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BeachMystress -> RE: Fininacial Dommes (3/21/2005 9:33:20 AM)
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Laugh about the typo. We all do it at times.
I do agree with you about the people who take advantage of a free site to advertise to make money for themselves. I find it tacky at the best. While the site is free, they still have bandwidth charges and expenses. They should NOT be footing the bill of people who are here to make money. I truly feel that anyone requesting money, be it financial Domination or Pro Domination should pay to place their ad, even if it is a nominal fee. Five dollars a month would cut down on the number of ads placed just because people can, and it would help out with the bandwidth. People who are using the service for profit should be putting back into the site. Any who do not are taking advantage of the site and it's owners who are trying to give something back to the community.
Pro Domination is when you pay a woman (or man) to Dominate you. This is a pure monetary transaction. You are paying for her expertise and contributing to the upkeep of her dungeon and toys. It is a nececary service since many lifestyle Domme are not willing to deal with married subs and some subs do not have the interest level to keep a lifestyle Domme. Some only feel the need to submit once a month. Most lifestyle Domme expect a lot more than that or they consider it a user relationship. Pro Domme have a reputation and you should check the reputation of any Pro before visiting them. Not everyone who claims to be a Pro is worthy of that title. Pro implies that they have a level of skill. A Pro should be able to tell you where she learned each skill, be willing to provide references and such. I've run into a lot of guys who have met "pros" on this site who turned out to be women with no experience but were asking for money to play with a guy. Tip offs that you should be warry of a "Pro": they do not work out of a dungeon and insist that you pay for a hotel or that you meet in one of your homes - they could still be a real Pro, but it sends up red flags, they do not have a selection of toys -part of being a Pro is providing the tools used on the submissive, they have less than several years of experience in real time Domination - you don't learn skills overnight.
Financial Domination is when the Dominant controls the money of the sub. It also includes men who want to pay a woman for the pleasure of her company. There are people who find this a sexual or power turn on. I know of one Domme who pays her subs for the pleasure of thier company, because she says that by paying them, she has the right to do whatever the hell she pleases to them. That is a bit of an odd twist, but it still comes under this heading because it is a fetish involving money. That is the crux.. it is money used in a sexual/power dynamic. It should be a turn on for both people involved.
And yes, there are far more women who want to be financial Domme than men who want to be financial subs. I consider most of the Domme in the financial Domination realm to be there to make a buck, rather than having a true fetish about it.
I do agree that a sub should bring something to the relationship financially even in a lifestyle relationship. Because I have a wagonload of toys, I was constantly having subs want to play with me to try out X or Y. I'd tell them fine, buy it for me and I'll use it on you. I am not willing to foot the bill for the wear and tear on MY toys because someone else wants to try it out. It got to the point of being so prevalent that subs just wanted to use me for my toys, that I'd tell a sub I wanted him to provide ALL toys to be used on him the first few sessions. I was shocked at the number of men who called me a pro in disguise because I wanted them to contribute to the relationship. I didn't care what they brought or WHO ended up with the toys, just that mine were not being worn out playing with some jerk who was using me as a service top. Since that did not fully take care of the "subs" trying to use me as a service top, I started requiring that they contribute a toy from my wishlist to my collection the first time we played. The items on my wishlist range from $18 to $200, and they were free to choose what they wanted. That item would be used on them, so I told them to choose well. I never required another gift of any type from the sub, (although if he didn't show up with something on my birthday, heaven help him. That is true of any relationship though. *grins*)
For some reason, many subs seem to think that the offer of their body is enough to make us want to play with them. We are women. We are not driven by the need to have sex with anything that moves. You have to bring more to the table. For me, what I want brought to the table over the long term is love and devotion. What others seek differers. All relationships are a transaction of sorts. I feel MadameDahlia did a good job of explaining it in http://www.collarme.com/forum/m_68580/mpage_1/key_transaction/tm.htm#68899
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