005 8:32:01 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
I feel that on the first few dates the person who instigates the date is the one who pays. Since in most Dom/sub relationships, the Dom is the one wishing to meet, he'd be the one to pay. In a Domme/sub relationship, the male is still the one with more reason to meet and usually the one requesting a meeting. In that case, the sub pays. Once a relationship is established, I feel the other partner should occasionally pick up the check. No relationship is one sided. If you feel your partner might have a problem with you picking up the check, ask before going. You don't want a scene in public where he feels you're undermining his ability to provide. Men can be funny about that. Most men, however, are fine with the gesture.

As Emerald said, it often comes down to who is in the better position to pay once a relationship is established. And no one can tell you what will end up being right for you from situation to situation. Play it by ear. Communicate with your partner.

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RE: Money Matters - 3/21/2005 10:50:57 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with Erin and BeachMystress...
The Master should pay, unless you invited to take him to dinner, than you pay. M

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RE: Money Matters - 3/21/2005 5:34:45 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		What a much better topic to bring up rather than if it should be The Guy or Girl who takes the tab on the date. I raised a little controversy in that thread just to see what would happen and I got my laughs and made some friends.

I check out profiles from time to time to find that most submissive males talk about how much they want to pay and support a Dommina. Most Dominant males talk about how they want to pay and support there fesu. On the other string I see on most profiles that Dommina's go on about how there male submissive need to have financial obligations. Fesu's will say how there Dom needs to be supportive.

The bottom line is as a Man I pay when it's a date. It's just how I was raised. However, I will let pet pay for small things like a drink or a dessert from time to time. If I see an outfit that I want her to wear, I'll make her buy it to wear as a gift to me out of loyalty. If she wants to take me out, then she has to pay. As for hotel cost when I visit her, we normally work something out together. I know she is putting alot of time in getting ready for me. Bathing, shaving, farding, picking out an outfit, and all that other stuff is costly enough for me to realize that I need to cover atleast 85% of tabs and %100 on special occasions. If pet wants to go out on a trip that I can't cover %100 myself. I explain the situation so that she knows she will be needing to chip in.

As for you and your Dom, well, it's something the two of you should talk about. Sure it's okay to buy things from time to time to please him and to let him know that you want to contribute to make the relationship work. But he should be paying the majority of the stuff.

A last thought to think about. Is one really a Dom if they have to depend on the finances of a submissive?








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RE: Money Matters - 3/21/2005 7:14:40 PM   
daddysgirl1985


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks to all of you for responding to my query. i enjoyed reading your varied and insightful answers and they will certainly help me to reflect on my situation. thanx!

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RE: Money Matters - 3/21/2005 9:50:57 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		depends a LOT on the relationship.. if its a first dinner "date" and or they are just playing.. the Dom should pay..
some things are common courtesy. HOWEVER....
When i went to dinner with my future slave knowing at the beginning who and what SHE will be i did NOT open the door for her. Nor will i ever open the door for her. SHE will open the door for myself. if only as a learning tool for her to understand her position.
She thought it strange that i did not infact untel i explained to her why i did not open it for her.
Will I and do I pay for dinner.. YES but once she is "here" 24/7 she will have no posessiions of her own. She will not even have to carry a "purse" as I will have her ID when WE go someplace.

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RE: Money Matters - 4/11/2005 1:54:15 PM   
Sweeticing


Posts: 164
Joined: 12/30/2004
Status: offline 		here is my old fashion way of thinking. The guy always pays . If its 2 girls or guys i think it is the dom/domme that should pay. THEN it should be customary that if the guy is a dom and always pays for the meal then the sub should thank them in another way for the meal.

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RE: Money Matters - 4/12/2005 3:43:22 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, I like to pay if I take someone out to dinner, but honestly, I find this to be a somewhat humorous dynamic.

A lot of people say that on most instances, the dominant will pick up the tab. How many FemDoms can really say this? This isn't meant to be insluting to the FemDom population, by any means.. but if you are a male dominant, there seems to be some expectation for you to pay. Wether it is some old tradition of showing one's ability to provide financial support and one's own financial stability...or a symbolic reminder of they days of offering up a dowry. If you are a male submissive, you are expected to offer service to the dominant by paying for the meal....showing your worthiness and desire to serve.

So, I'm curious... of the femdoms out there...how many expect the submissive to pay for dinner as a service ...or a tribute? Would you feel differently if it were a female submissive? Is there a different set of "expectations" within the gay community?

~Thorns



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RE: Money Matters - 4/12/2005 4:03:24 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

When a Master and his submissive go out to dinner, who is supposed to pay the bill? is it offensive for the subbie to offer to help?


With my first dom i always paid when we ate out, usually lunch, because i knew he couldn't afford it. I also paid when we used a motel room. With Hubby it doesn't matter who pays because it comes out of the same pile. I chat with a dom friend online and i remember him saying once that he always pays for everything with his sub.

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RE: Money Matters - 4/13/2005 6:23:23 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
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I always pay, unless we have been out a few times.

But thats just me, Im not saying anybody else should to it or that it
has anything to do with the lifestyle.

For me it goes back to my ideals about chivalry and male behavior
which stem back to grade school.

Sinergy

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RE: Money Matters - 4/13/2005 6:49:34 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		So funny how sexist ideals work out...we hold onto ideas of what men "should do" just because they happened to be born male and then we wonder why the world never really changes sometimes...why women still get put down as being too emotional to be good in business?

I'm glad at least that people acknowledge that their ideas and manners are based on totally archaic sexist concepts and not any rational thought.

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